r/eating_disorders

Hi,

I first developed my ED at 12 years old, so before my puberty ever began, so I never had boobs, so I’m a bit concerned that I will never get them, it hasn’t been long since I weight restored, but since summer is right around the corner, I just feel so terrible, since I only weigh around 60kg at 5’2, but as stereotypical with EDs, most of the weight is centred around my stomach. Another thing, do you need to have your period back for the redistribution to happen? I haven’t got mine yet, so maybe that needs to happen first?

Hi, a little info about me, I’ve really struggled with food for over two years. I go very long periods without eating, over exercise, and have been very underweight at one point.

I used to go to a doctor every month for weigh ins and medication. A therapist every week (that I still go to) and I did see a dietitian for a little while.

I’m not gonna share to much because I don’t wanna trigger anyone.

But now I just feel alone, I’m still abusing laxatives, and fasting a lot. But I still have a period which makes me feel so guilty.

I know this sounds like a vent, or just ranting on. But I want a straight answer, I’m tired of feeling invalid.

Thank you.

I’m typically a rather adequate writer but I don’t even care anymore.

I need to stop throwing up. My parents get suspicious when I’m in the bathroom for so long so I sometimes do it in my room, and since bags make to much noise and are hard to clean, I brought a bunch of little plastic bowls in my room and throw up in there. Of course not everything fits in it so I end up still having food in me and I’ve gained so much weight this week. I haven’t weighed myself in almost 2 weeks out of fear. I finally did it and I’m freaking out crying in the bathroom holding my stomach. Ik I probably can’t give bmi but I’m under the underweight line for adults, but still average for a minor. I used to be underweight and have a thigh gap, which is incredibly difficult considering how short I am. I never did sh but I’ve scratched my legs in hope of cutting off the fat (illogical ik) and this weekend I treI’d out of curiosity to do a little bit but the razor was too old and blunt, also I’m afraid if I go to the doctor they’ll see. But know I just want to take a big rectangular kitchen knife and slice through the fat on my upper thighs, maybe even on my stomach. (I won’t though)

Anyways about the throw up thing I’ve spilled it all over my bedsheets and had to scrub it with makeup remover and white paint (my mother was right outside my room and I didn’t want her too see.) I’ve spilled it on the floor countless time, and on my clothes. I even got barf ALL over my nicest sweater 😭

Now the most disgusting thing happened. I hid a few bowl around my room last week and forgot about them. I went to take them yesterday and lo and behold, two of them (that were under my bed 🤮) had THICK layers of mold on them. I was shaking, even though I’m not one to get grossed out easily. A little bit of mold on bread? No big deal. But INCHES of mold on something that came out of me!?!? And I had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out :( I thought that was going to be my wakeup call, but nope- I’m back at it today at my toilet.

Although now that I weighed myself I don’t think I can ever eat again. If I eat again I’m going to want to die. I hate food but I keep on eating it.

I was force-fed and gained SO MUCH weight. Now I'd like to try fasting again, but unfortunately, my body DEMANDS food. My fasts don't last very long now. Any advice? I really need to lock-in again

In this period of each year, my appetite becomes so low. Like i can go all day without eating (just drinking some water and eating a coffe in breakfast) but i do force myself to eat lunch at least.

I've suffered of this since 3 years, two years ago i went to a doctor and she said that i had anemia and bacterium in my stomach that consumes all the iron i eat in my food. She gave me medicine and told me to eat anyway and i got better back then but now my appetite disappeared again(so last year )

That's so suspicious like why the same exact time of each year(from beginningof may to September)?

Keep in mind that this state start with the final exams period which is accompanied with stress yet it stays with me the whole summer.

Anybody passed through by something similar? Any explications to this? How can it be fixed? Is forcing eating is a solution?

Would be glad for any help cuz my wight is keeping at declining by each day and i start feeling like a skelton and i feel like it getting worse

My therapist really tried to hit me with the ‘food is fuel’ speech and kept comparing my body to a car

So I looked at her and said, ‘Okay but cars don’t need gas every 3 hours.’

The silent stare after that was CRAZY 😭🙏🏼

What’s the most out-of-pocket thing you’ve said back to your therapist?

I have bulimia. i’ve come to realize that anytime im alone (which is often since my fiance works during the day and im job hunting) and i eat anything, i purge it. no matter what it is, it wont stay in my stomach for longer than 20 minutes. i dont binge since im also on an appetite suppressant, but anytime i eat anything, ill puke it right after. i even have a ritual:

>!1. drink water or some kind of liquid to make it easier to purge!<
>!2. use the bathroom (if i don’t, ill pee all over myself while purging and then i’ve got a whole other problem)!<
>!3. lay pieces of toilet paper in the toilet to prevent splash back (gross)!<
>!4. turn on a video or something to drown out the sounds (also gross)!<
>!5. start purging until i’m completely empty, or until i taste stomach acid (less acid on your teeth, less decay)!<
>!6. get up, clean the toilet if needed, blow nose (clears out my sinuses when i purge), flush the toilet, wash hands and face, and wipe tears.!<
>!7. do literally anything else.!<

i admit it’s a problem, and ik the side effects, but everyone has been telling me i look smaller and i can see the numbers getting smaller. i have a huge problem with eating when im bored, over eating, and not drinking enough water.

im lazy, im tired all the time, and im too anxious to go on walks or runs to lose weight. i cant afford a gym membership, plus id be too anxious to go anyway.

i do go to therapy, but ill never tell her abt this because i dont want to stop. i know that i GENUINELY can stop when i feel like, because i was able to when i was 16. and you might say “it’s an addiction, and you clearly cant stop when you want since youre doing it again. that’s not stopping, thats just putting it on break” and yea, ik. but still. ik i can stop, but i wnat to get to 130 pounds before i do. i was almost 200 last year, and im only 5’4. i was embarrassed to even go out in public. i’m finally confident, im finally wearing 5s and 7s in my jeans (i was in 16s last year) and i feel pretty.

i recently gave birth to my beautiful baby boy at the end of january. i gained so much weight, i was 110 before and i jumped all the way up to 175… sure a good portion was the baby; but the other was me… over-eating. i hated looking at myself pregnant, i hate looking at my self after pregnancy. i‘ve gotten down to 140-135… but it doesn’t really feel good enough for me. i breastfeed (and also hate it, my boobs are massive and ruin every outfit now. it may now and i‘ve been stuck here… i don’t have time to work out between work and taking care of my baby… i want to know if anyone else went through this;. i’m sinking into depression because i don’t feel like myself at all.

repost as i posted my last one at 10PM and i think it got buried.

since my last post i've officially left CAMHS as i wasn't engaging, and before that they extended the time i needed to restrict for before hospital. right now i think it's 5 days without food or water instead of 3. since they've changed it i haven't been back to the hospital as i've been able to 'pull myself out' or what you want to call it.

however i just can't do this. every week without fail i restrict for 3 or 4 days and i just can't keep doing this. i'm loosing opportunities and just worrying everyone. i'm also not meant to go to school after 3 days but i found i can just not tell them. i love starving. i hate when im happy when i eat then drop back into it. i need a serious change. i don't want to stop. i don't want to end up in a clinic. but i feel that this wont ever stop. this will keep happening when i'm 18, 25, 47 or until it ultimately kills me. i have the best chance of being taken seriously as im young.

i don't know if it's too late to do anything, that ill be stuck like this forever. always in the loop of starving then practically binging (take binging with a pinch of salt as it's more eating more than a usual person would eat in a day). everyone has tried to help so much that they've basically given up, im not open to therapy or counselling i need someone to actually force me to do it. this is me asking for help without asking for help.

should i email my support teachers and explain whats going on? explain that I've had enough? someone please tell me what to do.

Is it normal to poop more when starting recovery? I’ve been 1-2 weeks in recovery, stopped exercise and started eating a bit more and now i go to the bathroom like 3 times in the morning. I’m worried if this is normal or not, has anyone experienced it?

is 5'3 and 90lbs fat?

Hi everyone,

I officially committed to recovery 8 days ago, and I think I’m already experiencing EH. It started on the third day, right after my dad’s birthday. On his actual birthday, there was a family celebration with food, but I still wasn’t fully ready to let go, so I ate a small amount.

The next day, though, I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up eating more of the leftovers from the celebration. Since then, on top of my recovery intake, I’ve probably been eating a lot more than usual. I honestly can’t even tell you half of what I’ve eaten because it’s all such a blur.

What makes me feel even worse is what I’m eating and how it feels out of control. It feels like everything I thought I knew about eating has completely gone out the window. The guilt afterward is overwhelming, like I’ve completely lost control of myself.

I’ve been bloated and swollen in my limbs to the point of pain, and yet I still can’t seem to stop eating. I don’t even really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Advice? Reassurance? Your own experiences? Maybe just some idea of when this might ease up, or how to cope with the physical discomfort.

Right now, I just feel overwhelmed and unsure, and I’m trying to stay committed to recovery even when it feels scary.

(This is an edit of a previous post I made that got taken down)

Hi I had no intention of recovering if I’m being honest I was quite content with how I looked. However a few weeks ago my body was sent into I guess extreme hunger and I can’t control it and it’s so overwhelming I’m eating upwards of 4000 cals a day and I’m so puffy and have gained so much weight and I can’t leave my house to hangout with friends or genuinely do anything because I feel so awful and I’m scared I’ve basically developed binge eating disorder and I keep comparing posts of myself with old posts of myself and I don’t know what to do or how to cope. I don’t have a period also. How do I make this extreme hunger end I feel like I’m going to gain weight for forever and be overweight and be so puffy and summer is right around the corner and I don’t know what to do.

Can people please offer words of advice or comfort or stories of their extreme hunger or ways to make it end I’m really struggling.

I'll start this off by saying I don't know if this is the right subreddit because I'm not sure if I even have an eating disorder, but I just need advice from others who may feel the same as me.

I'm 15f and am 100lb, 5'6 (45kg, 168cm). Just 1-1 and a half years ago, I was quite chubby, still healthy but not thin at all. I have been chubby pretty much all my life but especially during and after covid, then suddenly I started to lose weight and people really started to comment on it. I didn't change my eating habits (I don't think) and my excercise seemed pretty much the same, and i just chalked it up to puberty.

I've never purged or anything like that, (I tried once to fake sick but couldn't force myself) but feel increasingly concerned about how I eat. I don't fall for any of that "i eat one meal a day bs" our bodies need food and I can guarantee you're not getting enough nutrients with no extra food than the bare minimum, I sometimes eat breakfast, and always eat lunch and dinner, but never huge amounts, like larger than granny portions but smaller than mum portions if that makes sense. The real issue is my semi-binge eating, it's not very bad like I've seen other people struggle with, but it's not healthy at all, just don't know if you could consider it binge since snacks don't really make me thar full tho. I also find it's not changing my weight much at all, if anything I just keep losing it, will this catch up to me in the future?

Everyone keeps saying I'm so skinny or 'body tea' or 'light as a feather' but when i look in the mirror I just see my non-flat stomache and my flabby armpits. I have two bits of stomache-area that stick out, one on my ribs and the other on my gut and I'm really insecure about it. I feel like I can't wear anything tight on my stomach or any crop tops because they'll see my round bey button and stickie-outie stomache. My parents tell me it's normal but if that's true, why do people who weigh much more than me have a flat stomache and I don't?

I don't eat cos I'm bored or because I'm emotional or sad, I eat because of the taste, it's like I'm addicted to the amount of dopamine that the sweetness or texture produces, and i can't even go cold turkey because I need to eat, when I start I just can't stop. Is anybody the same as me? Do they look around and think everyone is skinnier than them whether it's true or not, do they over-anylise everyone's bodies, (and remarks on me-- I'm an overthinker if you wouldn't tell) especially my own? Is there a name for this or am I just complaining about average problems?

P.s. please don't be mean cos I'm sensitive, I'm not fishing for anything other than advice and your own personal stories

I've had ed for like a year so far, my bed and Mia has worsened even tho I've been desperate to lose weight. And every time someone mentions about eating such as: "Oh! I haven't ate for 3 days!" or other like "You're eating A LOT recently". It just angers me and I would either fully lash out on them or to remain silent with a straight face.

If you were to mention those typa stuffs when I wasn't disordered, I would be worried and empathetic but now I'm just extremely pissed off because it just reminds me of how fat I am.

does anyone also gets annoyed when someone brings up abt those type of comments??

I track all my macros and everything and I’m big into the gym and eat all clean foods but I fast all day until dinner other than some small pre workout carbs and then down 8-12 pounds of food. The food fits my calories and macros (2400 a day) but consist of all very volumes foods like a whole head of cabbage multiple cans of tomato’s chicken breast cherry tomato’s popcorn multiple yogurts 2 ninja cremis jello 2 squash 2 zuchini, mushrooms peppers, and then some other stuff like pumpkin and a bunch of suger free sauces and syurops. I love doing this because it gives me a while to sit down and relax and watch some YouTube after school the gym and work and plus I’m not really hungry during the day. After the meal I feel super full and bloated and then go to sleep and I always feel guilty despite staying within my calorie/ nutrient goals and hitting all of my micros and everything. Also I’m not ever really hungry during the day and I am ussaly at night and during the day I don’t have much time to eat so I do this. It seems extreme but it’s the truth. Any advice?