u/zezex

Ciao, innanzitutto scusate se la traduzione non è perfetta, non conosco l’italiano.

Quest’anno andremo dalla Spagna a visitare il Lucca Comics. È la nostra prima convention fuori dal nostro Paese e vorremmo godercela al massimo; se poteste darci qualche consiglio, sarebbe molto gradito.

La mia idea iniziale era quella di andare prima da Firenze a Pisa e poi a Lucca, ma vedo che la convention finisce presto e che c’è molta affluenza, quindi forse andremo direttamente lì.

Si svolge tutto in un unico posto? Perché vedo molti eventi e non vorrei perdermene troppi. Si può tornare facilmente a Firenze o bisogna fare attenzione ai mezzi di trasporto?

Inoltre, qui quando ci sono eventi di questo tipo la sera di solito si organizzano feste in cosplay; si fa anche in Italia?

Mi vengono in mente infinite domande, qualsiasi aiuto è ben accetto :)

First of all, sorry if this is hard to explain properly. This is all very new to me and I struggle expressing myself.

I should probably start by saying that I’m someone with certain limitations that, at least where I live, aren’t very common for someone my age. It makes it hard for me to live freely or do things normally, and the older I get, the stranger it feels to still struggle with this.

I met this girl during the summer two years ago while studying. Since we sat near each other, we slowly started talking, and even though I could tell she was suffering a lot, she also seemed like a genuinely beautiful person inside. Over time I fell in love with her, and at first it seemed mutual too. Although two of her exes interfered a lot, to the point where nowadays I even doubt whether she ever really loved me at all, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The fact that she never cut contact with either of them, especially one in particular who she still seemed emotionally attached to, confused me a lot. We talked about it and she swore there was nothing there.

One day after class we were supposed to meet, but she never showed up. Neither I nor another classmate could reach her by message or call. Near the meeting time she told me to come near her house but wait a bit. I waited in a park next to her house for an hour and a half. Apparently her ex had slept over, but “nothing happened.” I believed her.

But weeks later that same guy caught an STD, and I panicked. Given my situation at home, getting tested or dealing with something like that is not simple for me. She wanted me to keep it secret, but I didn’t think that was right. That damaged things between us.

We stopped talking for a few weeks, but eventually we reconnected because I was helping her with some things. Still, she started criticizing me more and more, especially because my life was supposedly “easier” than hers.

To be fair, she has a lot of internal and external problems too. Her life has never been easy.

In December that year she went on a trip, and after an argument and her disappearing again, I got angry and cut contact. When I get overwhelmed, sometimes I need space. But the situation escalated to family members getting involved, and I was basically threatened with not being allowed any contact with her anymore.

At first, after the argument, I felt “fine” for about a month. But after that I missed her constantly. Ever since I met her, there hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought about her.

Last summer she wrote in a group chat we had with another classmate I mentioned earlier. I interpreted that as her wanting my opinion, because normally she would message the other girl directly. So I talked to her calmly and asked if she wanted to meet. She agreed, although in person she was still distant and refused to admit any fault for anything.

I admitted my own mistakes too. Maybe I didn’t give her enough time, maybe I couldn’t help solve her problems. A couple of mutual friends helped us reconnect. I explained my situation to her, and she explained hers to me.

On my side, we had to meet secretly. On her side, she was having serious family and financial problems that I won’t detail for privacy reasons, but honestly I still worry about them today.

After reconnecting, she wanted to meet more and more often. Even when I explained I couldn’t always do it, although I usually ended up finding time anyway, it was never enough for her. A lot of the time she only wanted to meet around my friends, or because she needed help with errands or problems. I like helping people, that’s not the issue, but I didn’t want the relationship to revolve entirely around that.

Arguments kept happening, but at first it didn’t seem too serious.

Over time things intensified. She became obsessed with money problems and started looking into ways of making money that honestly didn’t seem very legal or healthy. She blamed me for “not understanding her,” even though I was helping as much as I physically and emotionally could.

The arguments continued and I started getting exhausted. I told her that if I made her so unhappy then she should just leave me. Obviously I didn’t want that, but if I really was hurting her, then maybe it was better.

Still, we continued talking normally until one day, after so many arguments, we simply stopped talking for a day. The next morning I texted her like always wishing her a good day. Then, in a toxic moment on my part, I noticed she was very active on Instagram while ignoring me, so after four hours I deleted the message.

The next day she talked to me normally until she asked how I was. I answered: “Could be better, but I’m managing.”

That’s when things became surreal.

She exploded at me, saying she was apparently the only person who had truly suffered, that she had spent a day hospitalized and someone else had actually been there for her, that I was a useless loser incapable of doing anything, that she hoped I died, and even that a friend of mine had killed herself because of me.

She had insulted me before during arguments, saying I couldn’t provide anything and that I had always been alone because I was useless, but this crossed every line for me.

I told her she was going too far, and her response was threatening to tell my family that I was harassing her by insisting on talking to her.

We stopped talking again.

Same cycle as before: first I survive it, then eventually I start missing her terribly again.

But this time there was something different: she kept talking to my friend, the same friend who had helped us reconnect. He’s the kind of person who can actually provide things, helped me process emotions, helped me find work because honestly I struggle even with that.

Sometimes while driving to work together his phone would light up with notifications from her. I said nothing because I assumed eventually he’d tell me about it himself. He never did, and eventually I started overthinking it.

Finally I confronted him and admitted I knew she was messaging him, and that he didn’t need to hide it.

He told me he kept it secret because she said she had a boyfriend, but the way she said it sounded more like she wanted him to tell me.

That hurt a lot, but I tried telling myself that if she was happy, maybe it hurt a little less.

A few weeks later my friend started complaining that she was becoming exhausting, and I told him that if talking to her was too much trouble, he could just redirect her to me.

Then a few days later, after leaving therapy, I saw her in the street while listening to music. My instinct was to say hi. She literally ran away.

Later that night, around 1 AM, I got a phone call that I genuinely thought was my work alarm.

It was her.

She said seeing me had made her feel guilty, because apparently my friend had been flirting with her, and she sent me screenshots.

I confronted my friend at work, and he admitted that the reason he hadn’t told me anything wasn’t guilt. Apparently the day before, she had demanded help with one of those shady money-making ideas, they argued, he blocked her, and she got angry.

That was the point where I completely broke mentally.

I sent her a message saying I would deal with the issue with him and that she shouldn’t worry, and then I blocked her preemptively.

Since then, nothing has happened. I recently unblocked her, but she hasn’t tried contacting me, even though technically she could through that old group chat.

My friendship with that guy is heavily damaged now, although ironically he’s the one acting defensive.

For more context: I’ve been alone almost my entire life. I struggle heavily with socializing. I’m not attractive, I’m not particularly good at anything, and I honestly don’t feel like I have much value as a person.

Now the small group of people I genuinely loved has basically been reduced to one person, assuming they don’t eventually get tired of me too.

And the worst part is that instead of being angry at them, I’m mostly angry at myself. For not being capable of taking care of this girl, for not knowing how to talk properly, for not being able to offer her something better, and for letting everything fall apart.

I’m also angry because I wanted to preserve those friendships too. I thought they had real potential, and now I don’t even know how to fix any of it.

And that’s the reason for this post: I don’t know how to get this girl out of my head, how to start fixing my life?

TL;DR:
I fell in love with a girl who had a very complicated life and unresolved relationships with her exes. Our relationship became emotionally exhausting, full of arguments, guilt, mixed signals, and toxic behavior from both sides. She insulted me badly, threatened me, and eventually got involved with one of my closest friends behind my back. Now both the relationship and the friendship are basically destroyed, and instead of feeling angry at them, I mostly blame myself. I’ve struggled with loneliness and self-worth my whole life, and I genuinely don’t know how to move on or stop thinking about her.