Could my emetophobia have led to ARFID?
Heads up - Any time I say "be sick" I am referring to the act of vomiting and only that. I just prefer to type it that way.
Hi! I have had emetophobia my entire life, and by extension, I've also always struggled with food. Im writing this out because im trying to figure out how all these things interact so I can work my way up to trying to treat them I guess. Im wondering about potentially having aversive-type ARFID?
Because of my fear of being sick, ive sort of developed a phobia of food. ALL food. Not just food capable of giving me food poisoning. Like, every single time I eat ANYTHING, I feel like im going to throw up for hours afterwards. It doesnt matter what it is. It is way worse in public settings. At home is the only place I will ever eat full meals. If im going out I basically fast. If I have to go to a restaurant I have a panic attack, and will end up ordering a salad or something to pick at so I at least look like I'm eating. I have ALWAYS been like this too. As a very small child I would have panic attacks and freak out and refuse to eat anywhere but my home, and even then id struggle at mealtimes. The only time I dont feel on the verge of being sick is when I'm starving. Like, if my stomach isn't empty, im terrified and anxious no matter what it is that i ate. Half a piece of toast in the morning will ruin the rest of my day.This has caused me to struggle to go out and function like a normal person. Ive started taking zoloft, and im hoping that'll help me get a start on things anxiety-wise because food aside i have always struggled with an anxiety disorder at some point, but slow progress so far.
Anyways, onto the topic of the sub: I saw someone talking about emetophobia induced ARFID, so I've been looking into that, but it's hard to find any information. Because I am hypothetically willing to eat anything and I LOVE food, I just struggled to eat it period. And based of everything I've seen about ARFID, it usually involves not being willing to eat. I definitely have a couple safe foods that I eat most of the time like if I HAVE to eat out of the house, and a large variety of foods that I love but refuse to eat and havent eaten in years because they make me feel ill. Ive had periods of my life where I would go to school and not eat anything all day until I get home at 4pm because I wouldnt be able to function at school if I ate and at least at home if I did get sick I'd be alone and somewhere comfortable. (I haven't been sick in like... 12 years at this point) I've also lost noticeable amounts of weight at my worst points. Anyways, im wondering if maybe anyone here relates or something? Like should I look into the disorder and see if there might be a way to help me from this angle? Ive come to so many different conclusions over the years about my nausea. At first I thought it was GERD and treated ut as such, but after years, I realized it's likely anxiety-based, and now im wondering if that may have led to developing ARFID.
I also figure its worth giving some info in case it's relevant. Im 18, and both of my parents most likely have ADHD but I have no evidence or idea of any autism in the family. Basically both my mom dad and brother were told by doctors growing up that they needed to be assessed and treated for ADHD but they all refused. I've always struggled and assumed I have it as well, but i don't have a formal diagnosis. That being said, I have no clue about autism. I bring this up because I do know that ARFID is highly linked to autism, though I'm not the most educated so correct me if this is inaccurate. Ive been told by autistic friends that I have a lot of traits and behaviors that come across as autistic and that I should seek a diagnosis, but ive never considered it myself. Basically im just throwing that all out there to give some more context.