r/AskWomenIndia

My MIL expects me to serve food to my husband

Hey everyone, so Ive (29F) had an arranged marriage and I stay with my husband (29M) and his parents. We've been married for a year and usually when we have meals together all of us jointly heat the food and lay the table but on weekends, She'll tell me on a regular basis to heat my husband's breakfast and milk and lay it out for him. On weekdays I leave early for work so she doesn't have the opportunity to do so.

Sometimes I may be sipping on my chai which is the time Id like to relax when my husband will ask her whats for breakfast and then she'll tell me to give xyz to him. Today for instance, she asked me to put a few things here and there right after I woke up and then I was finally having my chai when she tells me to give xyz to him.

She also expects me to do snacks for him as we don't have an evening cook. Other than that, mostly we get food prepared by our cook.

While I lay out his dinner for him when he's working late and help out around the home quite a bit with mundane chores like getting heavy stuff from the store, weekly cleaning, kitchen prep etc.

My husband is mostly chilling around because his job is quite hectic through the week. Lately he's also been diagnosed with slipped disc which prevents him from doing any heavy lifting but he doesn't take any interest in most household work anyway even though his dad helps out quite a lot.

It's annoying when laying out his meals becomes an expectation of the wife while he can just constantly be on his phone.

How to evade this responsibility politely because I have a corporate full time job with a decent pay even if lesser than him. I also don't want to offend my MIL because she's nicer than some of my friends' MILs even if on a number of things, she behaves just like a regular one.

Tldr: My MIL expects me to serve food to my husband on several occasions and prepare food for him.

Edit: Thanks guys. It may be arranged marriage but I also happen to be a feminist so I understand how much housework is supportive and how much borders on exploitative. I have ofc had a heated discussion with my husband and asked him to at least do his chores and am slowly getting him to help me with other things too. Only needed a perspective on whether its okay to question and fight over these minor irritants.

[W]

Should I leave my boyfriend?

A former classmate (20M) who I (20F)  started speaking to only 6 months ago confessed to liking me. I liked him back, however clearly stating that I didn't want to get into a relationship because I already had a lot of other commitments and was stressed with my current life. He kept trying to convince me to give him a chance and I eventually gave in.

And this turned out to be one of my biggest regrets for the exact reasons I feared it would be.

My issues with the relationship:-

1. Different faiths and cultural backgrounds, I needn't explain more on how things like these usually never work out, especially in Indian society. It's very clear that we would never be compatible for each other on the long run. And I would only date to marry and do not want anything casual. I don't know if he would be ready to fight backlash from his family for me. Moreover I do not want to marry into a family where his family would hate me.

2. He had asked out several other girls in the past, over 20. I was probably the first to accept it

3. He used to be addicted to explicit content and struggles with lust. He admitted it himself and was very apologetic about it and promised he had changed. It didn't seem like a problem initially, but now I keep getting paranoid and start wondering if I'll get used for something.

4. The only dates I've ever been on are by meeting him at my college and then we go  somewhere nearby together. So we meet quite rarely. Our relationship is already very inconvenient. And on every single date, I would start panicking as soon as I got texts or calls from my parents. Which leads me to my next reason.

5. I have very strict helicopter parents who monitor every activity of mine, who I talk to and do not let me go out alone, don't even allow me to go to hackathons because of overnight stays, and ofcourse are strictly against relationships. This relationship has caused me more stress than ever. I will admit my parents can be overly controlling to the point that control did only harm and no good, so I have to rebel at some point for exposure, growth and experience. But this surely isn't the way I would want to do it.

6. Due to never being in a relationship, I get paranoid very easily and compare it with relationships on social media. I keep thinking I'm being used for something short term, I try my best to not get attached. I think that's unfair to him though and I'll acknowledge the problem is me here. I never explicitly expressed any of these feelings to him though and I'm working on it. 

7. His friends are people I would consider red flags. I haven't talked to them or know much about them though so I cannot comment much on this.

8. He had a huge crush on a girl whom he used to be close to and apparently the girl ignored him for months and he was heartbroken about it. Just weeks after some problems with her he confessed to me. Which leads me to believe I'm just being used to move on from his crush. 

9. I never wanted a relationship to begin with. I'm already in a bad position in life. My dad who is the sole breadwinner of the family is retiring in a few months, I'm extremely unhappy with my current life, I'm bad at everything and have terrible work ethic and struggle with depression. I've cried several times after entering this relationship, usually the reason being regret, fear, and betraying my parents. 

10. Might be an ego issue but I took pride in being single for my whole life, it was like a part of my identity. And for years I never got feelings for anyone. But it was different with him. Ofcourse, things, circumstances change, and people grow up, change opinions. But this relationship has got me feeling angry. At him for making me date him and meet him despite me current stresses and strict parents. At myself for agreeing to this.

11. He comments a lot on my glow up after 12th grade. As someone who struggles with insecurities about my appearance I find it deeply triggering that he gives importance to appearance. He often says things like "How did someone like you choose someone ugly like me"  Makes me wonder if he'll ever stay once he gets a glow up or if I get a glow down. This may not be a big deal but he took pictures of random tourists while pretending to take pictures of the building and sent them to me to judge them, and used racial slurs. I know it's just a joke, but I didn't like it.

12. I'm kind of upset at how he wants me to keep meeting him. He is apologetic about it, and kept trying to hug me and calm me down whenever I started panicking after getting calls from my parents. But seeing me on the near verge of tears, lying to my parents, panicking, stuttering...I want him to feel a bit more empathy. I want him to say "I don't want you putting yourself through so much stress for my sake. We can take things slowly" But instead it's "I'm sorry I put you through that...anyways when can I meet you again? I'm craving your presence, to kiss you and hug you". It feels extremely selfish he wants to meet me every single time even though I'm stressed. And expects me to ditch classes. Ofcourse he isn't pushy about it, but I expect him to be a bit more considerate... especially after he has seen me panic in every date.  I understand he's just very excited about being in a relationship though so I don't think he's malicious but I still don't like it. How can you make someone panic and cry every single time?

 

 13. He gave more importance to his friends and himself. He made a whole html project for a female friend's birthday. Meanwhile I only got a half assed text for my birthday and girlfriend's day. Won a plushie at some arcade game for another. He apparently 'thought' of getting one for me as well, but didn't think of giving the first gift to me.  This was for the first two months of the relationship though and he did get me gifts on the third month from his trip, (two bangle sets, 3 earrings and two bracelets, though I paid for the bangles and one earring set). Not a big deal, it's the thought that counts, but my overthinking self wonders if he did that simply because gifts are girlfriend tax or because he genuinely wanted to give me something. And maybe I'm wrong for this, but I compare with social media. They're being gifted a lot more often. And no I don't mean grand gestures, just small thoughtful gifts like my favourite flower, snack or hair clip. I bake something for him for most of our dates as well, so no I'm not some ungrateful freeloader who expects things while doing nothing. 

I am aware that I might be wrong in some cases, which is why I never wanted this relationship. But he was the only person I ever got feelings for, after years of never getting a crush. My past crushes had all been people I just saw from a distance but never even spoke to. The way he showed up for his friends selflessly made me fall for him, plus I could relate to him in a few things. But I just know I'm not meant for relationships for several reasons and hence tried to avoid it and he still persuaded me into getting into one.

It's been 4 months since I've gotten into this relationship. I've never experienced anything significantly bad from him. He has been respectful, quick to apologise, unproblematic and kind but then again it's too quick to judge, but I just know I'm overall regretting it. And I just can't shake off the feeling that I'm not in the right place and shouldn't be dating.

TL;DR: I just got into my first ever relationship with a former classmate and find myself regretting it for several reasons, although there isn't anything significantly wrong with his behaviour. Should I stay or leave?

So for more context, we have been talking and dating for a while and we have made it official with labels and all. For celebrating that my sweet girlfriend even planned a whole evening for me and even got me flowers as a surprise.

But the thing is we're too into each other i guess. Because we talk on phone when the day starts, we talk later in the evenings until late nights sacrificing sleep. Even after coming back to our respective homes after a date, we still call each other and talk for atleast an hour at minimum just reminiscing the events and feels.

And the thing is none of this feels forced at all. It feels natural. We both know that disconnecting the call is the right thing to do but we both just keep wanting to talk more.

I feel that this may become unsustainable after some time. We both have careers and we are ambitious. She follows or atleast followed a pretty strict sleep schedule and work-life balance. Same goes for me. She's someone who has a very deep connection with her family, calls home everyday. And recently she has mentioned that it is becoming a bit overwhelming for her to juggle and we do need to find a way around this...... because the biggest bottom line here is that neither of us wants to lose each other. We are sure that this relationship is going to lead to marriage....and we have already talked about it as well so we are on same page.

Fellow redditors, please help us out and help us understand and navigate this situation.

This has been on my mind for quite some time, so I thought I would ask here and see if anyone else has had a similar experience.

I have a boyfriend and we have only made out so far, nothing penetrative. He sometimes asks me to try masturbatingor fingering myself because I had told him that I have never really done it before.

The thing is I have tried using a menstrual cup before and I couldn’t insert it much. Even now, when I try fingering, I can only manage one finger and even that feels a little painful. I have never had penetrative sex before.

I initially thought maybe it was because my hymen is still intact, but honestly I don’t know if that’s actually how it works. I am also a bit scared that something might be wrong with me.

Has anyone here had a similar experience, especially before having penetrative sex and later figured out what was causing it? and how did u manage it? Is this something that can be normal, or should I see a gynaecologist about it? I am scared 🙂

I toh already am and it’s been an eye-opening experience for me. She’s hating my kind not me.. i’ve done things but pretty self-aware of it and that’s what she loves about me too.