r/AvoidantAttachment

On the drive home from work today I heard a Julia Jacklin song that straight up lays out exactly the way my avoidance shows up in romantic relationships.

It was quite the mirror I wasn’t expecting, nor really interested in looking into, but it’s very accurate and a bit disconcerting being laid open like that. 😆 Definitely something I will be discussing in my next therapy appointment.

Anyway, the title is “Get Away from Me (I Think I’ll Love You Soon)”. Just thought I would share.

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules:

• AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

I'm good at making new friends, usually regarding hobby or work related reasons. Eventually I get bored or annoyed with their company and cut them off. Does anyone have tips for actually WANTING to making lasting connections?

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules:

• AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Hi everyone, anxious to dismissive avoidant here.

I recently broke up with a long term partner because of some unexpected and very serious health problems with my immediate and only family member (father). My avoidance played a part in the break up but ultimately I just didn't have the capacity to carry that and be in a relationship and made that known. My thoughts were simply that I don't want to be anyone's anything, and don't want to carry more eggs in my basket than I can. Since then I've felt quite detached from it all, no contact, focusing on being there for my dad.

I used to be extremely anxiously attached to people since I was young (became DA a couple years ago after a very toxic relationship), but I had avoidance when it came to things like processing trauma or conversations surrounding it. I think that's manifested greatly since my dad was diagnosed.

It's been about a month since then and today I recieved a letter to my house. It was heartfelt and I think apologetic, but I couldn't actually tell you because I immediately put it back in the envelope and on my bookshelf. I couldn't even read past the first few words!!! It's like I immediately read the word "beloved" and recoiled. I couldn't read it - I'm looking at the envelope right now and I physically cannot read it. Not because I'm emotional, because that's the thing, I'm not I don't feel anything toward the letter.

He's reached out to me asking how I am etc too but I haven't replied because I can't bring myself to acknowledge it.

I'm certain this is a protection mechanism for myself and wanting to avoid facing the emotions I might feel, but if that's the case it's really subconscious.

Has anyone else been in a similar position to this??

Edit: a lot of people have mentioned I might be an FA, I thought I'd clarify that I don't actively refuse vulnerability/emotional intimacy in general out of fear, my first instinct is to just dismiss it altogether. I used to really crave it and fear it but now I just altogether don't feel I need it or am even capable of attempting to try for it anymore

Edit: after some insight I believe I am in fact FA, as I have done a 180 in my attachment style these past 3 years! You learn something new about yourself everyday

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.