r/Borderline

I was dating this girl for 6 months and have been friends with her for 2 years. Once we started dating I thought I found the love of my life. She was so sweet , nurturing , funny. I genuinely felt like I found my soulmate. Throughout the 6 months of us dating I was aware of her having mental health issues but I didn’t know how serious it was. We were long distance so I would go visit her once a month. She would mention that she had therapy sessions to go to but for the first 4 months she seemed like everything was okay. For the last 2 months I felt a big energy shift. We still spoke everyday and one thing I will note is that she always contacted me first. The reason why I had it this way is because I didn’t want to overwhelm her because I knew she had a lot going on in her life. She works 3 jobs and has other extracurricular activities and she’s made it clear that she has commitment issues and wanted to take things slow. She also said because of the “lifestyle I lived” we couldn’t be in a serious relationship which is why she kept her options open as well. I told her that’s no problem and I’ll do the same but I’ll only consider us as friends. She told me that’s unacceptable and she’s not accepting me just being her friend. During the 6 months we only had 2 fights. The first time I tried to end things because I genuinely didn’t know where I stood with her but when she reassured me we fixed it right away and everything was back to normal. The second time was because I pulled back from her for a few days due to myself wanting space, she told me to never tell her I love her again and blocked me on everything. After a week I called her off a text plus number which she expected me to do by the way and we managed to fixed things again. Everything was going great well atleast I thought. Gearing up to the last time I was getting ready to visit her she was dealing with serious depression. She was stressed out from work, having persistent nightmares and going through sadness for days on end. I tried to cheer her up. She told me how she needed money for clothes I gave her the money and she spent it on anything but that. I didn’t get mad at her because we live in Canada and currently in a recession so I assumed she used it to pay bills but I highly doubt it and think she used it to spend money on her own fun. One thing I’d like to note is that she is also a functioning alcoholic. She wine everyday at home while she cooks and goes out to party every weekend. Her and I did meet in a party environment but I have since stopped partying and take my health more seriously as I like to work out consistently every week. Yes I knew she liked to drink but I never really viewed it out as an issue until I went to visit her. I bought 2 wine bottles and she drank a bottle and half between the 2 days I was with her. She also asked me to stop enabling her and I asked was it because I let her speak to me in a rude way and she said yes. But looking back now it’s because she has impulsive habits that she can’t control. She asked me to give her money so her and her friends can buy a bottle at the club and I told her no because she was going out with a guy friend of hers and his friends. As a man I don’t see why she would want to do that especially if I’m being told she’s high maintenance verbally. After that last visit things felt very off. She didn’t reach out to me for 4 days and I assumed it because she wanted space. But as time went on I started feeling really guilty for enabling her bad habits and I texted her that day saying I wanted to talk to her. She decides to block me on everything and block my number. I called her again off a different number and she said we can never see each other again or in the future and that she affiliate’s her not being the best version of herself with me. I was truly heart broken because I’ve spent time improving myself and told her before she was apart of my motivation. I let her know that she was hurting my feelings. She did apologize but also said me texting her that we needed to talk was very triggering. I also forgot to mention I made a terrible mistake when I initially called her. I asked her if she was clinically diagnosed with something. This is my first time having someone with a serious mental health disorder in my life and I went about it terribly. Even to the end. The next day after that conversation I sent her a message asking if she has bpd and that I don’t think she’s mentally unstable or crazy. I just wanted to learn how to communicate with her better so we can make the relationship healthier even if it was a platonic one going forward. Even though diagnosing someone is the worst thing to do her response was neutral positive at first. She said she knows I’m just trying to help but did inform me that it was very triggering for me to do that and if I truly understood bpd then that’s a very bad thing to do. She also said that she’s just having a “normal reaction to the fucked up world we’re living in” she initially agreed being just friends. Right after that she starts texting me again saying she reread what I wrote and is in disbelief and that I don’t know her or half the experiences she’s had in life and started going on about how her family is struggling and that she’s using her last abit of energy to argue with me. My nervous system started to shut down. I puked from all the stress I was dealing with and had to let her know that I need to block her for the rest of the week as I felt my mental health was being compromised. A week later I reached to a mutual friend and said I would love to talk to her after feeling lighter. When I tried to call her number I realized she changed it. I messaged her email on iMessages and she responded saying please leave me alone. I told her I respect her wish and I appreciate her being a good friend to me and being someone I could talk to. I also told her if she has a change of heart and wants to have a conversation the door is always opened. She only liked both messages. I’m truly hurt and sad by this. Everyone around me is saying it’s her loss and she’s doing you a favour but it’s hard for me to fully grasp that. She also said herself that our incompatibility comes from her fundamental issues but I still wanted to just be there for her. I’m going to give her the space as I genuinely have no choice but I do hope she eventually comes back refreshed. We were no contact for a week and a half until I reached out to her friend now we are 3 days no contact. Do you think she will ever come back to me?

Was your mom a hoarder or extremely ocd anal clean? Makes sense to me that since regulation is the problem it could go either way home care wise.

My mom was literally so clean she would come after me as I was drinking a drink and take it and throw it away , half full. She likes to scrub the kitchen floor on her hands and knees ( i don't ). She would also clean just seething with anger that I was never so enthused about mopping that I was not down there on the floor with her.

When I saw the " No more wire hangers " scene in Mommy Dearest , it reminded me of my mom. She was not screaming at me while cleaning though just silently cleaning with rage.

First time posting. Please be supportive and your advice is appreciated. Daughter with borderline personality disorder, not in therapy.

Our adult daughter has been living with us for the past 2 years. She is currently separated from her husband who lives abroad. He is not supportive financially. She has 3 kids, (5, 14, 17). We have cared for the two oldest off and on for most of their lives. They have been living with us for 3 years. We have been financially assisting her since she had the kids. We wanted to ensure they would not be homeless (at one point she was angry with us and took the older 2 and lived on the street until we found them and brought the kids home). We also financially supported them so their needs were met since she was living in poverty while living abroad. We didn’t want the grandchildren to go hungry and had essentials and experiences.

Today is the final talk. She won’t get a higher paying job. She makes $15 hr. She has NOTHING saved.

We have been meeting about finances, budget, low income housing for the past 6 months. We gave her a deadline that she must move out or pay rent.

How would you open this talk? How would you word the finality of the fuxing free loading. We have to do it without exploding because she will take off with the 5 year old and couch surf until homelessness. Thoughts?

Why is it that the tiniest of comments can ruin my mood so much? Why can't I even muster the courage to be mad at the person who made the comment, and can only be mad at myself? How can I go so easily from being totally fine and then having urges to harm myself and intrusive thoughts about overdosing? How can the simplest comment that is not even really about me affect me like that? Why can't I turn this outwardly, why can't I do anything about it? Why does it always have to be turned to myself - I'm always the one to blame, the one who's wrong, the pathetic fucking miserable dramatic one? Why do I hate myself this much? I really wish I was a bit more explosive and outward. Maybe ruining relationships is worth it - at least I wouldn't feel so lost in an infinite wasteland of emptiness, self-hatred, and self-invalidation. I'm still infuriated thay my mood can be so easily destroyed with one single tiny comment. Before, I was totally fine, even a little happy, and then it came crashing down - and the worst part is, I can't even feel that fully, because it's all coated with emptiness and pure self-hatred. I feel rejected by life. I feel rejected by everyone. It's like I'm not good enough for anything and nothing is good enough for me. I don't match this world. And I hate that all of my hate goes exclusively to myself. I hate that I'm always the one wanting to die over minor frustrations and I can't even direct them somewhere else. I hate myself.