r/CheatingGF

I am a white male, early 40s, married 10 years living in Vancouver, BC - and my wife is cheating, which I’ve known about for some time.

Without any bitterness or judgement whatsoever, I’d love to hear from the perspective of a cheating wife - what would your husband have to do to reignite the relationship? How would he be able to get your attention refocused on him?

If you’re a cheating wife and can spare a bit of time to advise a husband on what he can do to be better, I really want to talk to you!

To sum it up, this isn't the first time, but I've found another opened/used BlueChew packet in my gf's garbage in the bathroom while cleaning, and this would make the 3rd one in the past 6 months. Should I be worried about cheating or can there be another explanation?

(She lives by herself as well)

I’m male 20 gf is female 19 she goes to a big sec school I don’t go to college I do sales we recently got into a argument because I said I’d rather her not go out to bars all the time since we are dating now and she said “ I’m in my prime I’m 19 I’m going to get drunk at bars” and refuses to wear anything close to moderate I’ve never been the guy to date girl that parties a lot I’m very set on my goals I don’t drink or do drugs my perfect life is wife kids at 25 and let the rest be history yeah I still wanna have fun but we can do that and she can do that without drinking I’m feeling like we just aren’t meant for each other she also goes to school in another state 7 hours away kinda feels like when she is at school we are more distant or she is idk maybe I’m crazy but I feel like I’m her bf only when she is home from college

I’m Kate, I’m thirty year old. I have been married for ten years to my husband Sam. We dated for two years before we got married. We don’t have any children. We moved from south jersey to north east jersey three months ago so my husband could get a promotion with the company he works for.

I’m five feet three inches tall and weigh one hundred and fifteen pounds. My hair is dark red and my eyes are green. I have pale skin and my breast are 34C with large pink nipples. I hate my breast because when I get turned on my areolas swell and push my nipples out making my breast look pointy. I have very little public hair so I keep it shaved or waxed.

Two months ago I got a new job as a restaurant manager. James is the owner of the restaurant. He is a 60 year old black man. He used to play professional football but got hurt and had to stop playing. He is a really big man. He told he is six foot five inches tall and close to three hundred pounds. He is in really good shape for sixty. He is very nice to me and treats me very good. He is always complementing me on my looks and how I dress. He even notices when I change makeup and if I do something to my hair. Something my husband never does. He is also a big flirt. Every day I come in he is there to greet me and give me a hug and tell me how great I look. He always tells me I’m perfect. During the shift he always comes over and puts his hand around my waist and asks me if I’m doing ok. It makes me feel so good that he cares about me.

Two weeks ago on a Friday my husband stopped in for a couple of drinks after a long day at work. I introduced him to James and the two of them sat at the bar talking. It was ten o’clock when my husband came over to me and said he was going home. They had talked for two hours.

When I got home Sam was having a beer. I told him I would be right back and went upstairs. I’m a big 420 fan. I can’t smoke in front of Sam because he had to stop when he got the new position at work. They get drug tests randomly. I have to little room that he put a fan in and it keeps the smoke out of the house. I smoke from a pipe or a bong. I got the bong out and hit it twice. I was downstairs ten minutes and I had a great high coming on. When I get high I get really horny too. It wasn’t long and we were in bed going at it. Sam was on top of me and he leaned down and whispered in my ear that while they were at the bar James couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I asked him what he meant and he said he kept catching him looking at me. I told him he was probably just making sure I was doing okay. Sam said no. Then Sam said one of the waitresses came over to ask James something and when she walked away he told him if her ass was bigger she would be perfect. Sam said he just laughed with James. The week had hit its peak and I was buzzing. Sam said I bet he thinks yours is perfect. I pulled him down and whispered in his ears that James had asked me to stay after the staff leaves and party with him. We both started cuming. The next morning we were having breakfast and Sam said James is a really cool guy. He said James would take him to a game when they start playing.

Sam kept bringing James up all the time saying what a great guy, and he’s really cool. Even during sex he would bring up the thing about him looking me up and down. I hoped that sam couldn’t feel how turned on I got when he would bring him up. I never said anymore about James asking me to stay and party with him.

Thursday night Sam told me that work had scheduled him to take his safety course. He told me that I had to drive him to the airport Sunday evening and pick him up Tuesday afternoon. The next evening at work I asked James if I could get Sunday off. I told him that Sam’s flight was in the evening. James said no problem he would cover me. Saturday night James said if I felt like it to stop in on my way home. I told him I would see how I felt after driving to the city for the first time.

The drive to the airport wasn’t bad at all. I got back to our apartment about nine thirty. I got a text from my husband saying they were getting ready to take off. Then I got a text from James saying I hope you can come by at closing. I sitting on the bed looking at James text. This feeling I have never felt before was spreading through me. I staring at my phone screen as my fingers typed “I will be there”. I walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on. The shower made my body more excited. I dried off and then did my hair and makeup. I opened the doors to my closet and hanging in the back was a sundress that I bought for a wedding but never wore it because it was too short and revealing. I laid it on the bed and then went to my dresser and took out a black lace thong. I sat on the bed for a minute then got up and went back to the closet and got the pastel pink stiletto sandals that match the pink in the sundress. I sat on the bed and slipped them on my feet and rapped the pink ties around my ankles and up my calves. I stood there naked with the sandals on looking at myself in the mirror. I reached down and picked up the sundress and stepped into it. I tied the halter top behind my neck. I looked into the mirror and the top hardly covered my boobs. My heart was racing as I looked at the clock on the night stand. It was eleven o’clock the restaurant just closed. It’s a twenty minute ride and by that time the staff should be gone. I looked at the thong laying on the bed and turned and walked out of the bedroom.

My gf is 32 and Chinese, we’ve been together for 6 months now. I’ve been around the block a few times so sometimes I cant help but think about the worst.

The following is not based on any concrete evidence but just me left with my thoughts.

When we started dating, she was travelling a lot, often solo but she would be with her friends etc. Which are mostly gays. She would video call me most of the time and would show me her rooms etc. But sometimes she would go radio silent. And she’s the type to send me photos of what she’d up to.

Anyway we moved past that and I said I may be digging a hole in my head.

After that, I kept a tab on her phone when she was sleeping and she had messages with random people asking her for information from Rednote. Apparently chinese people like to help each other out. So I didnt bat an eye. But then she still had her exes on wechat(messaging platform) and I cracked it. Asked her to delete them and one guy she was friends with. She gave me a lot of shit for asking her to stop talking to her friend. But from what she described, they seemed more than friends. At least they had the foundation ready and if something happened it would be of no surprise.

Few months later, she’s going to china to visit her kids. And you guessed it, random photos no conversations etc. Now she went for a routine test and was positive for an std. From memory, she told me she was cleared from anything before we met. So the maths isnt mathing! Although research shows that it couldve been dormant.

Had I been in her shoes, all these occasions would’ve been perfect to orchestrate something. Combined with me not understanding mandarin, its easy as to hide.

I must say it has me puzzled

It's been a little over 2 years now since we broke up, we were together for 8 years and she admittedly was cheating for the first four years, she came clean on our sixt year, then she cheated with the neighbour and broke upp with me a week after telling me this and started dating him, now they have been together for about 2 years and I am devastated. She is 32 and he is 20. What kills me is that she is now being loyal to gim to the point that she asks him if it's okay to meet me so that I can pick upp stuff i left there when I moved out. It's like she learned from her misstakes with me and now is the perfekt girlfriend. If it werent for her cheating she would have been the perfekt girlfriend, we came along really well, we had the same taste in almost everything, she is kind and loving, funny and gentle. I will never find anyone better, she was truly perfekt. I never imagined that we would brake upp, I was set on to live with her for the rest of my life. I want to cry when I think about her but there doesn't come any tears but it feels like im crying. I lost the love of my life to that fucker who pretended to be my friend only to steal her from me. I think she broke up from shame for what she had done again and eventually got together with him becouse it was easy and he was there for her after we broke up. I can't stop thinking about her and all the happines we would have had. She was the one for me and it's depression to think that I will never be as happy as I was with her again. It's been a bit over 2 years but I still think about her daily, not by choise i might add. Writing this allowed me to cry and it's suchs a relief.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years and have two children, a farm and a newly built house.

I was going through some PTSD and drinking too much and according to her I wasn’t giving her the attention she needs but we were working on it. During that same time, Back in January I learned that her best friend on Snapchat was a guy she used to hook up with years ago. She claimed mild flirting and we worked through it. Doing that instead of trying to help me with PTSD.

In February I found another snap chat best friend (we’ll call him bob). He was a guy she hooked up with multiple times in college while she had a long term boyfriend she was cheating on. Again, she claims flirting and we worked through it. Not long after that she got drunk and mean and started telling me she has another guy lined up since I was such a ‘dick.’ It was bob.

In May I, for the first time in my life, checked her phone and saw that in February during the time she said she said she had another guy lined up, a message was accidentally saved from her to bob and it said ‘you can come sleep over here with me (in our house) because my husband won’t be home till tomorrow night.’ I verified the date and I was in fact not working that night so it was a message sent while I was around.

At this point she still has not deleted either guy from Snapchat even though I asked her to. She said I can’t delete bob because we both work at the same business (he’s a regional manager so she doesn’t see him in her store but maybe once a month) she can’t delete him from snap bc they work together and talk business. I told her that can be handled over text message.

She deleted the first guy and a week later I learned she re-added him. And Bob is still her best friend on snap at this time.

One night she got drunk after a friends bday party, turned off her location, took my truck and starting driving to Springfield to see some college friends. Well she lied about that too bc last week I found out she was driving there to see bob but she never made it bc he refused to tell her where he lived because he knew she was married.

I’ve begged her to tell me EVERYTHING and she claims she told me it all but I keep finding something new every week.

We had a long talk and she deleted them officially off snap. She said the only time I text bob is for work. So I asked to look at her phone. Both still deleted on snap but I learned she had permanently deleted messages with bob so I couldn’t see them. She said they were work related and she only deleted them because she knew I’d be upset seeing his messages on her phone. I told her if they were purely work related then why would I care?

I have separated from her the last week and now she’s begging me to stay. She also has never worked on anything I’ve asked her to over the last year, not just the snap stuff. She hasn’t done it so she asked me yesterday ‘is it too late for me to start working on those things now.’ And she hates my parents.

Dudes we are financially well off, two beautiful kids, we were absolute best friends until this. It’s hard to fathom divorce but I know at this point with all the lies I’ll never be able to get over it. Help me out please.

i have the number that has been calling her and idk if i call it or what. Idk what to do I am a 26 year old male and my girlfriend is 25 recently she bee acting weird and this number has called a couple of times. I wanna call it but i don’t wanna give away that I know what should I do?

I (24M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (22F) for about 1.5 years. She has a male best friend, Ashish (22M). For the last month, almost all of our fights have been because of him.

I repeatedly promised her that I would stop fighting over him and try to normalize things, but whenever I noticed her phone was busy or felt she was talking to him, I would become insecure and another argument would start.

At one point, she suggested that we should stop talking until we both cleared our government exams so we could focus on our careers. We both work full-time while preparing for government exams, so life has already been stressful. Even during that period, we occasionally talked, but the fights continued. Eventually, I blocked her after one major argument.

During the time we weren't talking, she met Ashish. She later admitted that during that meeting she held his hand and kissed him.

After some time we got back together, but she continued talking to Ashish while our relationship remained unstable.

Later, we again stopped talking for about a week. During that time, Ashish traveled from Ahmedabad to Gondal specifically to meet her. They visited Khodaldham, had garlic bread together, went shopping in Rajkot, and spent the night together in his car.

When I later asked her whether anything physical had happened between them, she clearly denied it. I even asked her to swear on me, and she still insisted that nothing physical had happened.

The next day at night, I told her to talk to him because he had made her swear on his mother not to tell me anything related to him. I asked her to make him remove that swear. She then shared her screen with me while chatting with him, where she wrote that he is her genuine friend. During that same conversation, Ashish said something like, "What if Keval (me) finds out what happened between us?" That message immediately made me suspicious. I confronted her again, and at that point she stopped hiding the truth.

She admitted that she had lied to me earlier because she wanted to save our relationship and was afraid of losing me. She confessed that they had kissed multiple times, including on the shoulder, hands, face, and lips. According to her, she was emotionally overwhelmed at that time and was seeking physical comfort.

She also told me that she does not love Ashish, but that Ashish loves her. She told me that one reason she found it difficult to completely cut him off was because he had shared suicidal thoughts with her, was engaging in addictive behaviors, and she was genuinely worried that he might harm himself. She also told me that Ashish's father died by suicide when Ashish was in 10th grade and staying in a hostel, and that his mother is currently battling cancer. According to her, all of this made her feel emotionally responsible for him, even though she says she does not have romantic feelings for him. After her confession, I made her block him everywhere, and she blocked him on Snapchat, WhatsApp, calls, messages, and every other platform.

Today, however, Ashish contacted her again using another phone number because he was blocked everywhere else. Their conversation started around 1 PM. She replied without asking me first, and around 4–5 PM she informed me that he had contacted her.

The conversation was about her plans to study or work abroad (she has completed nursing). Ashish has a friend named Shraddha living in the UK, so he asked his friend about expenses, the process, and other details for my girlfriend. Later, my girlfriend forwarded some of those explanatory messages to me and then texted me, "this melts me"

Tonight, I made her permanently delete all of her chats with Ashish and block both of his phone numbers everywhere again, and she did. However, after being blocked, he even recharged her mobile number with ₹26, which made me feel like he is still trying to find ways to stay connected with her.

One more thing about my girlfriend: I am not her first relationship. Before I came into her life, she made several mistakes in previous relationships, but I never judged her for them because I genuinely believe people can change.

The painful part is that now these mistakes happened while she was with me.

I have put everything I had into this relationship—time, effort, emotional support, patience, and love. Despite everything that has happened, I still love her deeply.

She tells me she still has feelings for me, but not the same way as before. She says our memories keep pulling her back, but that our constant fights and the broken trust have changed her feelings.

I know many people will probably tell me to leave.

But I'm asking something different.

Is there any realistic path to rebuilding trust after something like this, or am I holding onto a relationship that is already over?

I'm looking for honest opinions, whether they support me or criticize me. Please be objective.

My wife (29F) wants (needs) to experience multiple partners (strangers). I told her but just once and she totally agreed. I believe and trust that. In y'all opinion was that a fair decision?

My partner of nearly 4 years has been cheating, lying and gaslighting me about it the full time. Over the last year or so I would say it might not have been psychical cheating but he definitely did attempt it. The truth is I know enough but I won’t know the full extent.
After I found out over the last couple of weeks he said he would never do anything to hurt me bla bla bla.. he was still doing it discreetly ( arranging meets online/ sexting etc) I confronted him about it and he has since apparently deleted everything and is being open with his phone..

Should I try to forgive even after all the hurt, mistrust, lying etc or should I just boot him??

I know it sounds like a easy question but when you have a life together and are planning a future with children involved at the moment etc you really question it ( or put up with crap/ have no respect for yourself)

Im not normally a very paranoid person, and I like to make sure of things before I make assumptions, but this is my first ever relationship and the first person ive ever been intimate with, we have been dating for about 1 year now but everything seems too perfect.

My girlfriend (21) is studying to become a nurse so she doesnt speak to me very much during the day, and ive been working on trying to trust her when im not with her and im finding it very hard, never the less im getting better at it, but 2 days ago I slept over at her house, I usually sleep in alot longer than her, but when she was awake she was in the living room speaking to her mother, and I heard them mention 2 things (turning notifications off and having something favorited) and (someone named Cameron) i was half a sleep hearing this but I was 100% sure I know what I heard, that morning i asked her "would you like it if i changed my name to Cameron" (its a funny inside joke we have asking eachother what theyd think if one of us chnaged our name) when i said this she seemed abit panicky, i instinctively went on instagram, onto her following and checked for a cameron and I followed the 2 guys, the one hasnt requested my following the other declined it, idk what to do and I feel like im going crazy.

Again I feel like our relationship is too perfect, im always working on communication we never actually fight, occasionally argue but never shout we have a mature civilized conversation and agreement and we're both very understanding, but I do find her staring at other men sometimes which also annoys, please someone tell me if im being unreasonable and/or crazy.

Update (26/06) : I think I’ve started thinking about all the ways in which she actually behaved narcissistic which is coming up now? For example, before I found out about the affair she started isolating me out of her life/ family/ friends, staying at her parents and generally making me feel like I had done something wrong and it was so confusing, She kept saying she needed time to think and she could only do that at her parents / away from me , she claimed to be ‘burnt out’ due to her studies and her job. During this time she basically eluded to she didn’t know if we could stay together based on hurt she had felt from like years ago and bringing up random examples.. she said ‘this is not a decision In taking lightly’ basically saying ‘my family love you so she had to really think about it.’ We had also last year been invited to her friends wedding , it was coming closer and we booked a room, she didn’t say I would like us to go together, she said ‘i want to show up for my friend, no matter what’ basically anyone would think I had the affair and had done something wrong snd we were going to ‘show face’. We had talked about getting married and starting a family last year, buying a hone and getting married - she even told friend was thinking to propose. During her ‘burn out’ she started saying ‘but do you want those things even if you weren’t with me?’ And when I said ‘yes, she looked relieved and said ‘good’. A few days after I found out about the affair her and her friend went and did a hike, posting pictures of them smiling on social media and they went to a nightclub together, acting completely fine. She even messaged me asking for my time of my birth as her friend wanted to do a ‘love compatibility test’ for us … after she has cheated? Meanwhile I was at home crying and unable to eat.

Just her all of her treatment was awful when I look back now, how do you even really process this level of hurt from someone you trusted with your life. Its hitting me everyday, she feels like a stranger and like a button had been turned off in her? Im just honestly baffled. Does this get any easier?

I just wanted some advice on recovering from betrayal trauma/ discard … I’ve never experienced something like this in my life.

I’m 35, My partner (31) of 3.5 years (who last year told me she wanted to marry me) I found out had cheated on me with another woman at work, who is 5 years younger than her and also in her own long term relationship. She started isolating me out of her life before I found out, slept on the sofa and started going to stay at her parents in the week. I found out about the affair from chat gbt, she had left a chat on her laptop and she had confessed ‘they were falling for each other’ had been physical and that she was able to compartmentalise and didn’t want to distance herself from the affair woman. She was comparing my worst parts ‘low mood, doesn’t like her job’ to the affair partner who is ‘driven, has a lust for life and ignites a fire in her’ .

Her mum has cheated on her dad several times and is a compulsive liar , even pretending she had nearly died from a cardiac arrest 2 days after my mum had died from suspected cardiac arrest, my partner had always claimed her mum was a narcissist and she was so against cheating and it being morally wrong. I asked her several times since the end of January if there was anyone else, she kept saying no and gaslighting me whilst turning her phone away from me and spending longer in the bathroom and coming home later from work. She had hidden her messages on instagram and had deleted them all. She brought up random examples about how I said hurtful things about her Mum, and how because she is a people pleaser she just absorbed it and didn’t think about her emotions, just mine. I suggested therapy to resolve, this was before I found out about the affair. She was vague and bringing up random examples of where I had hurt her, but didn’t want to talk until she understood it - something she could only do whilst being at her parents away from me. It was so confusing.

I also went through a cancer scare during all of this - she said ‘we will get through this’ (luckily I do not have cancer) but after I found out, I said this whole time I’ve also been worried about my health, she didn’t support me to any of the appointments and said ‘well I still cared about you’ - whilst she was lying and messaging her work place affair. It makes me feel physically sick to think she did that to me.

When I found out in April and confronted her she initially said sorry, but then become the victim of her own behaviour, saying she had ‘hurt herself’ and she was going to become ‘unwell’, had self destructed and imploded her life. Even comparing what she had done, to the death of her ex who had died by suicide, saying she hadn’t felt like this since she had died (like the shock and grief).. she had no desire to fix the relationship, and said one day in the future if you are still single and want to try again thats the ideal. She also said ‘You never know maybe we needed to go through this to come back stronger’ (her cheating almost became a shared hurt/trauma??) Until then she wants to figure out ‘how she got here and why she did what she did’. She smokes and vapes now and told me I was her buffer and Im better at taking care of myself then she is. I am sure she is still seeing the woman from her work. I told her she has ruined my life when I found out and was upset, her respond was ‘you said I’ve ruined your life, but you are still young’

She wanted to have a chat with me to tell me about all the things that affected her in the relationship, Ive refused this as she just feels manipulative at the moment. She has moved to her parents and collected the last of her things last week, I put her things in bags and left it outside the flat as I didn’t want to see her (my boundary as every time I had seen her she keeps telling me ‘Im not asking you to wait for me, but maybe one day in the future we can try again’ and asking for hugs and acting sad’) so I kept it to text messages. The only thing she asked was whether I was keeping the playstation I brought her for Christmas, I was upset during her collecting her things and her only concern is a piece of plastic that I paid for. I ignored this, she asked again. I ignored. She refused to leave the key as she is paying towards the rent until August, Ive paid the rent for the flat for the last 3 years on my own, she said she didn’t feel comfortable leaving the key and said she may not have all her stuff - suggesting I am trying to keep her belongings. I told her she can always come and get her things. I feel like I’m being treated like Im the one that lied for months and cheated / gaslit her.

I am completely baffled and don’t understand how we got here, I supported her through her masters for the last 2 years emotionally and financially and now she has qualified she has cheated and left. I trusted her with my life, she went through the death of my mum with me and less than 2 years later she has done this to me. The hurt is huge and I am trying to find ways to get through this without feeling like Im losing my mind asking questions and trying to understand what happened here, I feel completely blind sided and shocked. One minute I feel strong and then I romantize her, and can’t believe she has become this person. We went away in January, and she was fine by the end of the month she turned into a different person.

I am now trying to manage the anger / hurt and need some advice. Why would she have jeopardized our loving, supportive and safe relationship for a woman at work, 5 years younger than her that is also of capable of lying and cheating on her own partner!? I keep thinking back to times when I knew something was off, staying at work later, drinks with work friends and generally being vague and weird with me. And she kept repeatedly telling me it wasn’t anyone and how she didn’t want to be single and she was just ‘burnt out’ and needed space and didn’t have capacity to be with anyone. I asked her so many times and so calmly, I never shouted at her, not even when I found out about the affair. She claims she is a people pleaser and has always put everyones needs before herself in a relationship, so now needs the time to focus on herself… I find this hard to believe considering she has now had an affair.

Could anyone please give me some advice / share their wisdom.. or if you have been through something similar? And how do you stop obsessing why they did it or process the hurt and anger? I honestly feel like I am gaslighting myself, like she wasn’t / isn’t that bad?

Thanks so much for any encouraging / supportive words! I really really appreciate it!

I just wanted some advice on recovering from betrayal trauma/ discard … I’ve never experienced something like this in my life.

I’m 35, My partner (31) of 3.5 years (who last year told me she wanted to marry me) I found out had cheated on me with another woman at work, who is 5 years younger than her and also in her own long term relationship. She started isolating me out of her life before I found out, slept on the sofa and started going to stay at her parents in the week. I found out about the affair from chat gbt, she had left a chat on her laptop and she had confessed ‘they were falling for each other’ had been physical and that she was able to compartmentalise and didn’t want to distance herself from the affair woman. She was comparing my worst parts ‘low mood, doesn’t like her job’ to the affair partner who is ‘driven, has a lust for life and ignites a fire in her’ .

Her mum has cheated on her dad several times and is a compulsive liar , even pretending she had nearly died from a cardiac arrest 2 days after my mum had died from suspected cardiac arrest, my partner had always claimed her mum was a narcissist and she was so against cheating and it being morally wrong. I asked her several times since the end of January if there was anyone else, she kept saying no and gaslighting me whilst turning her phone away from me and spending longer in the bathroom and coming home later from work. She had hidden her messages on instagram and had deleted them all. She brought up random examples about how I said hurtful things about her Mum, and how because she is a people pleaser she just absorbed it and didn’t think about her emotions, just mine. I suggested therapy to resolve, this was before I found out about the affair. She was vague and bringing up random examples of where I had hurt her, but didn’t want to talk until she understood it - something she could only do whilst being at her parents away from me. It was so confusing.

I also went through a cancer scare during all of this - she said ‘we will get through this’ (luckily I do not have cancer) but after I found out, I said this whole time I’ve also been worried about my health, she didn’t support me to any of the appointments and said ‘well I still cared about you’ - whilst she was lying and messaging her work place affair. It makes me feel physically sick to think she did that to me.

When I found out in April and confronted her she initially said sorry, but then become the victim of her own behaviour, saying she had ‘hurt herself’ and she was going to become ‘unwell’, had self destructed and imploded her life. Even comparing what she had done, to the death of her ex who had died by suicide, saying she hadn’t felt like this since she had died (like the shock and grief).. she had no desire to fix the relationship, and said one day in the future if you are still single and want to try again thats the ideal. She also said ‘You never know maybe we needed to go through this to come back stronger’ (her cheating almost became a shared hurt/trauma??) Until then she wants to figure out ‘how she got here and why she did what she did’. She smokes and vapes now and told me I was her buffer and Im better at taking care of myself then she is. I am sure she is still seeing the woman from her work. I told her she has ruined my life when I found out and was upset, her respond was ‘you said I’ve ruined your life, but you are still young’

She wanted to have a chat with me to tell me about all the things that affected her in the relationship, Ive refused this as she just feels manipulative at the moment. She has moved to her parents and collected the last of her things last week, I put her things in bags and left it outside the flat as I didn’t want to see her (my boundary as every time I had seen her she keeps telling me ‘Im not asking you to wait for me, but maybe one day in the future we can try again’ and asking for hugs and acting sad’) so I kept it to text messages. The only thing she asked was whether I was keeping the playstation I brought her for Christmas, I was upset during her collecting her things and her only concern is a piece of plastic that I paid for. I ignored this, she asked again. I ignored. She refused to leave the key as she is paying towards the rent until August, Ive paid the rent for the flat for the last 3 years on my own, she said she didn’t feel comfortable leaving the key and said she may not have all her stuff - suggesting I am trying to keep her belongings. I told her she can always come and get her things. I feel like I’m being treated like Im the one that lied for months and cheated / gaslit her.

I am completely baffled and don’t understand how we got here, I supported her through her masters for the last 2 years emotionally and financially and now she has qualified she has cheated and left. I trusted her with my life, she went through the death of my mum with me and less than 2 years later she has done this to me. The hurt is huge and I am trying to find ways to get through this without feeling like Im losing my mind asking questions and trying to understand what happened here, I feel completely blind sided and shocked. One minute I feel strong and then I romantize her, and can’t believe she has become this person. We went away in January, and she was fine by the end of the month she turned into a different person.

I am now trying to manage the anger / hurt and need some advice. Why would she have jeopardized our loving, supportive and safe relationship for a woman at work, 5 years younger than her that is also of capable of lying and cheating on her own partner!? I keep thinking back to times when I knew something was off, staying at work later, drinks with work friends and generally being vague and weird with me. And she kept repeatedly telling me it wasn’t anyone and how she didn’t want to be single and she was just ‘burnt out’ and needed space and didn’t have capacity to be with anyone. I asked her so many times and so calmly, I never shouted at her, not even when I found out about the affair.

Could anyone please give me some advice / share their wisdom.. or if you have been through something similar? And how do you stop obsessing why they did it or process the hurt and anger?

Thanks so much for any encouraging / supportive words!

I wrote on here recently about my ex-partner, there has been some updates and I feel like Im going mad. Why would my ex who confessed to chat gbt that her and her affair partner were ‘falling for each other’ and ‘she ignites a fire in her’. Why does she now feel the need to play these control / power games… why not just move on? Surely if you are happy and in love, whats the need to play these games?

I am 35 and my partner of 3.5 years, who had previously told me she wanted to marry me, had an affair with a younger woman from work who was also in a long-term relationship.
In the months leading up to me discovering the affair, she became increasingly distant, sleeping on the sofa, spending more time at her parents’ house, hiding messages and denying there was anyone else whenever I asked. I later discovered messages in which she admitted the affair had become emotional and physical, and was comparing me negatively to the other woman.
What makes the betrayal especially painful is that this was happening while I was going through a cancer scare. Although she reassured me that we would get through it together, she was simultaneously lying to me and continuing the affair. Thankfully I do not have cancer, but finding out the truth during such a vulnerable time has been deeply traumatic.

When confronted, she apologised initially but quickly focused on her own distress rather than the harm she had caused. She showed no real interest in repairing the relationship, yet repeatedly suggested that we might get back together in the future, which felt confusing and manipulative given her actions.

Since the separation, I have set firm boundaries and limited contact. However, I have been left feeling as though I am being treated like the person who did something wrong, despite being the one who was lied to, deceived and betrayed. The whole experience has left me struggling with the loss of the relationship, the shock of her behaviour, and the lasting impact of the betrayal.

She came and collect her stuff last week which I left outside our flat in communal hallway in bags as I didn’t want her back in my space manipulating me. The only thing she messaged was to ask if I was keeping the playstation I brought her for Christmas, which I ignored. She refused to give me the key as she didn’t feel giving it as the tenancy ends in August, there is no need for her to have the key anymore.

Her friend then this week out of nowhere messaged me ‘checking in’ and asking if she could cone and see me to check if I was okay. Her friend has come over once in the 3 years we have lived in my flat to see us both, she would never just pop over. She has clearly asked her to check in, right?

Also, I removed my ex from my instagram and deleted the photos of her. She has since removed the photos of me, but hasn’t deleted the pictures of her ex from 5 years who passed away and when I was with her never unfollowed exes and allowed them to follow her. This all feels like a game…

Can someone please just objectively tell me if Im going mad or if this seems like game playing? I feel like Im being punished for something I didn’t do!

Found my girlfriend’s secret MyGirlFund account and I don’t know what to think.
I know I’ll get judged for going through her phone, but I did, and I found out she’s been secretly running a MyGirlFund account, selling explicit content and messaging men for money.
The biggest issue isn’t that she was making money. It’s that she uploaded private content involving me without my knowledge. I found photos and videos of us that I never knew existed, and that completely destroyed my trust.
I then read the messages. She was telling strangers things she’s never said to me, talking about how much she loved my bent dick, telling them she’d just had sex with me and trying to sell them more content. Reading intimate details about me and our relationship being used to make money made me feel humiliated.
What messed with my head the most was seeing a completely different version of her. Online she was confident, adventurous and doing things she’s never wanted to do with me. She’d always say she was too self-conscious about her body with me, yet she was happily showing it all online because that’s what her customers wanted.
Looking back, I even realised one of the best sexual experiences we’d had was probably only because she was filming it for content rather than because she wanted that moment with me.
As far as I know she hasn’t physically cheated, but I still feel completely betrayed.
The worst part is how it’s changed me. I genuinely loved her before finding this. Now I don’t know if those feelings are still there. I’ve even caught myself looking at other women because emotionally I’ve switched off. At the same time, I’m still attracted to her and part of me wishes she’d been that confident and passionate with me instead of strangers online.
She has no idea I know.
Am I overreacting, or would this be a relationship-ending breach of trust for you?

Hello before me and my bf started dating he was using Facebook dating as one of his dating apps, this is not how we met but it's relevant. Since I'm his friend on Facebook he would never come up in my dating profile on Facebook and I'm convinced he's been using it again as he's been extremely secretive and his Facebook activity has been really odd. If someone could help me try to find if he has a profile I'd be very greatful

Hi guys! My girlfriend and I had a beatiful relationship for 3 years but sometimes we get mad at each other for not doing the small things that we needed to do in our daily lives but that's normal, and sometimes she ask for attention but I can't give it to her because I'm busy and I promise to make up for it and I did. She always calls me and messages me and I replied to her sincerely and care for her. But one day, she becomes cold and distant, she does not message me or called me anymore and I feel something like my gut feeling that there is something wrong, and after that, I go to her place to meet with her and somethings wrong with her actions she's not the same she isn't clingy anymore and doesn't want to talk anymore. And then, she got courage to tell me that she likes another guy and she broke up with me even though the guy have a girlfriend, she said to me that "she wonders of how would make them a couple and etc. After hearing that I cried and cried non-stop because I didn't expect that would happen to us and I'm so mad also to the Guy that he instigated her he said that "I sacrifice myself for you." like Wtf! How can he say that even he knows that he has a girlfriend. Oh man I'm so devastated after that I tried to beg and chase and nothing happened. I know that I'm not perfect but why did that happened to me? I'm trying my best to be a good bf but damn life kinda sucks we broke up since april 27 and now she loves the guy and of course i beg again, and she said she doesn't want to go back to us and after that, she said that if we want to be friends and I refused because everything we've done and she only want me to be a friend sucks right? And look at me, I'm still healing but sometimes it sucks because you miss the person and you want to talk to her but it is what it is. I wished I've become a better boyfriend for her so that should not happened to me.