r/CoachingYouthSports

I’m a teacher and have the option currently to become a HS boys and girls golf coach and I’m doing some research into the workload of middle and high school coaches. I’m looking for some honest feedback! I’m really in between on coaching due to the time requirements outside of school hours.

If you’ve coached at the middle or high school level, I’d love to hear your answer to these questions…

What do you hate most?
What takes the most time?
What do you repeatedly have to create/write?
What would you gladly hand off?
What administrative task would you eliminate?

You don’t need to answer them all, even just a quick answer to one or two of them will help. Thank you for your time!

Or do you expect them to be volunteers same as the board members and coaches?

If you pay officials, what is the rationale behind paying them but not paying coaches?

BLUF: coaching staff is lackadaisical and I can't stand it. What do I do?

I am assistant coaching my son's 10/11 year old football team and we have a new head coach this year that I am really struggling with. I assistant coaches last year as well, and our head coach last year was so well prepared that it's a stark comparison.

Last year's head coach would have a full practice plan with well though drills breaks and quick transitions. He had boards for offensive, defensive, and special teams depth charts. He would take input from coaches on player evaluation. He made sure that players would get experience at different positions so we can move players and fill spots when needed. He was very enthusiastic and would always end the practices with meaningful messages based on that days practice, and invite every assistant to add their own thoughts or message. We would also recognize a player of our choice with a small helmet sticker every week.

Our new head coach seems to struggle with preparation. The drills at practice don't seem very well thought out. Sometimes there won't be plans, he just tells us to take a position group, so us assistants just figure out our own drills (honestly that's not bad, but I'm used to the head coach having a plan). After the drill has been running for too long, I'll have to ask if we are going to merge into joint positions or team drills. He usually answers like "Oh yeah, we can do that". Then stands around and wastes 5 minutes trying to figure out what to do. He reads a depth chart from his phone, that had no input from coaches, despite him only having worked with the same one position group. Practice usually ends abruptly without a recap of the day or any recognition of players or input from coaches.

The other assistants are all good guys but pretty low initiative. I am constantly finding myself taking control of position drills or team drills to keep practice moving with purpose. I can't stand the lack of preparation or collaborative coaching. Last year's assistant coaches were all great but have either on another team, aged up, or moved elsewhere.

I was initially asked to head coach but I didn't want to due to my job requiring spontaneous travel. I can't stand how this is unraveling and I'm at the point of not even wanting to coach because of my frustration. I know my son loves me being there, and honestly I love being out there with him and teaching the other kids.

Do I just follow suit with the rest of the coaches and chill out? Low investment? I would feel like I'm doing the kids a disservice.

Or how do I try to improve the situation without stepping on the head coaches toes? How do I not frustrate myself by being what seems like the only one trying?

Just about to complete first season of coaching soccer.

Have a kid on our team (12) who is ultimately, very short and very fat. To give the kid his due, he always tries and he listens well. He'll never be a world beater but he's definitely capable of much more but he's being held back with his weight.

He had a few bullying issues with his teammates on his last team as a result. One of the boys on my team made a comment early in the season and I nipped it in the bud.

At his age, I feel his weight is a form of child abuse. No idea what his home life is like other than his mom is very supportive of her son at games, and of my coaching generally. No idea if the father is in the picture.

Mom is overweight herself. It's probably overreaching for any reproach to come from a coach, but would you say anything?

I am a young aspiring coach who is 17, getting interest in coaching college basketball, I have already had plenty of experience, including a now D1 Softball / Basketball player at Princeton, who I have worked with, what schools should I consider emailing to get a job? I have also photographed D2 sports, going on 3 years now, at the collegiate level.

https://preview.redd.it/rzzrla8q31kh1.png?width=1192&format=png&auto=webp&s=782007b605e5ba65a1653d9545f82e8b5115c6cb

My son was the starting QB for a smaller team outside of our district. Because of politics we always played away from my local program. This year my son asked to play with his school friends, and the head coach personally asked us for him to come play — even though his own son is the starter.

I directly asked him who is the backup QB and he said he had no one so my son would be the backup but he would also have to play another position. Cool — we understood the situation and as long as he got reps at QB ( practice/scrimmage) I was fine.

But once we joined, I found out there was already another “backup” QB — the son of another coach. Other parents and coaches acknowledged that he's nowhere near as good or talented as my son but that kid gets every back-up rep. My son gets 2 mins of garbage time behind kids who never played before.

The head coach barely speaks now, and in this program - you become the villain if you bring anything up.

This is Middle School where reps absolutely matter. Now he’s stuck behind politics, not a competition, and losing a full year of QB development.

My son is disappointed but he's handling it very well but now I have to pay extra for training and skills he not getting in practice.

So did the coach lie or just recruit? Should I stay and let him sit all season, or leave and protect his growth?

My BIGGEST question is - what would you do?

My son is 13 and switched from middle school soccer to middle school football. His position will be defensive tackle. He is having a hard time making the switch from soccer to football. Is it ok to find a high school player to train him or where could I find additional one on one training. Or do you feel 13 is too late of an age to make the switch and he is too far behind?

Hi everyone! I’m a first-year high school assistant volleyball coach, and I’m looking for some advice from coaches who have been doing this longer than I have. (I’m 22 F)
A little background on me: I played volleyball all four years of high school, primarily as a middle. Because of that, my playing experience was pretty limited to that position. I was never really allowed to go into the back row, so I didn’t get much experience with serving, serve receive, or back-row defense as a player.
I’ve also attended college pursuing a degree in physical education with a minor focused on coaching. I’ve always been interested in working with athletes and eventually getting into coaching, so I’m really excited to finally have the opportunity to be on the other side of things.
The team I’m joining also had a pretty rough season last year, finishing 4-34. So I know I’m coming into a program that has some rebuilding to do, and I want to be realistic about that. I’m not expecting an overnight turnaround or thinking I’m going to walk in and fix everything.
At the same time, I’m realizing that there are some gaps in my volleyball knowledge because of how I played. I understand the game and have the experience of being an athlete, but knowing how to play one position and knowing how to coach an entire team are two very different things.
I’m coming into this knowing that I have a lot to learn. I don’t want to pretend I know something when I don’t, and I want to be the kind of assistant who actually makes the head coach’s job easier and contributes positively to the athletes.
For those of you who have coached high school volleyball—especially anyone who started out as an assistant—what do you wish someone had told you your first season?
I’d especially love advice on:
What should an assistant coach focus on during practices and games?
How involved should I be versus letting the head coach lead?
How do you build relationships with players while still maintaining authority and professionalism?
How did you improve your knowledge of positions/skills you didn’t personally play?
What are some common mistakes new coaches make?
What should I be paying attention to during practices that I might not think about yet?
How do you approach coaching a team that is coming off a difficult season?
What are some realistic ways to help rebuild confidence and team culture?
Are there any resources, books, clinics, YouTube channels, etc. that helped you become a better volleyball coach?
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me I’m unqualified or that I need to know everything before stepping into a gym. I’m genuinely looking for the “I wish I knew this when I was a first-year coach” advice.
I’m excited about the opportunity and really want to learn as much as I can. I’d appreciate any advice, experiences, or lessons learned—especially from coaches who remember what it was like to be brand new. 🏐

We are currently navigating a long-term development plan with my 14-year-old son, who is 6'8". His growth plates are still wide open, and his trainers and doctors have been very clear about avoiding heavy physical grinding or high game volume right now to protect his joints and knees.

Because we operate in a European structure, his weekly schedule consists of 4 to 5 skill and mobility practice days with only 1 game on the weekend. Compare that to the multi-game tournament setups where kids play several games in forty-eight hours, and it feels like two completely different approaches to athlete preservation.

At the same time, we keep a strict focus on his academics. He maintains a 3.8 GPA because basketball is meant to be a tool for his future and top-tier university opportunities, not a high-stress gamble where sports are his only option.

For youth coaches, athletic directors, and parents here who prioritize long-term development over short-term wins: how do you handle the pressure from teams or peers who push for more game volume at this age, and what mobility or recovery habits have you found most effective for fast-growing kids?

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Hi!

I'm interested in the small things coaches do that can have a lasting impact on young athletes.

Maybe it was something a coach said after you made a mistake, something they did that made you feel valued, or simply the way they treated you.

What happened, and what do you think made it stick with you?

I'd also especially love to hear from coaches about moments they've later realized had a bigger impact on a player than they initially thought

I was asked to help coach my son's 8th grade football team and we started practice this week. Let's just say it's been frustrating.

Half the team acts like they don't even want to be there. They give very little effort and are not receptive to coaching.

Unfortunately, we have a small team so we can't just bench them or remove them from the team.

How do I help turn this around?

Parents blame coaches for everything and vice versa.

I know my experience as both but that was before (2020) when private equity and social media turned youth sports into amateurism.

I’ve heard some leagues order uniforms before rosters are formed and hope that what they get will fit the players who end up on that team. No printing of names on jerseys so that’s not a concern.

Other leagues wait for the rosters to be formed so they can order the exact sizes that those players indicated during registration.

Which do you do and what do you like or not like about it?

We spend a lot of time on this account criticising youth sports. Coaches who care too much about winning. Systems that put pressure on kids too early. Adults who forget they’re coaching children. And sometimes, the criticism is deserved.

But hear me out parents... we’ve got to look in the mirror too. We can’t complain that our kids aren’t responsible while doing everything that would’ve taught them responsibility.

We pack their basketball bag. We fill their water bottle. We remind them where their shoes are. We check what time training starts. We tell them when to get dressed. We speak to the coach when they have a problem. We rescue them when they forget something...

Then eventually we wonder: “Why can’t my kid do anything without me reminding them?” Well… when were they supposed to learn? Maybe forgetting their shoes once isn’t a disaster. Perhaps turning up without their water bottle once teaches more than 100 reminders. Or asking their coach a question themselves feels uncomfortable...

Good. That’s part of growing up. Obviously, this depends on age. A 6-year-old needs more help than a 14-year-old. But the goal should slowly change. From “I’ll do it for you” to “I’ll help you do it” to eventually… “you’ve got this.”

Basketball gives kids hundreds of tiny opportunities to practise responsibility without the consequences being particularly serious. Packing a bag. Knowing the schedule. Speaking to an adult. Remembering equipment. Being ready on time. Handling a mistake. They’re small things. But that’s exactly why they’re such good practice.

We talk constantly about developing better basketball players. Sometimes developing the person means allowing the player to struggle with something we could’ve fixed for them in five seconds. Parents, where’s the line for you? At what age should kids start being responsible for their own sports stuff?

I’m trying to get a release signed so my son can leave his current football organization and play somewhere that is a better fit for him. Unfortunately, the organization has been going downhill, and I no longer feel it’s the right environment for my son.
I reached out to the president of the league, and I was told that the release is up to the president of our current organization. She is refusing to sign it. I never heard of a 10 year old being told they could not leave.
Has anyone dealt with something similar or have any advice on what steps I can take? I’m open to any suggestions or help. I just want to do what’s best for my son and give him the opportunity to play somewhere he’ll be happy and supported

This coach is in his mid-20s

After 20+ years, 5,000+ hours of volunteering, and a lifetime of memories, my time with our local soccer club has come to an end.

For over two decades, this club has been a massive part of my life. After moving across the country to this community, I’ve played with the club for 20+ years, spent 14 years coaching (sometimes pulling double duty with two teams), ran winter teams, and spent a decade evaluating tryouts. 

For the last 8 years, I stepped up to the board—serving in multiple roles including pulling double duty as President in addition to my usual board duties. My entire time on the board, none of my three kids were involved in the club.  I did it purely out of a love for the game and a desire to ensure local kids had a place to play. Every single one of those thousands of hours was completely unpaid, personal time.

However, the climate of community sports has shifted. It has become increasingly difficult to justify giving hours of unpaid, personal time to an environment where demands and accusations have replaced appreciation and support. It has become increasingly common for individuals to sit on the sidelines making baseless accusations and completely unreasonable demands, while simultaneously refusing to ever step up, put on a pinny, or volunteer a single hour of their own time.  

Volunteers are the lifeblood of community sports. When you attack and break down the people doing the thankless work behind the scenes, they eventually walk away. For youth sports to survive, we have to start protecting and respecting the volunteers who make them possible.

To those who do nothing but criticize your local clubs, I believe you have a few options. First, step up and implement the changes you demand be made. At the very least, volunteer a few hours of your time to help out. Even just attend the AGM so that you have a voice in the club. Second, stop complaining and appreciate the fact that there are people who spend their free time providing your child a spot to play. Third, continue doing what you have been doing. Unfortunately, that will result in community clubs dying.

I think I probably need to be told to relax a little here and ease off.

I have two sons, 6 and 5. Older boy struggles with socialisation and coordination. Younger boy would struggle a little socially too. Both are in mainstream education and from most perspectives, getting on really well.

As parents we know they struggle socially, I don’t know if others see that.

We - as a family - are greatly involved in a lot of team sports, as are our boys. They have training sessions most nights each week and they both really enjoy it. They love sport and compete with each other a lot at home.

Here’s an important thing to include: I also do a lot of home coaching with them. I want them to be part of team sports as I feel it will be good for them socially. They also need a little bit of extra support with some motor skills. Again, I’m not sure how much any other parent would notice that. Both boys do well in their training sessions.

Younger boy is highly competitive. Needs to win everything. Subsequently he’s pretty good at sport.

Older boy struggles more. He doesn’t like tackling in sport and is also afraid of being hit. While he does well in coaching sessions (home and team), he really struggles in games to even get on the ball. He lets other people have it. He hasn’t that competitive gene or that desire to take the ball. I’m trying to coach those elements of the game but struggling.

I find watching older boys games difficult. He is so much better than he displays in games and sometimes it feels like all our home practice (don’t get me wrong- the best part of all of my days) is in vain.

I need a mindset change, I need to relax, I know. Has anyone got any other suggestions on this?

I’m really wondering how I can coach him and familiarise him with the physicality required in games.

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I’m a second-year PE teacher and middle school coach with about 10 years of experience working with kids. Last year, I coached our boys’ flag football team (a new sport for our district) and also volunteered with girls’ flag football, basketball, and soccer.

As a newer coach with no formal coaching training, I struggle with organization and last year often winged my practices after looking up a couple drills.

I’m also not naturally assertive, intense, or particularly competitive. I want the kids to have fun, but I also want them to learn discipline and represent our school well. I could get intense when they were actually playing, but I struggled with what to say during timeouts, halftime, etc. I often felt awkward and didn’t know what to say to motivate them.

For experienced coaches: How do you structure your practices so athletes know exactly what’s expected? And how do you handle substitutions, timeouts, and halftime so the team stays focused and engaged?

Also, how do you develop that “coach mode” when being intense and authoritative doesn’t naturally fit your personality?

I’d really appreciate any practical advice, routines, resources, or lessons you’ve learned along the way.

TL;DR: I’m a newer middle school coach who struggles with organizing practices and finding my “coach mode” because I’m not naturally intense or authoritative. Experienced coaches, how do you structure practices and handle games/timeouts while keeping athletes disciplined, focused, and engaged?