r/CookingCircleJerk

I did what the Internet told me. I properly preheated my stainless steel pan on medium heat. I was about to saute some jarlic and some jonion. I didn't want it to stick I figured I'd do the water bead test.

Well I didn't want the water to stick, so I poured a dash of extra virgin olive oil (about a half gallon) into the pan. After the oil was glimmering I flicked a small amount of water (half gallon) into the pan. Well then it just fucking caught on fire.

I was able to escape safely with my jarlic, jonion, bench scraper, can opener, chefs knife, second bench scraper, jarlic press and cutting board, but my entire family perished in the fire. I think Teflon might be the right pan for me in the future.

To be clear I'm not talking about rice dishes that are meant to be eaten with another diish (anything saucy/creamy/curry-like/stew/soup). so no fried rice, pilaf, biryani, pulao, mexican rice, spanish rice, jollof rice, nothing made by people with a darker skin tone.

I'm looking for rice style dishes that can be eaten as a standalone complete meal on their own.

I need help. I'm totally comfortable in the kitchen with everything except garlic. It's the measuring, I just can't do it, like I'm missing the part of the human body that makes measuring garlic possible.

Intellectually, I understand garlic perfectly. I can tell you all about chemical makeup, its history, and how its cultivated. But when it comes to using it in cooking? Totally lost on me.

I guess I'm just venting. I doubt there is any hope for me.

Yours truly, the Tin Man

I recently got a new ”Chefs Knife” and its wonderful but the thing is.. it keeps cutting me.

Sometimes it feels like the knife goes out of its way to cut my fingers, as if it has a grudge.

Is it possible that it knows I’m not actually a chef and is therefore punishing me? I can’t think of why else it would hate me so much.

Asking because the other day I wasn’t even using it and my finger still got cut by it.

I just recently started making homemade ice cream. However, all the recipes I’ve tried end up having a strong heavy cream flavor. Does anyone have any suggestions/recipes that can minimize this flavor?

I just feel so much shame about it. No one is safe.

This has almost nothing to do with MSG.