r/CookingCircleJerk

As explained here, my wife is an actual toddler that requires the use of only the most bland, processed, tasteless food possible. Thus, she won't allow me to put onion in the food I cook.

Don't get me wrong -- it is not a taste thing. She likes onion. But she is a literal child that can't bare SEEING a piece of onion. If she sees onion, she throws her self to the ground -- crying and screaming.

I am cooking a recipe that calls for a cup of chopped onions. Being an incompetent adult, I plan to replace this cup of onion with an entire cup of onion powder. I am pretty sure this will work because it is the same amount of the same thing, right? And most importantly, it will placate my wife who (I must reiterate) is completely unbearable to live with.

I am 1 week post-partum, and my baby suddenly stopped breastfeeding like normal. I'm so confused. I even tried bottle-feeding him, and he spit it out and pointed to my 17-pound bag of MSG I keep on the table. "Ma..ma..." "MAMA? YOUR FIRST WORDS?" ... "Ma....Ma...Make Shit Good", he said. I broke down into tears. I told him that a growing baby needs salt and fat, and he called CPS on me.

Commonly sold in frozen bricks of 1000, you need at least 48 hours of defrosting to completely defrost one brick. I for one will be trying to compete with Joey Chesnut live in my backyard in my hot dog water pool. Be safe!

What's the difference between eating okay and eating very well? I want to glow up my food!

So it was my brother's birthday today and I'm always in charge of making the cake. I'm a really good cook but due to laziness I've been purchasing cakes for him the last few years. He's getting married this month so I actually decided to make the cake myself.

I'm not great at measuring or stirring so I have to use specific tools to help get the batter right, but today I couldn't find my bun steamer so I had to improvise. I had the bucket of water on the bottom rack of the oven with the cake pan directly above it. It made steam just like the bun steamer does and the cake was definitely cooked, and the frosting still stayed spreadable. The container didn't get too soft so I doubt any of the plastic made it into the cake. I poured on the frosting and some of it dripped down into the bucket so maybe the frosting steam made the cake taste weird?

I thought it tasted good but my mom kept saying it made her teeth burn and my brother's uvula started swelling up. He's allergic to tree nuts so I substituted peanuts for the almond flour since they grow in the dirt, would that really change the flavor of the cake that much?

Any advice is appreciated, tia

Yes, you can, and it tastes amazing, the fumes give you the taste of purple and will transcend you to a higher level of being

The craving hit me on Tuesday evening, sudden and sharp, overriding whatever sensible dinner plans I had originally lined almost primal urge for a deep, concentrated saltiness.

I didn't want a light sprinkle of seasoning, nor did I want a complex marinade with herbs and acids to distract from the core flavor. I wanted salt. Pure and simple.

Anyone relate to this please lmk and what should i do...

It says use 1 lb, but I can't find any at the store? I bought 5 whole chickens and none of them have the fajita? It's all just breasts, thighs, and legs? Did they stop making chickens with the fajitas?

**Tell your friends you’re making "gourmet fusion" for dinner. When they get excited and sit down, serve them a bowl of dry, unseasoned plain pasta. When they look confused, tell them the "fusion" is Italian-Minimalism. Then watch them struggle to be polite because they don't want to seem uncultured. (Don't tell them it's a joke for at least an hour... it's a great test of their loyalty!)**

And why is it Kerrygold butter and white pepper?

I’m trying to adapt a stir fry recipe of mine to a bread maker. I put the oil in but it's not getting hot. I added the meat and veg and it stirred but it didn't fry. I ate it anyways. will I get food poisoning!? I'm terrified of food poisoning. please help me.

I even added a cup of salt! Wtf cooking is bullshit

Sometimes I toast the bun directly in the grease while my burger rests. I need to start taking better care of myself if I want to eat like that.

I actually haven't done a lot of cooking recently after following this tip. I sold most of my kitchen equipment (and my car, and friends TV'S) to buy more!

I've also learned to stop overcomplicating my recipes with too many ingredients. Sometimes simplicity is better. Now I just roast the chrystal by itself and it really hits the spot.