r/ESFJ

Why would a 30-year-old female 2w3 ESFJ respond in this manner? I have an ex-situationship with a 2w3 ESFJ. We ended our relationship about nine months ago after an argument. She lied to me about something, which deeply hurt my feelings, so I ended our relationship initially. However, the next day, I realized I had made a mistake and tried to reconnect. Unfortunately, she declined.

One factor that contributed to the breakup was my plan to move to a different city soon. We had always known that I would move away, but we both thought we could make it work long-distance. She frequently visited the city I would move to, and I traveled for work, so I would return to the city she lived in as well. My attempts at reconnection didn’t go well, and she ultimately decided it was best for us to stop seeing each other.

We share a friend group, so we knew we would eventually run into each other so the ending well sad but amicable.

Fast forward about a week after our breakup, I received news that my move was canceled and that I would be staying in the city we are currently living in. My move was canceled, and I was also broken up with in the same week - it was a difficult week. We weren’t speaking, but word of this spread through our friend group, and she heard about it shortly after I announced it. We remained no contact for a while but continued to follow each other on social media. After about three months of no contact, I ended up unfollowing her, and making her unfollow me as that personally helps me move on.

Fast forward six months after unfollowing, and here we are today. We recently attended a mutual friend’s party and reunited after a long time. It felt like we had never parted ways. Although we didn’t have much time to talk, the atmosphere was comfortable on both sides. I offered to walk her to her car, and she happily accepted. During our walk, she expressed her missed feelings and mentioned wanting to reach out multiple times but stopping herself. I reciprocated her sentiments. She said something like, “If you ever want to grab coffee and catch up, I’m more than happy to invite you. I’d text you tomorrow if I could.” I responded with something like, “I’m still unsure about my feelings, but I’ll definitely reach out soon.” We left it at that, and the mood was very positive.

Two days later, I reached out to her, expressing my happiness at seeing her again, thanking her for coming to the party, and suggesting we catch up over coffee if she was still available. About two hours passed, and she replied to my message, but then deleted it almost immediately. I never got to see what was said. It’s been a couple of days now, and there’s been no response from her.

I’m curious about what might have happened. I’ll never know unless she tells me, but I find her behavior odd. Ultimately, I don’t think I makes a difference as I still have feelings and im not ready to be her friend yet. I would like to express that I would love to be her friend eventually and that my distance has nothing to do with her, but instead my feelings. I just don’t want to get hurt by trying to be her friend (I’m a e7 ofc hahah), however that may end up looking. I contemplated sending that in a text but I didn’t want to regret an opportunity for reconnection. Better to try and have it not work out than to not try at all, imo!

Anyway, If anyone has any insights or guesses about what it could mean or why it happened, I’d greatly appreciate hearing your thoughts!

Thanks!

type me help

hi i'm still looking for my mbti i always get 1.ESTP/2.ISTP 3.ESFP. i'm a girl 22yo people said that maybe i'm ESFJ? because i love people and being with them?

I make sure that everyone is included in the group and feels like they belong and are not left out, even if I don’t always feel it emotionally or sometimes I do. I still feel obligated to do it because I don’t want anyone to be hurt. It’s not necessarily because I feel it deeply every time, but because it is a principle I have. ( Ti-Fe ? )

I really don’t think I’m a Fe-dominant type, because that kind of thing drains me, and other people’s emotions drain me as well. I don’t enjoy helping others, and I don’t like feeling responsible for them or guiding them in their decisions.

I can do it from time to time if I feel that the person is not becoming dependent on my opinion. What I truly enjoy is debating or sharing my knowledge when it involves logic and reasoning. For example, solving a problem or explaining a logical calculation is mentally stimulating to me, because I like demonstrating that I can reason clearly.

I also rarely know what I’m feeling. Most of the time, I feel nothing in particular. My emotions tend to come more from external experiences, such as going out or spending time with people I care about. And when I’m not doing well, it’s usually other people who tell me that I should talk about my problems.

don’t really like my personality because I become very very attached to people. I genuinely love being around others, and even if I’ve only talked to someone once, I may immediately want to see them, meet up, go out, or have a meal together.

I’m often drawn to people I find attractive, and I can get emotionally attached to them very quickly. But when I’m no longer with them, I sometimes start questioning the point of having friends at all, or I suddenly feel drained and lose interest for a while.

Even so, I know that I do care about them and that my feelings for them are real. It’s just that my desire for connection tends to come in intense waves, followed by moments of emotional distance. That’s why I like having a lot of friends, so I don’t get tired of any one friend.

I’m not a very talkative person. My conversations are usually quite simple and based on what I see around me, the things in my environment, and straightforward connections between them like food, activities, or whatever is happening in the moment. If nothing comes to mind, I don’t force the conversation.

I don’t naturally have the kind of conversations where ideas keep branching out endlessly the way they often seem to for Ne-dominant types.

If I invite someone over and we don’t do anything in particular, I tend to become quiet and nonchalant; I may not talk at all, and I find that boring. On the other hand, if we cook together, go out, or do some kind of activity, that’s when I feel like myself, as long as emotions come to me it all depends on whether that happens.

That’s why I thought I might be an ISTP or ISFP, but my very sociable side approaching people and really liking people a lot makes others tell me that I might be an ESTP or ESFP.

ENFJ Male here. Recently started dating this girl and honestly things are going great overall. We get along, there’s attraction, effort, consistency, all of that. But there’s this weird feeling I keep running into that I can’t fully explain, so I wanted to ask other ENFJs if they’ve experienced this.

The best way I can describe it is like a “missed high five” feeling in conversation. Like our timing, energy, or way of viewing things just slightly misses each other constantly. No arguments or toxicity — just a different frequency.

As an ENFJ, I really value mental/emotional stimulation in connection. Lately I’ve noticed myself feeling mentally bored sometimes, but more than that… emotionally underfed. Like I leave interactions caring about her, but not necessarily feeling energized, deeply seen, or mentally lit up. Sometimes it feels like I’m carrying the emotional/conversational momentum, and it leaves me drained instead of connected.

What’s confusing is that on paper everything seems good, which makes me question myself.

So I’m curious:

• Have any other ENFJs experienced this?
• Was it just early dating and a rhythm issue?
• Or did that “different frequency” feeling end up being incompatibility in the long run?

Trying to figure out whether this is me overanalyzing or my intuition picking up on something real.

Where do you think they came from?

Why do you disagree with them?

Some examples; you are mean girl, covert abusers, community narcissists, care about image, shallow, back stabbers, extremely manipulative, untrustworthy.