u/Responsible-Hat2456

not from the right people, but from many people do you get the message that what you have to say doesn't matter.? My thoughts and insights being accepted is more important for me than me being accepted because getting older has shown me I'm almost always right. Ni is stronger. Had a realisation that am perfectly content being misunderstood, on the fringe of any group but if my ideas and brain products are acknowledged, it's enough for me and i can't feel accepted the other way round

I'm good at goal-getting but not goal-setting.

How do you set a goal that is ambitious enough but also realistic? I know sometimes you have to just find out by trial and error but other types,, even INFP dreams big and acts toward it even if theres multiple failures.

All INTJs I know really have a fear of things going wrong. So they set smaller goals than their potential. They CAN work hard but don't trust themselves to and then an incomplete feeling follows. you're the king of your territory but there's nothing much in there to begin with.

I'm so afraid of wasting my potential that I let others make decisions for me because I trust myself to reach those goals if they put pressure on me... otherwise i can back out of choices I made myself

Can anyone share this problem??

My esfp best friend also said for a future oriented person like myself, i have a hard time imagining something in my life that doesn't exist yet... which is true when it comes to practical matters

i am very lazy in real world and need to be pushed so much to achieve

once i get started am great.. no procrastination and get addicted to my goals. but need help knowing whats worth doing and someone needs to get me started on it...

i feel like a grunt worker sensor who just does what they r told to... even if it brings lots of success... because i wasnt in charge of the whole thing... idea was someone else's...

i like to stay in my comfort zone a lot i realised... try to avoid sensory obstacles too much and think i work hard but just intellectually working hard is not enough

does anyone have a massive problem forgiving and forgetting

i just can't forgive or forget... even if person apologises... i never go back to treating them the same way and things get so awkward it falls apart on its own without anyone walking away

as an adult this is just not helpful behaviour... i cant keep walking away from everything and everyone. But it seems to be a part of my nervous system now... even if I tell myself to move the frick on... the anger is always there... i just cant get myself to talk to my sister for her being horrible when younger... even though shes changed now..

realises how fragile my ego is and i keep thinking im the nicest person ever... when reflecting i realise i haven't really got anything to show for it... im loyal and trustworthy and fun and will never exclude anyone...

but nothing else... and no one seems to value those abstract things anyway....

maybe intjs deserve the hate they get idk

how to maximise results from all the effort we put in ...?

people get things much easier than us while enjoying all that life offers... does it mean they r smarter? i used to think maybe as an adult it will get easier.. but i have to dedicate my entire life to a goal for it to come true... and make sure i don't stop thinking about it even for a day... and to others its not even a huge goal

If someone criticises me badly, I can't speak to that person again. I start sulking immediately, look away and don't even look at them again even if they're talking to me. I have done this to my parents, friends, partners, important authority figures. I never got into trouble, but the person opposite has a 'what the fuck' and/or disappointed expression... like this is too weird to even complain about. I never speak to them again.

If this is in a group setting, I make things awkward for everyone

If you did this how did you change?

It comes from being criticised or made fun of unfairly... it's happened to me a lot. I never see any other person my age being always told off or berated for things for no reason... this is what leads to self loathing as well

Following from my last post... it wasn't just in my head

This guy fully hates my guts. He called me a liar multiple times just because an issue didn't get fixed immediately and he's made up a reason in his head as to why. He thinks it's all my fault despite explaining the real reason.

He can't stop being sarcastic. Asked me if I had the ability to staple two papers together.

Then he randomly asked me how my fiancé was so rich. I said I was surprised he [entj] built his muscles before his bank account. Advised him to use the same logic to make money. He looked away with a really hurt smile and I swear he was trying hard not to punch me. It looks like the expression a constipated baby makes when pooping.

It ended really awkwardly with massive silences and we didn't even make eye contact in the last few minutes of speaking.

I'm stuck with this guy for a long, long time and it's only the fourth day.... please help. He refuses to listen to anybody. I am close to making him jobless.

almost every person I meet is giving me the "ick" nowadays. Has this happened to you ? You've gone from mostly patient to intolerant of others flaws ?

I can't compromise in relationships... I've only ever got on for a few weeks with someone before I give up, and I've usually pissed the other person off. The rest of my life feels like a compromise anyway as we don't fit in..

my wedding just got called off because I will not move 12 hours away from my family just for my partner's job... I won't live with his family... I've been abandoned by people in my world because I'm 'difficult' and useless in their eyes. They think that I give up on life just because one thing didn't go my way.

I don't understand myself either

if you've been in a similar place what did you do about it? counselling has not helped and it's only been a money extracting activity

I’m an INTJ F, but can't talk to ENTJ men. They seem chill and soft-spoken at first, shaking everybody's hand and looking normal, then suddenly start deep conversations randomly - sizing up my brain?

I admire them, but when they share their Ni stuff, I freeze and... kind of reject it? I act like I’m not a deep thinker because I’m weirdly afraid of my Ni being judged.

They often seem taken aback when I speak the way I do and think I'm arrogant, while I feel like they’re observing me too closely. Eventually we distance, he visibly looks hurt when we cross paths and don't talk again... but he's still always observing me deeply. What's going on ??

Is outward Te to ENTJs weird like how outward Ni is to INTJs? And why do so many ENTJ men have those soft sorrow-filled eyes?

Any psychoanalysts here?

haven't seen one intj who set out to do something big and worthwhile, whose life did not end in tragedy ... objectively

As complex as intj minds, ironically it seems they cannot handle complexity in their life. Every happy intj i know has compromised on things, reduced the amount of "stuff" in their lives like not marrying or no kids, or no high status paid job...living in some crappy tiny place ... no invitations, even stopping their work after a certain age...

why did god give us this wiring, ambition and attitude but lack of energy, focus and drive ? after analysing many intj lives closely.. nothing more than slightly above average in real life... while having no real distractions that the other types have...

the unhappiness is for very real reasons... not just our "high standards" or "unrealistic expectations"... we achieve little and that too very slowly... while being promised a lot when younger

should be called 'are-you-kidding-me' type instead...

Ex-husband, a nice guy 99% of the time, tried to physically intimidate me in small ways when he was angry and we didn't apologise. Cornering me in the kitchen pretending to get something from the shelf, making loud noises, walking towards me waiting for me to move out the way. Is this an ENTJ thing? If he'd been mature I would apologise first but he clearly just liked turning into a game.

We're still good friends and he met my ENFP fiancé and hand on heart I saw him do the same to him...

I'm meeting my potential entj father-in-law tomorrow... a very hot shot leader in his industry. Extremely nervous...

How do I create a good impression as an INTJ female who is 1/3 his age? Unsure whether he'll appreciate me being myself in the first meeting. Should I act more traditional and submissive, especially when addressing my ENFP partner in front of his dad? I'm usually bossy and the decision-maker - do I tone that down around FIL ?

accidentally deleted post hehe

was saying people are everything in life... focusing only on goals doesn't lead to achievement. focus needs to be on journey. and only true friends can make it bearable and fun... otherwise want to escape each second of my life

we r very disadvantaged... all this thinking, self-improvement, perfection... all this is just cope

life is about people n relationships... otherwise theres nothing... not even success

lost my will to do anything.. no ties to anyone.

side note, anyone else just doesnt want to do life. i dont want to meet my partners parents n go through any more pain of being rejected once again.. dont want to go to work... i cry after i get home every day

i need urgent advice... an unhealthy esfj pulled my friends bag out from underneath the toilet cubicle she was in with her clique, n threw it back over the door and it hurt my friend

for context me n my friend r quiet people who are amazing at our work and stand up for wrongdoings so we havent been mean to her before

i shouted at esfj to stop this nonsense n she responds by copying everything i do ?? she has started acting exactly like me (intj)... suggesting changes n leading things to feel powerful... not because she cares..

i heard she called me a pick me behind my back...

reporting has not helped...

too many conflicts and relationships issue with almost everyone I know in the past few months.. partly my poor Fe and being unable to not step on their insecurities

networking is crucial. idk whether the rate at which im losing people is a tragedy or comedy at this point...

ESTP friend throws mean comments at you indirectly for no reason. i stayed quiet and low key let him bully me to avoid fights as a kid. he won't even say hi back. he'll look around, pretend he didnt hear you to avoid saying hi but then will say something silly about some other thing instead. We went to school together and family friends so have to keep the friendship.

this time i met him, he'd matured a lot, said he'd gone through loads. So it was nice. Until I said something about my job that really irked him because he's currently unemployed. He replied by knocking me down a peg and saying oh oh X also got a job here, Y also got a job there. I mentally noted it but stayed quiet. A while later I said something about how some people arent used to working long days which offended him so much because he thought i was taunting him but i really didnt mean it and didnt think how it would come across. his old self came back, started verbally abusing me indirectly for the whole week. I don't back down like i used to with him and did the same back making him lock him in a room and cry. Ive never seen this side before.

he thinks i dont feel guilty at all and thinks im a manipulator when ive always wished this guy the best... idk how to undo this mess ? How should i apologise and when ?

do u get depressed imagining ur friends n colleagues moving on in their lives... succeeding... starting families n with lots of friends, while u r sat alone... on the same desk miserable n not moving forward... maybe with just more knowledge n awareness that u hv no one to share with...?

i stupidly shared my ideas.. problem solving skills, jokes, creativity, knowledge, predictions with ppl around me when i didnt know i was intj... n thought everyone else does what i do easily too... i was so wrong

all this time they were hating me for it n i didnt know... they all started to be local problem solvers too lol... suggesting ideas n walking around like they owned the place...

why did i overshare man... i just created more intjs by mitosis

the days r all at home away from all the fun ... work is what kept me going but what use is it just admiring ur own creations ...

being isolated from the world makes it harder to engage with it when u decide to jump back in... even projects n my ideas r resentment inducing when real world feedback hits n theres some new trend i wasnt aware of...

r we under wrong impression that our work n contributions r more valuable than others' in reality... maybe its only my wish..

ppl use great n hard working for intjs.. other types get excellent, outstanding, irreplaceable bla bla bla.. intjs get participation award from most ppl... other types try little n still get genuinely appraised...

dont get whats going on sometimes...