r/EnneagramType9

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Maybe specifically 8w9 vs 9w8, but also about 8s and 9s in general

I just created my account so I can't post to the ISFP subreddit. I determined my enneagram I think last year, and I just determined my mbti last night, after years of coming back to mbti over and over again, trying to figure it out. I'm 99% sure I'm an ISFP.

It took me so long because I've been so out of touch with myself my entire life. I've only recently started to get into touch with myself and I'm 31 yo. But despite my past troubles, I've always been concerned with authenticity and aesthetics and making art.

What's being an ISFP like for you?

Like finding it pretty emotionally/intellectually easy to understand the 8’s perspective, but not really acting like one because you either think acting that way is too extreme for the situation or because you feel like you’re too hesitant to a fault and won’t do what needs to be done?

And if so, would it be possible/likely for 9w1s to feel this way too or not really?

Or does that sound like a sign that you might not be a 9?

(list your subtype & tritype please!)

i’m writing a story and i would like to know how y’all behave around people you like! i haven’t met many 9s IRL surprisingly haha

It truly isn’t in my innate nature to have a solid argument with others. I’m not as eloquent as most people who have a more logical way of seeings things, and for me the anger gets in the way and so does the passive aggressiveness. But I still feel “self-righteous” in some ways and want to put my point across, even though nobody else agrees with me and some ppl even downvote me in the comments.

Honestly it hurts my ego a lot and I feel so alone but I guess I don’t regret getting my feelings and disagreement out. I just see this as a tiny step forward instead of backwards because I am not agreeing (or fawning) with other people to try to get along and go with the crowd. Instead I’m choosing to put my own thoughts and ideas first even though they may not be accurate or mean much. Sorry I just wanted to get this out

The Enneagram Institute website states that E9s are "typically" spiritual seekers which I thought was so interesting because I've been one myself since I was about 21 yo. I was curious so I asked Gemini for what various reasons do people tend to become seekers and reason number 4 was, "The Search for True Identity: A desire to move past social roles, ego, or conditioned patterns to discover one's authentic nature or core essence." That describes me to a T and perfectly describes the flavor of spirituality I engage with. But it seems 9s also tend to find themselves on this path because they feel connected to everything or something. I've never related to that bit of being a 9 so I'm unsure about that.

I'd love to hear your experience with all of this. Thanks :) (I made an account specifically to ask this btw)

I'm just learning how this all works. I find it very easy for my boundaries to be blurred. They almost always blur and I get sucked into what other people want or need. My husband has amazing boundaries and I find it easier to navigate life with him, and over time and with therapy I have become more assertive and I nod along less. I will sometimes diplomatically put my point across now. I have my own mind with regards to core values, and actually this has always been the case. I won't be swayed on my moral compass etc, whether that's in relation to my own actions or being asked my opinion on others. I can be quite direct on that front. But this confuses me as it seems like 9s can be conflict avoidant to the extent they'll just agree to things that they feel uncomfortable with to keep the peace? I like harmony, I kind of need harmony and inclusion, but I would these days rather resolve an argument diplomatically than sit there upset about it. Also, although it is said that 9s fear abandonment, and I certainly do, I will always withdraw and dissociate, and internalise under stress. I will feel that others don"t care about me for any number of reasons, and I'll withdraw like "don't need them, I'm fine on my own". I have to push myself to connect, in times of stress. Does this all sound like 9w1?

So, I have this online friend (we follow each other on social media and have discussions about all sorts of things), and after interacting with them for a while, I've realized that I don't really like them. They're the kind of person I'd be fine hanging out with IRL now and then, but the constant availability online wears me out. More and more, I feel like I have to feign interest. Had we not already been friendly with each other, I simply wouldn't engage with them.

I have this problem where I just don't want to be mean. I don't want to reinforce a leitmotif of rejection in someone else's life story. If I were honest, I'd say, "Hey, I don't hate you, but we don't meet eye to eye on a lot of important issues, our personalities clash [I think they might be a Six], and I am often annoyed by you." Frankly, I have already openly expressed all of these sentiments—just not in a "please, sit down, we need to talk" sort of way. I also have to take the extra mile to be gentle with them because they tend to perceive offense where none was intended. In the end, I always do the Nine thing of "let's agree to disagree," but they just keep probing and probing until I get mad at them. I don't understand why they feel the need to probe, and they don't understand why I get mad. :')

What is the etiquette for a situation such as this? I feel it's my duty to offer an explanation as to why messages remain unanswered for days, turning into weeks, turning into months. I'm basically ignoring them (either because I don't care enough to answer or because I don't want to start another annoying argument where neither of us will ever be able to understand each other's positions). Also, it's not like this person isn't a decent human being; they've tried helping out when I've posted needy, depressing stuff, etc. I just don't vibe with them at all. :')

I've been into typology for a while now,,,as far as I can remember I've typed as e5 but I've recently been considering sp9. I've been switching between typing as sp5 and sp9 for the past few weeks. The thing is, I've typed as every e5 subtype at this point. I just find every type description of enneagram 5 relatable. As for e9, I can only see sp9 for myself and on top of that I don't think gut triad matches too well either. Sometimes I think I'm just in denial though. I don't express or feel anger much and It's not cause I repress it, I think I'm just really hard to anger. I feel frustration and annoyance, sure but I can't recall the last time I was seriously angry.

As for other typology systems I'm pretty sure on intp LII and lvef (maybe levf.....) but idk how relevant that might be since I've heard e9 + intp isn't the oddest combination out there...