r/EnneagramType9

Hey fellow Nines. I am often disappointed by the descriptions and portraits available about Type Nine. They lack depth or paint a picture of us that is not only incomplete, but blatantly wrong because it is based on premises that are not true.

So I wrote one that's based on the inner experience and goes into the WHY behind it. After all that's what the Enneagram is all about, isn't it?

I'm really interested to hear from other Nines if they feel seen and what you would add or change.

This is probably useful for other types too, to understand the many Nines in their lives.

Have fun reading!

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Type Nine represents the part of us that seeks harmony, connection, and inner peace. It is the aspect of the human psyche that softens the rough edges of life and reminds us of our belonging to something larger. Through this orientation, we experience life as an interconnected whole. There is a natural ease here, a sense that things can coexist without forcing resolution.

At its deepest expression, this presence is grounded in a quiet but unmistakable inner stillness. There is no need to withdraw from conflict or smooth over differences, because harmony is not something fragile that must be preserved. It is something always present beneath the surface of experience.

From this place, the Nine moves with a calm autonomy. They are receptive without losing themselves, connected without blending in, steady without becoming immobile. Their presence feels spacious and reassuring, because they trust the deeper harmony that holds opposing forces together.

In this state, Nines experience themselves as part of life without losing their individuality. They are grounded in a bodily sense of belonging. Action arises naturally, without resistance or urgency. Nothing needs to be forced, and nothing needs to be avoided. Peace is not something they create but something they inhabit.

Gradually, however, this stillness begins to take on a subtle psychological meaning. Peace becomes something to maintain. The Nine begins to value calmness and ease, and a gentle identity forms around being undemanding, accepting, and receptive. They become the person who does not push, who does not impose, who allows things to unfold in their own time. This openness feels natural and effortless, and others often experience Nines as easy to be around.

With this shift, a sensitivity to disturbance begins to emerge. Tension is felt as something that subtly threatens the sense of connection and ease. The Nine begins to prefer environments that feel calm and predictable. Their natural receptivity becomes more selective, leaning toward what feels harmonious and away from what feels disruptive. In relationships, this sensitivity often makes them deeply attentive. They listen without interrupting, absorb different perspectives, and sense emotional undercurrents before they become visible.

Others may experience them as supportive, stabilizing, and quietly reassuring. The Nine becomes someone who helps maintain equilibrium within families, friendships, and groups. Yet, as this role takes shape, something begins to shift inwardly. The Nine increasingly orients toward maintaining harmony between others, and less toward noticing their own impulses. Their attention drifts outward, toward what is needed, expected, or already in motion. Their own priorities remain present, but softer, less insistent, easier to postpone.

At first, this accommodation feels natural. The Nine yields to others without resentment, trusting that everything will re-balance over time. They may not even notice that they are adapting, because the movement away from themselves is subtle. They are still present, still connected, still engaged, just slightly less defined. Over time, this softening of self-definition becomes more familiar. When tensions arise, the Nine instinctively moves to smooth them over. When decisions need to be made, they may defer, allowing circumstances or others to determine the direction. Their openness gradually becomes a form of quiet self-effacement.

What began as receptivity slowly becomes self-forgetfulness. The Nine may begin to feel more comfortable letting things happen, instead of initiating movement. They adapt to the rhythms around them, often losing track of their own pace. Their desires and priorities do not disappear, but they become diffuse and harder to access. Action becomes more hesitant, less decisive, more dependent on external momentum.

This introduces a gentle but persistent inertia. Decisions are postponed. Plans remain vague. Inner signals are softened before they fully emerge. The Nine may sense that something is missing, yet struggle to articulate what it is. They remain connected to others, sometimes deeply so, while simultaneously losing contact with themselves. Paradoxically, they may appear grounded and easygoing from the outside while feeling increasingly absent inwardly. They go along with what is happening, often without resistance, trusting that clarity will emerge later. But the longer they remain in this state, the more difficult it becomes to reconnect with their own direction.

To compensate, the Nine may begin to settle into routines and familiar patterns. These structures create a sense of stability, allowing them to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty or confrontation. Life becomes quieter, slower, and more contained. They may resist change out of a subtle wish to preserve equilibrium. At this point, disengagement becomes more pronounced. The Nine may withdraw their energy from situations that feel demanding or conflictual. Instead of confronting tension, they soften their attention, drift into distraction, or postpone action.

A quiet stubbornness can emerge here, a passive refusal to be moved. This passivity often hides an underlying tension. The Nine may feel overwhelmed by competing demands, yet struggle to assert their own priorities. Rather than choosing, they remain in place. Rather than speaking, they wait. Rather than acting, they hope things will resolve on their own. Over time, this pattern can deepen into resignation. The Nine begins to assume that change is difficult, that their efforts may not matter, or that it is easier to adapt than to engage. Their once natural patience now becomes a form of endurance.

They settle into what is familiar, even when it no longer feels fulfilling. Relationships may begin to reflect this withdrawal. The Nine remains kind and accommodating, yet less present. Others may sense a distance, a quiet absence, or a reluctance to engage fully. Conflicts are smoothed over rather than addressed, leaving tensions unresolved beneath the surface. Internally, the Nine may experience a vague dissatisfaction without clear direction. They sense that something in them wants to emerge, yet they struggle to mobilize themselves.

Their energy becomes diffuse, their attention scattered, their engagement intermittent. And yet, beneath this quiet resignation, the Nine’s original capacity remains intact. The longing for harmony still exists, but now it resembles a distant echo. The developmental movement for Type Nine is a gradual return to themselves. To notice their own impulses. To allow tension without withdrawing. To act from what matters, even when it disrupts comfort. As they begin to re-engage, the harmony they tried to preserve through quiet self-erasure becomes something more alive and inclusive.

The harmony they sought was never meant to exclude them. It was always meant to include their presence. And when Nines begin to inhabit their life more fully, something remarkable happens: their calm no longer comes from disengagement, but from participation. Their peace no longer comes from avoiding conflict, but from trusting connection enough to withstand tension. Their presence becomes steady, grounded, and quietly transformative. They discover that they were never meant to disappear into pseudo harmony, but to embody it.

im asking since i just had surgery (probably obvious based on the title) and im starting to get really mad at myself for talking about myself so much to everyone like all my friends all i can talk about is my recovery process and a lot of them are helping me luckily but i still feel really bad should i just tell them to stop talking about it because i feel this way or is it just a problem in my head

also making this post asking anyone else if theyve had similar experiences but i’m not asking it to say everyone is like me here and i dont expect that to be the case

I am 45+ messages behind with all of my different friend groups/group chats. - I forgot to wish a dear friend Happy Birthday 5 days ago. - My emails are racking up. - I need to call my little brother.

Who do you need to talk to, today?
Have you been isolating yourself from others?
When was the last time you called/texted someone important?

Ik a lot of y’all are avoiding something in your life rn, idk to what degree of stress it may or may not be causing you, but take this as a sign to PLS CONFRONT THE THING YOU’VE BEEN AVOIDING.

I’ve been losing sleep over avoiding a very important conversation with someone, and I finally had it, and not a single bad thing that I thought might happen happened. Not a single one. I know we tend to struggle with this as 9’s, and I just wanted to give some encouragement to PLSSS do the things that you’re working yourself up about. Nothing is EVER as bad as it is in your head. Ever. BE BRAVE my fellow 9’s.

Hi everyone! I have a question for you 9s. Once you start to wake up to yourself and you figure out what you want, how hard it is for you to act on that decision/want? I'm a 9, and I find that when I finally figure out what I want, I don't want to wait to get it, so I act pretty quickly, but I've read that even once 9s figure out what they want, it can still take a long time for them to act. I'm just curious if I'm more the exception or if there are more of us out there who are able and want to act more quickly once they realize what they want.

I will be posting a version of this to every type's subreddit, and when I'm done I'll go back in and edit it with links to every other one for people's interest.

Here are the others: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

i have been into typology for about 3-4 months, i orginally typed as an E4, then i learnt about E6 and typed myself as that. now, i have finnally come to the conclusion that i am an e9, problem is, all of my past typology now apparently contradicts with my current ennagram (Socionics, MBTI, Big5).

my main issue is my MBTI, i have ALWAYS typed myself as an INFP, but i see a lot of people say e9s are anti-intuitives, but i do not relate to si/se very much at all.

i am so very confused about these contradictions/correlations, as i do not feel like i am sensor. i am also not very "lazy" like a lot of E9's are considered to be, (especially sp9s) which is confusing me even further.

i also do not believe i am C in Big5 since i've always typed as L, yet it seems C correlates to E9

first time in ages using reddit so i feel like a chud, but im so confused, help apperciated!

Reading about E9 childhood wound, the wound of not being seen, I remembered many instances in my childhood where I felt alone and abandoned.

For most of my childhood, I had only my older sister to rely on. She was the one always looking after me, and occasionally my mom would joke about how my sister was practically my mom instead. I know this is awful, but I come from an abusive and dysfunctional family, so these things were common.

I remember an incident back when I was a kid. I threw a tantrum during a family trip because I saw my mom being very friendly and kind to other children, and it made me upset. Why did she treat other people's children way better than her own? We always got compared, yelled at, criticized, or ignored. Yet when it came to other children, she had gifts always ready and was friendly towards them. I kept thinking "why them, and not me?"

One of the things I've always had a hard time recognizing in the enneagram were the childhood wounds. My childhood wasn't the best, but I can't pinpoint exactly what was the thing that stood out the most.

I have been thinking of ways I've never felt seen. I was always left alone with my brother and sister. My brother was abusive, and because of him, I was sent to the hospital multiple times. Needless to say, we've been not in speaking terms for decades. As far as I know, I had only one sister, who I was stuck with regardless of what either of us wanted.

There is an age gap between me and my siblings, so my sister was a teenager when I was a small child. I knew she resented having to look after me, and by extension, resented me as well. And I knew from an early age, deep in my heart, that I felt lonely. I felt like nobody wanted me. Neither my parents, neither my sister, neither the people that surrounded me.

I remember a drawing I made when I was in kindergarten. On the left side, there was me, holding a bouquet of flowers, dropping it on the floor, and on the right side, a group of people I was looking at sadly, from the distance.

So there has always been this feeling that I'm on my own. Even the person who was my designated parent, my sister, wanted to live her life without being stuck raising me (completely understandable). I had to learn many things on my own: how to dress, how to shave, how to behave in public, how to manage my finances, how to take the bus, etc. In this sense, I also raised myself, and while I was sad that I had no adults to guide me, I was also proud of myself for becoming resourceful and cunning.

But this also came with a deep loneliness. I had no tribe, and I always felt as if I could only look at groups from the distance. Even when I seemingly found a friend group, I could never shake the feeling that I was the outsider. Everyone else already knew each other for much longer, and had experiences together way before I arrived. I felt like a character arriving in season 3 of a show.

And yet, when someone tried to get close to me, I was incredibly clumsy. I've always found myself being good at handling groups, but when it comes to getting close to individuals, I was a mess. The moment I perceived someone's interest in me, a thousand anxieties invaded me, worrying about whether I'm boring them, if I did or said something wrong, when will they get tired and leave, etc. It was incredibly difficult to lower my guard or open up. I've found dealing with individuals far more exhausting than dealing with groups.

And so, I always had this feeling of not belonging anywhere like a thorn on my side. Sometimes I get tired of the loneliness, and weight of it, and sometimes I try to distract myself with anything to forget that feeling for a while, since I can't do much about it.

I think there has always been some resentment and anger at my situation. I was angry at my parents for neglecting me, for denying me proper guidance and leaving me and my sister to figure things out. I was angry that they only bothered to show up when they had to demand something or criticize something about me. I never felt like they had any interest in me. I was angry thinking about all the troubles I could have saved myself if I had someone to teach me, instead of stumbling in the dark. I resented my extended family for knowing about what was happening and doing nothing about it.

I don't know if my resentment can be equated to anger, though.

But yeah, I see a lot of my childhood in the 9 wound, now that I think about it. I was wondering if neglect is also a part of other 9's childhood, if you guys are comfortable talking about it?

From the names I could remember, I had about 10+.

Relationships came and went. It makes me a bit sad knowing none of them were lifelong like you’d expect them to be.

I’m most likely a 6 or a 9, anyways I relate to being too passive to my anger.

I work with teenagers and young adults as a social worker. My work asks that I’m able to be assertive when the occasion calls for it.

I’ve always been quite a meek person. My natural response is to fawn when there’s a conflict or a confrontation. I’ve been probably way too gentle in the way I interact with my clients.

I thought I was doing better recently, but it turns out some people, including clients and coworkers, think I’m too meek. A teen was shocked at the way another teen talked to me and that he wanted to say something sometimes. It’s good that he shows empathy but I’m feeling so ashamed that a client would feel the need to stand up for me. It’s not supposed to happen.

One of my coworkers who is on the opposite end of the meek spectrum told me a few times that I need to be careful about what I say to my clients in terms of rules. I tend to bend them a bit too much sometimes. I told him it was difficult for me to be assertive at times and he said "I thought so, I can intervene tonight if you want".

When I started to work there, another coworker expressed that he was a bit worried about me and offered to "coach" me if it was needed. Recently I was eventually offered a new responsibility by my boss that I was supposed to share with said coworker and said I would think about it. My coworker later expressed he didn’t want me to be overwhelmed.

All these comments were made with a lot of benevolence and it makes me feel worse somehow. I feel deeply ashamed to be like this, that people can see through me so easily. I don’t want to been seen as a weak person who needs some special care or assistance.

I think most of my problems would be solved if I could more assertive. Sometimes I want to stand up for myself and set more boundaries but it feels so uncomfortable to do so or things are happening too quick and I’m left speechless. I don’t want to be that coworker who let "bad things" happen because they couldn’t confront them. Sometimes I don’t even notice that I’m supposed to be angry about a situation. It really sucks.

In his book "Psychospiritual Laziness", Naranjo talks about all the E9 subtypes. I wanted to make a post about each of them. This is not a translation or transcription of the text, just my general understanding of it and paraphrasing certain parts.

Naranjo begins describing SP9 (or just conservation 9, as he calls it) by showing a duality of sorts within them. On one hand, they indulge in things like food, drugs, tv shows or alcohol, in an attempt to escape from a deep pain within themselves. A feeling of being hopeless, inadequate, or having something that they cannot forgive about themselves. As a result, they cannot connect with themselves or others, as they desperately try anything to forget about this pain in their souls.

An sp9 talks about their tobacco addiction, and how they used it to cover up their own pain. They could run through 2 packs a day. They talk about going to the cinema, as as soon as the movie is over, they're already thinking of having a smoke.

On the other hand, sp9 have a strong survival instinct. They are adept at securing everything they need to survive: money, food, work, housing, etc. This is all in order to continue with their lives.

The sp9 has these two sides within them: one that indulges to the point of self-destruction, the other who wants to survive at all costs. They are torn between two roles: the victim, and the survivor.

The sp9 is harsh and unforgiving towards themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves, while also drowning in self-pity. It's all in an act of not wanting to see the full picture, and not wanting to dive deeper into themselves, by only focusing on their flaws.

In its own self-indulgence, the sp9 is incapable of doing things that are beneficial for themselves. They let themselves go, carried by their self-destructive tendencies, and avoid taking action and doing what's good for them.

After a long day at work, an SP9 seeks to satisfy themselves with wine or food, avoiding others, as they cannot form meaningful relationships with others so as long as they cannot connect with themselves. This leads to isolation and a solitary life. And so, they replace the pleasure of being with others with things like objects or food.

An sp9 talks about how, when they felt sad, and there was nobody they felt they could share their sadness with, they'd play the guitar or play songs on the radio while drinking.

For the sp9, conflict doesn't exist. And if it does, they run away.

To others, sp9 can invoque two different impressions: the first one of tranquility and peace, as they look outwardly serene, because of their slow and inexpressive demeanor. On the other hand, this very demeanor can be unsettling to other people, who might perceive it as sketchy and weird. Naranjo describes this as a defense mechanism in order to avoid anything that could cause any competition among peers.

While all E9 subtypes share an aspect of dependency, sp9 projects a false independence. An sp9 puts a bandage on a wound before the wound is even there. They can't be rejected if they never sought to be accepted in the first place. And so, the sp9 isolates themselves to avoid recognizing how much they need others.

The sp9 has a hard time taking responsibility for their own thoughts. They always need a point of reference, or to consult with someone they deem more of an expert than they are.

And so, the sp9 lives between two extremes: on one extreme, there's the self-indulgence where everything is done to forget about pain and themselves. On the other extreme, there's the fierce desire to live, and with it, all their loneliness and self-loathing.

They are impulsive, often doing things hurriedly and without giving a second thought, in an attempt to feel alive. In this, they're seen as reckless, convincing themselves they have everything under control, but not having any real plan in mind. This is the one that can be easily confused with E8.

Out of all the E9 subtypes, they are the most energetic. But this energy is not directed towards anything meaningful, rather, it only makes them feel invincible, that they are capable of anything. And it's not consistent, and once this burst of energy is spent, they return to their previous state, not learning anything about themselves because they don't want to examine what happened.

I'll be making another posts about the characteristics and neurotic needs of the sp9.

Alice was my very best friend for nearly 7 years. We have a lot of history together; sharing deep dark secrets and vulnerabilities while also chatting daily. There was hardly a day where we didn’t talk. We never fought or had disputes. I was her favorite person in this entire world. And I ruined that.

June 28th, 2025-
Summer had shortly began and Alice invited me to go do something fun with her. We drove to a flower field and there was a festival going on. She and I spent hours picking flowers. When it came time for a break, we found a table to sit at and eat lunch together while Alice mentioned she wants to go camping soon. Alice asked me if I’d like to go with her. I say, “Sure, I’ll go” (not entirely positive if this was a real thing or not). Alice and I have taken trips before, quite a few times actually. But I also know that she has a tendency to cancel her own plans/fun when she gets depressed, so I wasn’t holding my breath. I thought it was a mere idea.

July 14th, 2025-
Sometime during a day at work (yes we are coworkers too), Alice brings up the topic again. Camping. She mentions she found a spot outside of state lines but she needs to make reservations in order to claim it. I say ‘sounds great’ before informing her I’ll need to talk to my husband about it. Alice and I both agreed to the date, Saturday September 5th, that is when we’ll be camping.

August 1st, 2025-
It’s been a little over two weeks and I still haven’t discussed the camping idea to my husband yet. He’s away at the moment on a guy’s trip with his own friend. I mention it to both my husband and Alice that I will need his input on the camping trip. And I’ll need to know fairly soon so that we can make that reservation for the date, 9/5. 

When my husband returned home, I tell him about the camping trip and his face turns with doubt. His eyes also read ‘caution’. Yeah… I feel the same way. I’m not really sure if I want to go camping (especially with the way Alice camps: We’ll either backpack to the middle of the woods again with a foldable tent; or we’ll sleep in her car. Two things that I don’t look forward to). - While this is going on… I noticed Alice’s persona is changing. She’s growing to be more hostile with others, especially because of her unhappiness with her husband and her living situation. All the years of abuse has caught up to her and I’m not positive if I want to be associated with that when she starts acting up. There are certain things involving lawyers and court, even. She seems very angry. And stupidly, I figure…… maybe it won’t be such a big deal if I don’t go camping…. (I really should have said something). Instead, I swept it under the rug and ignored it, pretending the conversation did not exist. And that would be an end to it all right there. 

Eventually the subject fades away from us all; my husband and I don’t speak of the camping trip again (and there’s nothing to report to Alice). And she herself does not follow up with me.

In fact, Alice hardly followed up about the camping trip in general. We only discussed logistics 2 or 3 times and nothing more. So I figured it really shouldn’t be a big deal at all if we didn’t end up going. One other thing that was nice about our friendship was that it was okay if we did not feel up to things/plans; but the courteous thing would be to actually cancel…

August 19th, 2025-
It’s a new work day, and I have invited Alice to join me and another coworker/friend [Mary*] to a winery (for 9/5). This actual conversation was saved from Instant Messenger—

Me: How would you like to go to a winery for brunch with me and Mary on that day? [Sept. 5th] She wants to celebrate my birthday for the 8th and she said she wants to take us to her favorite location.

A: Sure. That sounds fun.

Me: SWEET!! Yaayyy!!! This will be fun. :) 

A: Yea, it will be a good birthday for you.

***********************

So she says she’ll go. It is at this point that she could have said something, anything, or even fussed about the camping trip. She had a couple of weeks to speak up and she didn’t.

The next few weeks were odd. I’m not exactly sure how this all came to be. Alice and I seemed fine. Completely normal as usual. We were talking normally as we always do and she was sending me memes, tik-toks, daily updates on her life, and she even complimented my recent hair cut. But then as the days go on towards September 5th, Alice grows quieter and quieter on me. And her responses became shorter and shorter.

September 5th, 2025-
The time has come. I have made reservations (with payment) for 3 gals at this beautiful winery my other friend/coworker [Mary*] had suggested. [*Mary is my friend of one year who absolutely adores me. She finds me special, and she has communicated it to me she wants to build a beautiful rainbow bridge with me to be good friends and keep close connections. So naturally over the course of a year we did grow closely to one another, but Alice was still my bestest friend. Alice has subtly expressed it before that my friendship with Mary does not intimidate or betray her. But I am not certain if that was true.] 

Before I left my house for the winery, I contacted Alice just to check-in and see if she’s still on for the day. She’s been so off lately that it comes as no surprise when she says she can’t make it. She says she’s sick. So Mary and I celebrated without her and we both had a really nice time over drinks and snacks. I was really happy that day and living my best life.

My birthday was a few days later on the 8th. Alice was kind enough to send me a short-but-flat HBD over text.

But then - it got to the point that Alice started to completely ignore me at work. She would not interact with me at all, not even over work-related situations. 

I noticed she took down all of our ‘best-friends’ photos off of her desk. I knew something was wrong. 

September 25th, 2025- 
I got fed up with Alice’s behavior towards me. She’d rush past me at the office; and once she snickered at me ungenerously when I tried to greet her one morning. I contemplated things and made the decision to write her this exact message:

Hey, I am not positive what exactly happened between us or what’s gone wrong but I just want to address some things.

-I know you’ve been icing me out by ceasing contact/communication. I know how you are when you’re done with someone (Like what happened with Cynthia, or Eli, or Jason, to name a couple of people)– Keeping your head down and ignoring folks that you do not want to connect with anymore. We haven’t really talk-talked since late August and it’s just abnormal to go from talking nearly everyday for 6+ years to complete silence or short cold responses.

-I happened to walk by your desk last week and noticed you removed all/any photos that include me. I wasn’t going to say anything but I feel the need to point it out that something is up.

-I know I am conflict averse but from what I learned over the years is that if someone/a relationship is worth it, you gotta face the conflict in order to fix it or make things better. At this point I am not positive if I am still your friend or just a coworker to you.

-I would like to fix the issue if possible. Being left in the dark has me questioning what exactly went wrong and I have a theory it had something to do with the camping trip. The one that we did not take. I take full responsibility/accountability on that if that’s the case, because I know I didn’t follow up anymore about it by mid-August and then came my birthday where I celebrated on the weekend instead; the weekend that we agreed to try and go camping (9/5 and planning to make it a long weekend). If a permit was bought or reservations were made, I’m sorry.

-I’ve tried thinking of everything that went bad or wrong over the last few weeks that caused you to stop talking to me. I don’t know what that is. If it is something I did, I’d like to know. Like I said, I’m willing to fix/work on things because you matter to me.

-Lastly, I’ll respect it and leave you be if you decide to not reply to this message. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure and stress and quite unhappy for several several months- I just hope it gets better from here or from when your personal/home issues are past this phase in your life. I’m still here if you ever want to open up and talk or even shoot the s**t like we used to. I won’t seal myself up.

***********************

Alice Responds: "You led me to believe that is what you wanted to do with me. You let me put in the time and energy into making the plans. You didn't have the decency to let me know that you no longer wanted to go and instead let me find out when you made plans with someone else! Who does that to someone they're supposed to be close with?! Even now, you're minimizing it. It's a big fucking deal, 09tailss! I don't need anyone else in my life who lies and lets me down. I wish you the best."

***********************

And then she unfriended me on all social media platforms. (I’m lucky I’m not blocked.)

I immediately apologized. There were no excuses, no defenses, just straight up apologies. I saw it from her stance, where she is in a place of hurt. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to strike low like her loser spouse would; he who mentally/emotionally abuses her. I tried to approach this calmly and with good intentions. 

I attempted to talk to Alice via text message, quite a few times, since she refuses to speak to me in person. Even at work she will walk right past me. She dodges me if we’re both in the break room or the bathroom at the same time. She avoids me at all costs. (And it's hard to cope with that.). Nothing I did mattered.

These are the consequences of my actions. I lost my best friend. 

Fall and Winter had passed. I made one last ditch effort to earn back her love and friendship; myself, trying hard not to expect anything in return though. I drove to a gift shop and bought her a very sentimental card. The inside was blank, perfect. I hand-wrote her a letter inside the card, and ended it with “I’m sorry I let you down”, before confessing how much I miss her. I signed the card and sealed the envelope with nothing more than her name on it. While no one was at work yet, I slipped it onto her desk and proceeded to wait.

I don’t know if she ever opened that card or even read it. I have doubts that she did. She might have even tossed it in the trash (by now). During that morning, I could see from my desk (which was a few feet away… awkward) she picked up the envelope and curiously looked over it, perhaps wondering who it was from. And then I watched her place it in her filing cabinet. I didn’t see her open it. It’s been months now and nothing has changed. I hoped we would have had a nice re-connection especially when Spring 2026 arrived (a new season for new blessings). But nothing ever came of it.

And that’s okay. You can’t force people to do things.

I have learned a valuable lesson out of all of this.

I hurt my friend, and I never want to experience this kind of pain ever again. I do feel horrible for what I’ve done.

I am currently in the process of detaching, but like I said, it’s been really hard. Especially because I see her every day.

************************

♥️ Thanks for reading. Now that I’ve had time to write this & fully put it out there, I’m hoping this will give me the strength and motivation to move on. It’s time to put my focus elsewhere and be present to life.

Hey fellow Nines 🙋🏻‍♂️

Ever since I encountered the Enneagram, my life changed in profound ways. Looking back at my 20s I spent most of my time just going along with what the people around me were doing.

It’s not that I didn’t have an agenda on my own, but it was just more easy and less effort to jump on a train that was already driving so to speak.

two years after I recognized that I am a nine, I finally had the guts to leave my comfort zone. I quit my corporate job that I couldn’t stand any longer and went on a three months travel through Europe with the Bicycle.

After that, me and my girlfriend moved and lived in a couple of different countries since. I also started to gain some first experience as a freelancer. At first, I started out in technology, which is the original domain that I worked in, but I quickly realized that my heart is really no longer in that.

so I signed up for a facilitation certification, and actually thoroughly enjoyed the process. The general idea of facilitation is that what it takes for a team or an individual to thrive is already there. The thing that’s preventing most individuals or teams from actually tapping into that potential are the environmental conditions.

That idea deeply resonates with me for some reason, and I could really see myself doing this work in the business world helping teams to work better together.

somewhere along the way I obviously nerded about the Enneagram with pretty much everyone who showed a faint interest in it. One of them is one of my best friends, who upon listening to me for a while opted in for a typing.

When I went through the typing process with him and we finished up, he was baffled. He couldn’t understand how I had so much insight into what he would describe to be the depths of his being.

And after talking about it with him, he asked me if I ever considered to do this kind of work professionally. And that’s when it all clicked into place.

In fact, I hadn’t considered doing it. But once he mentioned that, it made all the sense in the world to me.

That was exactly one year ago, and I am finally in a place where I actually had a couple of typing interviews with real people (meaning paying clients).

Something that I’d dreaded a lot along the way, building a website, has finally come to an end.

Not only is it a website for my business, but it is also what I consider to be a valuable resource with lots of information about the types you do not find anywhere else in the same kind of format.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sharing this website here to gain clients. (of course I’m not going to pretend that wouldn’t be awesome either).

But I just want to share this resources with you and would love some feedback, especially on the content about Nines. Many resources out there seem to simplify what a nine really is and so I am eager to hear if you feel seen, appropriately reflected, and represented by this.

If you’ve made it that far, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this resource that you can come back to you any time.

https://beyondyourtype.com/type-nine

Part of me believes I'm destined to be an artistic pioneer able to see things beyond their time, and I always have to ground myself for the sake of self preservation. People usually see 9s as being the least prone to narcissism, so I wanted to see if some nines felt this way. I feel like inertia can give a feeling of inactivated potential. I am obsessed with being a genius. I go insane thinking of all the ways I can artistically show my insight to impress others.