u/stopthevan

It truly isn’t in my innate nature to have a solid argument with others. I’m not as eloquent as most people who have a more logical way of seeings things, and for me the anger gets in the way and so does the passive aggressiveness. But I still feel “self-righteous” in some ways and want to put my point across, even though nobody else agrees with me and some ppl even downvote me in the comments.

Honestly it hurts my ego a lot and I feel so alone but I guess I don’t regret getting my feelings and disagreement out. I just see this as a tiny step forward instead of backwards because I am not agreeing (or fawning) with other people to try to get along and go with the crowd. Instead I’m choosing to put my own thoughts and ideas first even though they may not be accurate or mean much. Sorry I just wanted to get this out

I see this pattern repeatedly in my friend + social groups, where it does seem like people are more accustomed to me being a very neutral, “always going with the flow” kind of person. The cheerful and bubbly, head empty / low maintenance kind of friend because I want to maintain harmony in the groups, but at the same time there is always this sense of emptiness and void I feel for not being able to express myself. If that self even exists. The feeling that people simply do not care about me or who I am (if I could even define that) and would rather someone who’d just listened to them all day like a sounding board or a therapist, someone who would say the words they wanted to hear to make them feel better because they are a “good” listener. Someone who wouldn’t give their input or advice because it didn’t matter anyway.

Of course, this is all the result of me being afraid to rock the boat, afraid to lose people the people that matter to me by saying the wrong things (the so called fear of separation). As well as the twisted core belief from childhood that I don’t matter, I never did, and neither do my words, my wants, my preferences etc. it’s funny that for someone who has avoided speaking up for herself almost her entire life because of all these fears, I am also dying to be heard and taken seriously for once. Sorry if this didn’t make sense.

I understand they run out fast and need time to cook a new batch, but honestly this is getting out of hand. I’ve been there 3-4 times (edit:) at different timings and every single time they’ve told me there’s no chicken (2 different branches in the north). What time are you guys going to Stuff’d so that they actually have it lol

I can’t stand Libras lmao. They are nice and reasonable to you at first, but once they feel wronged or are stressed out suddenly all hell breaks loose and the “I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up” attitude comes up. They are so self-righteous and think everyone else is just out to sabotage them when it’s just MINOR inconveniences and they’re just so darn negative even when ppl try to give them a listening ear or solutions. I’m so damn tired and don’t tell me this isn’t an astrology thing when I’ve seen 3 Libras act just like this. Anyone else got similar stories

I should clarify that their sibling is only mildly autistic compared to mine and most of the siblings who were talked about here. I believe he is able to feed himself and keep himself clean etc and he can go out on his own but just struggles with the social aspect and finding a job (heck even I struggle with this). Doesn’t really have meltdowns or at least I’ve never heard of any.

Anyway this particular likes to vent to me about her family including her autistic brother, but sometimes she unapologetically calls them many mean things like how useless and stupid he is for being jobless and not being able to do anything for himself etc. think minor inconveniences = he’s stupid. Understandable since she is also a glass child and probably parentified in some way by her parents, so she must be very stressed out and I try to be empathetic, even though I also have a brother who is way more autistic and disabled than hers.

And I guess the reason why im so affected and annoyed by her behaviour is related to that fact. Like she knows I have a brother who is also autistic but I guess she doesn’t really KNOW know bcos she hasn’t met my brother irl. She doesn’t know that my brother has the mind of a 3 year old, can’t clean up by himself or cook his own food (her brother cooks for my friend, mind you) and can’t take care of himself one bit. Has meltdowns on a daily basis can’t even leave the house all that. So whenever my friend rants, I feel like she doesn’t know how good she’s got, that at least she has a sibling she can communicate with and possibly live on his own so she doesn’t have to bother with him once she gets her own house. I just get so annoyed because i feel she gets upset at really minor things, meanwhile I’ve gotta deal with a almost 30 yo man who can’t bathe himself running around naked in the house, sometimes till midnight crying and screaming in the middle of the night, with feces everywhere in the house. Like what on earth does she have to complain for? Just because her brother doesn’t want to cook for her one day? Or having to wash his dishes? What’s so stressful about that compared to what I have to go through?

I didn’t tell her any of this of course, I just took the easy way out and mentioned that I felt stressed out having to hear her talk about her family like that so she didn’t rant anymore after that. I know i cant change ppl and neither can i blame her since i don’t share much about my own brother (it’s humiliating to say the least) but i just cant help but feel annoyed whenever she starts venting.

The friend who just wants to talk about themselves all the time, always steering the conversation back to themselves and literally yawns and tells you in the face “sorry I have nothing to say” when you’re trying to share something. All the while treating you like you’re the supporting character of her world and universe, everything she shares you must be interested and entertained by it just because she was, but if you shared something it’s so boring and yawns. Whenever she is annoyed or excited by something she gets to spam texts at you but there is no reciprocity, she literally has zero interest in you as a friend she just knows you are easy as an audience since you are a good listener. Tell me, how exactly do you deal with a girl bordering narcissism like this?

Met up with some uni friends today and learnt that a lot of them still keep in contact with their secondary and even primary school friends. I couldn’t help but feel a bit odd one out cos none of my old school friends talk to me anymore (even if I tried to talk in the gc I get ignored). Surely I’m not the only one? Edit for context we are nearing mid 30s

Not because they are besties and have to do everything together, but more like the one who needs a sidekick is deep down extremely insecure and needs someone else to back them up all the time and boost their confidence? Is it usually a 3?

Recently I ordered this sparkling water by Purezza at a restaurant and I was really blown away, not sure if there was anything added like lemon etc but it tasted just like a soft drink without the sugar. As someone who is trying to live more healthily but still can’t give up her carbonated drinks, what are some of your recommendations for a good soda water?

P.S. added the word “local” to the title in case this post gets deleted automatically

Sorry if this sounds like I want people to spoon feed me information and advice. Frankly speaking I am at my wits end, I feel like my social needs aren’t being met by the people around me and I’m not sure what to do.

As a 9 naturally I let others take the lead in any relationship, however it has come to a point where people have become so “used” to my passivity that I’m not even given any space to express myself. I try to share things like things about myself or something that my friend group may like to do etc., but most of the time I’m just met with silence, and usually the more “aggressive” friend will change topics and talk mainly about herself and suddenly the group is more active.

At first I was okay with the group dynamics because I genuinely liked listening to others, but over time I realised I’m just being made to be a sounding board or audience for someone else’s humble bragging/flexing. Sometimes even taken advantage of because they come to me to rant since I will listen, only to leave me on read for days because they just wanted to vent while I stayed available for them.

I understand that 9s have a tendency to latch onto such individuals and trust me I’ve done that so much in my entire life, but it really gets tiring mentally after a while and I have cut people off because of that (sorry). I can’t follow (merge with) someone for the rest of my life it’s just not in me, and I also have to take responsibility for my own life instead of living it vicariously through others. However I guess I am afraid of the loss/separation , because it feels like once I stand on my own two feet again suddenly I am alone and there is no one around me to “witness” me or cheer me on. I get so envious of people who have that (this is mainly the 3 and 6 in my life) it almost turns into resentment. Like why can’t i have supportive friends in my life, the same why I try to be there for other people?

Tl;dr I’m sick of being a sounding board or audience for other people - at the risk of sounding like a narcissist I believe it’s time I got my own flowers too. What should I do?