r/Fostercare

Basically, Me and My foster sister used to
share a Foster home and I aged out of care
and got my own house, My foster mother
was awful and kicked her out into a group
home The place is awful. The treat her less
then human and they don't care about her at
all. They literally roll her around the house
naked. How would I go about action against
this. I am in the process of trying to move her
into my home, our old social worker isn't
making it easy she keeps ignoring me and it
being unhelpful with Transportation.
Location: Maryland

hello, ive never posted on here before and im really really bad at explaining things because im autistic, but ill try my best so hopefully someone can give me a little advice.

so, im 17 and like i mentioned, autistic with a diagnosis. im not diagnosed with anxiety, but im almost 100% positive i have it because im so terrified of social interactions and talking about things like this, and i still feel really scared to ask my carers for things even though ive lived with them for 4 years.

i really want to move out next year when im 18 because i really want my own independence, routine, and space where i feel like i can fully unmask and actually enjoy living. not to say i hate it at my current home, but i often feel really bad anxiety around the house due to my past with neglectful and abusive foster parents. i’ve been in care since i was 7, and all my past foster homes have been really awful, worse than the home i was originally taken from. it’s really stunted my growth, in terms of social interactions, understanding of the world, and behaviour. sometimes i regress involuntarily, especially when im in a bad mental state or i feel scared, and i feel like these factors could impact living alone hugely, but i also really desire my own space where i can fully be who i want to be without feeling watched all the time.

does that make sense? i’m really sorry if it doesn’t :(

i don’t have a job and i don’t desire one since i really don’t have any hope for a future. work sounds boring and so depressing, and im also worried that i wont be able to support myself due to how burned out and easily depressed i get when forced to do things i dont want to do. i know that ill probably receive some kind of help from maybe social services, but like i said, i really dont know where to start or what i even need to do, or what ill recieve.

my sister who’s 19 still lives with us, but she’s in uni and has acccomodation. i’m in my second year of college, but technically ive gone back to first year since im starting another course, and my college is a half an hour bus ride from my home. if i was to live alone, im scared that i wouldn’t be able to find somewhere thats near my college, and would therefore cause more problems and a change in routine that im not ready for. can you tell im scared?? i really really am 💔

not knowing literally anything about this moving out process is really scaring me, nobodies told me anything and my social worker is fucking useless, she’s never working. i’m also supposed to have someone else who’s supposed to help me out with the “growing up and preparing to move out” business, i forgot what they’re called, but im yet to be assigned someone. my foster carer has applied for assisted living, and i wouldn’t hate the idea so much if i didn’t know that my friends wanted to get a place together, and now i really want to either be the one to get that house that we can all stay in, or move in with one of them when they get one. i also don’t even know if i qualify for assisted living, since im very able bodied, somewhat mentally capable and i can do many things on my own, like cook basic food, clean, use public transport alone, go out by myself, manage my monthly allowance well and can often speak up for myself if i need to.

speaking of the assisted living though…

me and my foster carer have a really rocky relationship, as she doesn’t like being told she’s wrong, whereas i’m a firm believer that if you’re wrong, you should be called out for it. she often stops talking to me for long periods of time (she’s actually doing it now, that’s what’s prompted me to start thinking about this.) and will completely ignore me, take all my things that she knows i enjoy, and will keep starting arguments until she randomly decides she likes me again, and it’s torture since i hate conflict due to my past and i don’t know how to properly talk to her. all these factors make me really want to go and live somewhere alone where i don’t have to deal with that anymore, and i won’t feel stress. and also her family are really cold and it feels like they’re always judging me ever since i went through a rough mental patch in year 11 and they also found out that i regularly smoke weed.

this family no longer feels like my own, and it’s feeling more and more apparent now that this is all just a job for her, and im nothing but a paycheck. i don’t want to feel this way anymore, i want to be with my friends, who actually love me for who i am, will support me however i need, and won’t criticise me for how i feel or what i do.

or by myself, if that’s even possible.

i’m also worried about things like house payments, bills, buying food every week etc… but if my friends are really serious (which i’m sure they are since they have terrible living conditions), then maybe i’ll be able to figure that out alongside them at some point.

i’m sorry if that didn’t make any sense, ill do a small summary here just in case;

- i wanna move out next year
- i have no clue about moving out because nobody has told me shit
- i don’t know how im gonna actually support myself or even get a house at all
- no clue if im get any benefits or help from social services
- no clue if im even going to manage because of all my issues

yeah.

if anybody understood any of that, please let me know or offer any advice, even if it’s just a small word of encouragement, because i feel like im so lost in a world that everyone but me seems to be able to navigate 🥲

Trigger warning: brief mention of sensitive mental health topics

About a week ago my foster mom had found out that I'd been self harming. I had blades and bloody tissues out that I'd forgot to put away because I had to rush to work. She said that if she found out that I did it again then she'd need me to go somewhere else, which I respect. I'm 18 and understand she doesn't have any obligation to keep me here but idek where I would go if she were to kick me out. I'm not sure if anyone could give me an answer here or if it would just be up to my case worker.

I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past for similar mental health reasons. Now that I'm 18, could they even make me go? I assumed not, but if I'm in extended foster care and got kicked out of my current foster home, would they send me to the hospital as a last resort till they figured out what to do w me? I do have extended family I could potentially stay with, at least for a day or two. But the issue with that is I start my last year of high school in a couple weeks and my family lives far away, which is the whole reason I ended up being put in a foster placement in the first place. I also have a job that I really don't want to end up losing if it does end up coming down to me needing to leave where I'm at currently.

Would they just send me to another placement? Or would they just leave me to figure it out on my own? How do placements even work after you turn 18 and enter extended foster care? Would they even bother helping me find somewhere else to go or is here my only option besides family? I'm gonna try to stay clean and avoid self harming anyway, but I want to have some kind of idea for what that situation would look like if it occurs. Because if I'm being honest I highly doubt I can stay 100% clean by the time I have enough money to move out (at least 6 months, hopefully before then) I at least want a plan for in case I do relapse. Mods please lmk if this post isn't allowed. I appreciate any answers you guys can give me.

Edit: for additional context, I'm in minnesota

Im 17 in foster care in wales and get benifits. I dont know why but my cares still have control over jt and get defensive about it when ever i express that I thjnk I should have control over it since im moving out at 18.

They use manipulation alot to get there way and I didnt realise until my friend pointed it out. My friend told me about one of there friends and the fact there cares prep them for independent living which included managing money.

My cares dont explain stuf properly and then use the fact I misunderstood as a way to show they was right which made me make mistakes with my money in the past that i learnt from.

Right now I want to get control of my benifits because I need to learn to drive ASAP because of collage and me wanting to get a job .

But my cares keep saying they have to be my adviser or something when if I had control over it I could just do everything my self instead of going through like 3 people

Sorry for wording this poorly and rambling alot.

Is this situation normal and what can I do about it.

Current foster youth

If your 17 (mind way beyond years but anyway)

if your 17 and disabled (just for reference)

what should you expect from fostor “parents” and the home and to be provided?

I feel like I don’t even get basic needs met at times and I’m so confused of it all.

what should I expect, I don’t know what to do. this lady is getting THOUSANDS from me ALONE per MONTH!!! I wish I could own at least half the income so I could buy my needs I feel like if I was in public I would end up stealing due to feeling like I don’t have my needs and wants etc

btw this lady is using me for money and someone has been open and told me “it’s her job” ”she fosters as a job” it’s genuinely gross

I plan to go back to my home immediately my current case is exactly like take care of maya my case is active medical kidnapping and system is changing reasons and holding onto any little thing to keep me in “care” I have a abusive case manager I think she’s a big problem and I hope to get rid of her to do what I need to do. but main thing it’s clear ”care” here fucking sucks and is way worse than what I would recive at my home. If I’m keep in care till 18 I plan to leave here a few days after my birthday and go back to my home and never come in this house EVER again. It’s disqusting.

My cousin (14) has a deceased father and addict mother who just relapsed after 5 years sober of opioids and is now unfit to take care of him. He is currently couch surfing between her friends and his school friends (he has little to no family that is willing to help) I’m across the country with a baby of my own and it’s looking like he will need to go in the system or couch surfing for awhile unless someone steps up.

I need hope that he will be OK I’m doing everything I can from a distance financially and for logistics but I can only do so much. I’m sick with anxiety that he’s not going to be ok. Mainly due to the fact he understands his mom chooses drugs over him.

Please help. Or any advice (besides me moving I cannot.)