r/MaleRapeVictims

(TW: suicide.)

This is obviously a throwaway account, because i’ve never told anyone about a few of these stories before today, i am shaking as i’m writing this.

I’m 15 and a guy. I’ve been raped so much in my short life that it just doesn’t seem believable anymore.

The first time happened when i was 4, i didn’t even know about it until my mum brought it up to me a few years ago. This one wasn’t a big deal i think, but i was at a park and a girl came up to me, apparently was like 3-4 years older than me according to my mum, and asked if i wanted to play. I was little, i said yes obviously. So she brings me to this heavily forested area with those like bushes/ trees that are low to the ground and she told me to take off my trousers. I don’t remember any of this and apparently i told my mum straight away after it happened.

The next one was only a few years later and i really remember this but i have never told anyone about it, i was 6 and it stopped when i was 8. I grew up catholic, you already know where this is going, i attended 1 on 1 bible study with a worker at the church i attended (which was a school church btw) and he used to bring me ‘gifts’ like idfk toy cars or whatever and so i really liked him and trusted him. One day the gifts turned from toys to alcohol, wine to be exact. He got me drunk and i vaguely remember the actual rape the first time but i remember he told me to stay quiet and that we were playing a secret game and i believe he took me to the closet in the room for the first few times. As i got older, he no longer really got me drunk but i still did what he wanted me to anyway which makes me doubt myself often about whether im actually traumatised over it. But i remember one particular time, where it was randomly hurting and i told him it hurt and he didn’t stop and i started to bleed and he yelled at me.That one sticks with me the most. We moved away when i turned 8 and i never saw him again.

The last one, i was 11 and it was my own fucking cousin. He was 5 years older than me, so 16. He told me we were gonna play games on his laptop and i followed him up to his room and he sat at his desk and told me to sit on his lap, i remember not wanting to but he was my cool big cousin so i did so. A few minutes pass and i feel something underneath me and i am uncomfortable. I went to get off and he pulled me by my hair and dragged me to his bed.It all happened so fast and i was crying i don’t know how no one heard anything. My mum was downstairs in the kitchen. She was downstairs while i was getting raped.

I can’t go through it again. I don’t know why it keeps happening to me. Is it something i’ve done? Something i’m doing? I just want answers and i just don’t understand. I’m legit hyperventilating as i’m writing this. I have tried to kill myself multiple times over this, i almost succeeded one time by hanging myself from a metal bar in my wardrobe but the cable that i used came undone as i lost consciousness. I’m close to attempting again because i don’t see how i can live a normal life anymore. I’m scared of adults or older people. I’m terrified of sex. I feel like a horrible person when i touch myself. I just want to be a normal teenager. I’m so done. Thank you for reading.

Hi, I wanted to share my story with you, because I don’t know what to do, what to think. To be honest, I would like to know your view on that situation, I hope I will feel better when I talk to someone, even online.. sorry for my english in advance.

Yesterday I was visiting my close F friend and his husband at their home. We know each other for almost 3 years, but we „clicked” since the first conversation. Her husband is a nice man, at least I thouht so. We (are, were? Sorry I don’t even know how to express that) getting along really well, and I loved that he was so nice to his wife’s best friend. I was really excited, because we didn’t see each other for almost a year. They live pretty far, so we decided that I will be staying for some time. It was fun, we were chatting, went for a walk, did some fun stuff together. During the day and the evening, I and husband were drinking alcohol. Not really much, but from time to time, and we ended a little drunk at the end of the day. We decided, that me and husband will sleep in the living room, and my F friend alone, because they have a baby in their room and we (he?) didn’t want him to sleep in the same room. We went to sleep, and I had trouble falling asleep that night, it takes me some time. So I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, breathing slowly hoping for falling asleep fast. He thought that I was asleep, and he started to touch me in my private area. In the beginning I thought that maybe he’s half asleep, or he’s sleeping. I was a bit scared, I didn’t know what to do. I thought that he will move his hand back in a moment, I decided to not make an argument in the middle of the night. But it got worse, I don’t know if I want to talk about the details, but I think it’s not necessary there. I was paralised, and pretending to be asleep…. and thinking about what to do to stop him, by not letting him know that I’m awake. Yes I know, I should just get up and confront him, but I ended thinking. I was scared that he will reverse it against me, that I started it. That I will be the bad guy, since they know each other for years, and I know her for 3. I didn’t believe that she will Trust me over her beloved husband. In the worse scenario, that their marriage will fall apart, and her life will fall apart, since she has nowwhere to go, and noone to help her. Or it will get worse, I don’t know… My F friend had a though life, and it get really better when they got married. They love each other, show affection, and that love is just spreading out of them. I feel bad about it, like I could do more to stop it, but then I feel that it would cause me more problems… i don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all… i have a gf, and we love each other. I feel like I betrayed her, and she will leave me if I tell her. I feel bad about everything what happened or could happen. Don’t be harsh on me

(Throwaway account)Long story but essentially my wife feels like I lied to her because I withheld that I was held someplace overnight and sexually tortured when I was a teen and my means of coping with it has significantly affected my life. I’m really not sure how to take it. Is she reconsidering our life? Is it really lying?

My wife (F42) and I (M42) have been married for 18.5 years. We have been through the roommates phase with kids and work affecting our lives. We finally started to open back up to each other in 2023. We essentially were like we were when we dated. We shared thoughts and opinions more openly especially in regards to our sexual wants or needs. She asked for some restraint play which I agreed to. During the act I started having a panic attack, nausea shaking hyperventilating etc. I got dressed told her I’m sorry and left the room to try to collect myself. She came to me asking what she had done wrong and I told her nothing. I was sobbing at this point along with trembling. She said it had to be something she hadn’t seen me like this before. I kept denying but she started getting upset, I am sure feeling insecure. I finally just told her I can’t do that it really bothers me. She kept asking why, it’s ok we are exploring. I told her because of what he did. She was confused asked what do you mean? And the floodgate opened of what I had never told a anyone. She listened and cried and told me she was sorry. She said honestly that explains a lot about you. She’s been supportive, actively encouraged me to go to therapy. Has been mindful that I am dealing with something that even though it happened over 25 years ago, my mind still feels like it was yesterday.

Lately when we argue she has started throwing at me that I lied to here for over a decade. I know I was wrong to dump it all in her lap and to have not been open about it in the past. I had never been able to admit it to myself really and had buried it so much that it wasn’t an active thought but its impact influenced day to day things. I can’t be in crowds. I have to be able to see exits. I am very uncomfortable when I’m alone with someone. If plans alter on the fly it really throws me off and I become very agitated due to having unknown things thrust onto me. I struggle to be happy or enjoy things. I have a very low sense of self worth as I feel like I’ll always be broken or just the wreckage of what could have been a great life.(I know I do with her but it’s just the feeling) I have always felt like I’ll never really be a man and I have to carry a shell for everyone to see. I know all of this has affected her as well and I can understand feeling like she was lied to. How am I supposed to respond to this? Or make of this? I’ve asked her flat out if she had known would it have made a difference on her marrying me and she has said no, so I don’t know if she is wanting something else from me? I have apologized sincerely. Did I break her trust?

for context i was 10, turning 11, and i was in an online relationship with a person 2 years older than me. they would force me to touch myself, and if i tried saying no, they would threaten me and say "ill hurt myself if you don't." we would do google meet on my laptop and they would tell me to have my camera on too even though i wasn't comfortable with it.

i wasn't smart enough to block them or put myself first, and i blame myself for letting it continue, but it also got to a point where i decided that i was going to be brave and set boundaries. i told them that i didn't want to do it anymore, and the next thing they did? they'd threaten to hurt themselves again and again until i finally did it. they would give me minutes ( usually 15-30, they once made me do it for a whole hour i think). one day i woke up and i was bleeding from down there because of it and i didn't know how to do it properly.

i might be wrong because i got the whole "you aren't an sa victim if they didn't touch you physically", from tiktok, but I've been told before this was sexual abuse.

i know that for sure im a victim of Stockholm syndrome (i got attached to them) and grooming, but can i really say it was abuse and i have trauma from it, or am i wrong for saying i was sexually abused? am i invalidating other victims by saying this?

My boyfriend just told me that he got raped recently by a woman who he met with his friends and she made him drunk and forced herself on him in front of his friends while she was sober, she raped him, his friends didn't have a problem with it cause they thought he was single so it's fine. I am in a country where there is no legal punishment for rape of men, I don't know what to do and how to help him, I feel so bad for the love of my life, I am asking him for the details of that woman but he isn't giving it to me, I want her to face her karma, what can I do to make my bf feel better, please tell me, I just wanna find her but I don't know who she is, all I have is her picture, I don't know how to find her, can someone tell me how I can find her through just her picture, I wanna find a way to contact her. Please help me.

I was raped by a couple a few years ago. I was m17 and she f26. She lured me into their home and we had sex but then her boyfriend came and raped me. She told him to go softer but he didnt listen and slapped her. After he finnished i was crying and she didnt want me to go to call the police, so she held me in her arms and kissed me. We had sex again and i think she was trapped by him.
After that i developed a huge crush on her, she was so nice to me but she still lured me into their home so that her boyfriend can rape me

I was 15 and so was she we would joke about being intimate but I always said it was stupid at our age. And after a while she would start touching me like grabbing my thighs or my butt at almost a daily it made me uncomfortable but I thought I was overthinking it that maybe she didn’t mean it, but after a few weeks of her doing it, me her and my friend were sat under a slide because it was raining I was sat next to her and she puts her hand on my thigh and she crept it up to my penis, she never fully touched it only through my pants, she also grabbed my hand and forced it on her chest and told me to squeeze. After that she kept making me touch her more and more. And I want to know if I’m overreacting with thinking she was sexually assaulting me

i've been struggling real bad with my ptsd since december and idk what triggered it to get so bad again. my therapist and i haven't gotten anywhere with this to help me work through it. idk what set me off and made it this bad once more. no one in my life knows how to handle this with me and i don't blame them cause shit, me too. i've been so guarded and irritated. fighting my panic attacks. i don't feel safe and it fckin scks. i still try to go out at night cause that does feel the safest. nobody be out here at 12-3am. i feel a bit safer then. i keep trying to push myself and i don't think it's helping. i feel like a shit bf too, before this we went out a lot. since december, it has become less. when we do go out and do shit. i get triggered easy and my need for escape is unbearable. that or i try to ride it out but my mood shift is so obvious and i feel like it ruins shit 🤦‍♂️ he's fine with this and supportive but that doesn't just make my guilt go away. i've expressed my frustrations with ts so many times. i feel stuck. i feel like my psyche can't handle existing. i've been drinking more cause deep down it does feel like it's helping. past week, constant drinking. my one sober, productive days today and i'm losing it again. i keep remembering someone i don't wanna after my sister joked about him to me a few days ago. had nightmares about him. i had ts in the back of my mind, and ts brought it all front and center ffs

I had an older male harass follow and stalk me. He was my superior. I've never told anyone. I wanted to know if the following scenarion is considered SA.

I was in a group shower, showering under a shower head rinsing off and to my far right all the way at the other side, he looks in at me, making eye contact, smirking, laughing. He kept looking me up and down over and over. This latedp less than 30 seconds. I was the only soldier out of 12 soldiers that he choose to "check in on me" in the shower. Why did he seem me out? Why did he look me up and down and smirk and laugh.

This was when I was in the army. He punished me and taunted me. This is so so immensely embarrassing. He would call me a pussy constantly in Spanish and got others to join in from my unit.

The image of him watching me through the door way genuinely felt like a violation against me. Like if he could intend to hurt me with looks, his would certainly suffice.

Please don't make fun of me. I have a lot of shame surrounding this.

I was never in any trouble in the army, I kept to myself, I hung out with my buddies, we went to work every day and had off weekends for the most part when not needed.

I was targeted for my demographic and given hurtful and unprofessional feedback.

This supervisor made sure that he would be the type to argue and debate who was right and who was wrong on any subject or insert himself into a situation as a subject matter expert.

The overall feeling I got was one of domination. The need to supresse or dominate another person by controlling them by shame and "orders from a non commissioned office.

Yes I am vague with some details to protect others involved.

Please be kind. This is the first time I have ever discussed this.

Woukd this be considered SA?

for reference at the time i was m15 and she was f16

it’s been a little while since it happened i was going to my ex gfs house to do some pretty normal stuff eat watch a movie her parents were gone for a weekend so we were gonna spend all day together i end up falling asleep while watching the movie in her bed and wake up to my hands tied up behind me on the bed frame and my feet tied up to the bottom with rope i asked her what was going on and to let me out multiple times she responded with i wanna make u feel good we always talked about intimate stuff and i always told her i wasn’t ready because of our age and she was fine with that she uses her hands i can’t get the images out my head i don’t know what to do it hurt so much she kept going after i came multiple times it used her tongue not head just tongue she took a hard wire and shoved it down my tip and a lot more things that hurt so much i dont know if i want to go into detail i was begging for it to end i used to think maybe im not over exaggerating but now i just think im being a little bitch.

once it did end i cut her off she keeps trying ti come back i spoke to her she said what she did was wrong but I’m over exaggerating it

i always did say i would be open to trying hand jobs and stuff but i always made it clear i wasn’t ready and it wasn’t anytime soon

ive never spoken to anyone about it im very ashamed of what happen i spend a lot of time thinking about nothing and how helpless i and stupid and scared i was i feel like a layer of masculinity has been stripped away i felt so not in control and i feel so worthless

is what happen considered rape/sa? or was the me being dumb and a bitch

keep in mind this was pretty long ago and i got a lot better but it’s almost like every time my mind and body just feel it and make sure i remember everything and i don’t know how much longer i can do this im so drained and done

Okay so a In 2020/2021 I had been drinking with with my ex wife at the time, I showered and she looked through my phone and found some things…we argued and I went to sleep… due to the alcohol. I woke up in the middle of the night with her on top of me and me inside of her I had what’s known as “morning wood” she was crying and said things along the lines of “I want you to want me and only me” and continued with what I look back at as grape’n me…I was confused and didn’t stop her is this grape or SA? I did love my ex wife and never brought it up as it was an issue but now that I look back at it and we are divorced I’m kind of confused…saw her recently and I kind of want to tell her she never apologized for that. She didn’t hurt me in my eyes but I feel like if it was the other way around I’d be looked at different…

it’s been a little while since it happened i was going to my ex gfs house to do some pretty normal stuff eat watch a movie her parents were gone for a week so we were gonna spend all day together i end up falling asleep while watching the movie in her bed and wake up to my hands tied up behind me on the bed frame and my feet tied up to the bottom with rope i asked her what was going on and to let me out multiple times she responded with i wanna make u feel good we always talked about intimate stuff and i always told her i wasn’t ready because of our age and she was fine with that she uses her hands i can’t get the images out my head i don’t know what to do it hurt so much she kept going after i came multiple times it used her tongue not head just tongue she took a hard wire and shoved it down my tip i was begging for it to end i used to think maybe im not over exaggerating but now i just think im being a little bitch.

once it did end i cut her off she keeps trying ti come back i spoke to her she said what she did was wrong but I’m over exaggerating it

i always did say i would be open to trying hand jobs and stuff but i always made it clear i wasn’t ready and it wasn’t anytime soon

ive never spoken to anyone about it im very ashamed of what happen i spend a lot of time thinking about nothing and how helpless i and stupid and scared i was i feel like a layer of masculinity has been stripped away i felt so not in control and i feel so worthless

is what happen considered rape/sa? or was the me being dumb and a bitch