r/NewToModesty

For me, it was whether I would be able to stick with it or not. Of course, I also wondered what people would think of me because I started dressing modestly when I was at university. So, there was that pressure, but the bigger question was whether I would be able to stay consistent.

What was the most difficult part for you?

Was it worrying about how your family or the people around you would react? Or did you feel like you were losing a part of your identity because changing your style can make you feel that way?

Or Was it something completely different?

Not from the internet, but from your own journey.

As someone figuring out modesty, I'd love to know what you learned along the way that might also help someone else struggling with the exact same thing.

After reading a few posts and comments regarding guys approaching girls on the street and in apps and the complications/drama, I just have one thing to say to our Muslim communities.

Normalize girls giving guys her father's number.

.

Let's be honest, modesty concerns more than just our dress ware. It concerns our speech and physical touch and our gaze as well. I read a post about a guy asking a girl he met on the street for her number. As the girl what would you do if you were attracted to him and interested in him. As the guy what would you do? The Muslims were divided.

One group said give him your number and get to know him privately, but also had concerns that people watching or the guy himself would think less of you 'for being easy.' 😂

One group said 😱 never in a million years, haram, how dare he.

My brothers and sisters. We live in the modern world. We have progressive Muslims that say Islam has to adapt to 2026, and they say girlfriends and boyfriends and zina is halal. And we have old school Muslims who reject this but are waiting for their parents to bring them a suitable spouse. It's not going to happen any time soon. In the meantime, men and women are mixing in the streets, workplaces, and universities. So what do you do when you inevitably find or get approached by someone you find attractive?

Why not keep it 100% halal, and also adapt to these changing times? It's very simple, Allah made it clear to us 1400 years ago, and Allah's guidance is timeless. Girls if you are approached and you are interested, there is no shame in giving your father's number. For guys we should normalize asking for her father's number, or give her your number so her male relative can talk to you if she's interested. Figure something out.

In my experience, what I saw happen in highschool and university and work, the one on one, privately getting to know each other has over 90% failure rate and it's probably closer to 99%.

Allah knows what's best for us, and he set a standard of modesty for when men and women interact. Let's not be embarrassed of our modesty or Islam, and let's not adapt Islam to fit in the modern world, but let's adapt the modern world to fit in with our Islam. Let's use the tools and technologies and opportunities we have to make the halal easier for us. Or you will end up rejecting 10 stinky cousins your family keeps trying to get you to marry. Or you will end up in not so halal communications that your family doesn't know about.

Everyone's situation is different so everyone has to try their best in different ways, but let's set the standard of "let me talk to your dad" and "here's my dad's number" whenever possible.

For the guys

You will keep yourself honest and focused

You will learn to handle rejection with grace

For the girls

You will scare away all the playboys immediately.

You will keep yourself honest

Both guys and girls. You will please Allah.

Allah will make it easier for you

May Allah make modesty easy for all of us. Ameen.