r/OverFifty

As a young lad in his 20s ni kama small girls are not for me🥲💔 sasa nimeamua kupanda stairs sai nataka mumama…….nitafanya kila kitu anataka sina ubaguzi……if interested dm

Both in our early '50s. Both second time around marriage. Still have kids at home in their teens.

Him - divorced acrimoniously after a very long marriage with infidelity on both sides. Me - no infidelity and the split was long ago/ no crazy ex.

Crazy ex sent me messages throughout their divorce (which occurred over the years while we were together, the divorce took 4 years to resolve). She wanted to be to be aware of his infidelities including one involving an underage girl. I chalked it all up to Crazy Ex talk. He agreed that all of those things did occur but he was here in a new light in a new space to be a better person.

Over the last 10 years I have carried us financially after he suffered a health condition which is now resolved. I helped complete the divorce, I helped him overcome his financial obstacles, I helped in a lot of ways.

We officially tied the knot a year ago, bought a house and have been experiencing some pretty tough things over this time. Since his health has recovered and he has lost weight as did I, he has "found himself" and is reinvigorated. Drives his classic car around. Feels good. Looks good.

Feeling insecure I asked some pointed questions which will probably a little unfair in retrospect. I asked why this marriage was different than the other marriage and why infidelity would not play a factor in the future if it had existed in the last marriage (which was very long). In a nutshell I was told that nothing would happen "If I was good". I really didn't like that answer. I found that very upsetting and degrading. Additionally I have witnessed some other behaviors that concern me such as pulling out excessive amounts of cash to pay for a small items from young pretty cashiers. I commented on it and said, later in private, I think that looks bad and it's bad optics and could be considered baiting. I suggested that there's really no need to have cash these days and that it should be in the bank. He was incredibly angry and reactive about this. His reactivity made me even more insecure.

Regrettably I made a bad decision myself and looked online for a tracker to put on our vehicle. Of course I bumbled and got the wrong one and it was incompatible with my technology but, I had hastily already put it somewhere on the car and frankly forgot about it. It never did work and I never thought anything about it. Fast forward about 8 months and he discovered this tracker and is now incredibly reactive and irate.

I can understand that and regret my decision to have become paranoid. Although his behavior has been concerning and questionable, truthfully it is my duty and responsibility to self-manage my insecurities all red flags aside. So go ahead and weigh in. Basically in a nutshell what we have here is a man with a midlife crisis and a woman with menopause - great mix.

Hi,

This has been coming on the past two years. My life is pretty good, great wife, good job, health is good, active, finances are good, retirement will be good, etc.

But...I don't feel it.

I had a bad bout of depression this winter. We bought a different house together in Oct and that pushed me over the edge as I had some buyers remorse....looking now I think I'd have it no matter what. Anyhow, the kids are 27 girl and boy 21 and they are pretty much on their own. My wife is 55 and will work another 5 yeas and I'll work around 7 more. The last couple years I've been feeling bored with life. Not happy but not depressed overall. Just sorta blah. Maybe just an age thing.

Anyhow this past year we bought a house, have some remodeling construction going on, carried our house and should sell next week, my brother died, my dad has prostrate cancer, my father in law has dementia, my best friend had triple bypass, ...... a lot of other thing seem to be happening.

Anyhow, I am deeply religious and think God has a plan for me in this.

I'm starting to see life as a day by day struggle, getting patience, learning to say its 'good enough', etc.

I am a vet and have a counselor at the VA that has been helping. It is just so much lately.

Any advice to share to make me better would be great.