r/Paranoia

The princess even told me that this had happened to some other slave. Like she brings this about? The other guy was badgered until he brought legal action and then had a stroke- pretty convenient. I won’t win. There’s nothing I can do except watch. No matter what I end up dead and I guess pretty soon. lol.

Sometimes I'm actually afraid to even think something mean or judgmental about another person because I worry about "instant karma." It's gotten to the point where, if I criticize someone in my head, I become anxious that something bad will immediately happen to me as some kind of punishment. I know it probably isn't rational, but the fear feels very real.

I'm not sure if this is just generalized anxiety, OCD, or something else.

I’m only 17 but it runs in my mom’s side of the family. She’s 51 so I have time, but I’m so worried about it and won’t leave her alone, I’ve been laying in her bed with her all day and following her around because I feel like if I leave I’ll lose her. I’m so anxious, my grandma just died from it a bit over a week ago and I don’t want the same thing to happen to my mom. I feel like I’m losing time

I made a post nearly 2 weeks ago about this. Essentially I've been hit with this revelation that not just my GP but hospitals the healthcare profession want me dead and to go crazy and kill myself by not treating me, gaslighting me and poisoning me with so called antidepressants. I was sent a warning from a YouTube video that this was what happened to Michael Jackson, he told people that he was going to be killed and then he died from healthcare and I will be next. The fear from all of this is eating me up and it's hard to stay calm but I'm trying to keep distracted and calm. It's very hard when I am just so scared of things.

The doctors gave me Duloxetine and Citalopram I now have debilitating vertigo/dizziness, confusion, falls, loss of balance, loss of mobility and seizures. I struggle to think or remember things properly now.

I hadn't stopped seeing everyone associated with healthcare in general. One of my friends works in a hospital and I talk to him (mainly on WhatsApp), I still see a mental health worker, I've had 3 appointments with an employment advisor who works with the mental health services and I went to see the audiologist specialist 3 hours from where I live. I also have been in talks with a local NHS service which is self referral for a different health issue I'd rather not talk about too much. I've been trying to avoid visiting my GP directly because I just don't feel safe and I hate how many of them manipulate me but I know they're doing it on purpose.

I feel horrible because I am still so desperate to get help and get better and not die but I've been avoiding my GP because I've been scared to see them. I still feel scared to be honest. I can't shake the feeling of I am going to die and my body is shutting down. Referrals have been made through the mental health worker and the NHS service is trying to urge the GP to refer me to a hospital department for an urgent appointment but it hasn't been actioned after over a week (typical).

I have avoided hospital and ambulances for a week and I'm hoping I don't go to another soon. I have had a few seizures but they weren't obvious to the public because they were focal or absent.

I keep worrying that if I refuse treatment from hospital in case they poison me or they try and do something to me when I went in the hospital against my will (because of seizures) that they will force some kind of mental capacity or mental health act assessment on me and force me to do it and I will have to physically defend myself. I feel sometimes I'd feel safer in a cell than the hospital. I've had issues with police in the past (no criminal history but more mental health related & instances of transphobia) but they didn't try to kill me. I'm still upset that they don't care that I'm being killed when I've called them for help and protection twice.

My mental health worker was concerned about me carrying my Swiss army knife (I've always used it for the intended multi tool purposes) on me in case I get scared and use it to keep staff away from me but I am too scared to stop bringing it out with me because I feel so hopeless. I said I don't want to actually attack people with it. I've kicked and pushed people away from me when I felt threatened by people including (ironically) transport police and I thought they were going to kidnap me. I only physically lash out when I feel in danger and I'm not physically strong anyway.

I don't know how to gain back control in my life. I keep being told I need to see someone mental health wise for my thoughts but so far I've had a very mixed response when I've reached out for help coping with all the revelations I've had. They act like I'm being nonsensical and don't take me seriously. I waited for the crisis team for over 2 hours to talk to them, in fact I had to call them back because they never gave me the call back they promised instead of waiting on hold (while maintaining my queue position). The person I got eventually did help me distract me but not without gaining selective hearing and saying "there was no evidence" and everything I'm saying "is based on feelings" when I'd been talking about everything in detail throughout the conversation. People keep comparing what I'm saying to conspiracy theories and honestly even if they're being nice about it people are acting stupid and oblivious and it's pissing me off. It's all making me so angry. People keep feeding into this mental health propaganda instead of listening to the actual facts.

Why was I ever given a medication that has been found to have cancer chemicals in it? Why was I going to be upped on a medication again when they knew I started having seizures not long after starting and they increased exponentially after increasing the dose and seizures are a side effect. "Oh this medication is one of the safest for seizures" if it has seizures as a side effect and it gave someone with no previous seizure history seizures no it's fucking not.

I feel like an addict who relapsed. Maybe it's because my mind is so clouded by everything.

I met a doctor I never met before and he listened to what I said and arranged to get some blood tests done but I still feel like I am doing something very wrong. But I can't do much about getting help without seeing a GP. I feel maybe they will use this against me as blackmail or to manipulate me because they know I am vulnerable.

I hate feeling so desperate and scared of everything. I don't want to get out of bed.

I saw a video on TikTok (or maybe it was an article) talking about how some psychiatrists are supposedly starting to consider the possibility that certain mental illnesses could be related to perceiving or living in some kind of parallel reality.

I honestly don't know if I'm explaining it correctly or if that's even what it actually said, but the idea was that maybe what some people see, think, hear, or feel isn't always just a delusion, schizophrenia, or something their brain is making up.

Ever since I saw it, I can't stop thinking about it.

And now it's giving me a whole new fear, because it makes me wonder: what if I'm not actually making things up after all? 😭

Has anyone else seen this video or heard about this theory? Is there any real scientific basis behind it, or is it just internet sensationalism?