r/ScreenwritingUK

Hi all!

I'm m22 and just beginning my journey into screenwriting - I have been in the music industry since I was a teenager, but I am finding this a lot more fulfilling these days. (And equally as financially rewarding; which is to say, not seeing a penny in a million years.)

I've written a pilot for a series and wanted some feedback on the comedy in particular - it's a modern day comedy about a bisexual man in his early 20's who ends up sleeping with both parties of an engaged couple, and the chaotic nature of that dynamic.

I think the story structure is very solid and that the tone feels distinctly 2020's, but feel there's a lot more to be done. This is only my first draft, and I feel it could certainly be a lot funnier. Inspiration being shows like Spaced, Bad Education and, to a lesser extent, some more comedy influenced British dramas like Fleabag and Queer As Folk.

Any advice or suggestions on making this that 10% funnier? I don't want it to be fast paced a joke a minute, but maybe smarter escalations?

Google Drive Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1m31uVUxibWRmLw5eb55GRyHR-XenpZe6/view?usp=sharing

Think about the last conversation you had where you didn’t say what you actually meant. Maybe you told your partner “I’m fine” when you weren’t. Maybe you smiled at your boss and said “sure, no problem” while screaming internally. Maybe you spent twenty minutes talking with an old friend about the weather, the commute, or a film you both half-remembered, because neither of you wanted to bring up the thing lingering underneath the conversation. That’s subtext. And it’s one of the most powerful tools a screenwriter has.

In real life, people rarely say exactly what they mean. Your characters shouldn’t either. One of the most common notes I give as a script editor is this: your characters are being too literal. They’re saying exactly what they feel, exactly when they feel it, and it kills the scene. Real communication is indirect. We deflect. We soften things. We change the subject. We say “I’m not angry” in a tone that makes it obvious we’re furious. That tension between what’s said and what’s actually meant is where great dialogue lives.

A few things I always come back to when writing subtext:

- Know what your character really wants. Not what they say they want, what they need, and why they can’t ask for it directly.

- Let the scene be about something else. An argument about washing up can actually be about years of resentment. Keep the scene about the dishes.

- Trust your audience. If you’ve built the emotional groundwork, you don’t need to explain everything outright.

- Use silence and action. A character avoiding eye contact or suddenly washing dishes instead of answering a question can say more than a monologue ever could.

The scripts that feel real are usually the ones where characters are evasive, contradictory, and emotionally indirect, just like actual people. They laugh when they’re hurt. They change the subject when they’re scared. They say “I should probably go” when they desperately want to stay.

When dialogue reflects that messy human reality, scenes stop feeling written and start feeling alive.

Hi folks,

We’re the writers a play called 'We Had Fun' that we will be taking to the Edinburgh Fringe this August. To help us cover the cost we're running a Crowdfunder. We didn’t want to just go all around the houses asking people to open their wallets, so we’re working on a ‘rewards’ model, so people can hopefully get something back for anything they put in. Everything on offer has been kindly donated by people we’ve met during our time working in the industry.

Between us, we’ve been working in the film and theatre for over 10 years and so several of the rewards on the funder may be beneficial to people in  this sub. We're trying to offer all of these things out at a discount on their usual cost. Currently we’ve got:

• A consultation with BBC Script Editor Tom Ward, who will read your comedy/drama TV script (up to 30 pages), provide full written notes, and do a 1-hour follow-up video call
• A 2-hour, small-group intensive workshop with Emmeline (BFI NETWORK, ACE, BBC Arts) to steer your funding strategy and crowdfunding hacks.
• Video editor Ethan Crowther will take your footage and edit a polished 1-minute trailer (16:9 for web/YouTube + a 9:16 portrait version for social media).
• A year’s membership to The Developing Room, a creative hub for filmmakers, including free cinema tickets, partner events, and short film fund entries
• BAFTA member and award-winning composer Joanna Karselis will critique your 4-minute track/cue over a Zoom feedback session

We're not trying to be solicitous or untoward, so apologies if that is how it seems - we did clear this post with the mods first, but they warned us we might catch some sharp questions from the community, so if anyone has any questions about this or our experiences of working as writers, we’re more than happy to field anything.

We don’t stand to personally benefit from this; we're just a pair of writers who are trying to finally get our work made. This whole project has been made over about 4 years purely on the kindness of people up and down the country and we're really proud of that fact.

You can check out the crowdfunder here:

https://crowdfund.edfringe.com/p/wehadfun#

Even if there’s nothing for you here, we are dependant on donations from kind people, so if you think there’s a service or an item you could offer up, please get in touch and we can arrange that with you.

Hey all,

So I have been cold emailing producers and I got a response back. I sent them over my pilot script and they seem extremely interested. Wanted to ask the question in the title and your thoughts on it?

Any advice would be most appreciated

I hadn't been long in Los Angeles when this happened.

I was hired to ghostwrite a memoir about Truman Capote's final days for Johnny Carson's widow.

She lived in a house straight out of Sunset Boulevard. Baby grand piano covered in signed celebrity photographs - the kind you normally see hanging in dry cleaners and old Italian restaurants, except she had them expensively framed. There was even an East Indian holy man living in the garden shed.

Her assistant Bill used to drive me up to the house. Before that he'd been Mickey Rourke's assistant. Before that he'd worked at The Mayflower in New York.

On the drive over he'd warn me: "Don't trust Joanne. Especially the Truman stuff. She's a compulsive liar."

Then the second he left the room, Joanne would lean toward me and whisper: "Don't trust Billy. He's a compulsive liar."

The whole thing felt like living inside some decaying Hollywood funhouse.

At one point Joanne invited me to stay over for Chinese food. Bill later explained that "Chinese food" apparently meant something else entirely.

I never stayed.

The story she told me was extraordinary. Funny, tragic, completely unrepeatable. And she still couldn't tell it honestly. Every time we got close to the real thing - the sadness, the humiliation, the loneliness, the desperation - she'd pull back. Soften it. Turn it into mythology.

The book never sold. Not because the story wasn't there. Because she couldn't face what the story actually was.

I've thought about that ever since. Most projects don't fail because they lack craft. They fail because the creator is protecting themselves from the one thing that gives the work actual life.

The grit is usually the story. The thing you're tempted to clean up. The thing that embarrasses you. The thing that makes you look less heroic than the version in your head.

That's usually the doorway.

What's the thing in your project you keep protecting yourself from?

I've set up an online screenwriting group for writers in the Scarborough area. The plan is to share a scripts, read through some scripts (or excerpts) in the meetings, get feedback and share ideas, and connect with local writers. We meet 1 Sunday a month 10:00-11:30. Drop me a message if you would be interested in joining.