r/TraumaTherapy

I am going through so much this past year. I’ve lost 7 family members in 7 years and I’m just not myself mentally or emotionally. Now I have to find a place to live. Please pray for me.

I've been focusing on CPTSD from an unstable, unsafe home and a narcissistic void of a mother during my sessions. A specific memory that memorialized who my Mother was. I am saying truths I've known but never vocalized, and saying them out loud is just so fucking sad. The flurry of guilt, shame, sadness, fear are all so vivid to remember. And realizing that as a child I LIVED in that fear, the secrecy, solitude and longing... I wouldn't wish that on anyone, though I've spent a good portion of my life believing I deserved it.

But, I am developing empathy and care for that little girl who endured all of that. & am able to recognize that anger is a secondary emotion - I've been angry because it's easier than being hurt all of the time. It's complicated, now. I'm still hurt and heartbroken. I'm still angry but not seething, or being destructive. I'm mourning what could have been if someone had cared for me, AND am thankful that I can care, and be cared for as an adult.

I'm still excavating the gunk, as my therapist says, and the insights continue to come. I guess I'm posting this because the truth is liberating, and maybe someone can glean some hope or comfort from reading it. I appreciate this community sharing their journeys one brave step at a time.

We have been dating for 4 years and when we started long distance she hid someone and had a deep emotional bond with another person it lasted for 3 months and then she realized it was wrong it all started when she broke down mentally and showed vulnerability to the other person...she cried about the things that I said to her which got her hurt and he shared his trauma they both also flirted and called petnames(baby, baddie) to each other they used to hug and hold hands ......they both were supporting each other emotionally and I was left blindsighted........she even blocked me for 7 to 10 days during that time .....and told me the reason is that she was trying to move on from me because her parents were creating pressure to do arrange marriage......After her emotional bond got over she came back to and acted the same way and thought that I will never know......but after 5 months I once checked her insta and she instantly changed the password so I confronted her and she told me the entire details after a week .....she told me that she came to a conclusion that she is an evil and characterless person and that's why she did it......it leaves me struggle with all this trauma alone she has become unempathatic towards me she says it has took a great impact on her mental state and the illusion of her being a moral person has shattered.....so I am left with all these questions that I want to deal with her but looking at her state I pity her........What should I do with my urge to help her and urge to shoot her in the head.......I am confused and I have decided to not talk to her for a week .....I don't want to decide whether to stay with her or not in this emotional state ......I first want to get my mind back take a break and than take a decision........I told her I am ready to work this through but I don't guarantee anything.I am in a dilemma whether she is a good person or not for me.I am really scared to give her my trust.

I wasn’t prepared for what to expect from EMDR today. I wasn't really aware that we were even going to do EMDR even. The session was so intense and painful that I wanted to stop twice because of how overwhelmed and how much pain I felt.

Now, an hour later, I feel completely emotionally depleted and deeply depressed. I’m struggling to function and honestly just want to sleep and forget today happened. I'm struggling to feel interest or even go to work today or really anything. I can't imagine having to do this again. We also only covered one year out of 7 or maybe 3 of abuse.

Is this normal? How do you help yourself the day before and after?

I really can't handle this at all. It's so intense.

Does anyone feel regret because you’re the one that is still alive and your twin isn’t.? I have such deep remorse that my God took my Twin instead of me and it’s breaking me to the core. We were born a set two broken from one cell. How can God take a twin from their twin? I am very angry and still cannot comprehend my Twin’s death. I need help. And yes, I see a psychiatrist and a therapist and it’s not working. I’m on medication’s and I have no family left to talk to.