r/adultswithBPD

I am a man with BPD (borderline personality disorder). BPD is a disorder basically brought on by trauma, usually from childhood. For me, it shows itself in multiple episodes throughout the day of rapid mood fluctuations. I’ll go from feeling fine to feeling angry, to feeling sad, to feeling happy, to feeling enraged again, to feeling morose, all within one hour. It’s draining.
It’s mentally exhausting going through these fluctuations to the point where when I’m not having an episode, i disassociate. When I disassociate, I’m not present so I’m not a joy to talk to or be around. And that leads to where I am now, my friends abandoning me and now I have no one to talk to or be there for me. I’m too much. And I get it. I feel mentally broken or like I’m a burden.
And I know everyone’s answer, “go to therapy.” I am. I have a therapist I see regularly. The problem is, treatment is a process and I really am trying. But I feel like no one can see the progress I make. No one cares to see the steps I’ve taken to better myself. And it’s crushing. I hate feeling this way, that no matter how much I try, I’m never good enough. It’s constant failure after failure.
No one sees me. It’s like I’m treading in water that’s at my neck. And I have the keys in my hand. I just wish I could feel seen and supported by someone for once.

Hey guys!
I have decided to start my own group chat for anyone looking for a safe space to:
• connect with others who understand
• share experiences
• ask questions
• vent
• offer and receive support

Leave a comment if you would like the link 🩵

what even is the fucking point? bpd
mother gone at 11
raising 3 siblings
bpd for life
alcoholic gene
whoops fucked that up
minimum wage
and whoopty fucking do 5’0 trans man have to have 100000000 dollars to afford to be yourself
whoops i pass to much to use the women’s bathroom now this shi smells like shi and im overanazlyzing how i walk, talk, piss, dab up, i eat alone
i know people would talk to me but i can’t open my god damn mouth to vocalize
ouch

been on 0.25 for almost 2 years just so i don’t run out bcz of my fucking life just now ok
whoops paying 300 every other month on the car of bf bcz you feel bad

Hey so I just turned 20 today and all month I have been agonizing my birthday because me and my boyfriend have trouble with money most the time. Well today came and I just felt not good, not bad just not good. So the day went on as planned figured I had $200 roughly to spend and was ok, still not good but trying really hard. We get to the store to pull out the money that I thought was mostly for me to just spend, until he reminded me I had been promising a razor. It felt like the world crashed when he said that, but I didn’t want to ruin the day so I held it in I wound up slamming the car door and my mood had shifted yet I was still trying. We get the money and start heading the the razors and we got in a bit of an argument because he said we should just get a men’s and I was set on an electric women’s razor. I gave up and we got the stuff spent a little bit of more time then I wanted but it was whatever. So we are walking through the store and he is basically just talking about my behavior and his fear for the day and I’m not sure why but this upset me bad, so I told him to just leave me alone and I went and walked down a separate isle. We regroup and I can sense he is still tense more likely from not feeling heard but I just want to go so we start heading out. He tries to talk again in the car things just go he keeps trying to just feel heard while I’m trying to fight all the thoughts in my head. We get gas I’m crying bad and he’s still trying to get his feelings and fears heard I end up saying I want to just go home, but he doesn’t so I tell him go home or I’m going to just call the cops and leave he try’s to take the phone out of my hand but I won’t let go, so I end up in the driver seat with him and I ended up breaking his tooth things simmer on his end but I’m still set on leaving, we get to the house and a full fight breaks out we are yelling and screaming door gets broken and things are just bad, I had and kinda still do feel like me shaving was more important to him then my birthday and that the reason he didn’t get me a present was also cause it’s not important to him. I make the primary income so I felt very untitled to do what I want and get what I want. I feel I should also say he has a severe tbi as well as bipolar and cptsd. I feel at such a loss idk if I should pack my stuff or wait for him to get back from the emergency dentist, any advice helps I will be honest I feel so unremarkably horrible but on the same hand I don’t feel like I should stay here. Thank you if you have read this far I hope you have a wonderful day/night/evening