r/feeld

As a woman in their early 30s I really really despise the fact men in their 50s, 60s+ can find me when I personally don't have them in my settings (no judgement to those around my age who do, it's just not my thing).

The way the app works this way 1. Has increased admin for me as I have a whole other wave to filter through (my likes are at 3K and I'm finding this overwhelming, not having people I already know I have no interest in, not be able to like me would massively reduce this) 2. I just feel so effing uncomfortable having 19 year olds or old men trying their luck.

I've tried stating at the very top of my bio "If you're outside of this age range, you're not for me" but of course men are chronically known for not reading and blinding swipeing on whatever is shiny to them.

I've just tried to reach out to Feeld support to suggest changing it so only people in your age settings can find you but they've given me some waffle back about it being that way for "exploration". My argument is, what about boundaries??

Anyway, I would just like to see from others (mainly women if I'm honest, but not exclusively) POV how they feel about this apps feature.

I've seen people post about this before but now I'm experiencing it. I usually get between 5 to 20 likes a day and have for over a year since I started, plus about 2 to 5 pings weekly. I then paid for a year membership last week and shortly after my likes stopped cold. I get nothing.

I'm a woman, I also have distance set to other cities so thats why I tend to get more likes. So I find it odd that suddenly I stop getting any likes at all shortly after I pay for a year.

Now I regret paying for a year

Edit- its not about my ego if I stopped getting likes because they purged junk accounts, great! What concerns me is I PAID for a year the all of a sudden it stops. I was paying 3 months at a time before.

First I know it’s different for guys than ladies. My wife’s profile is the perfect example.

We both pay for majestic, anyone else notice that connections seem to come in waves? Nothing for a couple weeks then several in a day?

I have a partner who is a woman and she gets a lot of likes and has majestic. I don’t understand why there isn’t a way for her to filter out all people under 40 for example. Is there a reason why this feature isn’t available? I think that would go a long way in helping the women who have a hard time going through all the likes that they get. That is especially bad when they have to work through profiles that don’t match their search criteria.

Edit: she’s all set. The option was there, we just didn’t see it. Thanks!

I feel like it’s reasonable to expect the last person to make the connection would send the first message. So, if I was the one who completed the match and opened up messaging, I’m going to say hi and start the conversation. I find alot of people “make you come to them” after being the one to complete the match. And it’s just online dating, I don’t take any of it too seriously, so I’ll still start the conversation opposed to having dozens of matches in my queue doing nothing, but am I the only one who thinks it reasonable to start the conversation if you matched last?

And honestly, maybe it doesn’t matter in other contexts, but because I’m generally looking to meet men who are into the D/s dynamic, me being the (experienced) s, I feel like it sets a precedent when the D takes the lead rather than sit and wait for me to reach out. Again, not rigid about it, but seems odd to me to wait to be approached when we’ve matched.

I'm seeing a lot of women's profiles where the only single desire listed is "GGG". So apparently I'm out of touch because I needed Google to tell me this is "Good, Giving, Game" which is apparently supposed to say "good in bed". That even that doesn't say a thing to me. What am I supposed to interpret about what such a person wants?

Or…more accurately: how do I explain this to people so I don’t retraumatize someone or make them think I’m some psycho stalker? Because I fully understand that the world is fucking sick right now. Women’s bodily autonomy is being taken away by governments. The whole ivy school frat house planning, drugging, then assaulting that woman for seven hours in the news. This is disgusting and disgraceful. The world is turning into the handmaiden tales and people don’t feel safe. An estimate 1/3 women worldwide have been SA-ed in their lifetime (that we know of, so it’s likely far more) and basically the general consensus for women is to just never trust a man, ever. And saying “oh it’s not all men” doesn’t matter because statistically the man saying that is more likely to abuse any trust given. That’s why we lost to the bear, guys.

With all that being said, I’m frustrated. And this is not taking away anything from women, and experiences they had. This is not a comparison. I am not suggesting my frustration are ever more important than your safety or life experiences or anything like that.

Look, I have never actually felt any pleasure having sex. No offense. I’ve been inside six, maybe seven vaginas in my lifetime. It’s warm. It’s sometimes wet. Sometimes tight. But it does nothing for me. Oral, anal, same thing. It’s just work for me. Penis goes in, penis goes out, penis goes in, penis goes out. I’m glad if you like it, but it does nothing for me.

What turns me on is porn of assault. Wonder Woman defeated and taken. karate champion grappled down to the mat. Etc. the one fun thing I like in sex is trapping your limbs and stopping you from fingering yourself. I finger you. I make you climax. I’m in control.

So what I want to find is a long-term play partner to explore a cnc dynamic. I want to find someone who is wired the same way but in the opposite side of it. Obviously safe words, blood testing, boundaries, etc would be discussed beforehand. Like seriously, I do not want anyone to actually get assaulted for real. I just want to explore this headspace and dynamic.

But whenever I broach the subject, instant ghosting. Ive put it in my profile. I’ve had some people connect with me, and when I ask if they read my profile…suddenly I’m unmatched again. I’ve been on dates with people who say they are so up for cnc and then just never respond to me again. I’ve had previous relationships fall apart not long after we tried this. Like legit, I saw her eyes change and I stopped immediately. We never saw each other after that day.

Like, I don’t want to pretend to be vanilla and the bring the subject up months later. That’s just a waste of time and energy for everyone. And I feel it’s deceptive.

Obviously fetlife exists but I feel like fetlife is 99% toxic asshats that don’t even know what safe words are.

Feeld has been the one place where I feel that my people are. And I don’t want to scare them or hurt them in any way and I just want a potential partner out there to understand that. I want to compact all these thoughts and fit it into that 1500 word profile bio limit in a way that makes them understand and feel safe.

Because saying “trust me, I’m safe and not like other guys” is the same shit every abuser has ever said. No one believes it, and for good reason.

So, women of Feeld, I humbly ask you this: do any of you know how I can explain all this on my profile in such a way that at the very least people understand? Because damn it, this is emotionally exhausting.

And you know what, if you think I’m the scum of the earth, just please tell me where and why this post made you feel that. Any feedback at this point is appreciated. At the very least I can learn where I’m communicating badly.

Thank you. I’m sorry this is a long freaking crash out.

Over the past year or so, I utilized mostly Bumble and Hinge for dating. Maybe 50 or so solid matches that converted into 20 dates that whittled down to a solid six that went on for more dates, and eventually one that I had an eight-month relationship with. She was lovely and amazing.

That relationship ended peacefully for a number of reasons, but I always felt if I was going to continue, I needed a place where I could be a little more “authentic,” if you know what I mean. So, a friend suggested Feeld. I have had about 80 matches over the last few months…and not one has turned into a date or meeting. Not one. More often than not, the conversation just fizzles on the part of the other person and after a certain period of time, I just peace out.

Have we all just given up? Are we all just articles of convenience and validation points to each other now?

I’m staying mostly on a surface level with this conundrum without going into sexual preference/sexuality, age, etc.—just the data points above and would love to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar.

How many likes does your profile have?

Finding a switch is easy. Finding the right kind of switch feels impossible...

I've been on Feeld for a little over 6 months and it's helped me realise that matching on kink labels means surprisingly little.

I'm a relatively inexperienced switch and recently connected with another switch who made things click for me. He was incredibly attentive and curious, conversations flowed, he listened to what I actually responded to, remembered little things and built on them.

His dominant side could be soft and pleasure focused without feeling passive and switching between us felt natural.

Since then I've realised that's what I'm struggling to find on Feeld. I meet switches and Doms but usually the sexual conversation feels like someone running through their script instead of being genuinely curious about mine.

I'm not exclusively looking for gentle dominance either. I'm actually really interested in eventually exploring much rougher/meaner dynamics but I'd want that from someone I already know is capable of being attentive, affectionate and pleasure focused too. The range is what attracts me.

But I'm having another massive issue on Feeld... where is the actual getting to know each other stage?

My profile explicitly says I need connection and chemistry, but so many conversations seem to jump from matching to sexual conversation to “come over” or a date somewhere conveniently close to their place, with this unspoken assumption that we'll end up having sex afterwards.

Most aren't opposed to going for a drink/date when I suggest it, which almost makes it stranger. They're willing to date first, but there doesn't seem to be much desire to date me first.

It sometimes feels like the date is just the preliminary step before the thing they're actually interested in.

And I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I do want sex and kink. I just want chemistry, flirting, dates and some actual vetting first. I want someone to be curious about me as a person before assuming they'll have access to me sexually.

Maybe it's partly an age thing because I'm mostly matching with people around my age (early 20s) or maybe I'm expecting something from Feeld that isn't particularly common there.

For people who've actually found ongoing casual kink connections through Feeld with genuine chemistry...how did you find them?

And is this just the reality of Feeld now or am I doing something that's attracting/filtering for the wrong people?

EDIT:

I just wanted to clear up a couple of things...

When I say I want an emotional connection, I don't mean I want a deeply emotionally involved relationship without calling it a relationship.

I mean that natural intrigue you get when you're attracted to someone and genuinely want to know more about them. I want someone who's curious about who I am outside of kink/sex, but also genuinely curious about me within kink and sex.

Not just “what are your kinks?” and then working through a list. More like: what is it about that that you enjoy? Why does that turn you on? What part of the dynamic does something for you? What makes you feel good? and actually listening to the answers and letting that shape how we interact.

I want that curiosity to go both ways. That's what I mean by connection. I can want something casual while still wanting to actually know and be interested in the person I'm sleeping with.

Also, I probably didn't explain the situation with T very well. We matched while his profile said he was exploring my city, but he was hundreds of km away. I assumed he was travelling but he explained that he actually lives in another country. We're both in Europe, so it's not an impossible distance, but it's still around a 3–4 hour flight.

We carried on talking anyway and ended up speaking pretty consistently for about 4 days, including sexting. In that short time, he gave me exactly the kind of interaction I'm describing above.

He was curious, he listened, he asked follow up questions, he paid attention to what I responded to and why. We had really good chemistry and communication, and sexually he was a great soft dom and pleasure switch. I learned more about what I like from those few days of talking to him than I had from months of much more repetitive sexual conversations.

We never actually discussed what we were looking for with each other, which in hindsight I probably should have brought up. Because realistically meeting wasn't straightforward, I assumed it would probably become a casual online thing where we'd talk and sext from time to time and if we were both open to meeting it could be something we discussed. We did acknowledge the distance while flirting, but never made any actual plans around it.

Then he became noticeably less engaged and eventually told me that talking like this wasn't good for him and it "fucks with his real life" so he wanted to stop.

I was disappointed obviously but I respected it and ended things kindly. Those few days just showed me a type of sexual and interpersonal compatibility I hadn't experienced before and gave me a clearer idea of what I'm looking for.

That's why I'm finding Feeld a little frustrating. I just want to find people who have that same curiosity, attentiveness and desire to actually discover each other.

Throwaway because I'd rather not have Feeld linked to my main account.

My girlfriend and I have been using Feeld off and on for over a year. We're looking for a unicorn and we know they're rare. We have two accounts, one for each of us, and we're quite clear in our bio that we'd like to meet up. During the conversations, we usually also mention my girlfriend is bi-curious and she wants some experience with another girl, preferably with me joining as well since she likes watching. Occasionally we match with a girl who seems interested so we talk a bit and exchange a few pics. Then we ask to meet up over drinks to get to know each other and before you know it, you're either ghosted or blocked.

Is Feeld just for people who want some pics of couples getting it on and they found out the best way to do it is to pretend to be interested in them? Or do people actually meet up with their matches as well? If so, how do you get to that point?

My wife and I are newly open, so I want to be on feeld but on incognito. Do women look at their likes or their feed more?

Hi, I (35F), am looking to make some connections within the community in the UK. I am from a country close by, but would rather date/connect/play in the UK, but I'm not really sure how to begin in a new place without a partner or friend already in the community. Would Feeld be a place to start? Or would you recommend another app? A sub on here? A community with regular meet ups?

Thank you for any pointers. 💐