r/marraige

So ive been with my husband for 7 years and married 3 of those years. He has bad anger issues where he screams loud and breaks things. A chair, the door frame, my journal, throws my stuff, breaks kids toys. He's man handled our 4 year old before but i think it was out of fear. Our son (who has autism) was eating his poop and he was trying to get it our his mouth and became frustrated and ended up making his lip bleed from being too forceful. That was 2 years ago.

A few months ago, me, him, our son, and our 3 year old daughter was on the way to the museum. My son got overstimulated because his tablet wasnt working and has a pretty high pitch scream. My husband turned around and back handed him in the mouth out of anger. My sons lip started bleeding. He says he didnt mean to make him bleed but he intentionally meant to hit him in the mouth because thats what happened to him when he was young. I freak out and yell because we have NEVER hit our kids in the face. I made that clear before we had kids if we need to dicipline them we pop their legs or hand. And he was just overstimulated he wasnt even being bad..

more recent situation. I asked him can we have more family outings when he woke up from his third shift job and he said it was fine. I mentioned we owe our kids that much to take them outside and not have them in the house all the time, he was upset because i brought this up immediately after him waking up and the comment (dont you owe them that much) hurt his feelings and made him feel like a bad dad. he then got upset because he's hurt we haven't been hanging out and thought it was the perfect time to bring that up when we were already arguing about one subject. I explain i dont want to talk about that right now because I see you getting escalated already and once you get too upset you explode... he explodes anyway because he felt like I was brushing him off

He starts screaming like usual, all in my face by the way.. Our daughter is on the couch watching her tablet while we argue. I jump up and yell back in his face because he's evading my personal space and I'm tired of it so i stand up for myself. (I don't yell often, i just say hurtful things back)

I see things getting more heated so i tell our daughter to go upstairs repeatedly. I tell him all the time not to argue in front of the kids because its not good and it will traumatize them. In this process I'm ignoring him which tics him off more and he goes to yank the tablet from our daughter and throw it upstairs so shell go upstairs. In the process of that he hits her with the tablet and busts her lip. I rush my kids upstairs and hes following me saying he didn't mean to. I put the kids in the room and go in our room. He's rushing me and in my face bucking at me and knocking my shoulder with his. Feeling threatened i push him back then strike him twice in the face. He pins me on the bed and bends my arm backwards. I kick him off me then run in the the kids room to call the police. He then backs off realizing what he's done and tried to come in the room in a low tone asking to talk.

We explained everything to the police and i didn't press charges because i know how hard he's worked to stay out of trouble. He's never put his hands on me before. I want a divorce but he says its not going to happen again and to not leave him. I have anxiety every time he yells over these past years and i often avoid conflict because i don't want to see him blowing up. But sometimes I stop caring and say what I want and that ticks him off more. This makes me sad because i do love him but I'm not in love with him.. i was fine the rest of the day because we prayed together and i asked God to give me signs on what to do. However Im close to luteal phase so everything seems 100x harder and heavier. I don't want to make a long life decision while I'm in this headspace. Its 3 am and i can't sleep because i keep replaying what happened. I'm disgusted all over again. I feel like ill let myself and children down if i stay. I don't want to wait around for something else to happen "accidently" that could be fatal..

Hes signed up for therapy (anger management) and called a local pastor to try to get advice (hes been angry since his sister died in a car crash 5 years ago) he never healed from it. His trauma is leaking into our family and I just dont know if its worth sticking around for him to get better

He explains hes stayed with me through it all, which he has. When I was unmedicated (bipolar disorder) and cheated through text on him, when I was on lexapro and emotionally numb most of our relationship, the horrible things I use to say to him, flirting with his friends, etc. I was horrible.. but NEVER have I hurt my children out of anger or hit him! I feel like its a difference.. no?

Thanks so much for reading everything. I cant type it all. I dont want to lose anyone.

Me (23F) and my husband (27M) have been together for 5 years, married for 3. I've been considering divorce lately because we're going through a rough patch, and honestly I've thought about it for the past year for multiple reasons.

The first time was when we got into a fight because I didn't laugh at one of his jokes. He pushed me against the wall, I punched and kicked him, and he threw me to the ground. I yelled at him to never hit me again and left to go to a friend's house. He called me begging me to come back, saying he was going to kill himself. That's been the only time he's physically hurt me.

More recently, we got into another fight because I asked him to wrestle me — I wanted to know if I could defend myself. I won, and I felt amazing, but he got super mad because I wanted him to acknowledge that I won and that I can take care of myself. He said it made him feel like less of a man.

He's LDS. I'm leaving the church — it's just not for me, though I'm still religious and believe in God, just not the church. He's been guilting me to stay in it.

He got laid off 3 months ago and started relying on unemployment without really looking for work, making excuses like "the job market is terrible" and "no one is hiring." I know that's not true where we live — I looked into a part-time job to help with bills and got multiple offers, but turned them down because I decided I'm not going to work harder just so he can stay home and do nothing. I already work with two-year-olds at a daycare, so I'm emotionally exhausted as it is.

He recently got a job (because I told him I didn't want to be married to a guy who plays video games all day), but he's had horrible anxiety about going. In his third week, he only worked two full days. I've dealt with severe anxiety to the point of being physically ill for weeks at a time, and I still went to work even when I hated that job (I love the one I have now).

I like to think of myself as a hard worker, and I thought he was too, but lately he just doesn't seem to care, and he won't get help — not from a therapist, not from a doctor. I feel like I've given everything I can to help him, and he hasn't been trying to improve. He's so happy when things are going his way that I'm not sure if this is depression or him just not wanting to be a functional person. I've had severe depression myself, and I never had stretches of happiness like he does — his low points only seem to show up when I ask him to do something, or when he has to go to work.

I feel like I'm doing all the work in this marriage — working, cleaning, keeping us afloat, finding a new place to live since we're at the end of our lease. I've started working out every day and it's helped me so much, but he keeps telling me to "go easy" whenever I vent about not wanting to work out (I still do it, I just want to complain sometimes), and I don't feel like I have his support. It feels like he's dragging me down.

I feel like I got married way too young and lost a part of my life. I don't know what to do — I want to leave him, but I somehow still care for him. It's confusing

Edit: the physical fight in the beginning happened a year ago and I do think he is trying to change but he still snaps/yells at me from time to time it's always very quick and he always says sorry.

Before I start, I want to clarify that I don’t want any suggestions of separation, that’s not what I want.

I am back home after surgery and I cannot walk or do anything for myself. I am normally a very active and independent person and I do everything around the house and with the kids so this has been a huge blow.
My family are here full time to help which is amazing and we would be lost without them.
The problem is my husband’s attitude. He does everything he needs to do, helps me wash, go to the toilet, etc, etc. But he provides zero mental support. The man is full of self pity, says he’s nothing to be happy about and goes around the house like a black cloud. It’s embarrassing, it makes me feel like I can’t ask for help and he’s horrible to be around. He’s being snappy with the children too, who had an upsetting week.
I’ve tried talking to him, tried telling him how he’s affecting everyone around him but nothing gets through. I’d rather he wasn’t here and told him he should just go to work and I’ll manage with the help I have but he said he won’t. I’m at a total loss as to what to do. I’m trying to come to terms with my current situation but I can’t because he’s making me feel worse.
Please help, what do I do?

F 29 married to M 38, with 2 kids. This may be a very weird take, I am just wondering if in other marriages people leave special food left overs for one another? This is pretty common but for instance, my husband is middle eastern, we got take out and there was a lot left that I was very excited for (I didn’t get to eat it when we got it, I was with the kids)
There’s been a takeout box in the fridge for a day that he kept telling me he “left me”
Tonight, after bath time and bedtime I was so excited to eat those leftovers… there was one grape leaf. Turns out he’s been eating away at it and thought I’d be happy with just that to myself.

Idk am I the jerk!?