Is thinking of divorice normal after 3 years marriage?
Me (23F) and my husband (27M) have been together for 5 years, married for 3. I've been considering divorce lately because we're going through a rough patch, and honestly I've thought about it for the past year for multiple reasons.
The first time was when we got into a fight because I didn't laugh at one of his jokes. He pushed me against the wall, I punched and kicked him, and he threw me to the ground. I yelled at him to never hit me again and left to go to a friend's house. He called me begging me to come back, saying he was going to kill himself. That's been the only time he's physically hurt me.
More recently, we got into another fight because I asked him to wrestle me — I wanted to know if I could defend myself. I won, and I felt amazing, but he got super mad because I wanted him to acknowledge that I won and that I can take care of myself. He said it made him feel like less of a man.
He's LDS. I'm leaving the church — it's just not for me, though I'm still religious and believe in God, just not the church. He's been guilting me to stay in it.
He got laid off 3 months ago and started relying on unemployment without really looking for work, making excuses like "the job market is terrible" and "no one is hiring." I know that's not true where we live — I looked into a part-time job to help with bills and got multiple offers, but turned them down because I decided I'm not going to work harder just so he can stay home and do nothing. I already work with two-year-olds at a daycare, so I'm emotionally exhausted as it is.
He recently got a job (because I told him I didn't want to be married to a guy who plays video games all day), but he's had horrible anxiety about going. In his third week, he only worked two full days. I've dealt with severe anxiety to the point of being physically ill for weeks at a time, and I still went to work even when I hated that job (I love the one I have now).
I like to think of myself as a hard worker, and I thought he was too, but lately he just doesn't seem to care, and he won't get help — not from a therapist, not from a doctor. I feel like I've given everything I can to help him, and he hasn't been trying to improve. He's so happy when things are going his way that I'm not sure if this is depression or him just not wanting to be a functional person. I've had severe depression myself, and I never had stretches of happiness like he does — his low points only seem to show up when I ask him to do something, or when he has to go to work.
I feel like I'm doing all the work in this marriage — working, cleaning, keeping us afloat, finding a new place to live since we're at the end of our lease. I've started working out every day and it's helped me so much, but he keeps telling me to "go easy" whenever I vent about not wanting to work out (I still do it, I just want to complain sometimes), and I don't feel like I have his support. It feels like he's dragging me down.
I feel like I got married way too young and lost a part of my life. I don't know what to do — I want to leave him, but I somehow still care for him. It's confusing
Edit: the physical fight in the beginning happened a year ago and I do think he is trying to change but he still snaps/yells at me from time to time it's always very quick and he always says sorry.