AITA for feeling a resentment towards my “closest” orgmate
I just want to get this off my chest because I want to sleep peacefully, and this has been bothering me since yesterday.
For context, an orgmate whom I'm very close to—or at least I thought I was—recently had his sablay 🌻 moment. Since he couldn't find any transient accommodations, he asked if he could stay at my place because I live alone and I was actually out of town for my internship. The circumstances were perfect, so I gladly let him stay. At first, everything was okay.
Then Friday came. I let him know that I'd be back around Friday midnight to early Saturday morning. He told me that his girlfriend would also be staying over that Friday night. I was even rooting for them to spend quality time together since it had been a long time since they had gotten intimate (in a wholesome way), so I adjusted my own plans and decided to take the 4 or 5 a.m. bus instead just so they could have more time alone.
When I finally arrived, even though they had left the key outside, I couldn't get in because his girlfriend had double-locked the door from the inside. I had to call him, and thankfully he woke up and opened the door for me. But when I entered—oh my God—it was a mess. Yes, I understand it was a hectic time for him because he was busy attending ceremonies and testimonials, but I honestly didn't expect that. I always thought he was a clean and organized person. I tried to let it slide because I figured it was normal during graduation week.
Then I saw something that genuinely shocked me. Near the sink was my mug—the one I always use—and he had turned it into a mini vase for the sunflower that I assume his girlfriend had given him. I don't know, but it just felt wrong to me. Once again, I shrugged it off.
They eventually got ready for the university graduation. His girlfriend is already an alumna, and while she did exchange a few words with me, it was just small talk and nothing more.
Later that night, after the graduation, he came back while I was finishing something related to my practicum. He knew I was trying to focus, but his girlfriend called him and started ranting about something. He didn't even bother lowering the volume or using his AirPods. The call stayed on loudspeaker the entire time. I even took my own AirPods out as a subtle gesture that I was getting irritated, hoping he'd get the hint. He apologized, but he didn't actually do anything to change the situation. By that point, I was already annoyed and honestly started feeling off about everything.
For additional context, I was the one sleeping on the mattress on the floor because that's the setup I use whenever I have visitors. I even let them use my plushies to make their stay more comfortable. I also ordered dinner for us through my phone, and I think he may have forgotten to pay me back for his meal.
Our arrangement from the beginning was that he didn't have to pay for staying at my place. I willingly let him crash there for several days for free because I genuinely thought he was a keeper and wanted to help him during such an important milestone in his life. As a token of appreciation, he invited me to join his family for lunch and paid for my food. I accepted that as his way of paying me back.
However, I eventually realized that even people who stay at Airbnbs often have more manners and etiquette than he did. He didn't clean my place before leaving. He didn't throw out the trash. The only thing he mentioned doing was scrubbing my mug thoroughly. That was it.
What really pissed me off happened before they left. He wanted me to help carry his belongings down to their car. I was literally in the middle of doing my makeup, but he still insisted that I carry some of his things. Even the flowers. The funny thing is, he clearly had enough time to go back upstairs himself to get the flowers while I was still getting ready, but instead, he waited for me to finish and expected me to carry them down. After that, he expected me to just get into the car where he and his family were already waiting.
Like... what the fuck?
My mom, who pays for my apartment, doesn't even know I let someone stay there because I knew she would've never allowed it. Looking back now, I finally understand where she was coming from. I probably should've listened to her.
Am I the asshole for feeling this resentment toward him?
And one last thing: he didn't even remember the donuts I gave him. I'm not expecting some grand expression of gratitude, but all I really wanted was for him to feel how genuinely happy I was for him and his achievement. Instead, it felt like he didn't even want to accept them. He even asked whether the donuts were from me or from his girlfriend. For context, I had actually asked his girlfriend beforehand if she knew his favorite flavor. Ironically, I don't think she knew either because she had to ask him herself.
Maybe these are all just small things individually, but when I put everything together—the lack of consideration, the entitlement, the mess, the expectation that I'd continue accommodating him even after everything I'd already done for him—it left me feeling disappointed, unappreciated, and honestly resentful toward someone I truly considered a close friend.
To top it all off, I let him disturb the peace and quiet that I had intentionally created for myself. I've actually been taking a break from people, especially interacting with them in real life, because I've been trying to detach and recharge. I was ignoring almost everyone during that time. The only reason I replied was because he reached out asking for this favor, and I made an exception for him because I genuinely cared about him. He knew I was on a break and that I needed space, yet I still opened my home to him and accommodated him despite where I was mentally and emotionally.