r/racism

My maiden name is very white. Distinctly Northern European. After my divorce I made a decision to keep it solely for socioeconomic reasons. I genuinely hate that I felt the need to do that but it has served me well. I found my dream job and I am very confident that I would have likely not been so easily considered for it otherwise. What has been most interesting is that once I was seen/interacted with on camera - I think I hit the other side of the dynamic. No one wanted to be perceived rejecting me for my appearance/race. It’s wild. Frankly it is unfortunate validation that I made the right choice to keep the name of a partner that I no longer communicate with. I think marrying him and receiving a Slovakian name was beneficial to my life. Please know that I share this experience to convey that racism is real, relevant, and reflective of our current society. I sincerely wish it wasn’t.

Me black m16 and my gf white f 16. Her family has been nothing but inviting to me and very good people to me. We are also all friends on Facebook which is going to make sense. Less then 10 mins ago I got a notification saying her dad commented on a post. The post was a black man saying “I dare you to say it I’ll make you taste the ancestors💪💚🖤❤️” and then her dad posted in the comments “Say the C word dummy” I’m honestly not sure what this means but the guy commented smth abt consequences of people being racists and then my gfs dad replied to it that’s what I thought maybe I’m trippin rn but can someone tell me what does “say the c word dummy” mean pls help!!

TL;DR Racist In-Laws. Being a Puerto Rican American in America is terrible right now. Especially living in the deep south. I get so much disrespect from my peers. To make it worse I married into a family with strong racist roots mainly from my father-in-law and it has gotten so bad since 2024.

My wife has two fully white daughters and a half black son from previous relationships. Her dad and mom treat the girls like royalty but treat him like crap. Not to mention me and her have a son together but he looks white so they treat him better than my wife's half black son.

I found out my father-in-law has been talking trash about me to my kids because he thinks I'm a lazy Hispanic even though I do more for all the kids then there real fathers and my wife because she has a short temper and can't stand being around them.

I want to leave but I feel bad for the kids because we live with my in-laws because my father-in-law is an over the road trucker so we take care of my Mother-in-law and they have told me my kindness to them is the only reason they haven't run away and my in-laws always yell at them and treat them like 3rd class citizens and I don't want them to suffer. I don't know what to do anymore but I can't stay much longer.

It is wearing me out mentally to the point I don't even sleep at night anymore. My wife isn't helping much either as she tells me I am overreacting and that they aren't that racist.

So this has been bothering me for a while now; I moved to Montreal downtown about a year ago and notice it constantly downtown. I‘m a Puerto Rican male and moved from the US, Philly to be precise. I never noticed this there but in Montreal I get looks and then people spit as if out of disgust. Am I reading too much into this? Or is this a common racist reaction? I was told that I could easily be mistaken for a North African since there aren’t many Puerto Ricans in this city and I feel that could be it . There’s just a lot of spitting on the streets from my perspective and sometimes they even look at me first. Another thing I noticed is the STM, Montreal natives specifically white French avoid me like the plague and one particularly hurtful incident was when I sat opposite a guy and he just stood up and stood until he got to his stop. Man I really like the aesthetics of the city but have never dealt with this level of microaggressions before and a work colleague said it’s because the French aren’t fond of North Africans and I could easily be mistaken for one? Idk it’s really getting to me especially the spitting so if someone can enlighten me: am I reading too much into it and is spitting normal in Montreal or do these Frenchies really hate the sight of me? Also got a really dirty look from this one lady when I first arrived but didn’t let it bother me so but the spitting man don’t know how to deal with that.

This has been an experience I’ve had since I was about 18.

I’ve been told that I’m conventionally attractive and it is also clear in my experiences that it is true. I experience special treatment sometimes because of this but I’ve realised that amongst white people or in non black environments I don’t experience pretty privilege much.

When it comes to dating my experiences; early dates with black guys is them being very vocal about their attraction to me whereas that’s not the case when I’ve dated white guys, though obviously there was a level of attraction to be on the date in the first place, but it seems the level of attraction is much more mellow.

I promise I’m not overstating my looks, I am very attractive but for some reason it doesn’t translate *as much* across races in professional or casual environments. I wanted to post to see if anyone has experienced this as well or if there are any interesting articles to read on the topic.

I don’t believe pretty privilege should exist and I believe in meritocracy, so I’m not necessarily complaining, just processing some of my experiences and generally curious about the topic.

Tv shows and movies often have a lot of diversity and interracial relationships. I wonder what racists feel like when watching these shows.

For example I’m currently watching The Great North and the son has a black fiancé.
House of dragon has black Velaryons.

I recently came across a video of a black woman saying she doesn't like being called girl or sister by white women,and I didnt get why is that,I dont see anything wrong with it but if it's wrong I won't be calling them that

My girlfriend in an argument told me I was "tall for an Asian", I said that was pretty fucked up to say and claimed it was racist. She argued back saying its okay to say that because the average height in Asia is shorter than Europe but I still think it is wrong to make that remark, please let me know what you guys think.

My partner recently fell out with his best friend of almost 20 years. For context my partner had gone over to his friend’s house and made a comment saying ‘the racists have made their way here with the flags’ (the UK flags which have become a symbol used by the far-right). The friend in question then began a rant - first stating that they’re ‘fucking sick of them’. My partner at first thinking he meant he was sick of seeing the flags, but he clarified he meant ‘immigrants’. Went into a whole rant of how they are given all these ‘freebies’. They referred to family member being ‘homeless with 6 kids’ whilst referencing two of our other friends (one of whom is Muslim) how their families ‘got a council house’. Said that ‘unless you are born and bred here, you shouldn’t be here, simple as that.’ My partner obviously challenged him and a whole argument kicked off. My partner ended up walking out of his house as he was so angry. It strikes a different nerve that he also used two people we know well and are good friends with to come with this vile rhetoric.

After my partner left, the friend went on a tangent over text trying to justify his ‘reasons’ (racism), accused my partner of not accepting others opinions and tried to spin a narrative of my partner saying his family member deserves being homeless. May I add the friend had not once in 20 years ever mentioned a family member being homeless, including in conversations that were had about the homeless crisis in the UK - so this was a very odd thing to say suddenly. It was absolute madness. My partner tried to educate him over text but due to the personal attacks that started he gave up, told him he wasn’t friends with racists and that was it. They haven’t spoken in months. I can tell my partner is sad about the situation, particularly because this came out of nowhere and they were very close. He thought he knew his friend. I will add the friend comes from a racist family, but we thought they were more selfless, humane and had a level of their own thinking. They not once implied they were racist themselves, but I guess you never truly know someone do you? The crazy thing is it’s like how did he expect my partner to react? The friend knows my partner isn’t the type to keep his mouth shut and will always stand up for what’s right. Now as time goes on we both just get less sad and more angry about the friend and feel glad we have cut them off.

Has anyone else had these kinds of situations happen? How did you deal with falling out with someone you thought you trusted over racism?

I'll try to keep this short, but l've been feeling uneasy ever since yesterday evening. It was brought to my attention and I seen with proof that my ex used a derogatory racial slur (hard er) while saying something over text. I know that it's bad and I'm not making excuses, but I just don't get it and can't believe it. He's white, I myself is Mexican and he has an Puerto Rican child's mother so his son is mixed, I know that doesn't mean anything, but can you see how I'm taken back? I have black family members and friends. He said the word to another white person in text, by using it in a sentence referring to a black person so not directly to them but still the word used against them. I just hate this and I’m trying not to act disappointed but I am.

With me being Hispanic I know we have an history of and current racial prejudice slurs and acts against us so if he is able to say a word about black people I wonder what he will or does say about Hispanics? How do you sleep with them date them and use their body while being comfortable with slurs against ethnic people and minorities? He can’t be unaware of that word and probably feels a way about all other people other than white people:( He’s also known to be attracted to Asians as well. I can’t believe his mixed race son has a father like that. He hunts, fishes, even said he doesn’t support Trump nor follow him because he’s union and you would think he’s a trumpie but he’s not so I thought there’s no way he can be a racist. His sons mother boyfriend is even black, which his son stays with his moms side full time. I cant believe I’ve been with that man, I thought he was different..

I’m an immigrant woman working in a corporate role in Canada, and over the last 5 months I’ve really struggled with workplace social dynamics in a way that’s affecting me emotionally more than I expected.

It’s not overt bullying or anything obvious, but there’s a small group within my team that consistently feels cold and closed off toward me while being warm and social with everyone else. Things like conversations dying when I join, lack of engagement, never really being included socially, uncomfortable body language, etc. Over time it’s made me feel very isolated and hyper-aware of myself.

I’m also the only one in that group who:

grew up outside Canada

has an Indian accent

is culturally newer to the environment

So I keep wondering whether this is:

subtle cultural mismatch,

unconscious bias,

or just normal clique behavior that I’m taking too personally because connection matters deeply to me.

I know workplaces aren’t meant to guarantee friendship, but I genuinely didn’t expect to feel this lonely in a professional environment.

Would really appreciate hearing from other immigrants/South Asians in Western workplaces. Have you experienced this kind of subtle exclusion or difficulty integrating socially at work?

TL;DR: Immigrant Indian woman in Canada feeling subtly excluded socially by a small group at work while others seem to integrate easily. Wondering if this is something other immigrants/South Asians have experienced too.

I genuinely feel like i’m not even seen as human. I can’t stand living in this skin and i hate that I’ll always be overlooked or worse, made fun of and picked on because of my race. I don’t want to leave my house or look in a mirror because now even when i look at myself all i see is my skin.

They’ll casually drop the n-word to insult POC and pretend it’s cool, when you explain to them why they’re wrong and shouldn’t be racist they’ll just treat you like you’re being too sensitive or it’s not “that deep” I’m just really tired of how normalised it is and how I rarely see someone standing against racism in my area. They are even racist against people who are from other provinces than thiers!

Hey everyone,

I’ve been living in Calgary since around September, and I’ve been having a pretty different experience socially than I expected.

Before moving here, I was used to being in environments where I felt comfortable and didn’t really have to think about race much. Since being here, I’ve noticed a lot more subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) behaviors that have been getting to me over time—especially on public transit.

Things like people clutching their bags, avoiding sitting near me, social distancing or even reacting in ways that feel like fear or discomfort. It doesn’t happen every time, but it happens more and more now that it’s starting to affect how I feel day by day now

I’ve even had a horrible situation when someone kept on shouting the N word at me for a good 10 minutes on the train before leaving and I was so confused I didn’t even know what to do

I’m not really posting this to argue whether it’s “real” or not—I just want to understand if others have experienced something similar here, and how you deal with it without letting it get to you.

Appreciate any honest perspectives.

I'm so sick & tired of defending my right to voice my thoughts & ideas in this space i'm at as a teacher to be. In our trainee group of \~15 ppl, there happen to be more men than women.

Some of those men dominate the space. I've also experienced racism & embarrasment by them.

Weird powerplay, where people told me i shouldnt message our teachers about neither of them showing up, until 15 minutes from the scheduled beginning of the meeting.

I kept writing the msg with my phone and asked them for reasoning, and the answers were stupid. I still didnt send the msg rightaway, which feels like a failure of my feminist practice.

The racist incident happened late last year. It was "handeled" as a conflict between two people, and "solutions" were made by our teachers & head teacher: basically let's pretend nothing happened. I was told i dont have to worry about this anymore, the teachers are taking care. "Dont comment each other's work during the rest of the semester" etc.

When he (the one that was racist towards me) broke the "solution" by giving plenty of comments during the first possible chance, a few weeks after the "conflict resolution meeting", the teacher did nothing.

Later i asked how were those solutions were supposed to be taken care of, i was told by the teacher, they answered there was no talk of it, but they will now remind the racist about it.

So i've had to sit with this insufferable racist asshole the rest of the semester, along with the other sexist and/or power horny idiots, who are becoming, out of all possible career choices, teachers.

So much minority stress already on & of course all the shitload of schoolwork. I really want to speak up to feel like i did at least something.

I'm planning on giving a small speach of this topic when my seminar work is being discussed next week. But i'm terrified of it.

I'm the only racialized person in the group, and i've been the only one speaking up when these idiots share their racist/sexist viewing & "jokes".

It's just so fucking hard that i simply havent had the energy to speak up on all of the horrids i hear and see in this group.

New here. Please be kind. My husband is brown and children are mixed (1 and 4 years old; I am white). I can pick up overt racism, but some micro-aggressions do go over my head. It’s honestly eye opening talking to my partner. I guess I wondered, from personal experience, is there anything that your parents did that made you feel well supported? I’ve bought children’s books and my husband is open to talking to them, but I have two daughters who look up to me.

I'm a young, Black man and I'm just tired of feeling totally trapped in the world.

I was in a store today in a rural town when I passed a group of teenagers. I didn't even glance at them, but I could tell their energy shifted when they saw me. I picked up what I needed from the next aisle, but I could still hear some of their conversation. They were laughing and making comments about picking cotton and slavery. I had a feeling their comments were about me, but I walked back toward them to be sure. Sure enough, when they noticed me again, they got visibly embarrassed, said "oh, shit" and stopped talking entirely. I didn't say anything to them because they were clearly minors and I thought I sent enough of a message by walking back.

This is far from the first racist experience I've had and I'm sure it won't be the last. What's so frustrating about anti-Black racism is that it is constant. I can't change my name or how I dress to avoid be stigmatize for my skin. I feel like every time I leave the house I have to be constantly aware that my presence is making a statement before I even get a chance to open my mouth. People are judging me, seeing my as violent, criminal, ignorant, before I even get to display my character.

It's like being trapped.

Those teens from the store will likely grow up and some of them may hold on to their racist biases. Some of them might become police officers, doctors, lawyers, judges, business owners, etc. They one day might have the power to directly hurt Black people with their racism.

This is the reality of being Black in an anti-Black world. Every interaction is racialized and you have no idea what person holds prejudice towards you over something you have no control over.

What's even more frustrating is that people act like it doesn't happen. So many white people and even self-hating non-white people swear that racism is a thing of the past or it isn't as big of a deal as it used to be. Anytime you bring up a racist experience, they try to rationalize it and blame you for being treated the way you are.

The things is, even if racism isn't that common (for argument, let's say only 1 in 100 people are racist), play that out over a lifetime. How many people do you interact with in a day? A year? A lifetime? If you interact with 1,000 people over the course of a year, that's 10 racist experiences every year of your life. What does that do to someone over the course of a lifetime?

And these prejudices get people killed. I saw a video of a white woman who ran from a Black man walking up to his own home because she didn't believe he lived there. She was on HIS property and called the police on HIM because she couldn't believe a Black man lived in that house. Imagine if the police showed up and had that same assumption?

It's just an unimaginable weight sometimes and I find it hard to talk about because most people either act like it doesn't exist or justify it. On top of that, right-wing internet culture is making it even worse.

It makes me want to give up on society.

Just over a year, I was racial profiled. I wrote the entire incident out and recently it, I'm wondering anyone else's opinion on this

So this evening, (between times of 17:27 and 18:08 on January --th 20--) I went into the local lidl after school with intent to buy cough medicine. Having not found it I called my mum asking her from her way to work to purchase this medcine at 17:27. I resourced to buying juice and a speaker for my dad, this item is what caused this whole altercation later. Ready to pay I went to the self checkout scanned, payed for and packed all my goods, then passed through the security scan. The buzzer beeped. Me and another lady walked passed, from my view, at the same time. The security guard hearing this (black male) asked "if the beep was because of me."-In paraphrase. I responded (black --y-old) as "I am unsure." Bear in mind by this point the other woman has walked passed, I was the only one who waited on hearing the beep. The man signaled to me as if to hand over my bag containing the stuff, he took it off me and passed through the security scan, and the item beeped again. He opened the plastic bag looking searching for a few minutes for anything which may have caused the beep, reshuffling the bag abit. He hadn't at this point asked for my recipt. Another lady walked passed jokingly saying "leave him alone, hes only a baby." Later when he cane over I asked "is it this" pointing at the speaker in my bag and revealing it for him to collect. He passed the speaker through the security scan and behold that's what's made the beep. He asked for my recipt, which I gave him and showed him the item details on the recipt. I took back the speaker and the recipt and upon waiting while. He asked if it was the "20 something pound thing which made th beep," I responded "yes." I walked back abit wanting to go. Him not dismissing me. And left. ~18:08

Later I told my dad (black male) of the incident, and he responded confused "as why I was stopped, and not with the other lady." Bear in mind the other lady (who was white) wasn't questioned, and at that point it was unclear who made the security scan go off. He explained it was wrong for me to be stopped and for my bag to be searched. Saying it's racial profiling for me to be stopped. He said if a search were to be conducted 2 personal must be present and I had no right to be detained after all I am underaged. My dad asked "if I was okay from the ordeal" which I responded "yes." It was left on the note that he (my dad) will go to the Lidl and speak to the manager about this incident.

Later this night, on our way home and meeting up with my mum. We decided to go to Lidl that night. Upon reaching, I pointed out the security guard and My dad immediately raised his voice questioning "Why my bag was searched" drawing attention to the situation lite insults were thrown such as "idot" and "stupid" from both sides (my dad and the security guard). We then went over to a cashier asking for the manager. The security man came out of his post and my dad began shouting saying "its because im a black boy I was stopped, further lite insults were thrown. while we all waited for the manager.

The manager arrived and had to wait between what was my dad and the security guard shouting with my mum getting involved occationally aswell. My parents, continually asked the question "why I was searched." There was alot of emotion. My dad stopped shouting after a costumer exclaimed "there are children stop your shouting" referring to both parties. My dad thanked the man and turned to speak to the Manager. The security man was in the background still annoyed at being shouting at. My parents and I briefly explained the situation to the manager. He said "it's policy and his job for this search to be conducted." My parents asked "how come the other lady wasn't stopped." The security guard said "a cashier told him the lady was fine" (I bare no recollection of this as i would have heard this. From the original incident the security guard was mostly silent). My parents argued saying this other woman, white female, should have been stopped for a search just like me. The security man responded "I came through first, and thus stopped" (it seemed the story has changed).

My parents turned again back to the manager asking "why MY bag was searched." The manager again said "its policy and should raise a complaint."

My Dad asked "if there's any security cam footage" the manager said it "can't be provided unless we raise a complain."

My dad explained if we were to raise a complaint and not appear in person, from past experience, the costumer service usually question us why we didn't appear in person. Us now satisfied by raising a verbal complaint Left. We said how we will "escalate the situation."

I live in the UK and these beems are costumery, usually it goes unnoticed. If a security guard were to stop you, they first ask politely to see your recipt and you, YOURSELF, take the items in you bag out. This would usually be conducted in a calm reassuring manner. However, my search was done quite coldly - the man didn't even say I can go. From all this I view this a racial profiling.

We are a group of researchers at Cornell University who are working with the mods of /r/racism on a survey that will help us understand the relationship between community norms, technology, and participation. We are posting this to invite you to take the survey, which you can access here:

https://cornell.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3LextpvMLEztOw6

The survey will take approximately 12-15 minutes to complete and will ask questions about your participation patterns in /r/racism, why you participate(d), your perception of its community norms, your experience with algorithmically generated content and recommender systems, and demographic questions. We will not ask you for personally identifiable information. The survey has been approved by Cornell’s IRB: IRB0149466.

Please note: We have been using multiple recruitment methods to help us reach as many people as possible so that we can ensure that our results are valid. That means we have been messaging people who have participated in the community (including people who have had posts removed and even been banned), and if we can get the go-ahead from Reddit, we'll also be taking out ads targeted to users of /r/racism. Please check your inbox! If there's a survey in there, please use that link! If you have already completed the survey in your messages, you do not need to do it again. It is the same survey, and we thank you for your participation.

We are particularly interested in hearing your feedback if you are just a lurker. It’s hard to capture the perspectives of lurkers and you are also an integral part of online communities.

If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out to me on Reddit via DM, email sag284@cornell.edu, or post in this thread. Or, you can contact Cornell’s Institutional Review Board (IRB) for Human Participants at https://researchservices.cornell.edu/offices/IRB.

We will share survey results on /r/racism and our website at citizensandtech.org

today some one came into my place of work (sally beauty) this was a white lady looking to go box braids. After she had left me and my coworkers including my manager said it was strange to see a white woman doing box braids. I added in the conversation that My parents wanted me to have braids as a child (my dad is part black and i have curly hair). My manager looks at me and says, “Say the N word if you are black.” I say no, she says “Why”. I say i’m not black passing, also that i don’t use slurs in my vocabulary. She proceeded to say “So then you’re not black, if you were you would say the word”. So she said i’m not black because i don’t pass as it and the fact that i also done use the n word. My other coworker agreed with her. My manager proceeded to spit out a bunch of slurs including the F slur for gay people and the R slur for Neurodivergent people. This was very uncomfortable. My manger is Hispanic, and the other one is white. Should i say something to HR or do i keep it to myself