u/Beneficial-Image1358

Hi everyone. Black and Mexican girl here. I just need advice on how to go about dating especially when using dating apps. I know people recommend to try out in the wild, but that doesn’t work for me at the moment. I see so many successful stories on social media and even in public with a lot of black women/mixed race and or Hispanic women with getting a boyfriend or husband, but always feel as if it’s so hard for me. With me living in a extremely predominant white area, those are the guys I tend to match with most and within fitting my personality traits and or hobbies. How do you have standards and not feel bad when it comes to having/setting boundaries like requiring dates/effort?

I sadly feel as if in the past when I was on the apps, a lot of guys assumed/guessed me to be a bit easy weather due to my ethnicity or Idk.. even with being straightforward with what I’m looking for and not having promiscuous pictures up. I always feel bad to say no with matches that are low effort within the fear I won’t find anyone or the men will feel like I require too much and I also find myself getting obsessed over the fact I finally find a guy that “likes” me since I don’t get liked much as I don’t go out a lot and live in a small town. I hate getting fetishized and very scared to have another situation like my last “match”, as I was mislead & didn’t see the signs because he wasn’t political(I now know that’s bad as well) and with him growing up in a diverse place/had an mother of his child that is ethnic. Any ladies have any tips? How are ladies even getting to get dates/hangouts and simple effort from guys their interested in without them thinking your an easy time?

Hi everyone. Black and Mexican girl here. I just need advice on how to go about dating especially when using dating apps. I know people recommend to try out in the wild, but that doesn’t work for me at the moment. I see so many successful stories on social media and even in public with a lot of black women/mixed race and or Hispanic women with getting a boyfriend or husband, but always feel as if it’s so hard for me. With me living in a extremely predominant white area, those are the guys I tend to match with most and within fitting my personality traits and or hobbies. How do you have standards and not feel bad when it comes to having/setting boundaries like requiring dates/effort?

I sadly feel as if in the past when I was on the apps, a lot of guys assumed/guessed me to be a bit easy weather due to my ethnicity or Idk.. even with being straightforward with what I’m looking for and not having promiscuous pictures up. I always feel bad to say no with matches that are low effort within the fear I won’t find anyone or the men will feel like I require too much and I also find myself getting obsessed over the fact I finally find a guy that “likes” me since I don’t get liked much as I don’t go out a lot and live in a small town. I hate getting fetishized and very scared to have another situation like my last “match”, as I was mislead & didn’t see the signs because he wasn’t political(I now know that’s bad as well) and with him growing up in a diverse place/had an mother of his child that is ethnic. Any ladies have any tips? How are ladies even getting to get dates/hangouts and simple effort from guys their interested in without them thinking your an easy time?

Hi everyone. Black and Mexican girl here. I just need advice on how to go about dating especially when using dating apps. I know people recommend to try out in the wild, but that doesn’t work for me at the moment. I see so many successful stories on social media and even in public with a lot of black women/mixed race and or Hispanic women with getting a boyfriend or husband, but always feel as if it’s so hard for me. With me living in a extremely predominant white area, those are the guys I tend to match with most and within fitting my personality traits and or hobbies. How do you have standards and not feel bad when it comes to having/setting boundaries like requiring dates/effort?

I sadly feel as if in the past when I was on the apps, a lot of guys assumed/guessed me to be a bit easy weather due to my ethnicity or Idk.. even with being straightforward with what I’m looking for and not having promiscuous pictures up. I always feel bad to say no with matches that are low effort within the fear I won’t find anyone or the men will feel like I require too much and I also find myself getting obsessed over the fact I finally find a guy that “likes” me since I don’t get liked much as I don’t go out a lot and live in a small town. I hate getting fetishized and very scared to have another situation like my last “match”, as I was mislead & didn’t see the signs because he wasn’t political(I now know that’s bad as well) and with him growing up in a diverse place/had an ethnic child’s mother. Any ladies have any tips? How are ladies even getting to get dates/hangouts and simple effort from guys their interested in without them thinking your an easy time?

I'll try to keep this short, but l've been feeling uneasy ever since yesterday evening. It was brought to my attention and I seen with proof that my ex used a derogatory racial slur (hard er) while saying something over text. I know that it's bad and I'm not making excuses, but I just don't get it and can't believe it. He's white, I myself is Mexican and he has an Puerto Rican child's mother so his son is mixed, I know that doesn't mean anything, but can you see how I'm taken back? I have black family members and friends. He said the word to another white person in text, by using it in a sentence referring to a black person so not directly to them but still the word used against them. I just hate this and I’m trying not to act disappointed but I am.

With me being Hispanic I know we have an history of and current racial prejudice slurs and acts against us so if he is able to say a word about black people I wonder what he will or does say about Hispanics? How do you sleep with them date them and use their body while being comfortable with slurs against ethnic people and minorities? He can’t be unaware of that word and probably feels a way about all other people other than white people:( He’s also known to be attracted to Asians as well. I can’t believe his mixed race son has a father like that. He hunts, fishes, even said he doesn’t support Trump nor follow him because he’s union and you would think he’s a trumpie but he’s not so I thought there’s no way he can be a racist. His sons mother boyfriend is even black, which his son stays with his moms side full time. I cant believe I’ve been with that man, I thought he was different..

I'll try to keep this short, but l've been feeling uneasy ever since yesterday evening. It was brought to my attention and I seen with proof that my ex used a derogatory racial slur (hard er) while saying something over text. I know that it's bad and I'm not making excuses, but I just don't get it and can't believe it. He's white, I myself is Mexican and he has an Puerto Rican child's mother so his son is mixed, I know that doesn't mean anything, but can you see how I'm taken back? I have black family members and friends. He said the word to another white person in text, by using it in a sentence referring to a black person so not directly to them but still the word used against them. I just hate this and I’m trying not to act disappointed but I am.

With me being Hispanic I know we have an history of and current racial prejudice slurs and acts against us so if he is able to say a word about black people I wonder what he will or does say about Hispanics? How do you sleep with them date them and have their body while being comfortable with slurs against ethnic people and minorities? He can’t be unaware of that word and probably feels a way about all other people other than white people:( He’s also known to be attracted to Asians as well. I can’t believe his mixed race son has a father like that. He hunts, fishes, even said he doesn’t support Trump nor follow him because he’s union and you would think he’s a trumpie but he’s not so I thought there’s no way he can be a racist. His sons mother boyfriend is even black, which his son stays with his moms side full time. I cant believe I’ve been with that man, I thought he was different..

Im sorry if this feels totally irrelevant to this group as im not an parent, but I just have a question for the parents who do coparent or have specific agreements with their child’s father/vice versa or maybe a dads perspective and point of view. What is usually the case when the dad doesn’t have the kid every other week and etc, like most and some agreements but see’s the kid every now and then as kid basically stays full time with mom and her new family. Is this just an specific thing between the parents or can it be questionable? Not saying bio dad is fully out of child’s life because I know he is not, but can this be on the dad choosing when and when not to see his kid or possibly mom having strict boundaries on time with their kid? Dad lives about 35 minutes away so I can’t see this being an distance issue for access to the child. And also, I know I won’t know for sure until I “ask the parent(s), but before I get to that in the mean time I just could use some perspectives before creating a far off narrative in my head.