r/twosentencestories

My new girlfriend pointed at a photo of a young woman holding a baby and screamed, “You have a child?!”

I pointed at the ’90s cars in the background and asked, “So you just skip the trial and go straight to sentencing?”

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u/Active-Cold-3700 — 15 hours ago

The first week of the renovation, we ate takeout on the living room floor and laughed about how much fun it was having an indoor picnic.

Six months later, my husband handed me another paper plate and sweetly volunteered, “I’ll do the dishes tonight.”

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u/Broad-Animator8629 — 12 hours ago

To celebrate International Pinot Noir Day, Mark and I uncorked a bottle we’d been saving for years and took our glasses out to the patio.

By the time we noticed the stars, the bottle was empty and we’d somehow solved every problem in the world except who was getting up to make dinner.

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u/Broad-Animator8629 — 1 day ago

I knew your father had been sick for months, yet I never once reached out to ask how you were holding up.

Standing at your door now, I realize my silence was a choice, and it’s one I’ll have to carry long after the mourning ends.

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u/IamToofan — 1 day ago

When the judge asked Jimmy if he wanted these two people to become his parents, he looked at them and nodded so hard everyone in the courtroom laughed.

The second everyone started clapping, he threw his arms up and shouted, “Did we win?”

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u/Broad-Animator8629 — 3 days ago

When we confronted the witch and demanded to know why she transformed all of the townsfolk into animals, she shrugged her shoulders and said;

"Well, the plague's only dangerous to humans."

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u/Avaday_Daydream — 3 days ago

I walked out of the mall with my head down, knowing that the theft was behind me, but the look on the shopkeeper’s face had burned itself into my memory.

No matter how much time passes, I still feel like the entire world is watching me, waiting for me to make the same mistake again.

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u/IamToofan — 1 day ago

A long day at work, followed by a chaotic dinner at home with his family, finally he has some time to himself.

In the early hours of the morning, while his family sleeps, he writes the most beautiful poems that no one will ever read.

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u/freshstart3921 — 4 days ago

When I woke from heart surgery, the first thing I saw was the nurse's warm, smiling face, and I fell for her instantly.

She smiled through all my daily attempts at conversation, and by the time I was discharged, I felt like I needed another heart surgery.

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u/Active-Cold-3700 — 4 days ago

The morning after my surgery, my surgeon came into my room, told me everything had gone perfectly, and then smiled and said, “Harry, your mom has been calling me hundreds of times since last spring, begging me to do this operation.”

​I’d spent my whole life wishing she’d stop meddling in my business, but lying there that morning, I finally realized that was just the only way she knew how to love me.

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u/Active-Cold-3700 — 5 days ago

We are embarking on a journey to reach the stars, determined to shatter the stone of stagnation that has held us back for too long.

No matter the thorns on our path, we will stand united and prove our strength until even the skeptics are forced to take notice.

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u/IamToofan — 5 days ago

I felt extremely flattered when my partner said I was "pretty smart and talented".

I waited for the third positive thing, since that was the assignment, when I realized they did list three.

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u/Outside_Normal — 7 days ago

There's an old Appalachian saying that goes if you ever shiver for no reason, it means someone is walking on your grave.

I pull my robe tighter around myself to stave off the chill as I watch my husband pace the small clearing behind our shed.

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u/mourning_muse — 9 days ago

Our Admin didn't use the correct code over the intercom.

We barricaded the door with my desk, lined up the kids on the wall, grabbed the bat from the closet, and for over twenty minutes we held our breath, not knowing it was a drill.

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u/crayon_teaparty — 10 days ago

I have always wanted to start a trend where people would put quotation marks around the word "president" when referring to the current Commander-in-Chief because, let's face it, his actions have proven that he is anything but one.

And if anybody calls you out on it, act as though you have no idea what they're talking about.

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u/Outside_Normal — 10 days ago

This is war—a relentless battle of spirit where we refuse to accept defeat and commit ourselves to the fight ahead.

Watch our passion and listen to our resolve, for we will not leave a single chance for failure until we have claimed our victory.

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u/IamToofan — 8 days ago