u/-olympius

My upbringing might be different than most. I assume most in this position were often the black sheep or scapegoat in the family. I was actually the opposite.

My entire childhood was filled with constant praise and ego inflation. Every day I was told that I was perfect and could do no wrong. It turned me into a person who felt like I did not need to take accountability for anything nor did I feel like I had any obligation of responsibility. This conditioned me to always expect praise and never seek it. There was no drive to improve myself in any area because I was made to feel like I was already better than everyone else at everything. I knew that there was something wrong about it all but was never allowed to question anything.

Going to school made me quickly realize that my life at home and outside of the home did not agree with each other. At home I was complimented nonstop for being such a smart kid, whereas at school I was a struggling student with undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I loathed getting anything less than 100% on any test because that showed imperfection, which could not exist in my world of being made to feel like I was perfect. This caused me to view myself as stupid.

Other ego boosting tactics were commenting on my appearance and physical attributes. I was always told I was incredibly attractive by family and that I was physically stronger than most people. As I began to observe the real world more, their comments couldn't be further from the truth. I started analyzing myself according to how others outside of the family interacted with me and realized I am barely average looking at best. My physical strength is rather poor and not impressive whatsoever. I have an overwhelmingly negative self body image perception due to this. Throughout the years, I noticed the pattern of family buttering me up with numerous compliments only to ask a demanding favor of me directly afterwards.

My family also made me believe that our family was the best family in the entire world. This wasn't cheery, uplifting, closeness of family talk: it was about high social status. It instilled a sense of hierarchy, like our family was above every other family and that gave us the right to look down on everyone else. I was raised in a church with the same dynamic. Every church other than the one we were attending was deemed as not acceptable according to their standards. My family had their own clique within the church where anyone outside of that group was viewed as not being worthy enough to talk to. I did not agree with the way they socialized so I tried distancing myself from them within the church and treated others with the same amount of respect regardless of what my family thought about them. The narcissism I experienced in the church is a topic I could dive deep into on its own.

It was not until I was an adult that I accepted that the system I grew up in was designed to keep me in one place and never deviate from that place. I was put on such a high pedestal and expected to perform in some areas, but then in other areas I was brought down with intense shame. Anytime I tried to break away from that environment, they would attempt to reel me back in with excessive praise and guilt-tripping. In a way, it seemed like the extreme contrast in manipulation tactics balanced out to keep me contained exactly where they wanted me emotionally and mentally in order to control me.

Any health problems I was facing were immediately dismissed because, as my family would say, "You're perfect. There couldn't possibly be anything wrong with you." The constant denial of my concerns left me doubting my own thoughts and feelings. It made me question the validity of anything I had an opinion on. As time passed, I had to go on my own to finally know about my health issues. The "perfect" person who was raised to believe they had no flaw found out they have severe anxiety, OCD, autism, ADHD, CPTSD, chronic gastrointestinal disease, and moderate colorblindness. All of this went unchecked for years. My family set me up for failure in life.

I despise the manipulation that I have had to endure and want to get as far away from that as possible. My family has held me to a standard that I never had a chance at achieving. I am still on the journey of discovering who I truly am without immitating my family's use of manipulation, superiority complex, or need for validation.

Sharing this less common experience of narcissistic manipulation is important because it shows that overesteeming a child can also do much harm to their growth.

P.S. Another subreddit claims I self-identified to be a narcissist according to my title and claims that I listed narcissistic traits at the end of my post. I was banned on that subreddit due to this post. If this post labels me as a narcissist then I am open to comments on that as well. My post was only intended to highlight my unique upbringing to shed some light on a less common experience with narcissistic parents. I do not self-identify as a narcissist nor do I condone narcissistic behavior.

My upbringing might be different than most. I assume most in this position were often the black sheep or scapegoat in the family. I was actually the opposite.

My entire childhood was filled with constant praise and ego inflation. Every day I was told that I was perfect and could do no wrong. It turned me into a person who felt like I did not need to take accountability for anything nor did I feel like I had any obligation of responsibility. This conditioned me to always expect praise and never seek it. There was no drive to improve myself in any area because I was made to feel like I was already better than everyone else at everything. I knew that there was something wrong about it all but was never allowed to question anything.

Going to school made me quickly realize that my life at home and outside of the home did not agree with each other. At home I was complimented nonstop for being such a smart kid, whereas at school I was a struggling student with undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I loathed getting anything less than 100% on any test because that showed imperfection, which could not exist in my world of being made to feel like I was perfect. This caused me to view myself as stupid.

Other ego boosting tactics were commenting on my appearance and physical attributes. I was always told I was incredibly attractive by family and that I was physically stronger than most people. As I began to observe the real world more, their comments couldn't be further from the truth. I started analyzing myself according to how others outside of the family interacted with me and realized I am barely average looking at best. My physical strength is rather poor and not impressive whatsoever. I have an overwhelmingly negative self body image perception due to this. Throughout the years, I noticed the pattern of them buttering me up with numerous compliments only to ask a demanding favor of me directly afterwards.

My family also made me believe that our family was the best family in the entire world. This wasn't cheery, uplifting, closeness of family talk: it was about high social status. It instilled a sense of hierarchy, like our family was above every other family and that gave us the right to look down on everyone else. I was raised in church and it was the same dynamic. Every church other than the one we were attending was deemed as not acceptable according to their standards. My family had their own clique within the church where anyone outside of that group was viewed as not being worthy enough to talk to. The narcissism I experienced in the church is a topic I could dive deep into on its own.

It was not until I was an adult that I accepted that the system I grew up in was designed to keep me in one place and never deviate from that place. I was put on such a high pedestal and expected to perform in some areas, but then in other areas I was brought down with intense shame. Anytime I tried to break away from that environment, they would attempt to reel me back in with excessive praise and guilt-tripping. In a way, it seemed like the extreme contrast in manipulation tactics balanced out to keep me contained exactly where they wanted me emotionally and mentally in order to control me.

Any health problems I was facing were immediately dismissed because, as my family would say, "You're perfect. There couldn't possibly be anything wrong with you." The constant denial of my concerns left me doubting my own thoughts and feelings. It made me question the validity of anything I had an opinion on. As time passed, I had to go on my own to finally know about my health issues. The "perfect" human who was raised to believe they had no flaw found out they have severe anxiety, OCD, autism, ADHD, CPTSD, chronic gastrointestinal disease, and moderate colorblindness. All of this went unchecked for years. My family set me up for failure in life.

I despise the manipulation that I have had to endure and want to get as far away from that as possible. My family has held me to a standard that I never had a chance at achieving. I am still on the journey of discovering who I truly am without any manipulation, superiority complex, or need for validation.

Sharing this less common experience of narcissistic manipulation is important because it shows that overesteeming a child can also do much harm to their growth.

I was raised in the UPCI. The main teaching of the church is that speaking in tongues is the sign of receiving the Holy Spirit. They didn't seem to care about anything else except speaking in tongues. It was talked about nonstop. I always felt uneasy when someone would wave their arms and jump up and down and yell a bunch of unintelligible words. The pressure to speak in tongues was always high. It made me feel unworthy that I could not do it.

My grandparents took me to church every Sunday. They always pressured me to speak in tongues. They even pressured me to get baptized when I was not ready. It was an everyday thing. Every day I was told that I need the Holy Spirit. It damaged me mentally because I was in a constant state of guilt. They also believed in being "slain in the Spirit" which freaked me out then and still does.

I remember my grandparents wanting to go up for an altar call to pray and forcing me to go with them. As people were praying, I got too close to the front and all of a sudden the pastor lays his hand on my head and starts saying things. Meanwhile, a member of the church grabs my arms and lifts them up urging me to just let the words flow. I wanted to leave. Being forced to speak in tongues was a nightmare. I never went up to the altar again.

Fast forward some years and I was not doing well mentally. My grandparents were still pressuring me to speak in tongues daily, as if all my problems would be solved if I did. So, one day I got super emotional, hysterical even. I wanted God to give me the gift of tongues so that I could finally feel worthy to the church and to my family. I prayed and began to speak in tongues...or so I thought. I was shocked and thought in that moment that God chose me specifically for that gift.

So, I would pray more and nothing would happen. I was then emotional simply because I was not able to do it again. Then when I was filled with emotion, it happened. I realized that when I got extremely emotional, then "tongues" would magically come out. It felt powerful. It showed me that I was the one controlling it. I began to crave that power. It was an exploit that I found and was abusing it. Anytime I got hysterical, it worked every single time. It actually felt evil.

I told my family and thought they would be delighted since they pestered me about it for years. Well, I told them what happened. They said that it was great and then immediately began to name who else in the family needed to speak in tongues. Their supposed joy lasted maybe two minutes before they moved on from the news I had just given. Years of guilt and shame for two minutes of acknowledgement was a bad trade.

Since I was brought up that speaking in tongues equals receiving the Holy Spirit which then equals salvation, I thought my life would get better. Not only did it not get better, I ended up with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD (all professionally diagnosed) after I noticed that it changed nothing in my life. I was also diagnosed with a trauma disorder which lines up with CPTSD. That is what led me to start fully questioning things for myself. I began to notice how contradictory my own family was, and especially the church itself. Members of my family as well as the members of the church I attended brag about speaking in tongues yet they are the most miserable people I know. The teachings of the church started to fill me with anger and resentment.

My life started to make a lot more sense once I stopped viewing it through the Pentecostal lense. Shame and guilt for believing those teachings for so long eats at me every day. I had doubts about it all even when I was young and was still lured in. I feel so ashamed how I acted. I feel ashamed that I had a gut feeling about it all and ignored it. My whole life feels like a lie and I am having to cope with reality now. The Pentecostal church took away years of my life that I can never get back. It sucks.

TL;DR: I was raised in the UPCI where speaking in tongues was constantly preached. I always had doubts about the teachings but eventually gave in to peer pressure. Convinced myself I had spoke in tongues but had to accept that I faked it all along. This left me with trauma due to my upbringing in the church.

Not sure if anyone has talked about this yet but it is something that I have never understood and has never been explained to me.

Pentecostals believe that speaking in tongues is the initial evidence of someone receiving the Holy Ghost. If speaking is required, how do people who cannot speak at all receive the Holy Ghost? This includes people who have a mental or physical disability that prevents them from speaking.

The issue that I have with this teaching is that requiring someone to speak who is not capable of doing so automatically disqualifies them from receiving the Holy Ghost. By analyzing the Pentecostal teaching of salvation by being born of the water and of the Spirit, the inference can be made that mute people will not be saved and will be damned to hell simply because they cannot talk.

Does anyone find baptismal certificates strange? It feels like too much of a show. What seems to start off as a sincere commitment turns into flashing around a piece of paper to prove your worth. That would suck to get up to heaven and be sent to hell because you left your baptismal certificate at home. What's next, a baptismal diploma?

This was the partial scripture printed on the tithing envelopes at the church I used to go to. For years I could not help but feel like something was off with putting a scripture on the envelope, especially this one. The recurring theme of the church was that if you feel like God has placed it in your heart to give then you are welcome to. I felt guilty within myself at the time for even questioning it so that is the answer I began to settle with.

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Once I started thinking more for myself I realized it is placed there for that exact reason: guilt. Don't have enough money to pay your bills? Remember that God loves a cheerful giver. Need money for food to feed your family? Don't worry, just remember that God blesses those that give generously. They use subtle attempts like that to coax you into giving larger amounts and more often, and it works.

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Not only that, but the envelopes have a space to fill in your name and the date. Why is that information needed if I am supposed to give discreetly? Then I realized that every tithe is documented like a payment. An annual letter is sent to tithers congratulating them on tithing. It is a sheet of paper that has recorded tithing amounts throughout the year and the dates they were given. I still have one of those letters. A short message is written at the bottom of the page from the pastor that reads, "Great job, [name]! The habits you establish while you are young will bless you later in life." In other words, by sending money to the church now, God will bless you at some unknown point in the future.

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This reinforces the tithing = blessing ideology. Congratulating tithers and sending them a specialized letter of recognition gives them a false sense of appreciation. This is also another attempt to encourage people to tithe more.

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Anyone who has attended these types of churches probably has similar experiences. The plausible deniability these churches use is sickening. I do not regret leaving.

Heard this phrase probably hundreds of times while going to church as a kid. I was raised in the UPCI, or United Pentecostal Church International, and this phrase was used regularly. As a kid it instilled fear in me, which was the goal. When you are a child being forced to attend church every Sunday and someone is repeatedly shouting at you, "WE ARE LIVING IN THE LAST DAYS! RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE HOLY GHOST WITH THE EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN OTHER TONGUES BEFORE THE LORD COMES BACK TO ESCAPE THE PIT OF HELL!", you think that the world is going to end tomorrow.

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So I would go through every day just questioning in my mind, "Is the world going to end today? Hmm, it did not end today. The pastor said we are living in the last days so maybe he means it will end next week." Well, it never ended the next week nor the next month and never ended for the next twenty years. I wasted years of my youth questioning what the point was in even participating in life if the world was going to end soon anyway. The catch is that nobody tells you what time frame these "last days" are supposed to be. The phrase is intentionally ambiguous so that they are not held accountable for giving an exact timing.

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The charismatic preaching mixed with hellfire preaching never sat right with me, even from a young age. I finally started analyzing things for myself in adulthood and began realizing what was actually going on. The entire movement thrives on mass fear mongering, to the point where anyone in attendance is so emotionally driven that they just follow whatever is being yelled in their face. It feels like watching a live hypnosis performance. I fell victim to this movement early on in my life and am trying to distance myself from family still involved within this crazy belief system due to the years of what I now know to be significant trauma that left me with guilt and doubt.

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That phrase still haunts me.