Accompanied by the ugliest spinach chocolate muffin. Ngl, didn't expect them wings to be hot like that lol. Not the hottest but damn it was kind of surprising and that's coming from someone that's had primotalii.
I've spent my whole life "training" to be discipline with inner peace. I want an ascetic level of constant compassion and patience. I know it's not entirely realistic but it feels impossibly far away like forget about it. I can't even elaborate on my mistakes because it would be a book.
The swings and mixed episodes wreck everything. Wired insomnia with rage, loss of patience and compassion, short temper, fixation on nonsense for hours, time blindnesss & barely eating. Then I crash into 12+ hours of hypersomnia, zero motivation, hating getting out of bed and living in a blur.
My one script isn't cutting it now.I'm waiting on a response from my psych. I've tried so many meds, emdr, cbt yet I fail at everything.
It hurts deeply to not be the calm, compassionate person who I'd like to be, the standard I want for myself. I don't know who or how to relate, how do yous cope when bipolar sabotages your goals and life? I don't deserve sympathy and know it's from the book of "nobody cares".