u/152centimetres

shoutout to whoever laughed when i couldnt help myself from yelling "god i LOVE abortion and women's right to health care"

i am 26 years old

ive had a stroke at some point along with another "neurological event" that caused aphasia. since that discovery, i've also been observed to have a sinus arrhythmia and have a cardiologist appointment coming up. because bad things come in threes, i've also screened positive on the ANA test so i've been referred to a rheumatologist - its been stressed to me multiple times that i need to quit smoking weed and vaping for the benefit of my health

i also am finally in trauma informed long term therapy to address my cptsd, in the first long term healthy relationship of my life, and have a good group of friends - however i was someone who was quite convinced i'd never even make it to 20 so ive lived my life pretty recklessly since my brain says this is borrowed time anyways. also all my friends vape and my mom is a lifelong smoker so i dont have the best role models.

i want to quit. i know it makes my lungs icky and the spitting up black everyday is digusting. i want to have kids someday and if that happens i will have to stop. but i also dont want to quit yet? the world and my luck is shit and why shouldnt i take advantage of the things that help me feel better before i have no choice but to give them up.

ive quit before but it was mostly because i didnt have money and i just distracted myself when i wanted it. but its been even harder to quit with my bf because he has the money and has no discipline when i voice my cravings and he ends up buying a new one.

i dont know what i want. its been 24 hours since i last hit one that was already on 0 for a week. oof.

i guess i dropped it while looking at something left on the curb, when i finally realized i didnt just leave it in the car i saw my snapchat location was updated and my bf checked the find my iphone and it was a couple blocks down from the snapchat location

so basically what i deduced after going to said locations; they grabbed this phone on the ground, saw it had no passcode and immediately deleted life360, opened my snapchat memories and photos (checking for nudes? who knows) then opened wallet and realized i have no cards, and then took the case and dropped the phone once they started getting the find my phone notifications....

absolutely incredible menace behaviour i cant even be that mad cause at least i still have my phone even tho i dont have the case i bought a week ago💀

anyways if u see a cute pink astronaut stand case on marketplace today/tmrw it was mine and the amazon price is 16$ lol stay blessed

[supprimé]

one car fully blocked oncoming traffic and almost caused an accident because my group of small children were still crossing when they had a gap in traffic for their left turn

another started to turn right immediately as we got our walk signal, and i had to stop my group to make sure this giant truck was able to see us

i know im preaching to the choir here but please look out for pedestrians and please DONT RUSH THEM by creeping up and driving behind them the second they're out of your lane. you're supposed to wait until they get to the curb, even if it makes you miss your gap. i promise those 20 extra seconds you're "wasting" by waiting is what saves you and others fron endless grief.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

dont know if "survivor" is the write descriptor for this specifically,

in july 2023 i had what i thought was a migraine which temporarily impacted my abilily to form coherent sentences, i brought it up to my doctor and got a CT scan in november in which there was a dark spot but it was mistaken for artifact

december 2025 i was still having migraines and headaches that were responding to anti-migraine meds, a neurologist referred me for an mri which is where they saw the "old left cerebellar infarct which was present in 2023"

today i (26NB) had an appointment at the stroke clinic and was told that the symptoms i experienced had nothing to do with the placement of the stroke, which means i have had 2 "neurological events" and i dont even know when the stroke actually happened

i just finished a 48hr holter monitor this weekend after an EKG showed a sinus arrhythmia and i told my doctor i had fainted once in 2017, i've had an echo before for EDS but the clinic ordered another one along with the contrasted CT scan which was recommended by the neurologist, and i also need to monitor my blood pressure

i have to quit smoking and vaping. i've never been known for having much willpower and i've been using them as vices since 2016. im also not allowed to take estrogen birth control but i havent had a period in 3 months because of the progesterone-only one and i dont like that at all.

i have always carried a lot of stress and anxiety and the unanswered questions and uncertainty of all this is only making it worse. i have 5 weeks until i get my career certification and then i'm supposed to start my life for real and do the things i want to like become a mother and create a home for my family

im so scared