u/173747132

TL;DR. My [M25] ex [F20] broke up with me, because I live far away from her and she is going to travel for an extended period of time to a country very far away from me. I found a job that accomodates me to work in the country she is going to travel to and can move closer to her. We have not spoken each other in two weeks. How do I reconnect with her and tell her that I am able to move with her, which is something she expressed earlier she would have liked?

0. Introduction

Hello everyone. I have been going through a really rough patch and I am in dire need of external insights. This is my first post and English is not my native language, please excuse my mistakes. I am sorry this turned out longer than I had planned it to be. Thank you in advance for reading and reacting to my post.

1. Context

My ex [F20] and I [M25] met last year. Shortly after us meeting, she went abroad for her studies. We reconnected in september, started dating in october and became a couple in december. We were each others first relationship. We were both very busy in the period we became a couple. I am pursuing two masters degrees and was working full time in january and february as an intern next to exams and classes. In this period she was working on her thesis. However, we made it work and made sure we met up at least once per week and talked a lot on the phone and via text messages.

The firm where I was an intern at offered free housing in the city where I had to work. Because of that and my classes ending, I canceled the lease on the room I was personally renting in january to save money. I moved back home which is a 2,25 hour one way trip away from her. Because I got a return offer from the firm I was an intern at and was finishing my last classes, I made the trip to a city nearby her 3 times per week. In this time period she was still very busy, but we met up each week, unless she did not have the time.

2. Break up

In march and april she went on 2 trips in a short period of time. During the first trip (12 days) we texted less than usual, due to the time difference and me wanting to give her the time to enjoy herself. She was very affectionate during this trip and said that she missed me and wanted to travel with me. During the second trip (4 days) she become a lot more distant. I dit not really notice, because I was very busy and wanted to give her space to enjoy herself. Due to the trips she planned, she got backed up with her course work and got very stressed. I was supportive while pushing through my own heavy workload.

In april we met up and she said she got more distant because she was stressed because of our relationship. She said she felt we were not making progress in our relationship, due to the distance and us not having much alone time. We had sort of discussed this earlier, but we both said that we would have to hold out for a few more months, because we both graduate early july.

Severely sleep deprived I replied that we only are able to make it work if we keep making time for each other. She kind of cut me off and said that she did not have the time due to her course work. I did not know how to respond, because she caught me off guard. She said she did not want to break up, but that she did not see another option because the stress she was experiencing influenced her feelings for me.

I was heart broken. Laters she said she did not want to lose me and that her feelings were stronger again due to some things I said after the break up and how I handled the situation. She suggested to meet up for an event 3 weeks in the future we had planned to attend together and to see how things felt then. She said she wanted to stay in contact, but she reacted kind of stressed when I texted and called her once, so I thought it would be better to give her space and to react when she reached out.

She did not reach out, until she texted me she decided not to attend the event. She called me and said she was still very stressed out in general and was not ready for a relationship. I did not know how to react and stayed silent while she was telling me this over the phone and I only replied that I wish her all the best.

3. My thoughts

I was, and still am, heart broken. The first thing I realised was that I had not had the chance to tell her I love her. Her reasoning was kind of conflictive. At first she said she said that she felt we were not getting further in the relationship, shortly after the breakup I offered to move earlier to a city nearby her, but then she said I was going to fast.

I know this might sound stupid, because we were not together for that long and we were each others first relationship, but I truly love this girl and envisioned a future with her and she brought up often that she envisioned one with me.

I think that apart from us not living close by each other, 2 things weighed on our relationship. First, she initiated most things. Among other things, our first date and she asked me to be her boyfriend. Due to our age difference I was a bit hesitant to move too fast. Second that she is going to be travelling a lot in the nearby future which added more pressure to our time toghether.

I am very career driven and will be starting with work in september after graduating. She is taking a year off to travel and will be doing a two year masters degree after that. My specialty is bound to the country we live in, so it would be difficult to move to another country with her.

However, because I miss her so much I contacted another firm that offers the possibility to work in the country where she wants to travel to in a city nearby her. This is something I had thought of earlier, but had not yet shared with her, because it was just an unsure idea and I thought I had more time to work it out. I also did not want to move abroad for an extended period of time, but the idea of being with her makes it manageable and makes it even sound enticing. During the second period of 10 months she is another country, I would be able to be with her for 7 months. In the first period of 6 months I can only take a vacation for 1 month.

4. Question

We have been in no contact for two weeks now since she last said she was not ready for a relationship. Because I had not taken initiative earlier my thoughts are racing to reconcile with her. Due to me not being able to say what I feel when she first broke up with me due to exhaustion and the second time over the phone there are a lot of things I have left unsaid which I feel I have to say. However, logically I understand if I tell her I love her and tell her that I can work in the country where she needs to go to, I will most likely stress her out and scare her off due to coming off to strong.

How do I reconnect with her and tell her (i) what I feel for her and (ii) that i took initiative to find a job to accommodate her traveling? Do I reopen lines of communication and rebuild communication and meet up with her without telling her to make her feel at ease? Do I tell her the first time I see her?

Thank you sincerely.

TL;DR. My [M25] ex [F20] broke up with me, because I live far away from her and she is going to travel for an extended period of time to a country very far away from me. I found a job that accomodates me to work in the country she is going to travel to and can move closer to her. We have not spoken each other in two weeks. How do I reconnect with her and tell her that I am able to move with her, which is something she expressed earlier she would have liked?

0. Introduction

Hello everyone. I have been going through a really rough patch and I am in dire need of external insights. This is my first post and English is not my native language, please excuse my mistakes. I am sorry this turned out longer than I had planned it to be. Thank you in advance for reading and reacting to my post.

1. Context

My ex [F20] and I [M25] met last year. Shortly after us meeting, she went abroad for her studies. We reconnected in september, started dating in october and became a couple in december. We were each others first relationship. We were both very busy in the period we became a couple. I am pursuing two masters degrees and was working full time in january and february as an intern next to exams and classes. In this period she was working on her thesis. However, we made it work and made sure we met up at least once per week and talked a lot on the phone and via text messages.

The firm where I was an intern at offered free housing in the city where I had to work. Because of that and my classes ending, I canceled the lease on the room I was personally renting in january to save money. I moved back home which is a 2,25 hour one way trip away from her. Because I got a return offer from the firm I was an intern at and was finishing my last classes, I made the trip to a city nearby her 3 times per week. In this time period she was still very busy, but we met up each week, unless she did not have the time.

2. Break up

In march and april she went on 2 trips in a short period of time. During the first trip (12 days) we texted less than usual, due to the time difference and me wanting to give her the time to enjoy herself. She was very affectionate during this trip and said that she missed me and wanted to travel with me. During the second trip (4 days) she become a lot more distant. I dit not really notice, because I was very busy and wanted to give her space to enjoy herself. Due to the trips she planned, she got backed up with her course work and got very stressed. I was supportive while pushing through my own heavy workload.

In april we met up and she said she got more distant because she was stressed because of our relationship. She said she felt we were not making progress in our relationship, due to the distance and us not having much alone time. We had sort of discussed this earlier, but we both said that we would have to hold out for a few more months, because we both graduate early july.

Severely sleep deprived I replied that we only are able to make it work if we keep making time for each other. She kind of cut me off and said that she did not have the time due to her course work. I did not know how to respond, because she caught me off guard. She said she did not want to break up, but that she did not see another option because the stress she was experiencing influenced her feelings for me.

I was heart broken. Laters she said she did not want to lose me and that her feelings were stronger again due to some things I said after the break up and how I handled the situation. She suggested to meet up for an event 3 weeks in the future we had planned to attend together and to see how things felt then. She said she wanted to stay in contact, but she reacted kind of stressed when I texted and called her once, so I thought it would be better to give her space and to react when she reached out.

She did not reach out, until she texted me she decided not to attend the event. She called me and said she was still very stressed out in general and was not ready for a relationship. I did not know how to react and stayed silent while she was telling me this over the phone and I only replied that I wish her all the best.

3. My thoughts

I was, and still am, heart broken. The first thing I realised was that I had not had the chance to tell her I love her. Her reasoning was kind of conflictive. At first she said she said that she felt we were not getting further in the relationship, shortly after the breakup I offered to move earlier to a city nearby her, but then she said I was going to fast.

I know this might sound stupid, because we were not together for that long and we were each others first relationship, but I truly love this girl and envisioned a future with her and she brought up often that she envisioned one with me.

I think that apart from us not living close by each other, 2 things weighed on our relationship. First, she initiated most things. Among other things, our first date and she asked me to be her boyfriend. Due to our age difference I was a bit hesitant to move too fast. Second that she is going to be travelling a lot in the nearby future which added more pressure to our time toghether.

I am very career driven and will be starting with work in september after graduating. She is taking a year off to travel and will be doing a two year masters degree after that. My specialty is bound to the country we live in, so it would be difficult to move to another country with her.

However, because I miss her so much I contacted another firm that offers the possibility to work in the country where she wants to travel to in a city nearby her. This is something I had thought of earlier, but had not yet shared with her, because it was just an unsure idea and I thought I had more time to work it out. I also did not want to move abroad for an extended period of time, but the idea of being with her makes it manageable and makes it even sound enticing. During the second period of 10 months she is another country, I would be able to be with her for 7 months. In the first period of 6 months I can only take a vacation for 1 month.

4. Question

We have been in no contact for two weeks now since she last said she was not ready for a relationship. Because I had not taken initiative earlier my thoughts are racing to reconcile with her. Due to me not being able to say what I feel when she first broke up with me due to exhaustion and the second time over the phone there are a lot of things I have left unsaid which I feel I have to say. However, logically I understand if I tell her I love her and tell her that I can work in the country where she needs to go to, I will most likely stress her out and scare her off due to coming off to strong.

How do I reconnect with her and tell her (i) what I feel for her and (ii) that i took initiative to find a job to accommodate her traveling? Do I reopen lines of communication and rebuild communication and meet up with her without telling her to make her feel at ease? Do I tell her the first time I see her?

Thank you sincerely.

TL;DR. My [M25] ex [F20] broke up with me, because I live far away from her and she is going to travel for an extended period of time to a country very far away from me. I found a job that accomodates me to work in the country she is going to travel to and can move closer to her. We have not spoken each other in two weeks. How do I reconnect with her and tell her that I am able to move with her, which is something she expressed earlier she would have liked?

0. Introduction

Hello everyone. I have been going through a really rough patch and I am in dire need of external insights. This is my first post and English is not my native language, please excuse my mistakes. I am sorry this turned out longer than I had planned it to be. Thank you in advance for reading and reacting to my post.

1. Context

My ex [F20] and I [M25] met last year. Shortly after us meeting, she went abroad for her studies. We reconnected in september, started dating in october and became a couple in december. We were each others first relationship. We were both very busy in the period we became a couple. I am pursuing two masters degrees and was working full time in january and february as an intern next to exams and classes. In this period she was working on her thesis. However, we made it work and made sure we met up at least once per week and talked a lot on the phone and via text messages.

The firm where I was an intern at offered free housing in the city where I had to work. Because of that and my classes ending, I canceled the lease on the room I was personally renting in january to save money. I moved back home which is a 2,25 hour one way trip away from her. Because I got a return offer from the firm I was an intern at and was finishing my last classes, I made the trip to a city nearby her 3 times per week. In this time period she was still very busy, but we met up each week, unless she did not have the time.

2. Break up

In march and april she went on 2 trips in a short period of time. During the first trip (12 days) we texted less than usual, due to the time difference and me wanting to give her the time to enjoy herself. She was very affectionate during this trip and said that she missed me and wanted to travel with me. During the second trip (4 days) she become a lot more distant. I dit not really notice, because I was very busy and wanted to give her space to enjoy herself. Due to the trips she planned, she got backed up with her course work and got very stressed. I was supportive while pushing through my own heavy workload.

In april we met up and she said she got more distant because she was stressed because of our relationship. She said she felt we were not making progress in our relationship, due to the distance and us not having much alone time. We had sort of discussed this earlier, but we both said that we would have to hold out for a few more months, because we both graduate early july.

Severely sleep deprived I replied that we only are able to make it work if we keep making time for each other. She kind of cut me off and said that she did not have the time due to her course work. I did not know how to respond, because she caught me off guard. She said she did not want to break up, but that she did not see another option because the stress she was experiencing influenced her feelings for me.

I was heart broken. Laters she said she did not want to lose me and that her feelings were stronger again due to some things I said after the break up and how I handled the situation. She suggested to meet up for an event 3 weeks in the future we had planned to attend together and to see how things felt then. She said she wanted to stay in contact, but she reacted kind of stressed when I texted and called her once, so I thought it would be better to give her space and to react when she reached out.

She did not reach out, until she texted me she decided not to attend the event. She called me and said she was still very stressed out in general and was not ready for a relationship. I did not know how to react and stayed silent while she was telling me this over the phone and I only replied that I wish her all the best.

3. My thoughts

I was, and still am, heart broken. The first thing I realised was that I had not had the chance to tell her I love her. Her reasoning was kind of conflictive. At first she said she said that she felt we were not getting further in the relationship, shortly after the breakup I offered to move earlier to a city nearby her, but then she said I was going to fast.

I know this might sound stupid, because we were not together for that long and we were each others first relationship, but I truly love this girl and envisioned a future with her and she brought up often that she envisioned one with me.

I think that apart from us not living close by each other, 2 things weighed on our relationship. First, she initiated most things. Among other things, our first date and she asked me to be her boyfriend. Due to our age difference I was a bit hesitant to move too fast. Second that she is going to be travelling a lot in the nearby future which added more pressure to our time toghether.

I am very career driven and will be starting with work in september after graduating. She is taking a year off to travel and will be doing a two year masters degree after that. My specialty is bound to the country we live in, so it would be difficult to move to another country with her.

However, because I miss her so much I contacted another firm that offers the possibility to work in the country where she wants to travel to in a city nearby her. This is something I had thought of earlier, but had not yet shared with her, because it was just an unsure idea and I thought I had more time to work it out. I also did not want to move abroad for an extended period of time, but the idea of being with her makes it manageable and makes it even sound enticing. During the second period of 10 months she is another country, I would be able to be with her for 7 months. In the first period of 6 months I can only take a vacation for 1 month.

4. Question

We have been in no contact for two weeks now since she last said she was not ready for a relationship. Because I had not taken initiative earlier my thoughts are racing to reconcile with her. Due to me not being able to say what I feel when she first broke up with me due to exhaustion and the second time over the phone there are a lot of things I have left unsaid which I feel I have to say. However, logically I understand if I tell her I love her and tell her that I can work in the country where she needs to go to, I will most likely stress her out and scare her off due to coming off to strong.

How do I reconnect with her and tell her (i) what I feel for her and (ii) that i took initiative to find a job to accommodate her traveling? Do I reopen lines of communication and rebuild communication and meet up with her without telling her to make her feel at ease? Do I tell her the first time I see her?

Thank you sincerely.

TL;DR. My [M25] ex [F20] broke up with me, because I live far away from her and she is going to travel for an extended period of time to a country very far away from me. I found a job that accomodates me to work in the country she is going to travel to and can move closer to her. We have not spoken each other in two weeks. How do I reconnect with her and tell her that I am able to move with her, which is something she expressed earlier she would have liked?

0. Introduction

Hello everyone. I have been going through a really rough patch and I am in dire need of external insights. This is my first post and English is not my native language, please excuse my mistakes. I am sorry this turned out longer than I had planned it to be. Thank you in advance for reading and reacting to my post.

1. Context

My ex [F20] and I [M25] met last year. Shortly after us meeting, she went abroad for her studies. We reconnected in september, started dating in october and became a couple in december. We were each others first relationship. We were both very busy in the period we became a couple. I am pursuing two masters degrees and was working full time in january and february as an intern next to exams and classes. In this period she was working on her thesis. However, we made it work and made sure we met up at least once per week and talked a lot on the phone and via text messages.

The firm where I was an intern at offered free housing in the city where I had to work. Because of that and my classes ending, I canceled the lease on the room I was personally renting in january to save money. I moved back home which is a 2,25 hour one way trip away from her. Because I got a return offer from the firm I was an intern at and was finishing my last classes, I made the trip to a city nearby her 3 times per week. In this time period she was still very busy, but we met up each week, unless she did not have the time.

2. Break up

In march and april she went on 2 trips in a short period of time. During the first trip (12 days) we texted less than usual, due to the time difference and me wanting to give her the time to enjoy herself. She was very affectionate during this trip and said that she missed me and wanted to travel with me. During the second trip (4 days) she become a lot more distant. I dit not really notice, because I was very busy and wanted to give her space to enjoy herself. Due to the trips she planned, she got backed up with her course work and got very stressed. I was supportive while pushing through my own heavy workload.

In april we met up and she said she got more distant because she was stressed because of our relationship. She said she felt we were not making progress in our relationship, due to the distance and us not having much alone time. We had sort of discussed this earlier, but we both said that we would have to hold out for a few more months, because we both graduate early july.

Severely sleep deprived I replied that we only are able to make it work if we keep making time for each other. She kind of cut me off and said that she did not have the time due to her course work. I did not know how to respond, because she caught me off guard. She said she did not want to break up, but that she did not see another option because the stress she was experiencing influenced her feelings for me.

I was heart broken. Laters she said she did not want to lose me and that her feelings were stronger again due to some things I said after the break up and how I handled the situation. She suggested to meet up for an event 3 weeks in the future we had planned to attend together and to see how things felt then. She said she wanted to stay in contact, but she reacted kind of stressed when I texted and called her once, so I thought it would be better to give her space and to react when she reached out.

She did not reach out, until she texted me she decided not to attend the event. She called me and said she was still very stressed out in general and was not ready for a relationship. I did not know how to react and stayed silent while she was telling me this over the phone and I only replied that I wish her all the best.

3. My thoughts

I was, and still am, heart broken. The first thing I realised was that I had not had the chance to tell her I love her. Her reasoning was kind of conflictive. At first she said she said that she felt we were not getting further in the relationship, shortly after the breakup I offered to move earlier to a city nearby her, but then she said I was going to fast.

I know this might sound stupid, because we were not together for that long and we were each others first relationship, but I truly love this girl and envisioned a future with her and she brought up often that she envisioned one with me.

I think that apart from us not living close by each other, 2 things weighed on our relationship. First, she initiated most things. Among other things, our first date and she asked me to be her boyfriend. Due to our age difference I was a bit hesitant to move too fast. Second that she is going to be travelling a lot in the nearby future which added more pressure to our time toghether.

I am very career driven and will be starting with work in september after graduating. She is taking a year off to travel and will be doing a two year masters degree after that. My specialty is bound to the country we live in, so it would be difficult to move to another country with her.

However, because I miss her so much I contacted another firm that offers the possibility to work in the country where she wants to travel to in a city nearby her. This is something I had thought of earlier, but had not yet shared with her, because it was just an unsure idea and I thought I had more time to work it out. I also did not want to move abroad for an extended period of time, but the idea of being with her makes it manageable and makes it even sound enticing. During the second period of 10 months she is another country, I would be able to be with her for 7 months. In the first period of 6 months I can only take a vacation for 1 month.

4. Question

We have been in no contact for two weeks now since she last said she was not ready for a relationship. Because I had not taken initiative earlier my thoughts are racing to reconcile with her. Due to me not being able to say what I feel when she first broke up with me due to exhaustion and the second time over the phone there are a lot of things I have left unsaid which I feel I have to say. However, logically I understand if I tell her I love her and tell her that I can work in the country where she needs to go to, I will most likely stress her out and scare her off due to coming off to strong.

How do I reconnect with her and tell her (i) what I feel for her and (ii) that i took initiative to find a job to accommodate her traveling? Do I reopen lines of communication and rebuild communication and meet up with her without telling her to make her feel at ease? Do I tell her the first time I see her?

Thank you sincerely.