u/1ucee

i always worried that you never loved me enough and were just using me. you leaving has given me the final bit of proof i needed to believe that.

apologies this is so long LOL

i definitely feel like i was discarded but i’m not sure if my ex was actually avoidant or not. tbh, they actually seemed pretty anxiously attached at the start but i can’t tell.

we were together just over 3.5 years. when we first met, i think i was kinda love bombed. everything happened very quickly. we were official within the space of 3 weeks and said i love you within a month. i did feel very strongly about them at this point too though. we just clicked immediately when we met.

a few months in, any time they’d done something hurtful they’d beg for me to stay with them and not think about breaking up. we got into A LOT of arguments about boundaries because they crossed mine various times.

later on in the relationship, any time we argued they’d need to leave or go silent for a long time before actually dealing with what was being said. i actually think they’ve caused me to have really bad anxious attachment because of all of this.

a few weeks ago we got into a massive argument. this is a problem i’ve had already and i knew i needed to work on it. they’d basically gone out for drinks with friends and rang me to say they’d be staying out later. we’d been long distance for around 9 months at this point so i would always really look forward to our calls in the evening as it was the only actual time we got with each other. i got upset about them staying out but i didn’t show any sort of anger, i was just sending short texts. stuff like this had kinda become a problem for me and i really wish it hadn’t but it was just really hard for me to cope in a new city all alone. they started saying stuff like “please can i just stay out. i love you more than anything and am moving to be with you because i love you”. i just felt like i was being guilt tripped.

i think these problems with them going out did originate from trust issues. they used to get very drunk to the point they couldn’t really control themself and i always felt like they were looking other women. they’d tried to push boundaries by going to parties where they knew their ex talking stage would be and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

basically this whole thing blew up. they ignored me for about 2 hours and then got home and started telling me how they shouldn’t have to ask to stay out (i never told them they had to lol) and that i’m being controlling over what they do. when i tried to explain, they said i was gaslighting them or something idek. i said some things i regret in that argument but it went both ways. they were constantly twisting my words though and still couldn’t admit to this weeks later despite the literal proof in the texts. keep in mind, i was also going through a really bad time with ocd too which was already convincing me i was a bad person.

i flew home a week later and we’d planned to have a talk about everything. how we need to fix our communication, what we need to be doing for each other. it was mainly me coming up with ideas and them barely having any input. flash forward to the next day and they’re off with me all day. i get a text at night asking if we can talk in person. i knew it was something bad already and said that n it turned out they were gonna try and break up with me. i stupidly spent the whole night begging to be listened to on the phone after them giving excuses like “i’m not enough for you”, “you’d be better off without me”, “i feel too much pressure to do the right thing”, “we’ve both changed and have different needs”. keep in mind “the right thing” was mainly just me asking for the bare minimum most of the time. again i said stuff i regret but i don’t even blame myself cos someone else was deciding what’s best for me. they finally agreed to work through it.

they came to my house the next day again and said the exact same things. i pleaded with them again (probably sounded a bit angry at points but i was genuinely just panicking and so frustrated) but they tried to get up and leave and i grabbed their arm out of complete panic. i was just terrified. it wasn’t aggressive at all and i just wanted to do anything to get them to stay and talk. they were just trying to do anything to avoid the situation and i was not happy with them just leaving me there in tears. they sat back down and again agreed to work through things.

2 days later they had a whole convo with me about how the arm grab made them feel unsafe and terrified. i knew i shouldn’t have done it and apologised profusely. they needed some time to process and i allowed that. got a good night message and didn’t hear anything until 12pm the next day when they sent me a break up text. they said they have to leave the relationship because they feel unsafe and don’t want to feel like that again. funnily enough i was the one that was made to feel unsafe throughout that relationship and they knew that. i was blocked almost everywhere immediately and didn’t have a say on the matter. they’ve still kept me on other instagram accounts which is weird.

i just find it strange because after that whole argument we were fine for about a week until i brought it up and said i was still feeling quite upset. everything seemed so sudden after that. i’m actually quite annoyed with myself because i put up with so much for so long and stayed because i love them. me getting upset over them staying out late was genuinely the one thing they told me i was doing wrong and it somehow triggered the breakup. it genuinely was because i miss them and they just didn’t fully seem to believe that.

the day after they ended things and blocked me on some places, they already deleted all of our photos together on instagram. all of their family and friends started removing/blocking me. i stupidly sent an email about 5 days later asking about it and saying i feel really vulnerable as i told them a lot about my ocd weeks prior. no surprise though, there’s been no reply.

it all happened during a really rough time for me. i was having really bad physical anxiety symptoms before exams, which i actually ended up having to defer because of a family medical emergency. all of this stuff with my ex started probably about a week later.

it just feels like they couldn’t give me clarity at all and that the arm thing was an excuse to leave after them trying to days before. the initial break up attempts just felt like avoidant behaviour to me. they told me they were at their breaking point and needed to work on themself but didn’t want to put me through the pain of that. obviously i would’ve stayed to support them though:/

how much i actually miss them has just hit me today. i felt anger for days but now i’m just crying uncontrollably. i’m mourning a future that i thought was certain but was never actually promised.

it feels like i’ve had my heart ripped out. i just want them back now. i’ve been fighting the urge to send an “i miss you” all day. it’s not even in a manipulative way to get them back but just because that’s genuinely all i feel right now.

i believed that this was my person for so long. all i’ve ever wanted was a fairytale love where i would be with my first love forever. i genuinely believed that was happening but that dream’s been torn apart now:(

i miss having a group of online friends on roblox but it’s so difficult to find other adults💔i’m genuinely into any type of games but i love obbies, dti, escape rooms and stuff like the snakes, flicker etc. i’d love to make new friends or join some sort of group chat!

you’ve completely shattered my heart into a million pieces. i never thought with our love i’d have to feel like this. i thought you wanted me forever. you promised me so many things but you’ve broken all of those. you called me your soulmate and the love of your life. it all feels like a lie.

we talked about marriage, children, everything and we were finally supposed to be closing the distance again in a few weeks. that’s all went down the drain. my whole future revolved around you and now i’m lost. i thought i had it all worked out.

i miss you so unbelievably much and have been reminiscing on all of our memories. at the same time, i don’t even think i want you anymore. you’ve hurt me so badly and i will probably never forgive you for that. you blocked me out of your entire life like i meant absolutely nothing to you. didn’t even give me a chance.

i’m so angry too. i feel like you wasted so much of my time. all of those years spent together just for you to find an excuse to get up and leave when things got difficult. i don’t think you’re made for a relationship. you wanted to work on yourself and i genuinely hope you actually put yourself into therapy before inflicting this pain onto anyone else.

i had doubts myself at times. i should’ve broken up with you at the start when you had already hurt me so badly. i just couldn’t though because i was so in love with you. you continued to hurt me and messed with my whole personality. it took a lot for me to actually regain trust with you but i worked through it and was still trying to do so. i put so much work into this relationship and you just couldn’t take it anymore. all because i wanted the bare minimum. you couldn’t give me that.

you tried to say i was controlling you in some ways but everyone has told me it was the opposite. now i’m starting to see that. you know who i am as a person and that i would never willingly hurt you. your actions caused my reactions which i do regret but you put me through so much hurt all of the time and i never felt listened to.

i’ve told you so much and i feel so vulnerable now being left knowing that you know all of this. you left me right when my mental health was at an all time low and you knew this. despite the fact you argued against it, you clearly did not care or love me enough.

i showed you all of my favourite things and took you to all of my favourite places. you’ve ruined them for me.

i hope you eventually realise you made a mistake but i will never take you back after this.

it’s only been a few days but i can’t deal with this anymore. i don’t want to break no contact to get back together but i really want to understand all of the blocking. they’ve blocked my number and one of my instagram accounts. their family have blocked my instagram and number. several friends have blocked me and removed me. i don’t understand:(

they’re clearly twisting the story of what happened (not unusual for them to do anyway lol) but just a few weeks before the breakup i was going through a really hard time with what i think is ocd. i opened up about this to them. a lot of the ocd themes are centred around taboo stuff so i’m afraid they’re going to twist this too and make me look like a horrible person.

i really am fighting the urge to reach out and explain how hurtful this is and ask why this is happening. what do i do:(

it’s day 4 after being broken up with. i moved away for a really good opportunity in september and am still here until i finish my training programme in 2 years. i was visiting home when the break up happened and have had to come back to start work again tomorrow. i’m mostly alone out here and really want to be at home to be around friends and family right now. i only live an hour flight away from home but i need to go to work. i feel so lonely already i can’t handle this. i really just wish i could be at home:(

this is gonna be a bit long but i feel totally blindsided. i’ve been blocked on almost every platform (about a minute after they sent a break up text while in work by the way!!) and their friends have started blocking me. i can still see their instagram from my other account and they’ve just removed all their posts of me. i was broken up with yesterday morning. i am in absolute shock as this person couldn’t even do this with their ex and was still liking their photos about 6 months into our relationship.

they tried to end it on monday and then again the next day and made it final on thursday. apparently this was because of my reaction to them trying to break up with me. i grabbed their arm because they tried to leave without listening to me. this wasn’t aggressive at all but they apparently don’t feel safe with me anymore. i tried to explain that it was just complete panic because i was doing anything i could to not lose the love of my life. especially when majority of the reasons were about my feelings which they had just decided for me.

the reasons for the initial break up attempt were a total “it’s not you it’s me situation” saying they didn’t feel like enough for me. also told me they felt a lot of pressure to do the right thing all of the time. majority of what i asked for was the bare minimum. i literally wanted more affection and for them to speak to me more nicely at times. i rarely felt listened to properly when i was hurt which would then lead to so much frustration and arguments.

i haven’t been able to eat properly since monday, i feel absolutely exhausted constantly and it’s just been endless tears. i’m heartbroken but at the same time i’m so annoyed that this person just walked out after almost 4 years and has left me in this state with no closure. someone who told me i was the love of their life for so long and would do anything for me. also promised to fix any issues together and that breaking up wasn’t an option. we were long distance for the last year and were supposed to be moving in together in 2 weeks. i’ve already got my name down for a bigger room in my accommodation and it’s more than likely too late to change so now I’ll have to pay extra rent.

i put so much effort into the relationship and tried to move past anything they’d done to hurt me. the fact they just gave up so easily is breaking me. i have so many emotions that i don’t know how to handle. how can someone be this cold to someone they love. i had my whole life planned out with this person. i’m only 23 but it just feels like everything’s fallen apart and it’s too late now.