u/2manyteacups

so second baby is due early December!!!! we are so excited, but the second we found out the due date my husband immediately told me he would not be taking any time off because it’s peak sales season for his job and he needs to maximize the amount he can make (which i get, we are not rich). he even said to me is there any way i can have the baby any earlier so it won’t be as busy a time for him (wtf). but i am worried because we have no help or village, nor can we afford to pay for any assistance. our families live all the way on the opposite side of the country and we have a VERY active and crazy 2 year old. he requires constant attention and management or he will literally wreck everything and hurt himself. i cannot be running around after pushing out a fresh baby, trying to take care of myself, trying to stay on top of diapers, feeding the new baby, all while still bleeding and sore. my husband doesn’t really seem to understand this however and insists that he can take time off after the holiday season…three weeks or so after i give birth. i’m worried that i will not be able to do it all by myself. what if i strain something with too much running about and damage my recovery? i don’t know how to get it through to him that he does need to be present physically during that time. any thoughts, similar experiences, or ideas?

he did take 2 weeks off with our first baby so i was able to rest a good bit but especially with a toddler running around wrecking literally every single thing in sight i do not see how i can do it alone.

we have a very demanding 2 year old and i’m in the second trimester with our second.

6 weeks after our first was born and i quit my full time salaried insuranced job to be a SAHM, he began harassing me to get something part time for the summer. i hadn’t even done bleeding from childbirth.

i got a job at a co-op and that went on, but the next summer when school let out he began again saying i NEEDED to work. i got a truly god awful job at a childcare center in the neighborhood. it forced me to stop nursing and gave me horrific duct clogs. anyway nearly 10-11 months later i got pregnant again and the lack of bathroom breaks and abuse from the childcare job led me to quit. i’m a kind of SAHM now still teaching on the side but he expects a LOT to get done round the house while he is at work. i focused on laundry today, i got a lot put away and sorted. i was very proud and excitedly asked him to go see the bedroom where id been working most of the day.

he responded: “i thought you
got a lot done. i still see a lot of clothes. what were you doing all day?”

i told him i’d been taking care of the toddler, trying to clean, trying to get our toddler to nap, then tutoring. i’ve only eaten a slice of bread and jam all day. i also took out the trash. he absolutely BLEW UP on me, screaming that i hadn’t done anything all day and that he’d had a long day at work and i could just f***ing go clean and do laundry.

i really don’t know what to do, all family is very far away and he has taken my passport. i have no money and no car. no matter how hard i try to clean and do well around the house our toddler LOVES to make a mess. it’s dirty and messy all the time and im very clean by nature but im in tears every day with the sticky floors and food and toys everywhere.

so i’m a SAHM but i work locally a few hours a week and bring my 2 year old.

when im at home, my son (the aforementioned 2 year old) barely naps. when he does, im so tired from the pregnancy insomnia (3.5 months with our second) that i end up sleeping as well. my husband doesn’t seem to understand how tired i am. he expects a totally clean house every day. he wants laundry done, dishes washed and away, and table cleared. i don’t even get to brush my hair most days as for some reason my 2 year old WILL NOT play independently. if i’m putting dishes away,he’s emptying out drawers. if i want to make bread, he’s up on a chair grabbing the bag of flour. i’ve tried putting him in his stand up tower with paper and markers and even sensory things like water. nothing works. i do babywearing on occasion but my body is exhausted from the lack of sleep and carrying another baby. i don’t know what to do and i want to rip my hair out. i have no village either.

i need help.

my 2 year old and i went to a family wedding over the weekend. it was so busy with all kinds of parties and events every day (Irish/Polish wedding) and im extra tired cause im about to finish the first trimester with our second. we were headed home yesterday and our flight was at 3. 12:45 i texted my husband we’d arrived at the airport, then i texted him when we got through security. when we got to the gate i started phoning him.

he was totally unresponsive. the phone just rang and went to voicemail. i called him 60 times across regular phone , instagram, snapchat, everything. i sent multiple texts. i even called my
mom crying and panicking. what if he’d fallen in the shower or something stupid? i was so so so MAD. mad and pissed off and honestly i really considered just staying with my family and not going back. what kind of idiot doesn’t pick up the phone when his pregnant wife and child are traveling and you’re meant to pick them up.

anyway, the flight had free wifi and i was still waiting for a response so i texted his sister to call him and about an hour into the flight my husband texted me “sorry babe. i was asleep”

……ASLEEP. a three hour nap courtesy of a THC shot he’d taken to “get things done around the house”. he’s taken these shots before and just like now it resulted in extreme exhaustion and a gargantuan nap. i was absolutely livid.

when we got home and had dinner and settled in and everything it was about 9:30 i was really feeling the exhaustion of the whole day and weekend and i told my husband i needed to just tap out and get some rest. he angrily fired back “well IM tired too and I need rest TOO!” you can only imagine how i reacted to that. so we all just went to bed. my son, however, needs a lot of boob and cuddles to fall asleep, so while i dealt with all of that my husband stuffed in his earbuds, turned his back, and was snoring within minutes.

and this morning he said he was still tired. i just cannot with this man.