u/400burn

I got a job as a sales rep about 2 months ago, im still in training but have been given alot of freedom to do my job. The job is fit a hygiene solution company, I basically get new customers, help out existing ones and install everything for them.

The more physical side of it I'm okay at, I do enjoy the installations but the sales aspect and cold calling part s a bit difficult for me. I don't really know what im scared of, im not the most social person but I can hold a conversation easy enough. I guess I just freak out and forget what I was gonna say or I get overwhelmed.

I do really want this to work out and get better at it but some days I just feel really incompetent and its been taking a toll on me

I kind of hate my life and do definitely hate myself. Ive been trying to improve myself for the longest time: get in shape, do well at school/work, stop watching porn, etc.

Instead ive just failed over and over. I fucked up my degree and have to finish it online while working a new job which is a pretty good in all fairness. Some days though im just too fucked up or too depressed to do my job properly, I wake up feeling like shit and my body hurts.

I havent been able to get into good shape yet, instead ive just gained weight, im not in bad shape but body dysmorphia has been a big part of the way I perceive myself since I was young. The fact that im around 14kgs off my goal weight makes me feel like shit. I can feel every part of fat on my body at all times and it kills me inside.

As for the porn addiction, its only gotten worse. Ive been clean for almost a day now. Longest ive gone in a while is about 2 weeks, but I genuinely feel a lot better when im off it.

I just feel like a failure, if I can just sort out these things, I feel I would be alot more fulfilled but I always fail to do so

Let me just preface this by saying, im trying again tomorrow, even if its from the start, im trying again.

Im 21M, had depression since I was pretty young. Have lost and gained weight throughout my whole life and have terrible self image issues. Recently, ive noticed I getting a little chubby again, I work out very regularly and try to eat healthy but ill often have days where I eat like shit and dont care. Im trying so hard and it sucks because I know I can do it. Someone at work said I was getting fat the other day and I just kinda shut down when I got home later. I feel like shit most of the time, I can feel every little bit of fat on my body jiggle or move and its fucking disgusting.

Im also a porn addict, longest ive been clean in almost a year was about two weeks and I fucked it up. Its just progressively gotten worse and the shit I watch just makes me feel awful afterwards.

I want to be happy again but I hate myself so much for failing myself and falling back into this all destructive behavior. I canrhave a normal relationship or be happy if I can't sort these things out. I just cant stick to a diet or stop relapsing with porn or very long. I have tried again and again, and I will keep doing so for some reason. Its soul crushing to fail so much though.

Im overall trying to lose weight, I monitor my calories to mostly ensure I eat healthy. I will probably sometimes have to eat something not great because I dont have much choice, but I am overall maintaining a calorie deficit.

My workout routine consists on hitting the gym 4-5 days a week and I also have mma training 2 days a week. The reason im asking is because I dont want to overwork myself or fall off my routine

Starting a free trial at an mma gym this week. They offer lot of different types of classes but the muay Thai ones mainly work best with my schedule. Wanted to start doing this to help me with my discipline, lose weight and improve my overall fitness. Used to do judo when I was younger and have done a little boxing. Just wanted to ask if theres any advice you guys have. Fully aware that the fitness aspect is gonna make me suffer btw