u/5Proxiere

I’m genetically very big, weighing in at 260lbs, 5’10 at 15

Complaint 1. My hands, While having large hands in most scenarios are good. The thing I use my hands for is gaming on a keyboard, and my finger is as big as a keycap, making it very common for me to fat finger and press another i wasn’t trying to press. While it could be because my hand to eye coordination is bad. It plays a big part.

Complaint 2. Finding and fitting into clothes and etc. Finding clothes in 2xl, is now hard to do in person, and same thing with shoe above size 13 (I know you’re thinking it’s not, I live in Canada it’s different here.) Finding size 14 in stores is nearly impossible, and online its still difficult, but it can be found.

Complaint 3, Headphones. This is kinda the reason why I wanted to make this post. I very much perfer headphones that go over my head because they’re comfortable, however I’ve broken 2 pairs of headphones because my head is huge, and the main problem is that I haven’t seen a pair of headphones that you can expand out horizontally so that it can fit your head comfortably, theirs vertically if your head is tall, not if your head is wide.

Now some of you may just say lose weight or something. I’m trying but I’m really just a bulky guy, and I can only continue to grow.

Now its to say that I do like being a big guy because of sports and other things but, not always.

Anyways Peace. Have a good day.

I swear to god whenever I say something to anybody, someone gets mad at me. Or lectured or just anything, I get ridiculed for it, is it deserved to me, probably 100% of the time but I don’t know anymore.

Now I just never want to speak, I want to just be the one kid in the back sitting alone, and never talks to anybody, and just fade into my eventual death.

Because really, nobody wants to be around me, I question every time I speak, or even breathe if my parents want me around, which they definitely do, but atp I have no idea it feels like all I hear is just them harping on me or getting mad at me, and its all my fault anyways and I accept it, but it has to stop, making me now just now just not talking to anybody as much as possible, and try to isolate myself, in hopes that people just forget about me, which I hope happens, I hate every second of my consciousness in this body, and want it to end.

and hopefully it will, I imagine this every day. Dark empty apartment, cold weather and quiet days, and me all alone, with nobody I cared for within miles near me, lying dead in a pool of my blood. I think of that as my final day on earth everyday. I never want to speak again, I never want to breathe, I never want tomorrow to exist for me.

and I know, noone in my family tree will care if I’m gone.

and thats me.

I care about everyone, but I struggle to even care for myself. I stopped trying a long time ago, and I’m only 15.

And now its getting harder to care for others when all that I’m met with is just hate, and now I just expect it, but still lash out.

I want to care for everyone, but if all get from my teammates and friends is just getting made fun of or pure silence

and now I just want my life to end. and I expect that to happen by 19.

See you in 4 years