u/90daycray27

Living in PA he actually got major flack from his police department and his boss publicly said he was upset with him for leaving for the show since he’s understaffed

I hope they are able to take him back on or he finds a better job!

He was so sweet and I bet if Kenzie had the choice to pick she would picked him.

I titrated from 25 to 50 to 75 to 150 to 200

Started in February and am now tapering down

I had a really bad experience. On days of increased dosages, I felt extremely hyper and chaotic. No impulse control.

I am taking it for borderline personality disorder, off label.

Over the entire experience, I have felt extreme brain fog, forget words, feel mentally slowed down - but only mentally, not emotionally, and can’t function 100%.

My doctor said it would stabilize my extreme moods and help me to pause and react more slowly when I’m angry

My anger has been arguably so much worse and intensified since I started.

For that reason my doc is slowly taking me off it.

I still am on Effexor XR which I have been on for years. She says I can try abilify but I’m done.

Nothing has ever worked for me for BPD. This was a Hail Mary and a huge risk for me as a hypochondriac. Sad that it didn’t work.

And yes I do DBT.

I titrated from 25 to 50 to 75 to 150 to 200

Started in February and am now tapering down

I had a really bad experience. On days of increased dosages, I felt extremely hyper and chaotic. No impulse control.

I am taking it for borderline personality disorder, off label.

Over the entire experience, I have felt extreme brain fog, forget words, feel mentally slowed down - but only mentally, not emotionally, and can’t function 100%.

My doctor said it would stabilize my extreme moods and help me to pause and react more slowly when I’m angry

My anger has been arguably so much worse and intensified since I started.

For that reason my doc is slowly taking me off it.

I still am on Effexor XR which I have been on for years. She says I can try abilify but I’m done.

Nothing has ever worked for me for BPD. This was a Hail Mary and a huge risk for me as a hypochondriac. Sad that it didn’t work.

And yes I do DBT.

Im 30 years old and have 8 years experience.

Went to brown university for liberal arts.

Have some diverse traits like being on the board of a women’s networking and leadership nonprofit. Work as a yoga teacher. Am queer. Am Hispanic. Liberal arts background not finance or economics. Woman (33% are women rn)

Worked as a school teacher, at startups, and ran my own marketing online business.

I want to go because I work in marketing and communications and want to expand into greater leadership roles, shaping company culture and working as VP of people or something like that. Not HR but more organizational leadership. I’ve seen how badly things are run and feel passionate about improving how employees are valued at work.

Here’s the thing - I work at Penn. and I get a tiny tuition benefit if I get into Wharton emba in the Philly cohort. Not much but something.

I talked to two alumni and they told me I likely won’t get in because

1. I don’t have enough experience - everyone in their cohort had 10+ years. Even though 8 is minimum requirement, folks are rarely accepted with this little.

2. My GMAT focus score is subpar and not competitive. While it falls within the range of the current class (615 to 700+ with an average of 650). I got 625 with 80% on verbal and 70% on quant and data insights. (I studied for one year, no math background so this was huge for me but still insufficient)

3. GPA is not competitive. 3.7 - BA, all easy qualitative classes. No other professional certificates since undergrad. Aside from my 200 hour yoga cert

4. Only 2 people who work at Penn are permitted per cohort, and word on the street is multiple folks from my department are applying… and many more from across the school.

5. Insufficient employer support. I have yet to formally ask but investment in me is wary

6. No title change / promotion or bump to “senior” title in 4 years of working in the same role despite constant “exceeds expectations reviews” and annually added responsibility and complexity. Budget cuts and insufficient attention to detail have been the excuse every time I’ve asked for 3 years.

This shows I’m not a leader. I also manage no one, besides contractors / vendors. No employees below me. (I do train coworkers tho)

7. Undergrad Ivy League doesn’t help at all actually

Anyways I see now that I am not qualified and have a week application.

The advice was to wait a few more years but I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want this more than anything and I genuinely am heartbroken.

Waiting around for years being stuck like this is not an option.

I’m applying round 1 - October. I’ve spoken to admissions about the score - they said it was acceptable but also they look at my GPA. I think they were just humoring me. They will beg you to apply but don’t actually want to accept you unless you’re amazing which I now realize I am not.

I have no idea why I even decided to apply to this. My career is a joke and I genuinely wanted to do this to help step up into leadership and make the world a better place. I want a seat at the table so I can do that.

The only thing I’m open to doing is retaking the gmat

I will not wait another year to apply “for more experience” to try again. It’s now or never.
I’m all in.

My boss likely will give a good letter of rec but her bosses likely will not want to invest in me (not even financially, they will offer nothing outside the tuition benefit, just the flexibility of missing fridays)

I feel so stupid, useless and inadequate. Completely delusional to think I could do this. I don’t want to go to any other school.

I will apply but I’ve already given up. I know I’ll get rejected immediately.

This wake up call hurts my heart. I’m so sad.

Is any of this info from the alumni I listed wrong? I’m 99% sure they’re right and my chances aren’t zero but they’re slim. So disgusted with myself.

How long to take and how high to go?

Ive been on 200 for a month now for my unstable mood and rage associated with borderline personality disorder.

My other options are abilify (scared of this) and some of those metabolic ones like depakote, zyprexa, seroquel which cause weight gain. According to my doctor.

She said if 200 doesn’t work in another two weeks to just give up and titrate off and start over with abilify. I want to keep going.

How long did it take to work?

What did it feel like and how did you know it’s working? My partner said my mood is getting much worse and so is instability.

What dosage did it begin to work for you?

Thanks.

Ive been on 200 for a month now for my unstable mood and rage associated with borderline personality disorder.

My other options are abilify (scared of this) and some of those metabolic ones like depakote, zyprexa, seroquel which cause weight gain. According to my doctor.

She said if 200 doesn’t work in another two weeks to just give up and titrate off and start over with abilify. I want to keep going.

How long did it take to work?

What did it feel like and how did you know it’s working? My partner said my mood is getting much worse and so is instability.

What dosage did it begin to work for you?

Thanks.

Niall and Mona… there was something psychological going on there for both of them. What’s your take on it?

Reflections:

Niall Fucking Mona was not on my bingo card. If Ruben ever finds out he’ll kill Niall in a heartbeat.

Ruben being infertile has to be a metaphor for something. It’s definitely a huge contrast to his insanely masculine persona. Like Niall said, “someone with huge balls but ironically they don’t work” or something of that effect.

I felt very very disconnected from young Ruben and Niall and kinda wished they had interwoven a few more scenes from back in the day into this episode. I know they’re going for a somewhat chronological progression of the past scenes but I would have enjoyed that.

Niall becoming “straight” and impregnating Ava after one fuck is crazy. She did say she knew he was gay / bisexual…. I’m wondering if he is indeed bi if he was able to have sex with Ava and Mona (or if he just forced himself to endure it). It seemed like he did enjoy it with Mona. I know this is a gray area here and sexuality is a spectrum.

The mom continues to be a fucking bully! Even as Niall came to her with the news he was having a baby she didnt even say congrats and just dismissed him and brought up how he’s actually gay and the poison didn’t work. She did say “look me in the eyes and tell me you’re certain you want this baby” and he couldn’t do it. Which was telling and a good, though harsh, reality check.

Niall ran to tattle on Mona for sleeping with Benji - yet he also slept with Mona and broke his brothers trust. What he did is even worse! And he kept saying to Mona “you fucked his brother.” She’s like “yes, you are the brother. You partook in it.” Idiot!! How is he so blind to what he did but is throwing other people under the bus?

Niall sitting there in the parking lot while Ava was waiting desperately for him and then driving away and fucking a male prostitute was classic self sabotage.. I think he did it on purpose bc Ruben had lost his job and was getting cheated on and was infertile…. And he wanted to somehow “punish” himself for the good things going on in his life, or somehow ruin his life so he was on Ruben’s level? Idk!

Questions

1. Niall praying the gay away and drinking poison from a “spiritual advisor” and throwing up…. What poison? I am so confused and never heard of this. My lesbian cousin went to a gay conversion camp but it was mostly religious babbling.
2. What is it with

Ruben

1. stomping people to death? Like he nearly killed Alby in the same way. Is there a metaphor here?
2. How the fuck did Niall and Ruben become friends after the hospital crash out? They didn’t really show that part but I guess they thought they were even after that?
3. The mom said Niall only wanted to become “straight” after Ruben came back into his life… was he doing this to prevent Ruben from ever finding out he was gay, or simply because he wanted to keep up with Ruben, who was already married to a woman?

So much great stuff in this episode and I love the book theory. My favorite character is young Alby. I’m dying for just one more scene with him.

I’ve seen it both ways in this sub. Also it doesn’t seem to be a very British / Scottish name but wtf do I know as a dumb American