We share a birthday and I invited him but I wanna give him a present. He loves the show adventure time, likes gaming and is very quiet and reserved. It will be his 20st birthday. The stuff I found on the adventure time website is not that interesting to be honest so idk? I genuinely don’t know what to get
Budget: €20-€30
Disclaimer: I know you are not doctors but maybe someone has been through this or has both bpd and bipolar?
So I just went through a very depressive episode. I was inpatient in a dbt program and I did follow the program and did my homework, it just cost all the energy I had and I was exhausted all the time. I woke up feeling very suicidal everyday and things that used to make me happy, just didn’t. (I LOVE football but when the World Cup started, I didn’t care). Just textbook depression you know.
Now since last week I like ‘switched’. I have a lot of energy, I want to sing 24/7, I keep yapping, I find everything funny etc. I kinda feel like a ticking time bomb too. Tuesday I had an outburst in (my now outpatient) dbt program. All the energy I had in me just transferred into rage. I also can’t concentrate or focus on anything and I frankly don’t care. Therapy has become SO BORING for me and suddenly the people I’m in therapy with, talk too much. Imo. My sleep is okay I guess. I don’t sleep as much as I should but I think it’s fairly okay. I don’t feel tired anymore tho. When I wake up, I’m not at all suicidal anymore, I feel very energised and motivated. The only thing I don’t like about my state rn is that my hallucinations (I always have them) are way worse, not only during the night, but now during the day too.
I often have these ‘episodes’ or switches and always thought it was euphoria as a part of bpd. Now, Thursday I went to my psychiatrist and she immediately told me she was worried and that she thinks I’m manic. I told her that it’s not that deep and that I always do this. She then proceeded to say that she doesn’t want to ‘under treat’ (I don’t know if I translated that correctly) me in case I also do have bipolar disorder. The program I’m in doesn’t really believe in medication but she did prescribe me 2 new medications. 1 antipsychotic and 1 mood stabiliser. I honestly haven’t taken them yet cus I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed again, and I also don’t wanna be an unmotivated brainless zombie.
Is anyone willing to share their experience? Should I give the medication a chance? Has all the work I put into the program been for nothing?
So I typed this out 6 ish weeks ago and wanted to post it to r/bpd but they didn’t let me so I just gave up lol. So I wanted to give an update.
They threw me out of treatment cus I didn’t want to take my meds and cus I never apologised for the outburst and cus I was never paying attention and being disruptive. I now go to my psychiatrist of said dbt course once every 2 weeks.
I still feel motivated, go out everyday,.. I wanted to look for work but they won’t let me because I’m still on disability or something idfk. I am always chasing some adrenaline so I sometimes I do things I don’t even want but do at the time I’m doing them. I got an ugly tattoo, I spent €500 in all those weeks, which caused me to get scammed and have my freaking accounts blocked, and I fell back into my old habit of occasionally doing coke. I sometimes want to try ‘every drug under the sun’ and then order a new substance. Which I DEFINITELY don’t want to do. At night when I can’t sleep, I am trying to find out whether my parents are actually my parents. (long story but I do have the right to have my suspicions). Idk everything went so fast and now shit is weird as hell.
Like it was all fun and games at first and now I sometimes have these moments of clarity where I’m genuinely wondering wtf is going on. Don’t get me wrong I’m still euphoric 80% of the time but I’m so out of proportion mad too sometimes. And wondering why I am like this.
Someone has experienced this before?
Let me know
Disclaimer: I know you are not doctors but maybe someone has been through this or has both bpd and bipolar?
So I just went through a very depressive episode. I was inpatient in a dbt program and I did follow the program and did my homework, it just cost all the energy I had and I was exhausted all the time. I woke up feeling very suicidal everyday and things that used to make me happy, just didn’t. (I LOVE football but when the World Cup started, I didn’t care). Just textbook depression you know.
Now since last week I like ‘switched’. I have a lot of energy, I want to sing 24/7, I keep yapping, I find everything funny etc. I kinda feel like a ticking time bomb too. Tuesday I had an outburst in (my now outpatient) dbt program. All the energy I had in me just transferred into rage. I also can’t concentrate or focus on anything and I frankly don’t care. Therapy has become SO BORING for me and suddenly the people I’m in therapy with, talk too much. Imo. My sleep is okay I guess. I don’t sleep as much as I should but I think it’s fairly okay. I don’t feel tired anymore tho. When I wake up, I’m not at all suicidal anymore, I feel very energised and motivated. The only thing I don’t like about my state rn is that my hallucinations (I always have them) are way worse, not only during the night, but now during the day too.
I often have these ‘episodes’ or switches and always thought it was euphoria as a part of bpd. Now, Thursday I went to my psychiatrist and she immediately told me she was worried and that she thinks I’m manic. I told her that it’s not that deep and that I always do this. She then proceeded to say that she doesn’t want to ‘under treat’ (I don’t know if I translated that correctly) me in case I also do have bipolar disorder. The program I’m in doesn’t really believe in medication but she did prescribe me 2 new medications. 1 antipsychotic and 1 mood stabiliser. I honestly haven’t taken them yet cus I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed again, and I also don’t wanna be an unmotivated brainless zombie.
Is anyone willing to share their experience? Should I give the medication a chance? Has all the work I put into the program been for nothing?
So I typed this out 6 ish weeks ago and wanted to post it to r/bpd but they didn’t let me so I just gave up lol. So I wanted to give an update.
They threw me out of treatment cus I didn’t want to take my meds and cus I never apologised for the outburst and cus I was never paying attention and being disruptive. I now go to my psychiatrist of said dbt course once every 2 weeks.
I still feel motivated, go out everyday,.. I wanted to look for work but they won’t let me because I’m still on disability or something idfk. I am always chasing some adrenaline so I sometimes I do things I don’t even want but do at the time I’m doing them. I got an ugly tattoo, I spent €500 in all those weeks, which caused me to get scammed and have my freaking accounts blocked, and I fell back into my old habit of occasionally doing coke. I sometimes want to try ‘every drug under the sun’ and then order a new substance. Which I DEFINITELY don’t want to do. At night when I can’t sleep, I am trying to find out whether my parents are actually my parents. (long story but I do have the right to have my suspicions). Idk everything went so fast and now shit is weird as hell.
Like it was all fun and games at first and now I sometimes have these moments of clarity where I’m genuinely wondering wtf is going on. Don’t get me wrong I’m still euphoric 80% of the time but I’m so out of proportion mad too sometimes. And wondering why I am like this.
Someone has experienced this before?
Let me know
So I f22, have been in treatment (ip) since November. I’m in a dbt program and they’re pretty strict here. If you act on urges to be self destructive too much, you’re out. If they think you’re not trying hard enough, you’re out. If you miss 3 therapy sessions, you’re out. If you try to attempt, you’re out. No exceptions. This program is 8-9 months long including 2 months of outpatient therapy so I’m almost out of residential to start my 2 months outpatient care.
Today I had a conversation with my dbt coach and when she saw my diary card (some document with destructive behaviours you need to score daily how high the urges were) she told me that my urges/suicidality are too high considering I’m this far into treatment. She told me that she’s very concerned and that she’s not sure this is the right thing for me right now. She did assure me that she notices how hard I’m trying but that my level of distress is pretty alarming.
To be completely honest, the fact that I’ve been trying so hard, doing everything I can to get better and not be a prisoner of my own mind anymore is in fact not enough, is making me even more suicidal. Because what am I even doing it for then? Are they going to send me away? What am I going to do?? I ghosted my therapist and psychiatrist, and I lowkey don’t feel safe enough to not be in treatment anymore. What do I do I’m scared.