u/AccomplishedFarm3667

So I have dated my now husband for 8 years before getting married and it’s almost been 3 years for our marriage now.

We stay with his parents in a tier 1 city. Things were great in the start, but then things started going downhill. My SIL(40) also stays with us, MIL does each and everything for FIL and SIL, they don’t even take a glass of water by themself. We have a pet dog also brought in by my SIL. The dog is so aggressive, keeps barking loudly, doesn’t let anybody even enter the house (even my parents) , he has bitten people from the family itself, over pampered and still the in-laws justify the biting, MIL takes full care of the dog cause SIL is not bothered, and in absence of MIL, i am the first option who is expected to take care of the dog. I am expected to leave my work and be there for the dog because the dog can’t be left alone.

Now after 3 years i am starting to get irritated of the dog, it barks continuously for 10-15 mins straight, it affects me. There have been 2 incidents now where i have told MIL that i can’t leave my work and stay for the dog, instead i said ask SIL to take a leave.

Now MIL is giving me silent treatment, FIL is ignoring and not talking to me. It was my birthday last week, he didn’t even wish me. When I asked MIL why he didn’t wish me, she is like i dont know you ask him. So convenient. Otherwise my MIL is a super excited lady when it is anybody’s birthday.. reminding everyone to wish them.

I’ve conveyed all these things to my husband, he understands my side and he is too pissed with his father and not talking to him.

I don’t know what to do, such an awkward and unnecessary situation.

So it’s been 3 years for our marriage now, we have dated 9 years before getting married. We stay with my in-laws.
We also have a pet dog at home brought by my SIL. But SIL is never at home to take care of it, it’s always the MIL who does or ME. But now i am too irritated and frustrated by it. He’s a very aggressive dog, so much so he will not let anybody enter home, even when delivery boys come he barks loudly nonstop, he has bitten people from our home itself.
FIL is too fond of the dog, so much that treats it like a baby, whatever the dog does is okay. All his barks, bites and behaviour is appreciated. The dog is also very scared to leave alone so somebody has to stay at home for him at all times, it’s MIL always but when she’s not then it’s ME. The SIL is never in picture, in-laws say she has work but i am expected to leave my work and stay for the dog. The dog needs to pee in washroom all the time so i am expected to leave all my work every time and immediately rush to the washroom to open the door or wash it off, if I don’t I am the bad person.
When SIL is also at home and me, SIL doesn’t even bother to give food to the dog, but i am expected to. Now I have started to be irritated of the dog which i think the FIL is not liking and he has stopped talking to me and ignoring me. It was my birthday last week and he has not even wished me. We stay in the same house.
I dont understand what do i do now, it’s a very awkward situation

I wish we were really taught the importance of being kind since our childhood.
Even though we have that realisation now, I’m sure in our childhood we have knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone based on their appearance, their condition.
I remember when i was in school, we have laughed on someone whose clothes maybe were a little messy that day (not knowing what situations he/she might be having at home, but still managed to show up), or if someone has a torn shoe, or just their messy self. It guilts me thinking how that person might have felt, their parents must have asked them how was school but to not disappoint them they lie and put on a happy face, suppress their feelings.

Just a very small example.

Life is too short, be kind always.

30F here. Married for 2.5 years, i run a small baking business(freelancer) from home which expects me to travel to my parents place every 2 days.
I’m in a very frustrating situation, we live with my in-laws and SIL(40F). My husband and SIL contribute to the house expenses and i help my husband in whatever way i can financially.
The thing is, just because i am a freelancer and their bahu, things are expected from me which normally would not be expected from my SIL?
We have a house help who does all the house chores except the cooking, we don’t keep a cook because the family prefers MIL or my cooking.
SIL does NO housework at all, not even getting her own glass of water. MIL serves her food and gives in her hand. There is a pet(dog) in the house gotten by my SIL, and that dog is very traumatised so we can’t keep him alone at all at home, so whenever a situation like this arises i am the one who is “expected” to drop all her work and stay at home for the dog.
Another eg, if someday SIL stays at home, she would not be expected to do any house or cooking work when others get back home.. but if i stay it is expected of me to keep food ready for others.
I am expected to wake up early on festivals, not her.
Mind you she’s a 40 year old but acts like a child, wants attention, very loud, jealous kind.
Intact my MIL “proudly” tells “oh she just can’t do house work or cooking.. she was never interested”
Bruh, then why do u expect it from me?
Earlier I used to feel sad for MIL that she is running around for everyone. But I’ve understood, if i keep doing this.. i would be in her place one day.
I’m an introvert person, so I can’t gossip with them. MIL and SIL just sit and gossip talk loudly laugh. I dont do that. I’m just in my own zone in my own work, am I being selfish?

My husbands stand is we will keep a cook, if food is the problem. But it’s not just about that.

So we stay with my in-laws.
Me and my husband have been together for almost 12 years at this point (dating+marriage)
My FIL is so regressive. He does nothing on his own, MIL gives him everything in his hand (even a glass of water) he can’t even reheat his own food and eat, he never let’s MIL go out anywhere without him saying “i get anxious when you’re not here”
Lately he has been making toxic comments to her, something happened and he made a statement that “ later you will even ask me to wash the utensils, remember i am the husband and you’re the wife”
Yesterday also MIL said something to him like” i do so much for you, you dont do anything”.. and he goes “ am i a lady? Have i done anything before that i will do it now” he just sits on the sofa all day watching TV, eating.
And it’s so toxic to listen to all this in front of my eyes and keep quiet! SIL and husband dont interfere.
I wasnt raised like this, my mom and dad are like a team.. dad does all the household chores proudly.
Fortunately, my husband is not at all like that and we are equals in our relationship.