u/Accomplished_Car6927

I’m talking about >!ANA!< so if this is something sensitive to you, I recommend not reading further

And before you come @ me with the “>!ANA!< is just as bad/worse” I was >!ANA!< for 15 years, now bulimic for the last 10 and if I have to be cursed with an ED I would give ANYTHING to go back to >!ANA!<

It’s cheaper. I was a big >!orthorexic ANA!< girlie. Sugar free energy drinks, tubs of organic salad, protein bars galore. Maybe $100 a week for that habit. I can easily go to McDonald’s and drop $50 for one meal for myself that I’M JUST GONNA PURGE. I don’t even have a job. I use my disability money. And I’m already ashamed as fuck because there are people struggling to feed themselves and I use my income to throw it up. God.

It’s much easier to mask and make excuses. Going out with friends? You ate at home right before this. You had a big/late lunch. You order a salad or soup and you can use the same excuse. Or you’re just not hungry because that’s a thing that happens to people. Or maybe you’re not feeling well. You can lie and say you’re on a diet. All valid excuses that people generally don’t question if you don’t look sick enough.

>!ANA!< is the more feminine/dainty/ladylike illness. As a small woman it’s so much easier to be >!ANA!<. Shoveling huge piles of food into your face is seen as unladylike and uncouth. Eating sticky, greasy, messy foods with your bare hands like an animal is something people expect dudes to do. Which is why pizza and beer are classic “dude” things. But I could put male bodybuilders to shame with the speed I eat at and volume of food I can consume. I don’t like to go out to eat because I can order an app for the table and eat it all, eat my meal, and then while everyone has half finished plates because they’re full, my raccoon brain screaming at me to ask to finish their’s, and I still ask if anyone wants dessert. I look like a pig. People feel uncomfortable. I go home and eat more and then purge it anyways.

You waste less time. With >!ANA!< you can just sit there and exist while other people eat. You’re not keeping the table because you have to run to the bathroom to purge. Not eating took nothing out of my day, in fact I had more time to do what I wanted because I wasn’t constantly obsessed with eating, b/ping and then being holed up in a bathroom.

It’s disgusting. That’s the bottom line. You’re not hovering over a toilet, puke, snot and tears caking your face, then on your hands and knees shaking trying to scrub the bathroom before someone else comes to use it. You’re not >!shitting!< yourself from lax abuse. You’re not >!pissing!< yourself during a purge because now your pelvic floor is weak from constantly being bent and heaving over the toilet. Always worried you stink because maybe you got purge on your hair or clothes. Your teeth rotting out of your skull.

Healthwise? I feel 10 times worse with bulimia than I did with >!ANA!<. I actually ate more and weighed more because even though I wasn’t eating a lot I was actually eating. Nowadays, everything triggers the b/p cycle so I don’t actually eat a whole lot at all. I’m terrified of food moreso than I was while >!ANA!<. I’m starving and exhausted and my body hurts.

I’m sorry if this upsets anyone. I’m just so damn sick and tired and I wish I never discovered b/p. It’s ruined my life.

I’ve lived in Florida 10+ years now and have gone to Animal Kingdom plenty of times in those 10 years so I am very familiar with all of the crunchy crawlers that Florida has. But I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve even seen a biting bug on WDW property. I think I’ve maybe been bitten by a mosquito or no-see-um once or twice. Their pest control is significant enough that bug spray is not something I’ve ever brought with me.

We stayed at AKL this past weekend and we were eaten alive by yellow flies! They were all over us at the Savannah viewing areas. They were even inside and I couldn’t sit in the lounge or common areas without one relentlessly circling until it bit me. My husband who never gets bitten by anything was even bitten a few times.

I’m actually very surprised to see yellow flies. Have I just been living in la-la land or is there a worse population of these guys compared to other years?

Before you come with the pitchforks, read please!!

I have an ED myself so I am in a bunch of ED centered communities here. But I saw a post from XXS pop up in an ED sub and the comments were gross. Trash talking and hating on XXS and saying XXS people are just showing off and inventing problems for themselves blah blah.

Even without my ED I have always been XXS because I’m not even 5ft as a fully grown adult. I’m East Asian so I just have that stereotypical petite figure. I’m a normal BMI for my height (believe it or not most people with ED are actually normal - above normal BMI) and it’s hard to find clothes.

But anyways. When you have an ED and you hate your own body so intensely, the last thing you’d want is someone insulting you and making assumptions about you. But it’s okay to drag on people smaller than you? It’s totally fine to punch down apparently. I’d never shade someone in a body bigger than mine, I don’t know why it’s okay to insult people in smaller bodies.

I’m guessing it’s internalized hatred towards themselves but damn, you’d think these people would be more understanding.

The amount of people who have said this to me - who are also struggling with physical/mental illness - is astounding. Just don’t be depressed. Just don’t have pain from your arthritis. That’s not how it works? Gee. But I wake up every day and just choose to have a dysfunctional mind and body. Okay. I just choose to do this to myself. If I could just stop whenever I wanted I would’ve never started in the first place!