u/After-Armadillo-6970

I grew up in a sheltered, toxic household with my siblings (24M and 36F). Out of all of us, I managed to go to college and moved several states away for a job, but I was recently laid off and had to relocate back home. I’ve been actively job hunting and trying to rebuild my mental health, but I am deeply worried about the future.

Both of my siblings are currently on disability. My brother is 100% disabled due to muscular dystrophy, and I'm trying to get him on the same wavelength, but he’s headstrong and mostly just wants to play video games all day. My older sister is considered partially disabled because she was born premature with an underdeveloped colon, which is why she has a stomach tube. I vividly remember her constantly having to go to doctors, which heavily affected her ability to graduate on time. On top of that, kids were mean to her, and our mom tended to completely forget about us, especially whenever men came into her life.

My sister and I believe she is on the spectrum and has undiagnosed ADHD, as doctors historically failed to test girls for these conditions properly. (I actually received my own ADHD diagnosis as an adult—because I made good grades in school, my struggles were overlooked).
Our granddad (81M) and our late grandma (who passed away two years ago) have been taking care of everyone their entire lives. My mom (56F and also disabled now) has never been fully independent; she’s narcissistic, male-centered, and takes advantage of being the legal guardian over my brother and sister, using most of their funds.

I won’t go into the depths of my childhood, but just know my siblings and I have been living with our grandparents the majority of our lives because we felt the safest there, even if it turned into us essentially being asked to do every little thing and take care of our grandma. Being a caretaker was essentially made my sister's purpose (and mine, when I was living at home). We would wash her, do her hair, rub her back, rub her feet, cook for her, etc.—we were essentially her home health nurse. It was a lot mentally having to do all this while going to school. All this plus some more occurrences in life caused us all to go into a depression. I was more so high functioning, but my sister handled her depression terribly (maybe due to her undiagnosed status). It was like my sister was stuck at the same age, and she even lost her hair due to stress.
Now that she is older, our granddad expects her to be on the same wavelength as I am, although they have "little-girled" her her whole life. Our granddad has explicitly told me that I need to look after her when he’s gone, and my mom even randomly asked me if I would let my siblings be homeless (which felt like a complete slap in the face). They are expecting me to step into my grandparents' shoes and take care of the family, and it’s entirely unfair.
I ultimately want my sister to have a better quality of life. I would never allow my siblings to be homeless, and I’ve said I would rather my brother live with me than be in a nursing home. I've even told my sister that the stipulations for her living with me when I eventually move out again will be that she has a therapist and is actively doing something productive with her life. But right now? I would be irritated having to wake up and go to work while she’s up all hours of the night playing the game, drawing, or watching YouTube, and then sleeping all day just to repeat the same cycle.

She has great ideas of how to improve her quality of life (homesteads for example), but she doesn’t want to put herself out there with a part-time job, bettering her education, receiving an official diagnosis, going to therapy (which I’ve been encouraging her to do for the past decade), coming to the gym with me, or making friends in person. Instead, she likes to complain a lot, relive past trauma within our family and grade school, and unless it’s a topic she’s passionate about, she hates everything. My sister is amazing, talented, and smart, and she teeters between believing that to doubting herself. She could live a normal life, but she’s so desperate to win the lottery to make that life happen that she’s convinced herself that’s the only way she’ll be happy. It’s been frustrating because it’s been affecting my ability to be around her for so long and also dragging me down mentally.

Does anyone have any suggestions and tips on how I can help her, get her more socialized with society, or encourage her to take action before our granddad passes?

Hi guys!

So this is my first official Reddit post of many. I’ve been on a natural hair journey for about 13 years, though technically I’ve been natural most of my life. Before 9th grade, I spent all of middle school trying to fit in by constantly straightening my hair. To make matters worse, my grandma was playing hairdresser in my head — she gave me layers I didn’t need and even thinned out my hair. In 9th grade, I tried a texturizer “just because,” and it loosened my curl pattern so much that I ended up doing a big chop. My hair grew quickly afterward, but I didn’t know how to maintain it on my own, and I didn’t have anyone to help me. Because of that, I dealt with a lot of breakage and split ends.

Fast forward through several mini chops and years of growth with no real length retention, I finally decided to big chop again this Wednesday. I was tired of my hair breaking off every time I detangled or blow‑dried it. It’s the shortest it’s been in a long time, and while I’m okay with it, I’m definitely still adjusting.

Right now, my focus is hydration, moisture, and improving the overall integrity of my strands. These are the products I’m currently using. I feel like my shampoos work for the most part, but I don’t think I’m clarifying well enough. When it comes to styling products, I’m unsure. My hair was very inconsistent for a while (mostly because my split ends were basically half my hair length). It would love a product at first, then suddenly hate it.

For leave‑ins, I was using African Pride (both the leave‑in and the hair lotion), but my hair eventually rejected them. I tried Mizani 25 Miracle Milk — it was okay, just thinner than I prefer. Then I found Being, which I’m liking so far, though it’s only been a week. The Texture ID Low Porosity Twisting Cream is also decent, but sometimes it doesn’t mix well with other products. Blue Magic has always worked for me, so I’m open to other hair greases too.

I saw that Ulta is having a few sales on hair products (I was eyeing the Olaplex Curl Bond line), and I wanted to know what everyone would recommend I pick up.

For reference, I’m low porosity with dense, fine strands. I’ll include pictures of my hair from my trim last year and what it looks like now.

(28F) Living with my sheltered, dysfunctional family after a layoff, and I don't know how to motivate my disabled older sister (36F) before our granddad passes away.

How Do You Maintain Your Length?