AITA for wanting no contact where possible
To give some background:
Me and DH are not NC with MIL. I've been with DH, and known her, for years.
However since we have had our own space a lot has emerged behavior-wise which has made both of us uncomfortable and has raised alarm bells for me. It started a little when we got our own place together (at the time she was going through some big relationship fallout but has since 'mended' her relationship with unfaithful SO.) At the time she was weird about how we didn't involve her SO in getting our place, I think she made out that it was because he has a background in property (? They were not involved in any way financial or otherwise so can only assume it stemmed from her own insecurities around 'acceptance' of SO and her own relationship decisions.)
When we got married her drama got significantly worse in the lead up to our wedding (which we paid for and organised completely) and she organised to come over with SO one evening (at our home) and the complaints were similar. Why hadn't we invited SO to look at our venue (?!) and why were we not inviting four of their friends for the whole day (just evening). She was literally in tears about it and said it was 'her day too'. I didn't react and in fact stayed pretty composed, a lot of this seemed (disrespectfully?) aimed only at DH. Luckily we are really on the same page about her behavior and he stood up for both of us and we didn't change anything based on their requests. The one time I tried to speak up for myself though, she said we were talking over her and she stood up to leave... it wasn't great. She never apologized for this and brought it all up again by text with my DH when they'd left. I ended up texting her and politely saying she needed to give us space over the wedding because it was our day. She never replied and set up a 'walk' with DH where she said my message was 'vile' and she was only prepared to apologize to DH, as otherwise she wouldn't come to the wedding. It's pretty hard to stomach that she can't acknowledge and be accountable for upsetting me. She seems to also have a complex over how close DH is with my parents, who she and her SO have never made an effort to engage with. So there are probably a few angles. What was even more insane was that she came to the wedding in this particular style and color gown (she knew my bridesmaids were going to wear this style and color, luckily she picked a totally different shade of this color) but it was obvious what she was doing and deliberately entered our ceremony room just before my girls. It was something to laugh about honestly but it showed me more of this toxic and narcissistic side to her (we had an awesome wedding day anyhow!)
I've since been distancing myself hugely and we collectively limit contact to maybe a few times a year anyways as DH doesn't have a great or close relationship with her. She has never spoken about, addressed or apologized for her behavior since.
However I've been with DH for years so I'm also connected to MIL on linkedin (whyyyy) and we now work in the same industry (she even sat down with me at ours to get advice on it when she was very new to it, which in hindsight was just her using me) - I'm going through a big job transition soon and just don't want my life changes to be visible to her. Everything just seems to become a weird talking point for her and I'm also just at a point where I want to control how much of a window she has into my life. It gives me great anxiety. Should I just disconnect with her or block her? I don't talk to her unless I'm seeing her with DH honestly but I want to avoid any drama. I feel like blocking her on WhatsApp would be more obvious but as I don't talk to her I'm more concerned about the unfortunate social media connection. DH said I should do whatever makes me comfortable.
Before anyone comments about kids, we don't have and don't plan to have them (frankly given how she is I'm happy this was always our mindset).
Any ops valued on how you navigate interactions like this.