u/Aggravating-Food5540

I have been typed many time ENFP across the ywars and I can say it was quite correct but since a year ago, I had a strong spiritual experience and since then life has... changed. I am still me, but as a Soul/Consciousness and love not a personality, and while I integrate I notice that it's as if my personality has reshape itself into an infj type.

In itself, my functions stays the same but I have a very developped Ni that it is easy to think I am Ni dom, I've done so much inner self work due to important sufferings (it was that or a very dark path). And it has been a lonely path. And yet, i feel like through posts and meme on here, i really relate for the first time to people. The ego is still shaped from early memories and maybe genetics but it is not motionless. It grows in different ways, but the first learned behavior that the psyche hold is still the first type.

To me type don't change but functions do grows differently and this experience has apparently helped me grow some part that makes me appear infj from the outside. But of course, the enfp still is stronger at core(heh).

Just wanted to share :)

I struggle. My practice has started a year ago. I have a hard time being anything near anything to present. Constant screen/social medias (i am 25) don't help too for sure. But, I am tired of practicing integration and at the very same time, deeply sad of not being able to be with the moment anymore.

Sometimes when there is a bit of silence, I feel that I have so much grief that my body buckle up and press the 'stop' button. I am not fully sure why but I think doomscrolling probably plays a role and the issue is that I am in a situation where my freedom feels limited physically. And because of that and the lack of practice of integration mostly, instead of paying attention to my reactions, I react. When I pay attention to my thoughts, it's difficult because of the huge uproar. I scream on my teenage cousin that hit my nerves, I feel trapped with this person everyday too. I have a hard time with being compassionate. I can't feel it because I also know inside that, despite doing my best with self-kindness, I can't feel it fully because my body is still waiting to process emotionally many things. Since this spiritual awakening a year ago, I have become even more sensitive than before and our world let little place for a constant need of emotional processing. With all the pain from the past and today, I feel like so much has to be processed (difficult childhood) and it never stops.

I even had tears in my eyes when reading a comment holding compassion, like I crave it but can't feel it yet. It is so incredibly difficult to live truthfully when family and the world in general expect from you to be a fully functioning person for today's society. I just want peace, being alone, being far, I am tired.

I've (26F) been single for more than 5 years now, and even before that, my experience were very short lived (less than 3 months). I have went through so many phases these past years but I have a thought that keeps coming back when difficult emotions are brought back due to life circumstances (it is easier to linger about what we don't have when struggling). It's the same thing: what have I now that I am not aware of, that being with someone will make me regret not having it anymore or miss it. Even if fulfilling to be with this person. I lack data when it comes to being aware of what a partner is bringing or what singlehood brings opposite to it. And I am not asking about a unhealthy ones but even a good one. What can you have/ can you feel mostly when you're single and not with a lover ? I know the pros, not the cons.

That's it.

I am trying to understand but some traits are shared in both while others seems contradictory. How should we read them ?

How do you deal with detachment? I am one year in since my spiritual awakening and I went through many phases and yet I know it's far from being over.

Lately, I slowly noticing how my behavior is towards reactivity (inside of me mostly) in a certain context. It is usually when people around me (friends or family) will share with me struggle they have (loneliness, toxic relationship, inability to say no, etc.) And I will usually listen to them and give them advice that are naturally related to spirituality, the present moment, the egoic self, thoughts, consciousness and more (it depends of course of how the conversation turns out) and I notice getting... impatient, frustrated, almost angry at them for not being able to integrate. I would usually repeat myself, again and again knowing that although I have also experienced most of these, that my words aren't landing. They ask for help but it feels... deeply frustrating to have to repeat the same speeches (it naturally comes back since the conversations goes to the same source) each time they come talking to me. Sometimes, I even think if I am not worsening things... after all, no one becomes aware and change through having a close one giving a telling-off. (Although the last word is a bit exaggerated)

How do you deal with this ? I can notice how these emotions are a lack of awareness somewhere but integrating this spiritual experience has been a immense rollecoaster and to know it's not over, is really tiring. How do you help those around you who asks for your ear and help when they are not conscious enough to fully understand their attachment to identity and suffering? To be honest, this post can also be expanded to people in general...

I hope I am making sense...