r/INFJers

I’m an infj-t and I’ve always had trouble identifying what I’m attracted to romantically. I feel as though I’m so open to so many things that I don’t really want to settle on having a set type or relationship. Sometimes I want a wholesome relationship with a nice woman but other times I want a big polyamorous relationship with various genders. Sometimes I like to be the more dominant person in the relationship and other times I like my partner to be. I’m just open to so many things and my wants change so often that I’m not sure what I’m actually attracted to or if I’m even “attracted” to anything yk?

There has to be someone that feels like this

Hey everyone - ENFP (20M) here. I’m not really too open with my emotions anymore since i’m really closed off, weary and guarded but I’m just gonna be raw and unfiltered since this is somewhat anonymous.

I’ve been single for a little over a year now. My INFP ex ended our nearly 2 year relationship in January of last year due to me being a shitty human being and getting really lazy and complacent in our relationship, which I deserved in hindsight since I was taking everything for granted.

Went through hell for the better part of a year and agonized and mentally tortured myself over it, but finally started turning things around at the beginning of this year, got help, moved on from her, worked on me and have been taking a lot of steps to work on me solely for me. I’m a lot happier and more content with my day to day life and my overall mood couldn’t be better for the most part, but one thing has been nagging at me like crazy.

I genuinely miss being in a relationship and have a bit of guilt over mentally looking for ways out of something that I was so lucky to have. At first it was mainly just the physical aspects after it ended but eventually (and currently) it’s turned into just wanting a strong emotional connection with a better half that I can grow with and love unconditionally after “learning my lesson” so I can treat them better.

I’ve made a lot of progress in therapy and my sobriety and have grounded myself a lot more and i’m at a lot more at peace internally, and I am a strong believer that God times whoever comes into your life at the right time, but this long single stretch is starting to get unbearable. Like what else do I have to work on and prove fuller to the world that I haven’t in the past, and I have the fear that this will last decades and that i’m “cursed” and “this is my punishment” by God. Even just stuff that almost works out in terms of this stuff falls apart at the last second, and it feels like the World is putting something in my face and stripping it away from me.

Given that your early 20s (like my age now) is very hookup culture focused for a big chunk of people, it’s kind of hard to find something more serious and it’s like I either engage in that stuff or I just stay alone and bide my time avoiding those impulses so I don’t get hurt for the 700th time given history. Like I don’t have a problem engaging with that stuff but it just gets boring and surface level after a while since there is no real connection.

I know INFJ women are my type 100%, and I really like you guys just for who you are as people and nothing more, but where in the world are you guys? I legit barely know any INFJs and am only close with one of my best guy friends who is one, but I legit do not know where you guys are are and think it’s gonna be a long ass time until I find one.

(Sorry for my rambling by the way, since i’m starting to strip back my thick walls and layers of emotional repression over time i’m getting more in touch with me, and this feeling is gnawing at me and has been for months on end. Just needed to spew it out because why the hell not, got nothing left to lose.)

Thanks, ENFP

I’ve been thinking a lot about communication and how it actually works between people. For me, it feels like more than just speaking or exchanging words it feels like a process where meaning is being built in real time between two minds. When I say something, I’m not just throwing out words, I’m trying to match those words to the way I’m thinking internally, so what I express actually reflects what I mean. Over time, I’ve started to get better at that, where my thoughts and my speech feel more aligned, less scattered, more direct.

But I’ve also realized communication isn’t just about expressing yourself clearly it’s also about understanding the other person just as deeply. People don’t just communicate with words alone. There’s tone, facial expression, timing, and the situation itself. All of that combines into meaning. So when someone speaks, I’m not only listening to what they say, I’m also paying attention to how they say it, and what the context of the conversation is. A simple sentence can carry different meaning depending on how it’s delivered and what’s happening around it.

So in a way, communication feels like two systems interacting at once. I have my internal system my thoughts, emotions, and intentions and the other person has theirs. We’re both translating internal experiences into language, and then trying to interpret each other’s language back into meaning. It’s not perfect, but it works through pattern, observation, and adjustment. I say something, they interpret it, they respond, and I interpret them back. It’s a continuous loop of trying to align understanding.

What I’ve noticed is that when I communicate, I’m really responding based on my understanding of what the other person is expressing, not just the words they use, but the meaning I construct from their tone, expression, and context. So communication becomes less about exact wording and more about reconstructing meaning as accurately as possible from the signals available.

Because of that, I’ve started to see that communication has layers not hidden meanings in a mysterious sense, but layers of signals that come together. Words, emotion, expression, and situation all combine into one message that the mind has to interpret. And depending on how aligned those signals are, you can usually sense whether someone is just speaking casually, or if there’s something more emotional or intentional behind what they’re saying.

At the core of it, I think communication is just two independent minds trying to synchronize meaning through language. Not merging into one system, but constantly adjusting toward understanding. And when that alignment gets closer, the conversation feels clearer, more natural, and more connected.

And for me personally, the more I understand how this process works, the more intentional I become in how I communicate both in how I express myself and how I interpret others. It’s less about decoding people and more about building accurate understanding from the signals they give. In the end, it’s really just two people trying to make sure what is meant is as close as possible to what is understood.