u/AggressiveDig4971

https://pronouns.cc/@mlipson

Current look (certain lightings looks black) Image 1

Current look (certain lightings looks black) Image 2

What I want Reference 1

What I want Reference 2

(My hair is naturally a darker brown, and looks lighter when shampooed)

I am not new to dyeing hair, but I wouldn't say I'm an expert. The last color I tried years ago was a black box dye (just learned today that boxed isn't the best) with no bleaching, and I fell inlove with it! However, my mom forgot the brand she bought, so we tried two different box brands, permanent instead (I want to stick with black), and they ended up being more of a very dark brown.

I'm hesitant on dyeing again with permanent currently so my hair can be happier and healthier. Can yall please help me on what to do? I'm thinking of using semi with black color-depositing shampoo (or conditioner) and then re-dye it every so months. Is that the right way to go? I'd also like to know recommended brands for black hair dye and color-depositing shampoo (or conditioner) because I don't know the best brands, and looking up on here ways to maintain black hair has been confusing me ;-;

Any advise will help. Thank you for reading :)

(been diagnosed with receptive language disorder as a lil kid)

I know I'm not. I have really good grades, have been told multiple times by mental health professionals that I'm very self aware, my friends tell me that I have good ideas, I try to ask lots of questions in class for clarification and my teachers love that I do that, I'm good at congress debate, I've been told i'm very empathetic (or atleast have a big heart for others), etc.

But, mainly when I'm with ppl i'm not close with, I feel so stupid. I suggest ideas in group activities and many times they end up being wrong or I'm ignored and everyone else goes with other's ideas. I feel like I'm not going to be good enough once I get my first proper job because I won't understand or I'll missunderstand something. I feel like I'm only good at helping people mentally/emotionaly and thats it, and even then I worry if I said the wrong thing

I've recently started to verbally shut down more and that makes me feel even more stupid because i'm being restricted by my brain. I feel like I'm not getting things as much as I used to either and it's starting to make me feel even more stupid.

I feel like I'm only "smart" when I'm online, and that's probably because that's when I'm dissociating from the world and don't need to think about stuff

I know I'm not stupid, I'm just different. That is okay. I know that's okay. But when I'm in the real world I just feel so stupid because I can't understand things like other people and then shut down when I start to get stressed and can't do anything

Dyed my hair black again and now I'm looking like a cute androgynous creature and I'm so happy and confident rn :3

I don't think i want to go on hormonal therapy, but I do want facial hair. Because of this I use mascara to make my moustache more visible (i have a moustache its just thinner and less colored), but today I tried making so I have a beard too and dang I looked so good 😌

It's actually made me a bit sad because this morning I was so happy to discover that I'm bigender again (have identified as it in the past), but then I started to question myself and now I don't know anymore ;-;

I'm going to try to explain this the best I can:

1. I feel like both a man and a woman, and whichever I lean to can fluctuate throughout the day- sometimes I only feel like a woman or I am a woman but there's a tiny thread of boy there. I may have felt only like a man before, but if I have then it's pretty rare. Other times it's pretty close to 50/50
2. Often when I lean to one more gender heavily, they feel like separate genders co-existing inside me. But when it's more 50/50, it's feels like a monogender. Like, I'm one nonbinary identity, and the best way to describe it is it's male + female (but at the same time it's a bit bigender or atleast sometimes idk)
3. Sometimes when I feel 50/50, I describe it to myself as it being a third gender but as the same time it's just 2 genders. Again, like I feel 2 when it leans, but it's another when it's 50/50. It's as if the two genders combine to make a third gender (but at the same time it's a bit bigender but not but yes but no?)

I don't feel comfortable calling myself trigender, it just feels wrong. It's not really 3 genders, they just merge when it's closer to 50/50. At least I think they do. I'm also not confortable with genderfluid. I know it is fluid, obviously, but the label doesn't feel like me.

I'm not looking for the definitive black and white answer, but I'd love to hear yalls' thoughts, and then I'll think on it. Would you say I might be bigender?