u/Alarming-Ad-1966

In order to explain this situation completely, I need to give a lot of background context, so bear with me. I don't want to give too much identifying information away, so I am going to make up names, and I will also keep our ages a little vague (my siblings and I are all in our 30s but we are not all 30, if that makes sense). And I have left the gender out of children involved. I also apologise for the rambly nature of this; it all just came out in a flood!

My brother Sam has gotten his ex girlfriend Lily pregnant. They already have a child together, who is about 10 years old. They broke up just after this first child was born (I will call this kid Jude), and basically have had nothing but contempt for each other since then - until last year when they secretly starting sleeping together again.

The reason this is an issue is that they are both addicts, and there has been a history of toxic and scary behaviour from Lily. I am not saying that Sam is an angel, but I lived with both of them before their child was born, and saw Lily physically strike Sam on more than one occasion (he pushed her away but did not hit her back). She also used to cut herself a lot, bash her head into things and other sorts of violent self-harming behaviour when they fought. She also smashed my windscreen and my brother's one time when they had a fight. This was all literally more than ten years ago. Lily has been in and out of psychiatric wards and has severe mental illnesses (I will go into more of this later).

When Jude was born, Lily struggled to adapt to motherhood and likely had post-partum psychosis (I was not living in the country at the time so cannot confirm exactly her symptoms - this is just what I've heard secondhand). Anyway, she shook Jude when she was stressed, my brother intervened, they got into an altercation and he physically threw her out of the house. He told her he would not let her in while she was like this because she was hurting the baby. She punched a hole in the window and crawled through broken glass to get back in, leaving cuts all over her body. The police were called by neighbours and she accused my brother of throwing her through the window. He was arrested and she was allowed full custody. (I know that some of you may be saying that I am being an apologist for my brother's behaviour or that I am not believing her claims - but please just stick with me and you read the rest of this and understand that she has a history of violence against her children.)

Sam lost his job, did not see Jude for months, and had no idea what was happening. He was not entitled to custody because he was refusing to screen for drugs (so, fair enough really) but Lily was also using at the time and not being screened. Eventually, Sam got clean (for a while at least), got steadyish work and began seeing more of Jude. Lily had a string of boyfriends that she moved in with, taking Jude with her every time. From what I saw on social media, she accused all of them of violence against her, though I have also seen all of her exes accuse HER of being violent. I have no idea what Jude was exposed to. I moved back from overseas and began seeing Jude too. I was staying with my mum at the time while I looked for a house, and so we would often have Jude over and look after him together. There were occasions when Lily would message me saying things like "come and get Jude now before I kill them" and I would drive to pick up Jude, who would have huge bruises and be hysterically screaming and crying. We reported all of this to CPS.

Jude was also incredibly developmentally delayed, experiencing issues with speech, coordination, toileting, and of course, emotional regulation, Jude was violent, would have the most terrifying and upsetting meltdowns, and could not form connections with other children. Jude was left by Lily with completely unfettered access to Youtube and television. Jude has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but it can be hard to know with Jude what is their neurodivergence and what is a result of the incredible amount of trauma that they have experienced.

Eventually, Sam was getting regular visits with Jude and I guess seemed to be clean so CPS was fine with it. One day, Lily didn't organise for Jude to be dropped back to her. She had been living with her dad after another breakup but then I guess she just...disappeared? She didn't see Jude for 6 months. We have no idea where she went but she would still post on Snapchat so we knew she was alive. My mum was awarded temporary custody of Jude (they were about 4 at the time). Lily came back eventually and was in a relationship with a new guy and pregnant with his kid. She gave birth to another child and Jude lived with her and the boyfriend. Apparently this guy is a good guy, and his parents were very involved and looked out for Jude and also apparently protected him from being hit by his mother. I'm not sure what happened, but Lily was put into a mother-baby psychiatric ward (I guess concerns were raised) and while in the ward she strangled her new baby in front of a group of nurses. She then lost custody of that child and of Jude.

Sam was awarded custody of Jude and my mum stepped up to support him in a big way. She paid his mortgage and bills because he stopped working to take care of Jude full time. She would also help with pickup/drop off to childcare (and school eventually). She also got Jude involved with disability support services so that Jude could have therapy, play therapy, OT, speech therapy and other things. Jude has funding at the school they go to and an aide that supports them. Part of this process was requesting a document from CPS about what had happened to Jude while in Lily's care...I read the report and it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Phsyical, psychological and emotional abuse in every way. I cannot believe they didn't intervene sooner, but I guess that's why they had put Lily in the hospital when she had her next kid. I have met this other kid a few times, and they are more disabled than Jude but have many of the same issues. They also are hearing impaired in one ear, and there is some question about whether or not that was caused by a blow to the ear.

So my mum sold her house, left her husband (my stepdad of 20+ years) so that she could buy a house big enough to live in with Sam and Jude. They have all been living together for 2 years or more now, and just when there was a sense of relative stability...Sam goes and blows it all up.

He has been using again. He was in a steady relationship with a very nice woman (let's call her Maria) who left him when she found he was using. And somehow he started sleeping with Lily again. He was hiding her in my mum's house (she was hiding upstairs) and lying to any of us when we asked questions about what was going on. Even when LIly is there, she is neglectful of Jude. Like she literally ignores Jude and hides in Sam's room and doesn't interact with her child. She doesn't see her other child much either. And now she is pregnant. And I have no doubt that if she retains custody of this child she will abuse it.

My mum has decided that she will try to get custody of this baby, and that she will continue to let Sam live with her, and obviously Jude with them too. I have told her that she should kick Sam out and get custody of both Jude and the new baby (my uncle is a lawyer in the children's court so she could have free legal counsel on this). I have told her I will move in with her and rent my house out to cover my mortgage, and that I will help with both of these kids. The way I see it, they can be like siblings. I know it's naive and optimistic, but this kid deserves a good chance at life too.

My current situation is that I am a single woman and currently undergoing IVF to be a solo parent. I am literally in my two-week wait now to see if I am pregnant, and I also have some embyros frozen (to be clear, I am under the age of 35 and have no fertility issues. IVF is because I am single). The way I see it, I will be on maternity leave next year anyway, and could help my mum to raise the kid alongside my kid . I do not think Sam should continue to live in the house if he is doing drugs, and while he has said several times that he wants to stop, he takes no inititave. I have gone to meetings with him, I have tried to support him. But as long as he is living with my mum, he is enabled to do whatever he likes because she will always support him.

I am so furious with Sam. I cried when I found out that he had gotten Lily pregnant because I knew that my mum would want to take this burden on. She is in her mid 70s and already does SO much for Jude. Sam cannot even keep his part of the house clean, and I believe he is a mostly neglectful parent of Jude also. He also lied, continuously about Lily being pregnant. The reason I found out was because Maria told me. And why did she know? Because Lily sent her a series of mean messages, but basically gloated to her that she was pregnant with Sam's child to sort of scare Maria away (she had remained friendly with Sam and was trying to encourage him to get help - he was apparently lying to her as well about his efforts to get clean). When I confronted Sam, he literally said I was crazy and stupid to believe the lie, but of course she is more than 5 months pregnant now and there is a paternity test proving that he is the father.

The weird thing is that he doesn't even LIKE Lily. Like, he has shown nothing but literal hatred for her for the last decade, and has also been RIGHTFULLY angry that she did so much harm to their child. I confronted him about this and said that I could never forgive Lily for what she did for Jude, and I cannot believe he is sleeping with his child's abuser. He got sulky and said "fine I won't see her anymore" which he said every time I confronted him about his behaviour, but of course it never changed. I am also just so angry that he has the gall to let her stay over at my mum's house, while my mum has paid for it and has supported Jude because Jude's MOTHER is not capable of doing it. I told him that he would put our mother in an early grave with this bullshit, but he just does not seem to care.

Before all of this pregnancy stuff, at the beginning of the year, my mum asked me if I would ever consider moving in with her if she kicked Sam out, and if I would help out with Jude. I said yes, of course. But she has changed her mind since then and she said that she will never kick him out. We had a fight about it tonight at dinner and she said "you don't understand - he is my son. I bought this house for him. I can't just tell him to leave." So now I am also so angry at my mum.

I spoke to my uncle for legal advice, and to know what our options are. He said that we should just flag with this CPS but they likely will be monitoring her when she gives birth, and they may not let her have custody of this child, but we just won't know until it all happens.

I am willing to change my whole life to support my mum and this kid, but she is not willing to put in a boundary with my brother, who has been completely indifferent to this entire ordeal and seems to think that Lily will get custody because "she knows that she needs to ask for help when she's stressed" as if this negates the documented history of violent and abusive behaviour that this woman has enacted against her children. Sam also seems completely in denial about the seriousness of Lily's mental illness. She often has paranoid episodes and accuses people of trying to hurt her, steal from her, etc. My understanding is the reason her and the other boyfriend broke up was NOT because she strangled their child, but because she was completely convinced that he had a secret family and was constantly trying to find proof of this. Lily is dangeorus and mentally unstable. I am sympathetic to an extent - because I know that she is someone who has suffered greatly in her own life, but I cannot forgive the harm she has done to Jude, whom I love so dearly and like my own.

Do I push my mum? Do I try to move in anyway? There is enough room for me to also live there with my mum, Sam and Jude BUT I do not want to live with Sam because I do not want him around my child (if I get pregnant). Do I just leave it and let it sort itself out? My sister, who is also pregnant (and solo by choice) says to just worry about myself and my own baby - but who will take care of this kid when my mum is too old? Who will take care of Jude for that matter?

Sorry for the incredibly long rant. I am so exhausted.

In order to explain this situation completely, I need to give a lot of background context, so bear with me. I don't want to give too much identifying information away, so I am going to make up names, and I will also keep our ages a little vague (my siblings and I are all in our 30s). And I have left the gender out of children involved. I also apologise for the rambly nature of this; it all just came out in a flood!

My brother Sam has gotten his ex girlfriend Lily pregnant. They already have a child together, who is about 10 years old. They broke up just after this first child was born (I will call this kid Jude), and basically have had nothing but contempt for each other since then - until last year when they secretly starting sleeping together again.

The reason this is an issue is that they are both addicts, and there has been a history of toxic and scary behaviour from Lily. I am not saying that Sam is an angel, but I lived with both of them before their child was born, and saw Lily physically strike Sam on more than one occasion (he pushed her away but did not hit her back). She also used to cut herself a lot, bash her head into things and other sorts of violent self-harming behaviour when they fought. She also smashed my windscreen and my brother's one time when they had a fight. This was all literally more than ten years ago. Lily has been in and out of psychiatric wards and has severe mental illnesses (I will go into more of this later).

When Jude was born, Lily struggled to adapt to motherhood and likely had post-partum psychosis (I was not living in the country at the time so cannot confirm exactly her symptoms - this is just what I've heard secondhand). Anyway, she shook Jude when she was stressed, my brother intervened, they got into an altercation and he physically threw her out of the house. He told her he would not let her in while she was like this because she was hurting the baby. She punched a hole in the window and crawled through broken glass to get back in, leaving cuts all over her body. The police were called by neighbours and she accused my brother of throwing her through the window. He was arrested and she was allowed full custody. (I know that some of you may be saying that I am being an apologist for my brother's behaviour or that I am not believing her claims - but please just stick with me and you read the rest of this and understand that she has a history of violence against her children.)

Sam lost his job, did not see Jude for months, and had no idea what was happening. He was not entitled to custody because he was refusing to screen for drugs (so, fair enough really) but Lily was also using at the time and not being screened. Eventually, Sam got clean (for a while at least), got steadyish work and began seeing more of Jude. Lily had a string of boyfriends that she moved in with, taking Jude with her every time. From what I saw on social media, she accused all of them of violence against her, though I have also seen all of her exes accuse HER of being violent. I have no idea what Jude was exposed to. I moved back from overseas and began seeing Jude too. I was staying with my mum at the time while I looked for a house, and so we would often have Jude over and look after him together. There were occasions when Lily would message me saying things like "come and get Jude now before I kill them" and I would drive to pick up Jude, who would have huge bruises and be hysterically screaming and crying. We reported all of this to CPS.

Jude was also incredibly developmentally delayed, experiencing issues with speech, coordination, toileting, and of course, emotional regulation, Jude was violent, would have the most terrifying and upsetting meltdowns, and could not form connections with other children. Jude was left by Lily with completely unfettered access to Youtube and television. Jude has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but it can be hard to know with Jude what is their neurodivergence and what is a result of the incredible amount of trauma that they have experienced.

Eventually, Sam was getting regular visits with Jude and I guess seemed to be clean so CPS was fine with it. One day, Lily didn't organise for Jude to be dropped back to her. She had been living with her dad after another breakup but then I guess she just...disappeared? She didn't see Jude for 6 months. We have no idea where she went but she would still post on Snapchat so we knew she was alive. My mum was awarded temporary custody of Jude (they were about 4 at the time). Lily came back eventually and was in a relationship with a new guy and pregnant with his kid. She gave birth to another child and Jude lived with her and the boyfriend. Apparently this guy is a good guy, and his parents were very involved and looked out for Jude and also apparently protected him from being hit by his mother. I'm not sure what happened, but Lily was put into a mother-baby psychiatric ward (I guess concerns were raised) and while in the ward she strangled her new baby in front of a group of nurses. She then lost custody of that child and of Jude.

Sam was awarded custody of Jude and my mum stepped up to support him in a big way. She paid his mortgage and bills because he stopped working to take care of Jude full time. She would also help with pickup/drop off to childcare (and school eventually). She also got Jude involved with disability support services so that Jude could have therapy, play therapy, OT, speech therapy and other things. Jude has funding at the school they go to and an aide that supports them. Part of this process was requesting a document from CPS about what had happened to Jude while in Lily's care...I read the report and it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Phsyical, psychological and emotional abuse in every way. I cannot believe they didn't intervene sooner, but I guess that's why they had put Lily in the hospital when she had her next kid. I have met this other kid a few times, and they are more disabled than Jude but have many of the same issues. They also are hearing impaired in one ear, and there is some question about whether or not that was caused by a blow to the ear.

So my mum sold her house, left her husband (my stepdad of 20+ years) so that she could buy a house big enough to live in with Sam and Jude. They have all been living together for 2 years or more now, and just when there was a sense of relative stability...Sam goes and blows it all up.

He has been using again. He was in a steady relationship with a very nice woman (let's call her Maria) who left him when she found he was using. And somehow he started sleeping with Lily again. He was hiding her in my mum's house (she was hiding upstairs) and lying to any of us when we asked questions about what was going on. Even when LIly is there, she is neglectful of Jude. Like she literally ignores Jude and hides in Sam's room and doesn't interact with her child. She doesn't see her other child much either. And now she is pregnant. And I have no doubt that if she retains custody of this child she will abuse it.

My mum has decided that she will try to get custody of this baby, and that she will continue to let Sam live with her, and obviously Jude with them too. I have told her that she should kick Sam out and get custody of both Jude and the new baby (my uncle is a lawyer in the children's court so she could have free legal counsel on this). I have told her I will move in with her and rent my house out to cover my mortgage, and that I will help with both of these kids. The way I see it, they can be like siblings. I know it's naive and optimistic, but this kid deserves a good chance at life too.

My current situation is that I am a single woman and currently undergoing IVF to be a solo parent. I am literally in my two-week wait now to see if I am pregnant, and I also have some embyros frozen (to be clear, I am under the age of 35 and have no fertility issues. IVF is because I am single). The way I see it, I will be on maternity leave next year anyway, and could help my mum to raise the kid alongside my kid . I do not think Sam should continue to live in the house if he is doing drugs, and while he has said several times that he wants to stop, he takes no inititave. I have gone to meetings with him, I have tried to support him. But as long as he is living with my mum, he is enabled to do whatever he likes because she will always support him.

I am so furious with Sam. I cried when I found out that he had gotten Lily pregnant because I knew that my mum would want to take this burden on. She is in her mid 70s and already does SO much for Jude. Sam cannot even keep his part of the house clean, and I believe he is a mostly neglectful parent of Jude also. He also lied, continuously about Lily being pregnant. The reason I found out was because Maria told me. And why did she know? Because Lily sent her a series of mean messages, but basically gloated to her that she was pregnant with Sam's child to sort of scare Maria away (she had remained friendly with Sam and was trying to encourage him to get help - he was apparently lying to her as well about his efforts to get clean). When I confronted Sam, he literally said I was crazy and stupid to believe the lie, but of course she is more than 5 months pregnant now and there is a paternity test proving that he is the father.

The weird thing is that he doesn't even LIKE Lily. Like, he has shown nothing but literal hatred for her for the last decade, and has also been RIGHTFULLY angry that she did so much harm to their child. I confronted him about this and said that I could never forgive Lily for what she did for Jude, and I cannot believe he is sleeping with his child's abuser. He got sulky and said "fine I won't see her anymore" which he said every time I confronted him about his behaviour, but of course it never changed. I am also just so angry that he has the gall to let her stay over at my mum's house, while my mum has paid for it and has supported Jude because Jude's MOTHER is not capable of doing it. I told him that he would put our mother in an early grave with this bullshit, but he just does not seem to care.

Before all of this pregnancy stuff, at the beginning of the year, my mum asked me if I would ever consider moving in with her if she kicked Sam out, and if I would help out with Jude. I said yes, of course. But she has changed her mind since then and she said that she will never kick him out. We had a fight about it tonight at dinner and she said "you don't understand - he is my son. I bought this house for him. I can't just tell him to leave." So now I am also so angry at my mum.

I spoke to my uncle for legal advice, and to know what our options are. He said that we should just flag with this CPS but they likely will be monitoring her when she gives birth, and they may not let her have custody of this child, but we just won't know until it all happens.

I am willing to change my whole life to support my mum and this kid, but she is not willing to put in a boundary with my brother, who has been completely indifferent to this entire ordeal and seems to think that Lily will get custody because "she knows that she needs to ask for help when she's stressed" as if this negates the documented history of violent and abusive behaviour that this woman has enacted against her children. Sam also seems completely in denial about the seriousness of Lily's mental illness. She often has paranoid episodes and accuses people of trying to hurt her, steal from her, etc. My understanding is the reason her and the other boyfriend broke up was NOT because she strangled their child, but because she was completely convinced that he had a secret family and was constantly trying to find proof of this. Lily is dangeorus and mentally unstable. I am sympathetic to an extent - because I know that she is someone who has suffered greatly in her own life, but I cannot forgive the harm she has done to Jude, whom I love so dearly and like my own.

Do I push my mum? Do I try to move in anyway? There is enough room for me to also live there with my mum, Sam and Jude BUT I do not want to live with Sam because I do not want him around my child (if I get pregnant). Do I just leave it and let it sort itself out? My sister, who is also pregnant (and solo by choice) says to just worry about myself and my own baby - but who will take care of this kid when my mum is too old? Who will take care of Jude for that matter?

Sorry for the incredibly long rant. I am so exhausted.

In order to explain this situation completely, I need to give a lot of background context, so bear with me. I don't want to give too much identifying information away, so I am going to make up names, and I will also keep our ages a little vague (my siblings and I are all in our 30s). And I have left the gender out of children involved. I also apologise for the rambly nature of this; it all just came out in a flood!

My brother Sam has gotten his ex girlfriend Lily pregnant. They already have a child together, who is about 10 years old. They broke up just after this first child was born (I will call this kid Jude), and basically have had nothing but contempt for each other since then - until last year when they secretly starting sleeping together again.

The reason this is an issue is that they are both addicts, and there has been a history of toxic and scary behaviour from Lily. I am not saying that Sam is an angel, but I lived with both of them before their child was born, and saw Lily physically strike Sam on more than one occasion (he pushed her away but did not hit her back). She also used to cut herself a lot, bash her head into things and other sorts of violent self-harming behaviour when they fought. She also smashed my windscreen and my brother's one time when they had a fight. This was all literally more than ten years ago. Lily has been in and out of psychiatric wards and has severe mental illnesses (I will go into more of this later).

When Jude was born, Lily struggled to adapt to motherhood and likely had post-partum psychosis (I was not living in the country at the time so cannot confirm exactly her symptoms - this is just what I've heard secondhand). Anyway, she shook Jude when she was stressed, my brother intervened, they got into an altercation and he physically threw her out of the house. He told her he would not let her in while she was like this because she was hurting the baby. She punched a hole in the window and crawled through broken glass to get back in, leaving cuts all over her body. The police were called by neighbours and she accused my brother of throwing her through the window. He was arrested and she was allowed full custody. (I know that some of you may be saying that I am being an apologist for my brother's behaviour or that I am not believing her claims - but please just stick with me and you read the rest of this and understand that she has a history of violence against her children.)

Sam lost his job, did not see Jude for months, and had no idea what was happening. He was not entitled to custody because he was refusing to screen for drugs (so, fair enough really) but Lily was also using at the time and not being screened. Eventually, Sam got clean (for a while at least), got steadyish work and began seeing more of Jude. Lily had a string of boyfriends that she moved in with, taking Jude with her every time. From what I saw on social media, she accused all of them of violence against her, though I have also seen all of her exes accuse HER of being violent. I have no idea what Jude was exposed to. I moved back from overseas and began seeing Jude too. I was staying with my mum at the time while I looked for a house, and so we would often have Jude over and look after him together. There were occasions when Lily would message me saying things like "come and get Jude now before I kill them" and I would drive to pick up Jude, who would have huge bruises and be hysterically screaming and crying. We reported all of this to CPS.

Jude was also incredibly developmentally delayed, experiencing issues with speech, coordination, toileting, and of course, emotional regulation, Jude was violent, would have the most terrifying and upsetting meltdowns, and could not form connections with other children. Jude was left by Lily with completely unfettered access to Youtube and television. Jude has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but it can be hard to know with Jude what is their neurodivergence and what is a result of the incredible amount of trauma that they have experienced.

Eventually, Sam was getting regular visits with Jude and I guess seemed to be clean so CPS was fine with it. One day, Lily didn't organise for Jude to be dropped back to her. She had been living with her dad after another breakup but then I guess she just...disappeared? She didn't see Jude for 6 months. We have no idea where she went but she would still post on Snapchat so we knew she was alive. My mum was awarded temporary custody of Jude (they were about 4 at the time). Lily came back eventually and was in a relationship with a new guy and pregnant with his kid. She gave birth to another child and Jude lived with her and the boyfriend. Apparently this guy is a good guy, and his parents were very involved and looked out for Jude and also apparently protected him from being hit by his mother. I'm not sure what happened, but Lily was put into a mother-baby psychiatric ward (I guess concerns were raised) and while in the ward she strangled her new baby in front of a group of nurses. She then lost custody of that child and of Jude.

Sam was awarded custody of Jude and my mum stepped up to support him in a big way. She paid his mortgage and bills because he stopped working to take care of Jude full time. She would also help with pickup/drop off to childcare (and school eventually). She also got Jude involved with disability support services so that Jude could have therapy, play therapy, OT, speech therapy and other things. Jude has funding at the school they go to and an aide that supports them. Part of this process was requesting a document from CPS about what had happened to Jude while in Lily's care...I read the report and it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Phsyical, psychological and emotional abuse in every way. I cannot believe they didn't intervene sooner, but I guess that's why they had put Lily in the hospital when she had her next kid. I have met this other kid a few times, and they are more disabled than Jude but have many of the same issues. They also are hearing impaired in one ear, and there is some question about whether or not that was caused by a blow to the ear.

So my mum sold her house, left her husband (my stepdad of 20+ years) so that she could buy a house big enough to live in with Sam and Jude. They have all been living together for 2 years or more now, and just when there was a sense of relative stability...Sam goes and blows it all up.

He has been using again. He was in a steady relationship with a very nice woman (let's call her Maria) who left him when she found he was using. And somehow he started sleeping with Lily again. He was hiding her in my mum's house (she was hiding upstairs) and lying to any of us when we asked questions about what was going on. Even when LIly is there, she is neglectful of Jude. Like she literally ignores Jude and hides in Sam's room and doesn't interact with her child. She doesn't see her other child much either. And now she is pregnant. And I have no doubt that if she retains custody of this child she will abuse it.

My mum has decided that she will try to get custody of this baby, and that she will continue to let Sam live with her, and obviously Jude with them too. I have told her that she should kick Sam out and get custody of both Jude and the new baby (my uncle is a lawyer in the children's court so she could have free legal counsel on this). I have told her I will move in with her and rent my house out to cover my mortgage, and that I will help with both of these kids. The way I see it, they can be like siblings. I know it's naive and optimistic, but this kid deserves a good chance at life too.

My current situation is that I am a single woman and currently undergoing IVF to be a solo parent. I am literally in my two-week wait now to see if I am pregnant, and I also have some embyros frozen (to be clear, I am under the age of 35 and have no fertility issues. IVF is because I am single). The way I see it, I will be on maternity leave next year anyway, and could help my mum to raise the kid alongside my kid . I do not think Sam should continue to live in the house if he is doing drugs, and while he has said several times that he wants to stop, he takes no inititave. I have gone to meetings with him, I have tried to support him. But as long as he is living with my mum, he is enabled to do whatever he likes because she will always support him.

I am so furious with Sam. I cried when I found out that he had gotten Lily pregnant because I knew that my mum would want to take this burden on. She is in her mid 70s and already does SO much for Jude. Sam cannot even keep his part of the house clean, and I believe he is a mostly neglectful parent of Jude also. He also lied, continuously about Lily being pregnant. The reason I found out was because Maria told me. And why did she know? Because Lily sent her a series of mean messages, but basically gloated to her that she was pregnant with Sam's child to sort of scare Maria away (she had remained friendly with Sam and was trying to encourage him to get help - he was apparently lying to her as well about his efforts to get clean). When I confronted Sam, he literally said I was crazy and stupid to believe the lie, but of course she is more than 5 months pregnant now and there is a paternity test proving that he is the father.

The weird thing is that he doesn't even LIKE Lily. Like, he has shown nothing but literal hatred for her for the last decade, and has also been RIGHTFULLY angry that she did so much harm to their child. I confronted him about this and said that I could never forgive Lily for what she did for Jude, and I cannot believe he is sleeping with his child's abuser. He got sulky and said "fine I won't see her anymore" which he said every time I confronted him about his behaviour, but of course it never changed. I am also just so angry that he has the gall to let her stay over at my mum's house, while my mum has paid for it and has supported Jude because Jude's MOTHER is not capable of doing it. I told him that he would put our mother in an early grave with this bullshit, but he just does not seem to care.

Before all of this pregnancy stuff, at the beginning of the year, my mum asked me if I would ever consider moving in with her if she kicked Sam out, and if I would help out with Jude. I said yes, of course. But she has changed her mind since then and she said that she will never kick him out. We had a fight about it tonight at dinner and she said "you don't understand - he is my son. I bought this house for him. I can't just tell him to leave." So now I am also so angry at my mum.

I spoke to my uncle for legal advice, and to know what our options are. He said that we should just flag with this CPS but they likely will be monitoring her when she gives birth, and they may not let her have custody of this child, but we just won't know until it all happens.

I am willing to change my whole life to support my mum and this kid, but she is not willing to put in a boundary with my brother, who has been completely indifferent to this entire ordeal and seems to think that Lily will get custody because "she knows that she needs to ask for help when she's stressed" as if this negates the documented history of violent and abusive behaviour that this woman has enacted against her children. Sam also seems completely in denial about the seriousness of Lily's mental illness. She often has paranoid episodes and accuses people of trying to hurt her, steal from her, etc. My understanding is the reason her and the other boyfriend broke up was NOT because she strangled their child, but because she was completely convinced that he had a secret family and was constantly trying to find proof of this. Lily is dangeorus and mentally unstable. I am sympathetic to an extent - because I know that she is someone who has suffered greatly in her own life, but I cannot forgive the harm she has done to Jude, whom I love so dearly and like my own.

Do I push my mum? Do I try to move in anyway? There is enough room for me to also live there with my mum, Sam and Jude BUT I do not want to live with Sam because I do not want him around my child (if I get pregnant). Do I just leave it and let it sort itself out? My sister, who is also pregnant (and solo by choice) says to just worry about myself and my own baby - but who will take care of this kid when my mum is too old? Who will take care of Jude for that matter?

Sorry for the incredibly long rant. I am so exhausted.