AIO for reconsidering my engagement after finding out my fiancée is already married?
I (38M) proposed to my girlfriend (39F) a week ago. She said yes. Five days after getting engaged she told me she is married. She said her marriage is a “fake marriage” just for her to get her green card.
It's lengthy, but to give some context on the whole situation, here's the backstory... My fiancée originally moved here to the US about 10 years ago. She was together with her real husband for about 20 years before divorcing him. She grew up in France. She told me that in her family and cultural background, dating is kept private and isn’t treated as seriously as engagement. We started dating last November.
Due to her cultural background, her friends knew of me, but she didn't want to introduce me to them until we were engaged (it made me feel a little uncomfortable since that's not the norm in America, but I accepted it). Her family didn't know about me at all.
Five days into being engaged she called me up and asked if I could come over and had something important to tell me. Once I got to her house, her friend and her were sitting there on the couch. It was clear that she was going to share something with me that made her feel very uncomfortable. She didn't share it right away because she was so uneasy.This is where she dropped a bomb on me...
She told me she was married. She explained that since she moved to the US with her real husband, they moved here because of his work, and once they got divorced she was going to lose her visa since it was tied to his. She filed for divorce about two years ago. Once the divorce went through, she arranged a fake marriage with a friend of hers (apparently he's much older and strictly just a friend). She paid him to enter into this marriage so she can get her green card.
Her and her friend assured me it was only a friend and there was nothing else. My fiancee told me if I didn't want to be a part of this situation, she'd understand if I broke things off and would give me the ring back. I told her I was a bit upset and out of everything the trust I had for her was damaged.
She said she was so nervous to tell me because of the repercussions it could have if it got out. She struggles trusting people in general and keeps personal things to herself, family, and her best friends. I asked about details about the situation—When did she get married? What is a fake marriage process like? What was the wedding like? She was slightly bothered that I had questions about everything. She said she didn't like talking about it because she feels shame about being in this situation of having a fake marriage. Two of her kids live here with her and she told me she was trying to make the best decision for her and her kids to stay here. She didn't open up all too much other than, she got married to her “fake husband” in October 2025 (1 month before we started dating), they got married at the court house and only kissed once for the ceremony, there were multiple times they took photos together and with friends to make it look like a real relationship.
The biggest thing I'm bothered by is the fact she waited until after we were engaged to tell me this. Prior to being engaged we had serious talks about our future. We discussed in-depth what marriage expectations look like (especially with our cultural differences), we talked about the process of her introducing me to her family once we were engaged, we talked about moving to France together. We had plenty of open dialogue about our future. To me it seems she had plenty of opportunities to tell me the minor detail that SHE'S MARRIED.
I'm now questioning everything with our relationship. I'm questioning if I want to be a part of this. I'm questioning if there are other things she hasn't told me about. I feel the trust has been broken.
The next morning we talked on the phone as I drove home. I didn't once yell, raise my voice, or was rude in blaming her or accusing her for the decisions she made. I told her I may have more questions in the future, and it seemed like an annoyance to her and that I was making it a big deal because I wanted to talk about it. I was very direct in saying the biggest thing I was upset about is how she waited to tell me. I'm sorry, finding out your fiancee is already in a legal marriage seems like kind of a big deal, and I think it's very fair for her to share details to questions I have to help rebuild the trust. Her and her friend said she has wanted to tell me for a while, especially since things were going so well with us, but she just didn't know when it would be safe to share it. She didn't know when I was proposing, but there were still plenty of times she could've told me.
I'm really struggling with this. I'm trying to be empathetic. It's only been about 8 months since we met, so obviously this relationship is still relatively new and moving kind of quickly. What am I missing? What should I be considering? What should I be asking? I told her I need the trust rebuilt, but I don't know if she understands how this could rock my world. To her it’s a situation she had to deal with and she made the decision before she met me. Am I overreacting?
TLDR; After I got engaged to my girlfriend of 8 months, and she told me she is married in a "fake marriage" to get her green card. She got married a month before we met. She waited to tell me until after we were engaged because she was scared, and because in her cultural background dating is not considered serious enough to disclose everything. I lost trust in her. I’m upset and I don't know how to feel about the situation.
EDIT: She is Muslim, and according to her, in her Muslim family and cultural background, dating is kept private and engagement is the step that allows the relationship to become official and for me to meet her family. Marriage was not going to happen immediately. She has also explained that it is not uncommon in her culture to be engaged more than once. I understand this may not apply to every Muslim family, but this is the context she gave me. My intention going into this engagement was to take it to the next step to meet the family, not necessarily an immediate legal marriage. I know 8 months together is not a long time whatsoever.
For those questioning the timeline with her first husband: they were together from the time she was 16, and married at 18. I should've stated they were together for almost 20 years.
Edit 2: Since she is Muslim, the religious marriage is the most important part to her. She is not actively pushing for us to get legally married in the United States whatsoever. The legal aspect isn't important to her (of course since she's already legally married that could be why), and our engagement was not about immediately starting a legal marriage or citizenship process.