u/Alone_Sun803

I'm 18F and I am graduating high school in a couple weeks. I'm incredibly behind in school work, but school is not something I am passionate about. I don't want to go to university, I want to get my own place, start working, and figure it out from there. I told my dad my wishes, but he says that it'll be a total disaster for the family if I decide to take a gap year. Its just weird because he says he wants the best for me but gets so bent out of shape and really emphasizes how me taking a gap year is going to cause a "tsunami" for the family and wipe everything out ??? I asked him to specify and he quite literally said "I don't know specifics but I know it's going to be really bad."

It's not like we are financially struggling and they're relying on me to become successful to support the family. In fact my dad is incredibly rich, like I don't have to work for the rest of my life if I don't want to. I have always been able to participate in club sports, go traveling, ask for anything, live in big houses. I also have a huge amount of inheritance money from my mother's side of the family, I won't specify, but it's a huge amount.

I feel so trapped because I am young and I know I have no idea what the actual world is like. There are so many things I have to learn but theres no one I can comfortably lean on. My family has always been toxic and psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. I was diagnosed with cptsd a while back. All I want is to get out of here. I don't want to deal with the pressure of my family members, I don't want to walk around egg shells and do what they want me to do so that they don't explode at me or threaten me. I don't want to be scared of coming home from school. I don't want to go to university and do terribly causing my parents to get upset at me and punish me. I don't want to be financially dependent on my family either, because they are incredibly transactional and conditional with their love, if we have a conflict, they take away my belongings and quite literally bully me, they'll humiliate me, glare at me, threaten me, they'll take away my devices and my ability to leave the house to prevent any form of communication, they'll say horrible things to me.

At the same time, I feel like I'm unreasonable to feel this way. I think theres a part of me that is weak willed and sensitive to small things. Maybe going to university and functioning like a normal human being shouldn't be this exhausting for me. I was diagnosed with severe depression, a generalized anxiety disorder, inattentive adhd, and possible bpd, so I feel like that could be why. I feel like I should have my future planned out. Like I should have a passion, good grades, that I should be more mature and move on from the past because it's obviously not helping me. Maybe I am just lazy and maybe I am spoiled rotten, maybe I don't recognize the amount of support I have had in my life. I can't tell what it is. I feel like theres so much going on in my head and theres so many things I have to unpack before making my life busy again with university in a couple months. I want to live alone and just feel at peace for once. Be away from my family and heal. Just focus on myself without there being something I have to worry about, or an expectation I have to reach. I'd be okay with working a full time job, as long as my home life is okay because thats all I have ever wished for.

I'd love any advice on how to move forward and how to become more independent because I'm really lost and stressed. I want to have control over my life, I want to go out and just live without being stressed out because of family. Please be brutally honest with me as well and don't be afraid to clock my shit.

I have a friend and whenever we talk, theres things that he does that genuinely just bothers me, but it's so hard to tell what it is because it's so subtle. My guess is that he's incredibly insecure and has a huge ego, but has been trying to disguise it this way.

He does this thing where he speaks as if he's an intellectual and as if he's emotionally intelligent when he's not. A lot of the time, during our conversations, I'll bring up a point and most of the time he just misses it, like it'll just fly over his head and he'll start talking about something completely different. He has a tendency to give me unsolicited advice and whenever I open up, I can tell he's really eager to lecture me and will often go on tangents about life and relationships whenever he can. He acts as if my life experiences are identical to his and as if he understands everything I go through. He's like a crazy people pleaser and runs away from telling the truth about anything because he thinks its better than hurting people with the truth, and then when people get upset at him, he isolates and ghosts people and spirals. He'll cry for hours, shut down, not eat for multiple days and take his emotions out on everyone. He also does this thing where he makes "sarcastic" self deprecating jokes ?? 😭 and it's just tiring to be around sometimes. He says he's "hyper aware" but I don't think he is, he just seems super selfish and self centred. I feel like the only reason why he does what he does is because he wants to feel good about himself. Theres other things that he does but those are the main things and it all feels so performative.

I just can't tell if my perception of his actions are right... Just how he moves in general is really off putting but I doubt myself because he has so many friends and is incredibly out going and social. We have been friends for more than a year now and we have had many fun moments together... I don't know what it is about him and so I'd love for people to give me advice on how to go forward with this and if I can do anything to help him.

I have a friend and whenever we talk, theres things that he does that genuinely just bothers me, but it's so hard to tell what it is because it's so subtle. My guess is that he's incredibly insecure and has a huge ego, but has been trying to disguise it this way.

He does this thing where he speaks as if he's an intellectual and as if he's emotionally intelligent when he's not. A lot of the time, during our conversations, I'll bring up a point and most of the time he just misses it, like it'll just fly over his head and he'll start talking about something completely different. He has a tendency to give me unsolicited advice and whenever I open up, I can tell he's really eager to lecture me and will often go on tangents about life and relationships whenever he can. He acts as if my life experiences are identical to his and as if he understands everything I go through. He's like a crazy people pleaser and runs away from telling the truth about anything because he thinks its better than hurting people with the truth, and then when people get upset at him, he isolates and ghosts people and spirals. He'll cry for hours, shut down, not eat for multiple days and take his emotions out on everyone. He also does this thing where he makes "sarcastic" self deprecating jokes ?? 😭 and it's just tiring to be around sometimes. He says he's "hyper aware" but I don't think he is, he just seems super selfish and self centred. I feel like the only reason why he does what he does is because he wants to feel good about himself. Theres other things that he does but those are the main things and it all feels so performative.

I just can't tell if my perception of his actions are right... and I wish I understood him more. I don't really know how to go forward because I have so many mixed feelings. I've created some space between us and I've stopped opening up to him about certain things. What should I do?

I am 18F and I have been pretty lost on my stance in my sexuality. Throughout my life I have always been unsure about who I'm attracted to. I am looking for any sort of advice or thoughts. Anything would be greatly appreciated !! I have written my experience and my thoughts below.

In elementary school, I remember being very drawn to both boys and girls, I'm not sure if they were considered "friend crushes" or if it was just the excitement of getting to know someone new or if it was romantic attraction. I remember finding girls pretty and really wanting to be friends with them. In middle school, I never had a crush on guys in my school, but I remember being very very attracted to masculine and androgynous women, but never men or feminine women. I definitely thought there were guys in my school that were objectively good looking but I never felt as if there was any potential there. It was the same in high school, where I had some sort of attraction or inclination towards masculine women but mainly androgynous women, but I also had attraction to guys. There were definitely guys that I had my eyes on and I had a couple talking stages with them but the chemistry was never really there even if they were my type or objectively good looking.

My previous relationship, which was my first ever serious one, was with a guy. Yes he was physically attractive and there was excitement when getting to know him, but I could never imagine myself with him or being dependent on him, emotionally or physically. It just never felt right to me. For my whole life I have never been able to imagine myself in a relationship with a man, it just doesn't seem like a possibility. But it's confusing because I have so many male celebrity crushes and male fictional characters that I go crazy over. Men are very attractive to me but I genuinely cannot see myself or feel the need to get with a man. If I do, ideally it would be purely sexual where the man is submissive, nothing long term.

I'm not sure if this is because I like women or if it's because I am just a hyper independent person. I also dont know if it's because of the fact that I grew up only with men, I feel incredibly masculine around my girl friends, I basically feel like man around them. I don't have as big of a list of female celebrity crushes or fictional characters as I do for men, but there are definitely a few that I find incredibly attractive. I've also recently realized that talking to good looking women is very scary to me, I'm so intimidated by them. But I'm not scared when it comes to good looking men, I genuinely don't know why. I have also had a couple dreams about being in a relationship with a woman and even getting intimate and it gets me all excited and nervous just thinking about it. I am very certain that I am physically attracted to women's bodies. But I also don't know if that is something I can rely on because I am aware that most of the time reality does not live up to my fantasies or expectations. At the same time, the thought of liking a woman or being in a relationship with one grosses me out, and it fills me with guilt and shame. As if I'm doing something horribly disgusting.

I have only been in one serious relationship in my whole life, so other than that, my romantic life has basically been nothing so I think that is also why I don't know where I stand. I think my lack of experience and knowledge with relationships is keeping me stuck but I really want answers and some clarity because my sexuality has felt like a blur my whole entire life. In my opinion, men are generally more good looking than women, but I can't ever imagine my self long term with one. Adding onto that, I am incredibly picky with my type when it comes to women, I don't like feminine women at all, just masculine and androgynous ones, so do I actually even like women? If you got to the end of this, thank you for spending your time reading all this blabber, it is greatly appreciated.

Also side note that I thought would be interesting to add: Since middle school, I have consistently gotten gay allegations and consistently get asked out by women. I have only gotten asked out by a man once.