u/Alt_Accountzzz

I’m female and people are always recommending me guys and saying things like “he’s tall👀” like bitch I don’t care. People saying that instantly annoys me because to me it’s like people saying “he has freckles👀” like it’s not on the docket of things I’m looking for, height doesn’t contribute to attractiveness nearly as much as features and proportions and frickin personality, why are you trying to sell him with that, stop. It feels more shallow even than caring about someone’s looks because it feels like you’re just caring about a number.

Also if anything, being short is a bigger selling point to me because I’m short so I feel on more equal ground when I talk to short people.

So my(f21) friend gave me the number of her friend who is currently studying abroad, because she thought we have very similar personalities and would be good friends/couple(?). It was unclear if she was setting us up or not.

But I’ve been talking to this guy(m23) for a month at this point, and it was just instant connection by the way. We immediately brushed past the awkward trying to start a friendship part and conversation just flowed like we’ve been friends forever. We’ve been talking nonstop and I don’t think I’ve ever connected with anybody like this before, but I also haven’t been in many relationships. The conversation has been pretty flirty and we’ve been sending the virtual kisses calling each other babe sort of thing, although neither of us has made it official.

The biggest problem is that we haven’t exchanged photos. I know that sounds crazy, but he hasn’t asked me for photos and I haven’t asked him because then he’ll ask me. And this is where I feel super guilty almost like I’m catfishing him, because I’m kinda chopped. Like there’s a chance he’s ugly too, but idk what images he has of me in his mind, and I don’t think he is because he’s dated way more than I have. I’m short and like 15 pounds overweight and I have no fashion sense and honestly don’t try very hard because I don’t have the money for it. I also haven’t been complimented on my appearance unprompted by anyone other than my mom since like middle school, so I know it’s not just me who thinks I’m ugly. I don’t want to send pics because I’m scared he’ll say that we should just be friends, and what if I lose weight? I can understand him not wanting to date me because of my appearance because I wouldn’t date me either, personality isn’t the only thing. But if I become attractive it’s not like we can magically get together after he already rejected me because of my looks, it would be too big of an elephant in the relationship.

I’ve been trying to lose weight so hopefully when the day comes where I’m forced to meet him or send him pics I’m skinnier and more attractive, and I have been slowly losing weight, but the pressure is making the weight loss erratic because I’ll go really intense one day and then binge the next day because I went to intense, and it’s actually slowed down the weight loss. Either way I feel gross like I’m catfishing him because I am lying to him about this, and that’s why I think I should just end whatever’s going on with him on my own terms before I get my feelings hurt. Am I an asshole for catfishing him/would I be an asshole for ending things with him? I have very little dating XP and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. Since this is Reddit I’m sure a bunch of y’all can relate to being ugly, and know the proper protocol.

So my friend gave me the number of her friend who is currently studying abroad, because she thought we have very similar personalities and would be good friends/couple(?). It was unclear if she was setting us up or not.

But I’ve been talking to this guy for a month at this point, and it was just instant connection by the way. We immediately brushed past the awkward trying to start a friendship part and conversation just flowed like we’ve been friends forever. We’ve been talking nonstop and I don’t think I’ve ever connected with anybody like this before, but I also haven’t been in many relationships. The conversation has been pretty flirty and we’ve been sending the virtual kisses calling each other babe sort of thing, although neither of us has made it official.

The biggest problem is that we haven’t exchanged photos. I know that sounds crazy, but he hasn’t asked me for photos and I haven’t asked him because then he’ll ask me. And this is where I feel super guilty almost like I’m catfishing him, because I’m kinda chopped. Like there’s a chance he’s ugly too, but idk what images he has of me in his mind. I’m short and like 10 pounds overweight and I have no fashion sense and honestly don’t try very hard because I don’t have the money for it. I don’t want to send pics because I’m scared he’ll say that we should just be friends, and what if I lose weight? I can understand him not wanting to date me because of my appearance because I wouldn’t date me either, personality isn’t the only thing. But if I become attractive it’s not like we can magically get together after he already rejected me because of my looks, it would be too big of an elephant in the relationship.

I’ve been trying to lose weight so hopefully when the day comes where I’m forced to meet him or send him pics I’m skinnier and more attractive, and I have been slowly losing weight, but the pressure is making the weight loss erratic because I’ll go really intense one day and then binge the next day because I went to intense, and it’s actually slowed down the weight loss. Either way I feel gross like I’m catfishing him because I am lying to him about this, so part of me is saying I should just break up with him and cut my losses on my own terms before I get my feelings really hurt. I don’t know. Since this is Reddit, I’d imagine some of you can relate to this kind of thing(being ugly), I have very little experience with relationships, and I need advice.

I like podcasts that make me feel like I’m eavesdropping on friends talking to each other, it’s just background noise that I like to tune in and out of without much concentration, and I enjoy it when they feel humanized and not formal and business-like, preferably they’re just talking about whatever they feel like talking about that episode, and they’re friends outside of the podcast so they have chemistry. Also minimal politics I’m not trying to be stressed out, but preferably more left leaning so I’m not listening to subtle racism or misogyny . Also preferably there is a mix of male and female hosts, I feel like it’s not a universal rule, but usually when it’s all guys or girls the conversation gets kind of gendered and as a genderless entity I get bored.

I didn’t even know half this stuff was unattractive until the internet, but I have the saggiest boobs and nipples almost face each other and I’m 18 so it’s not because of age, and I have a huge clit and apparently that’s also unattractive or at least weird. No one’s gonna want to have sex with me I’m gonna get naked and people will just be weirded out and turned off by my weird body, it sucks.