Best activities for parents-kids with shared neurodivergency (particularly ADHD)?
Hello everyone! I can use some support from parents of shared neurodivergency with their children focused on hyperactivity, volume and low-attention span to help my kids 'cut loose' every once in a while.
My wife (F27) and I (M28) have 2 sons that seemed to have inherited our mental disabilities, with our oldest (7) diagnosed with autism (which she has), and our youngest (5) exhibiting STRONG qualities of ADHD (I myself was diagnosed with ADD, although he is still too young to be officially diagnosed).
Other than the periods of overstimulation or random bursts of energy, our eldest son is the calm, creative type who's usually quiet and independent enough for us to take advantage of and encourage nicely, as we live in a household that values structure, discipline and routine. However, this makes it harder for the youngest as you can imagine where enough nuisance and exhaustion from the other occupants (mainly my wife and her parents whom we also live with) will cause them to yell and rebuke him, even though I know from personal experience how difficult it could be to even be in your own skin sometimes without needing to constantly move and make noise and such.
The fact of the matter is I don't mind who he is as much as everyone else, but I feel it's because I'm able to handle it better. The background noise, the energy and constant stimulation or interaction needed is tiring to everyone else but me, and I even delight in it, but I don't want to seem lax or impartial to disciplining him or setting good boundaries and methods to explain how he should control his behavior; It would just be nice to establish an event where he can be as loud and crazy and distracted as he wants, particularly with a parent that encourages that the troublesome behavior isn't something he is but something he has, and he's still perfect the way he is.
I'm outnumbered in thinking this way lmao but if there's an opportunity for him to not worry 24/7 about maintaintaining the most pristine and polite behavior I feel that can help alleviate a lot of the stress I myself built up as a kid all the way into adulthood. I was diagnosed at 22 and always thought the failing grades and low discipline was always because of me as a person, it was a dark road but I feel like a balance is the best way to go for considering his difficulties while still establishing and affirming good behavior ethics. I'm just not sure where to start, even if it's just him and I since we're so in sync but I would love for his brother to be involved too if able, as they both get energized being around each other lol
I can definitely understand the difference in difficulty and treatment but I would hate for him to grow up feeling like he isn't good enough as he is because of something he can't control. A bit of normalcy from a parent (in a responsible and healthy way) might do him some good, but I don't want to spoil him, which is why I could use some perspective and experience to keep myself in check and not step on anyone's toes either.
TL;DR What are some wholesome activities a parent with ADHD or similar condition can share with a child with the same to make them feel normal and healthy while still maintaining balance and control in a manageable way even afterwards?
Any and all advice is appreciated, thanks so much in advance!